The Mirage of Haruhi Suzumiya
by MCK Agent of Moriya
Summary: Multi Crossover. What happens when Haruhi loses her powers and Kyon is thrown into a war to claim them? Kyon/Haruhi
1. The Revenge of Sigmund Freud

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the series in this fanfic.**

**Author's notes: This is a crossover between many different series, however you only need to be familiar with Haruhi to really enjoy this fic.**

**I will be telling this in third person because im not too good at this and stuff.**

**There will be OOC but this is crack.**

**I would like to give credit to Jonbob0008 Mewshiny and 7MurkuroRealm7, for allowing me to use their OC's in my fic and Admiral Muffin for inspiration**

**Without further ado let's begin**

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** Prologue: The Revenge of Sigmund Freaud.**

Kyon's mind 4:00AM

"Kyon-kun…"

"*snore.*"

"Wake up Kyon-kun…"

"Just five more minutes."

"KYON!!! WAKE THE HELL UP YOU CHEAP RIPOFF OF DOCTOR WHO!!!"

"Fine I'm getting up damnit, don't need to be so loud imo… What the hell?"

After waking up a little Kyon got his bearings and noticed he wasn't in his room. The room he woke up in looked sort of similar to the SOS Brigade clubroom except that it looked like it was lit with a purple light or something and there was a mini bar. Also he noticed that the voice that woke him up was not the voice of his eight-year-old (I think) sister. Rather it was the voice of an old man who had a pointy nose. Sitting next to him was a woman he was somewhat familiar with.

"N-Naru-san?" Kyon said shocked.

"Hello Kyon-kun" Naru replied.

"Why am I in the SOS Brigade clubroom?" Kyon asked still wondering what the hell was going on.

"You are not in the SOS Brigade clubroom my friend." The old man said.

"Well than where the hell am I?" Kyon replied sounding like he was losing patience.

"Welcome to the Velvet Room. It's a pleasure to meet you" The old man replied

"My name is Igor. I'm sure you know my assistant Naru-san." He said while motioning to Naru.

"Okay then…" Kyon was in a daze. After all it's not every day that you get woke up by an old hunchback with a generic name. However what was more surprising was that Naru was with the old man. He clearly remembered Naru from the one time she stood in for Mikuru Asahina as the Moe maid of the brigade when Mikuru called in sick because she caught swine flu from Vickie Gurrero.

"Why exactly am I here?" Kyon said.

"This is the epic foreshadowing chapter where we spoil the entire story for those who are too lazy to read the whole thing or are too inpatient to wait for updates."

"Huh?" Kyon said, sounding more confused than the author and the few readers who haven't clicked the back button yet.

"I shall now tell your fortune." Igor said, pulling out a deck of cards.

"Now let's begin." Igor continued on shuffling the deck.

"Hmm… The 'Zombie Master' in attack mode indicates that you will be joined by many allies if you are successful your endeavors. The card indicating the future after that is… The 'Gladiator Beast's War Chariot'. Igor finished that last line in a disappointed voice.

"What does that mean?" Kyon said actually interested for the first time in this conversation.

"It means you will not be successful in your endeavors." Igor said after letting out a sigh.

"And the card indicating the future after that is…" Igor continued. "The 'Surfing Pikachu'.

"Wait I thought we were playing Yu-Gi-Oh!." Kyon interrupted

"I thought we were playing Magic the Gathering." Naru said in a confused tone

"SILENCE I KEEL YOU!" Igor said obuisly out of character for the old man.

"Now as I was saying…" Igor continued "The 'Surfing Pikachu Indicates that there will be an epic battle of super aswomeness that will be poorly written, full of references even the most hardcore otaku would have problems getting, plot rehashing and lots of crack pairings" Igor finished catching his breath for a second after delivering a explanation the size of a GAR speech.

"I still don't get it." Kyon said sounding confused.

"Fine. Here have a trailer." Igor said as a flat screen TV appeared out of now are and started playing images.

"**Requiem for a Tower from LOTR The Two Towers starts playing"**

From director Gladiator Beast MCK in association with Team MTS presents…

Celestials are seen tearing up building after building until a large amount of red spheres swarm around the towering giants. Maniacal laughter can be heard from one of the spheres.

Large purple robots with rollerblade like legs were firing there oversized guns at tanks with the Japanese Flag on them. Then a large portal opens and several tyrannosaurus rex start running at the robots talking them before they could fire. A UFO like object is in the background.

A dark looking temple is in sight with several people in darker versions of priest robes. The people all seem to have odd colored hair from green, pink blue, purple, and white. A figure wearing a dark trench coat and a dark hat, concealing his face, a demonic sounding bell can be heard a little over the BGM.

A figure clad in a red cloak holding a spear stands as a group of samurai surrounds her with their katana in hand. The samurai attack but the spear parries their sword strokes, as it seems to fly everywhere. Strikes from the spear don't seem to draw blood but instead look more like blunt strikes from a staff. The battle keeps going until the last of the samurai is struck with the spear and is knocked a few feet away. Upon closer inspection the spear looks as if it has some sort of sheath on the blade of the spear.

A slender looking figure with a regular looking pistol in their hand is being confronted by a large bird like humanoid monster with black armor on the monster takes to the sky and swoops at the figure but the figure dodges with ease. The figure than aims their gun and fires at the creature but it seems to have no effect. As the monster turns around to make a second swooping maneuver the figure holds up a card. The card starts to float mid-air as the figure shoots at the card. A small pixie like creature appears holding what looks to be like a light saber and looks likes it's wearing a police uniform. The pixie like creature starts to charge at the swooping monster, and as they pass the pixie like creature manages to cut the monster in half. Then the strange creature vanishes.

A Young woman with pink hair was being forcefully handled by a bunch of thugs with guns. Then before anyone can blink one of the thugs was sent flying by a brutal looking flying kick. A young man with sandy brown hair appeared. The thugs aimed their weapons at the boy who charged at them with blinding speed. None of the bullets hit the young man, who knocked their weapons out of their hands. All of the thugs started charging at the young man who sent each thug flying the other direction.

A young woman with brown hair was seen studying on a desk. Kyon thought he could recognize her but the screen was only on her for a few seconds.

A large man with shaved hair jean shorts and a black shirt with HLR on it was standing in a parking lot. Then slightly taller man with tanned skin struck him from behind. The large man quickly recovered but was struck by two other men. As the man tried to get to his feet he was kicked in the head by the tan skinned man. The three men stood there with the tall tan skinned man breathing heavily.

A very familiar looking girl with yellow ribbons in her hair had a long coat that went down to her feet. The SOS Brigade's logo was on the back of this green jacket and the girl sheathed a western looking sword. Then She started walking, behind her were four figures walking with her. The poor light in the area concealed the identity of the other four figures and Requiem for a tower stopped playing.

"Suzumiya Haruhi no Shinkiro"

Or…

"The Mirage of Haruhi Suzumiya"

Coming soon to a fanfic website near you.

" What. The. Fuck. Was. That." Kyon said with absolute terror and confusion in his expression.

"It is your future." Igor said waving his hand away causing the TV to disappear.

"WHY THE HELL DOES MY FUTURE LOOK LIKE SOME PIECE OF CRAP MOVIE WITH LOWER PRODUCTION VALUES THAN ONE OF HARUHI'S MOVIES!!!" Kyon screamed as indicated by the cheesy all cap text.

"It is time you return to your world now" Igor said with a calm look on his face as if didn't hear a thing." You see my hearing aid needs a new battery and I don't keep one here." Apparently he didn't hear anything.

"By the way…" Kyon began as he somehow calmed down. "Why are you working for this guy Naru-san?" Kyon asked.

"Oruki, Haruhi and I need to raise some money so we all took part time jobs." Naru replied. "I like working for Igor-san and this spooky atmosphere is neat. I forgot what Oruki was doing but he gets called for overtime a lot and makes a lot for his job."

"Oh. That explains why Haruhi has been ending some meetings early, she must have been called to work."

-Flashback-

"The brigade is dismissed early today," Haruhi said with the energy of a Super Saiyan . "I have important things to do today so you can go home early."

"Very well then. Good day Suzumiya-san." Itsuki said. However Itsuki thought she left because of emotional distress and decided to ambush Kyon with about 20 tons of philosophical speech that has no value to the story. However since we are not Naruto we will not make you read through the unnecessarily long text of doom.

-End flashback-

"Damn that Koizumi" Kyon said remembering all the filler-esque philosophy.

"Farewell and good luck on your journey." Igor said as Kyon went back to sleep.

-Anna no issho datta no Ni starts playing-

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**A/N: First chapter ever! Damn that was hard. Next chapter should be avaible in a week or two.**

**Please Review; I need feedback and constructive criticism. Suggestions would help a lot as well.**

**Until next time**

**(Tag out) **


	2. We are the SOS Brigade

**I saw a lot of YGO Abridged references and decided to make a reference of my own. However it's a completely different abridged series than YGO. Littlekuriboh did have a small role in it though.**

**By the way there is a perfectly good explanation of why some of the crossover characters are putting up with Haruhi and the brigade in this chapter.**

**Anyways enjoy the episode**

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**Chapter 1: We are the SOS Brigade. We are better than you. **

Kyon woke from his sleep after getting kicked out of the Velvet Room and was panting as if he was exhausted from sleeping. Then he heard banging on his bedroom door. Before Kyon could get up he found his door smashed in, revealing his little sister with a sledgehammer.

"Imoto!?" Kyon said shocked. "Why did you just smash my door in with a sledgehammer?!"

"Because you locked it." Imoto said with an innocent sounding voice.

"What's going on up there?" Said a voice from downstairs.

"I'm just waking up Kyon, Syao." Imoto shouted downstairs.

"I really wish you wouldn't call me that." Said the voice from downstairs. Apparently, Kyon wasn't the only one who had a stupid nickname given fame by his sister.

"Come on Kyon!" Imoto said.

"Fine I'm getting ready." Kyon replied in an exhausted tone of voice.

Kyon got dressed in his school clothes and walked downstairs.

"Mornin." Said Kyon, half asleep.

"Good morning Kyon." Said a very comely woman with short blonde hair, piercing green eyes, and a small figure.

"Morning Kyon." Said a man with sandy brown hair.

After breaking the forth wall and reading that description, Kyon remembers that there was a man that looked similar to the "Sandy haired man", his father, Syaoran Li.

"Hey dad." Kyon said in a confused tone. "Have you been filmed for some crappy movie trailer lately"

"I don't think so…" Syaoran replied. "Can you describe the trailer to me?"

Then a voice appeared in Kyon's mind.

"Tune to channel 10 it's playing now." Said Igor in Kyon's mind.

"Fine." Kyon said "But don't talk to me during the day."

Kyon then went to the TV and went to channel 10.

A press conference was playing and Prime Minister Carlos Mencia was having a speech.

"Ok if we want to keep immigrants out of Japan we need to establish the fact that we can't drive for shit…"

"You Liar!" Said a voice from the crowd. The camera went to that direction and it was pop idol Akira Kogami.

"DeeDeeDee!" Said Carlos, pointing at Akira.

"Whoops." Said Igor, again in Kyon's head. "Try 11."

Kyon then changed the channel to 11 and the trailer was playing.

Syaoran watched the trailer and just stood there.

"What. The. Fuck. Was. That." Said Syaoran.

"Apparently it's my future.' Kyon replied, sounding clueless.

"Why does your future look like it has lower production values then that movie you and your friends made?" Said Syaoran somewhat confused. " And by the way why do you think that is your future?"

"Some weird old guy was telling this to me in my dream." Said Kyon, still clueless.

"Call me weird again and just see what happens." Igor threatened from Kyon's head

Something hit Syaoran like Chuck Liddell punched him out. "Kyon!" Syaoran said in a very serious tone." When you start to have fucked up dreams it means something bad is going to happen. Trust me, I know from experience. When you come back from school I will help you prepare for whatever is going to happen."

"And if your girlfriend starts to fly away with shiny wings don't worry. It's perfectly normal." Said Sakura Kyon's mother.

"Okay I'm going to school now." Kyon said sounding bored. Why does he not have a WTF face? Simple. He had heard other ridiculous stories from his parents that made no sense, and they seem to believe that their story's actually happened so he was used to it by now. After all who really believes that there are anime ninjas besides Naruto? Well besides the majority of non-Narutard otaku and probably Kurogane himself but that's beside the point.

Kyon then proceeded to the school where he would become a man…

AT SCHOOL...

Kyon was playing Gears of War 2 with Itsuki on a randomly placed Xbox 360 that they "Received" from the computer club leader after Haruhi learned that he had one and she wanted it for the clubroom, when Haruhi stormed into her own clubroom (sort of) and either A: Scream in Kyon's face B: Scream in Kyon's face C: Scream in Kyon's face or D: All of the above.

"KYYYYYOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Haruhi screamed (of course).

"What." Said Kyon

"It's incredible!" Haruhi said, "There are a large amount of transfer students and new teachers! Do you know what that means?"

"No. What is it?" Kyon said in voice that sounded so lifeless it rivaled Yuki's.

"Kyon you idiot!" Haruhi said as she grabbed him by his tie and then lifting him up in the air. "It means that the SOS Brigade is going to get new members! You sit down while I go get Mikuru-chan dressed. I'm sure you can handle the first one by yourself right?" Haruhi then proceeded to let him down and then grab the moe maid of the brigade Mikuru Asahina, and then proceed to take her to some random room to get changed." Here ask the first applicant these questions." Haruhi told Kyon before walking off with Mikuru.

"Fine then the first applicant, or should I say kidnapee Kanji Tatsumi." Kyon said after letting out a sigh.

A man walked into the SOS Brigade Clubroom looking confused despite his punk appearance.

Kyon then proceeded to read the introduction that Haruhi written on the paper because if he didn't he would be erased. He took a look at the paper and face palmed at what he had to say to the man who could clearly kick his ass.

"Let's begin" Kyon began "Are you a alien, time traveler, esper, or slider?

"Noooooooooooooooo." Kanji said sounding annoyed.

Kyon continued reading what he had to say. A explanation of the SOS Brigade's history, duties, activities, and their loyalty to the Brigade Chief Haruhi.

Kanji had a spaced look on his face until a certain chief walked in around the middle of the explanation.

"Are you ignoring my lackey?" Haruhi said angry

"Eh what?" Kanji said obviously not paying attention to what they were saying.

Then an embarrassed Mikuru walked in a bunny girl outfit.

"Ehh S-Suzumiya-san why do I have to where this today?" Mikuru said shivering.

"Because a bunny girl is better at advertising than a maid! And huh…" Haruhi was going to continue until she saw Kanji's face. Shocked starring and a nose bleed. Especially the nosebleed. Then Haruhi got pissed.

"GET OUT!" Haruhi said as she grabbed Kanji by his shirt and throwing him out of the door.

"Crazy bitch." Kanji muttered as he walked off. "I just wanted to join the literary club damnit."

A few minutes after Kanji left the clubroom another applicant came in. She had pink hair and piercing blue eyes with a build similar to Haruhi's.

"Ahh Kallen Kozuki please take a se…" Haruhi stopped what she was saying when she got a good look of the girl. "Come here for a second!" Haruhi said with a sparkle in her eyes as she tried to tackle the red headed girl to the ground. "I have the perfect outfit for you!" She went on.

"Fine but I can change on my own!" Kallen said as she threw the brigade chief off of her with ease.

Kyon and Itsuki then proceeded to leave the room closing the door behind them.

"You've got to be kidding me." Said Kallen through the door.

"Do you need any help?" Haruhi "offered" to the girl.

"Fine I'll wear it." Kallen said with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

After a few minutes Haruhi called for the boys to come back in.

Kyon was certainly surprised to see Kallen in the same bunny girl outfit that Haruhi used to wear.

"This is perfect!" Haruhi declared while holding both bunny girls by their sides. "If Mikuru-chan ever gets sick again we'll have a backup moe character! Now we wont have to use my mom as backup anymore."

Kallen however had enough of it. "Screw this!" She exclaimed as she took off the ears smacked Haruhi upside the head with the and then Pele kicked her in the head. While Haruhi was down Kallen ran off still in the bunny girl outfit.

"Hey! Get back here!" Haruhi shouted while getting back up. "That's MINE and I had to pay a fortune for it!" She then proceeded to chase the red head to the ends of earth.

After about an hour Haruhi returned with said costume in her arms. "I couldn't catch her. She just left this somewhere and I picked it up." She then took a water bottle from the mini fridge and took her seat. "Next applicant please!" She shouted.

A short man with white hair and blue eyes walked in. Kyon recognized him as one of the third year transfer students Toshiro Hitsugaya.

"Take a seat shorty." Haruhi said

"Fine." Toshiro replied in an annoyed tone.

"Tell me are you a alien, time traveler, espers or sliders?" Haruhi asked.

"No." Was all Toshiro said.

"Do you believe in aliens, time travelers, espers or sliders?" She went on

"Actually yes I do believe in those things." Toshiro said

"Good! Now do you swear you're undying loyalty to me Shiro-chan?" Haruhi exclaimed.

"What did you just call me?" Toshiro said in an angry tone.

"Shiro-chan." Haruhi replied.

Toshiro then proceeded to get out of his seat and head for the door when Haruhi spoke up.

"Where are you going Shiro-chan?"

"That's Hitsugaya-sempai to you." Toshiro said as he left the room.

Haruhi then proceeded to do an imitation of Kyon's face palm. "Bring in the next applicant." She said dryly.

A tall man with long greenish black hair and brown eyes walked in.

"Hello Alleluiah Haptisim." Haruhi said. "Have a seat."

Alleluiah did just that. After dealing with Haruhi's barrage of questions he was almost in the brigade but then…

The door opened and there was the figure of the strangely absent member of the brigade, Yuki Nagato. As she walked in she flinched a tiny bit at the sight of one Alleluiah Haptisim.

Alleluiah on the other hand had both hands on his forehead screaming. Kyon noticed that his eyes suddenly looked like a bright yellow.

"Hehehe. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Halleluiah is back!" The man screamed. He then turned his attention to the fragile looking bookworm of the brigade and charged straight at her while screaming. He swung his fist at the small girl but was somewhat shocked when he saw the girl block his strike with her arm, barely raising it in time. Yuki's expression never changed.

How could this girl be messing with my quantum brainwaves? Halleluiah thought as he continued to attack the small girl who was blocking or dogging his every move with the slightest of movements.

Then Halleluiah felt a shock of pain the back of his head and dropped to his knees. Haruhi had hit him in the back of the head with Mikuru's metal tea tray.

"Nobody attacks a member of the SOS Brigade without consequences! Kyon, Koizumi-kun, let's throw this guy out!" Haruhi shouted as Kyon and Itsuki were already getting up to support their resident bookworm. Kyon grabbed Halleluiah by his left, Itsuki on the right. Yuki moved out of the way as Kyon and Itsuki threw the larger man out with an exceptional amount of force. Halleluiah crashed through the door of the clubroom across that of the SOS Brigade.

He had landed in the Yaoi fan club.

Then a girl squeaked "Yay! Now we have someone to pair up with Tiarea-chan"

A man with purple hair and eyes walked to the man who was still face down on the floor. "Ohh! I'm going to have fun with this one!" The man said as he closed the still open door across form the brigade and locked it.

Screams of terror could be heard from the Yaoi club.

"Exactly what he deserves for trying to harm our Yuki-chan." Haruhi declared. "By the way are you all right Yuki-chan?"

"I am fine." Yuki responded before proceeding to sit in her usual place and start reading.

"Okay then… Bring in the last two applicants." Haruhi said actually sounding tired.

The two men walked in. One had spiky black hair and the other was bald.

"Hey Vegeta!" The bald man said.

"Yes what is it Nappa." Vegeta said in an annoyed tone.

"This looks like a fun club Vegeta! Look at the… OH MY GOD THAT GIRL HAS PURPLE HAIR!!!!" Nappa exclaimed while pointing at Yuki.

"Yes Nappa girls in anime have purple hair. Now can we leave now?" Vegeta said in an even more annoyed tone.

"But I wanna jo…" Nappa was starting to beg Vegeta to let him join when he spotted Mikuru in all of her bunny girl epicness.

"Vegeta Look! It's a Pokemon!" Nappa said while pointing at Mikuru

"B-but I'm not a po-pokemon I'm Mikuru." Mikuru stuttered out

"Did you hear that Vegeta? It's a Mikuru! I'm gonna catch it!"

"But I'm not a…" Mikuru tried to say but was interrupted by the poke ball in the face that was thrown by Nappa.

"Were leaving Nappa." Vegeta stated, "You don't want to end up like that last guy do you?"

Then Vegeta proceeded to drag Nappa out of the clubroom.

"That's enough for now." Haruhi said. "At least we didn't have to do anything with that last one." Haruhi then proceeded to turn on the computer and was watching something on Youtube.

"How dare he!" Haruhi shouted at the computer.

"Who did what?" Kyon said as he walked up to the computer and looked at what Haruhi was watching.

"WWE Raw? Since when do you watch wrestling?" Kyon asked.

"This basterd is using our brigade name as one of his moves and theme song!" She pointed to a black man with black hair, who was wearing green tights.

"Kofi Kingston?" Kyon asked.

"YES KOFI KINGSTON!!!" Haruhi said sounding really pissed off. " This guy won't get away with this! I just know the hand of justice will strike down on this sorry excuse of a man, even if I have to do it myself!"

A few minutes later Yuki closed her book, which meant the end of daily Brigade activities.

Haruhi dismissed the Brigade and everybody went home.

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing.-

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**Well there it is next chap should be in another week or two**

**(Tag Out)**


	3. Kyon likes metal

**I'm going to apologize in advance to any Bleach fans out there. Mainly because I'm practically destroying Bleach canon here. (Humans being ranked as espada and being able to fire ceros and balas. Oh well. At least Senna is nowhere to be found. (Stupid mary-sue, upstaging Rukia and Orohime.) **

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**Chapter 2: Kyon likes metal for some reason.**

Kyon was walking home from school after that slightly more chaotic than usual Brigade meeting when suddenly…

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR, LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR,

Kyon then picked up his phone.

"Hello."

"It's me Itsuki. We need to talk."

"No we don't." Kyon said as he hung up the phone, not wanting to deal with the esper of unknown sexual orientation. He had enough to deal with because he remembered that he had to deal with his parents "help" later on but then Kyon's cell went off again.

LET THE BODIES HIT THE… Kyon picked it up despite the number on the phone.

"Hello."

"Fine if you insist I won't drop a thousand tons of philosophy on you head. I'll just be quick. Despite the fact that Suzumiya-san was obviously in a bad mood there have been no sealed realities. Normally I would be fighting Celestials with my shiny red balls right now but that's not the case."

"So basically your calling me to tell me that you don't have to do your job?"

"Well your theory is correct however…"

"Bye." Kyon hung up and then proceeded to turn off his phone.

Kyon was continuing his walk until he got to an intersection and saw a woman trip while crossing the street. Then a conveniently placed semi truck was heading for the woman, it's horn honking and the driver panicking. The truck was about to run the woman over but then something stuck Kyon in the head like Obelisk The Tormenter punched him out.

"Look out!" Kyon shouted trying to throw the woman out of the way. However Kyon found that his body was moving on it's own and he found himself charging at the semi that was going about 35mph.

Then Kyon jumped in the air and kicked the truck… And the truck stopped inn its tracks the second Kyon's leg made contact with it. There was a large dent where Kyon kicked it.

"Wh-what was that?!" Kyon said sounding shocked. He turned his attention to where the woman was standing but she was gone.

Kyon then slowly lost consciousness.

" Li-san…"

"LI-san…"

"Wake up" Kyon regained his consciousness and found that he was in the Velvet Room. However instead of the pointy nosed old man he expected he saw something else.

A young woman with long dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a slim figure was sitting where the old man usually sat. She was wearing a dark cloak and a silver pendant that looked like a pocket watch. Kyon noticed two things, one was the fact that this was the woman that he saw trip in front of the bus. Two was the fact that she somehow resembled Haruhi.

"So, you're finally awake Li-san?" The woman said.

Finally someone who addresses me properly Kyon thought. "Why am I here?"

"You are currently unconscious in the real world. You have been summoned to the Velvet Room through your dreams. There are important things you need to know about." The woman said. "I have yet to introduce myself yet have I? My name is Tempra. I work for Igor-san."

"It's, uhh, nice to meet you." Kyon said sounding confused. "Well you already know my name, but I might as well introduce myself. My name is…"

**MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE.**

Haruhi was walking home when, on the way home remembered to go buy groceries. She saw an advertisement on a bag of potato chips that said…

"**Twilight New Moon. In theaters before the Haruhi movie… or the Gundam 00 movie… or the Yu-Gi-Oh 5ds movie… stupid twilight."**

"My thoughts exactly." Haruhi said, completely ignoring the fact that it said "Haruhi Movie".

**BACK AT THE VELVET ROOM.**

"…Li" Kyon finished telling Tempra his name, which was so long that entire random scene transition happened, and ended as he was saying his last name.

"Wow. No wonder everybody calls you "Kyon". Your real name is so stupid and long that "Kyon" actually does you justice." Tempra said, mocking Kyon.

"Hey, I thought you already knew my real name." Kyon said, sounding annoyed.

"Only your last name." Tempra replied. "Anyways there are important things you need to know about that Igor has not told you yet."

"Like what?" Kyon replied.

"You are undergoing changes Li-san. Both physically and mentally." Tempra said, in a more serious tone.

"You mean how I stopped that truck with my kick?" Kyon replied.

"Yes. In fact by this worlds standards you are no longer considered a normal human. However…" Tempra paused for a second and then went on. "You would be considered normal in one of the many worlds your parents went to."

"Worlds?" Kyon said, sounding even more confused.

"Your parents are sliders. They where going to tell you when you got home today."

"Are you kidding me?" Kyon said, sounding flustered.

Tempra looked Kyon straight in the eyes. "No I am not."

"So all this time what they told me really happened…" Kyon said, trembling and shocked

"That is correct." Tempra said. "There are other things you need to know about as well."

"L-like what." Kyon had clearly lost his cool. One of the things he had to hold on to was the fact that he was a normal human. Now that was gone. He also knew that there where other changes that where going to happen, and he knew not what they might be.

"Suzumiya Haruhi has lost all of her powers." Tempra replied.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Kyon replied still shaking a little.

"It would be but it seems that the powers are going to be a sort of first place trophy of sorts." Tempra said.

"Wait a first place trophy?" Kyon sounded even more confused.

"Yes. There is going to be a war of sorts, as the SOS Brigade will fight with another powerful group for control of Haruhi's ability's." Tempra continued. "Almost all of the people who tried to join the SOS Brigade, with the exception of three of them wanted to join what they thought could be the winning side."

"Wait did we make some sort of mistake recruiting or something?" Kyon said.

"Actually, quite the opposite. There is a limit to how many fighters can be on one team. What that limit is however, I don't know at the moment." Tempra replied.

"Am I going to be okay?" Kyon said, sounding worried.

"Don't worry. Your parents will help you with your changes." Tempra replied. "That is all I can tell you at the moment. Until next time." Tempra then waved her hand and Kyon found his consciousness (in the Velvet Room) fading…

**MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE…**

Yuki Nagato was sitting down at her dinner table when she heard the intercom.

"Humanoid interface Nagato Yuki, entrance requested." Said a demonic sounding voice.

"Wait a moment." Yuki replied.

Yuki then went down the elevator and went to the apartment door, opening it.

"You may enter now." Yuki said in a somewhat calm tone. However you could detect a hint of fear in her voice. The man that stood before her was almost seven feet tall had a strong build and had a short beard. He was dressed in pure black, like the night, with a trench coat, sleeveless shirt, dark pants and a black fedora like hat. He had a very demonic aura about him.

He followed Yuki to the elevator, and then after going up a few floors Yuki led him to her room.

"Has a error occurred within the entity?" Yuki asked

"The entity had detected a presence which can read all messages and data sent to humanoid interfaces." The man said. "Until the problem is solved you will be receiving orders directly from me."

"Very well then. Commence briefing." Yuki said, still a slight hint of fear in her voice.

"You are to observe this man." The man then held up a photograph with a young man in a North High uniform. He had long black hair and purple eyes. "His name is Lelouch Lamprouge. He seems to have the ability to manipulate the mental data of humans with visual contact. You are to use any means necessary to get close to this man without compromising your position in the SOS Brigade."

"Understood." Yuki replied.

"Also…" The man continued. "You no longer need to observe the human Suzumiya Haruhi. However you must stay loyal to her and the SOS Brigade at all costs. The potential for auto-evolution has been taken from her. All hope is not lost though. The data manipulaty ability of hers is up for grabs. It is possible that you may be able to gain her old abilities. This is what the entity wants."

"I see." Yuki replied.

"I wish to set up a warp point to this room so I no longer need to draw attention to myself." The man asked.

"Permission granted." Yuki replied.

"Very well then." The man said. "I must leave now." He then raised both of his hands and all light in the room was replaced by darkness. A demonic sounding bell was heard and then the lights came back. He was gone.

**ANOTHER GENERIC SCENE TRANSITION.**

Kyon found himself regaining consciousness. The first thing he saw was Haruhi's death glare.

"It's about time you woke up." Haruhi said. "You shouldn't worry your Brigade Chief like that."

Then Kyon noticed something else. He looked around the room and saw a decent sized TV, a poster with a well built tan skinned man that said 'Randy Orton. Legend Killer.' ,A really old looking Mac, and a large amount of action movies, wrestling, and MMA, DVDs on a shelf. Kyon saw all this and then asked, "Is this your fathers room?"

"No you idiot, it's my room." Haruhi declared proudly. "My dad is a closet otaku, he's not into this kind of stuff."

"You're room sure doesn't look like a girls room. By the way where is all the sci-fi stuff?"

"My mom steals it away right after I'm done with it."

"By the way how did I get here?" Kyon asked

"I was on my way home from buying stupid twilight potato chips and other groceries, when I saw you, on the ground, and a semi truck with a dent in it. Since my house was nearby I decided to carry you home."

"Why didn't you call the cops, or a hospital?" Kyon asked

"I-I just wanted to see if you were seriously hurt or something before calling them." Haruhi's eyes went left and right for a second and she stuttered out. "You didn't look banged up or anything despite the fact a semi ran you over so…"

Crap, I don't want to tell her that I stopped the truck… Wait, she's not a god anymore so there should be no problem. Kyon thought to himself.

But before Haruhi could continue her door swung open.

"Haruhi! Is that a boy?" Haruhi's father Oruki swung the door open. He was wearing a white karate outfit with black trimmings. The gothic number 7 could be seen on his chest.

"Dad, it's not what you think…" Haruhi began, but was cut off by Kyon jumping off her bed, flying to one end of the room with his head almost hitting the ceiling. Where the bed used to be was now a hole in the wall.

"Nobody touches my daughter!" Oruki declared.

"B-but I didn't do…" Kyon was trying to say but…

"LIKE HELL YOU DIDN'T!" Oruki said as he fired another attack at Kyon. Kyon, practically on instinct, rolled to the side, his shoulder got nicked by Oruki's attack.

"Ugh!" Kyon cried out in pain.

"How do you like that?" Oruki said. "And that was just my bala."

"Oruki, you're tearing your own house apart." Said a man from the door.

"Stay out of this Grimmjow." Oruki said to the man.

"Look, you're tearing Haruhi-chan's room apart. Besides it's just a human. If he hurt's her you could just kill him."

"But he can dodge my bala…" Oruki mumbled out.

"Yeah but your bala sucks." Grimmjow said.

"Grimmjow-kun's here?" Haruhi, who was on the ground, covering her head, and didn't notice their conversation until now.

"Yeah Haruhi." Oruki said. "I invited some of the guys from work over from dinner." Then Oruki pointed at Kyon. "You, on the other hand can leave."

"Oh come on, let him stay." Grimmjow said. "It'd be fun to get to know Haruhi-chan's boyfriend."

"B-b he's not…" Haruhi stuttered out but before she could finish Grimmjow interrupted her.

"Denying it? You don't exactly have me convinced." Grimmjow said in a mocking tone.

"Um do I get any say in this?" Kyon said

"NO!" Haruhi, Oruki, and Grimmjow said in unison.

"Fine…" Oruki sighed. "I'll let you stay for dinner. But if you piss me off I'm going to blast you to the moon."

"Him and the rest of your house?" Grimmjow mocked.

"Aw shut it!" Oruki shouted.

-Anna no issho datta no ni starts playing-

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**Oh and I apologize to any Senna fans I offended in the first AN (sort of).**

**Thanks for reading. Please send me your reviews and criticism. Next chapter in another 1-2 weeks**

**(Tag out)**


	4. Cero is the new Kamehameha

**Here is chapter four. I apologize to all the Blackwing players I offended in one of this chapters joke. If it weren't for a certain idiot at my local hobby store I would treat Blackwings like equal citizens.**

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**Chapter Three: Cero is the new Kamehameha**

After Kyon was nearly killed by Oruki they decided to try to have a nice and quiet dinner. Notice I use the word "try".

"So…" Kyon tried to lighten the tension in the air with idle conversation. "What's for dinner?"

"You're mom." Grimmjow replied.

"Oh good one Grimmjow-kun!" Haruhi beamed in excitement. Oruki just started laughing.

"Oh come on, it's just a 'you're mom' joke." Kyon replied, annoyed.

Then they finally made down the stairs and went to the dining room. Kyon saw two other men sitting at the table. One was sitting in an odd position similar to the fetal position. He had mid-length black hair and bags under his eyes. The gothic number four was on his right wrist. The other had spiky blonde hair, and was wearing a white coat with black trimmings. The gothic number five was on his lower neck area.

"Hey Oruki, who's that?" Questioned the man with black hair.

Oruki shoved Kyon in front of him and said. "Go on, introduce yourself."

"Ok well my name is…"

**MEANWHILE, AT YUKI'S LOVE SHACK…**

Yuki was sitting on the couch, playing Modern Warfare 2 on her newly acquired Xbox 360 when she heard a knock at the door. She paused the game and went to open the door. She saw one of her fellow interfaces, the shy looking Emiri Kimidori.

"H-hey Nagato-san." The girl stuttered out "W-was that who was here a minute ago who I thought it was?"

"Correct. It was the Entity's most powerful interface, The Undertaker."

"But you're still here… Has something happened?"

"The Undertaker was not sent to terminate this interface. Rather an error has occurred within the entity and all data messaging has been disabled for fear of eavesdropping."

"Oh I see." The salad headed girl sighed. "That's a relief. By the way is that a shooting game? You don't seem to play anything but those visual novels."

"I was forced to buy it by a annoying man with a Blackwing fetish."

"Do you find it any good?"

Yuki responded with one word. "Unique."

**BACK TO THE NEARLY DESTROYED SUZUMIYA RESIDENCE...**

"…Li. But everyone just calls me Kyon." Kyon had finished saying his long and annoying name while gasping for breath.

"Crickey I like you're name sonny!" Said the blonde man in a fake Australian accent. "My name is Jack Atlas, former turbo dueling champ and Espada number five!"

"My name is Ryuzaki. And in no way shape or form am I the greatest detective in the world L. If you assumed that I'm afraid you're mistaken.

"Oooookaaaaay." The straight man said sounding confused.

"Well? Don't just stand there. Have a seat!" Oruki said.

Kyon and Haruhi took seats at the table, and after a few minutes the doorbell rang. Pizza's here! Oruki exclaimed as he walked to the door. When he opened the door he saw a woman with long green hair, and the Pizza Hut uniform. On her nametag were the initials C.C.

"Here is you're bill Oruki-san." The immortal witch slash Pizza girl handed the espada his bill. "Do you accept the terms of our contract?"

"Oruki took out his wallet and handed C.C. money. "Very well, I will accept this Geass." He took the Pizzas from the girl's hand.

"You're repeat patronage is appreciated, Oruki-san. You're Cheese-kun will be in the mail."

"Thanks, have a nice day." Oruki closed the door and put the pizzas down. "Yes I finally get a cheese-kun!!!!" Oruki shouted. C.C Face palmed from the other side of the door.

He then took the boxes to the dining room. "Let's see, one supreme for Haruhi and Jack, two meat lovers for me Grimmjow and Kyon. And a box of cinna stix for L, I mean Ryuzaki."

"Oh well, he already knew anyway." The sugar charged detective sighed. He then took a moldy strawberry from his pocket. "I'll give you this strawberry if you keep this a secret, okay?" He then handed the strawberry to Kyon.

"Okay." Kyon took the strawberry and put it in his pocket.

"Hey dad!" Shouted the yellow-ribboned tsundre. "How long are Grimmjow-kun and the rest of you're friends going to stay?"

"I have a name you know." Jack said sounding annoyed.

"About three days." Oruki replied.

"That's perfect!" Haruhi exclaimed. "Were going to film the sequel to my movie! And I want you guys to help."

"That piece of crap movie? No way." Oruki said.

"Oh come on." Grimmjow replied. "It sounds like fun. Besides it's not like you have anything better to do."

"But I was going to play that game that Kona-chan lent me." Oruki replied with a hint of dissapointence in his voice.

"You don't need to help." Haruhi stated. "I already have all the roles filled and I only needed three others."

"Yippee!" Oruki shouted.

"I suppose we don't have a say in this matter. Am I correct?" L said.

"You're absolutely right L-kun." Haruhi replied.

"I just realized something mates!" Jack said with his fake accent. "None of these slices of pizza have been tossed yet. How are we supposed to have dinner at the Suzumiya residence without a food fight?"

"You're right Jack." Oruki said as he took a slice of pizza. "Lets see you dodge this Kyon-kun!" He then threw the slice in Kyon's general direction. However Kyon ducked to avoid the slice. The meat filled slice of pizza hit Haruhi Square in the face as she was conveniently walking behind Kyon.

"Oh you are so going down!" Haruhi shouted as she took the slice of supreme she had on her plate and threw it at her father. Sadly Haruhi's aim was just as bad as Oruki's as the pizza bounced off of L's hand knocking his Cinna-stik in his lap, covered in frosting I might add, and landing in L's cinna-stik box. L then looked at the green vegetables on the slice of pizza.

"No! Not the health food! IT BURRRRNNNNNSSSSSS!" L said while falling out of his chair.

"Now look at what you did to L-kun." Oruki shouted. "That's it! You're going down! He then took L's box of cinna-stix and threw it at the brigade chief. Haruhi however remembered an anime show she watched and decided to try using one of it's attacks.

"The ultimate shield of friendship!" Haruhi exclaimed as she grabbed Kyon by his tie and shoved him in front of her. The cinna-stix hit Kyon Square in the head.

"Hey! What was that for?" Kyon shouted.

"Now you're finished." Haruhi ignored Kyon. "The ultimate strike of companionship!" She exclaimed as she threw Kyon by his tie straight at Oruki. Kyon's newfound 'I know kung-fu but can only use it when my head does it for me' activated. He then got into a defensive ball and collided with the angry espada.

"Damnit!" Oruki shouted. "That's the last time I let you watch my Bobobo-bo-bobobo DVDs."

**MEANWHILE, IN THE VELVET ROOM…**

"Hey Naru-san." Tempra said while holding a wine glass in her hand. "Don't you have to cook dinner for Haruhi-chan tonight?"

Naru had a sip of the wine. "Don't worry they will just order pizza or something."

"Really? Because the last time they ordered pizza they nearly destroyed the house right?" Tempra asked.

"The house gets destroyed on a weekly basis anyway. Why do you think we all had to take jobs?" Naru took another sip of wine. I'll just call them with the Velvet Phone."

"The Velvet Phone?" Tempra asked sounding confused.

"Yeah. I can call them and see what's on the other side with the TV." Naru then took the Velvet Phone and proceeded to call home."

**BACK TO THE PIZZA COVERED SUZUMIYA RESIDENCE…**

The fight turned quite nasty while the cut away happened. Oruki was fighting off L with a hammer he borrowed from the Sonozaki family next door. Grimmjow and Jack were turbo dueling in the backyard, and Haruhi had Kyon in a side headlock.

"Hey Haruhi. Are food fights at your house always this violent?" Kyon asked.

"Yeah, pretty much." Haruhi said as she proceeded to take down Kyon.

Then Cruel Angel's Thesis from Evangelion started playing.

"Oh! That's my phone. Could you hold on for a second L?" Oruki said as he put down the hammer and reached in his pocket for his cell phone.

"Hello." Oruki said.

"Hi honey." Naru said, "Wait a minute… Did you have another food fight without me?"

"Yeah sorry about that."

"I can see Kyon-kun and Haruhi are getting along nicely. She talks about him to me all the time. She even told me she had this one dream about him where he stared deeply into her eyes and they…" Oruki hung up the phone before Naru said anything else.

"That's it!" Oruki flash stepped next to where Haruhi and Kyon were at and threw Haruhi off the cynic. He then grabbed Kyon by the tie and tossed him to the wall. "You're going down!" He exclaimed as he bit at his thumb and caused it to bleed. He then pointed the hand at Kyon. A blue energy started to come from the hand.

"No Oruki!" Grimmjow exclaimed. "If you fire it that way you'll hit…"

"GRAN RAY CERO!!!" Oruki exclaimed as a massive blast of energy launched at Kyon. Kyon however, got up and rolled out of the way of the attack just barely as the wave of energy hit the wall.

There was dust and smoke everywhere. After the smoke cleared you could see everything that was in the path of the cero was in ruins including the neighbor's house.

"Kyon-kun." Grimmjow said in a serious voice. "Take Haruhi-chan and run as far away from here as possible." He motioned to Haruhi.

"Why?" Kyon asked.

"Because Oruki's cero just hit…" He was cut off by a high-pitched evil laugh that would make Light Yagami jealous. "…The Sonozaki residence." Grimmjow drew his sword. "Go! Now!"

"Right." Kyon said as he grabbed Haruhi bridal style and started to run off.

After they had left Grimmjow saw a young woman with green hair and demonic looking green eyes. She was holding the Ry3no from Ratchet and Clank Up Your Arsenal.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" The girl laughed maniacaly.

Then Grimmjow made a clawing motion on his sword and exclaimed, "Grind! Pantera!" Spiritual pressure surrounded him as he entered his release form.

**MEANWHILE, AT ESPER HEADQUARTERS…**

"Aren't these scene transitions the shit?" Arakawa was speaking with Itsuki Koizumi and…

"I can see Russia from my house!" A certain Alaska governor exclaimed.

"Yes we know." Itsuki complained. "That's the thirteenth time you told us." The esper boy sighed as he took a sip of his drink. "Don't any of you guys think ANYTHING is a little off? I mean there have been no closed spaces despite Suzumiya-san's displeasure. Beings with almost the same amount of power we espers have in closed space. Near extinct warrior races NOT trying to wipe out humanity. Really crappy movie trailers that nobody remembers filming. Come on guys."

"AHHHHH! You're big words hurt my brain." The innocent butler passing by muttered out.

"We don't understand you're big philosophical type talk, don't ya know?" The former vice presidential candidate said.

"Oh come on! I didn't even mention philosophy once!" Itsuki sighed. "Just do the next transition already."

**AT THE LI RESIDENCE…**

Kyon had managed to carry Haruhi all the way to the door to his house when…

"Let you're brigade chief down at once!" Haruhi commanded. She then got out of Kyon's arms and tried standing up but when she put a little weight on her right leg she tripped and nearly fell, only to be caught by Kyon and his super special awesome kung fu.

"You're injured. Probably by shrapnel from that blast or something." Kyon said sounding concerned.

"Fine. But don't try anything with me!" Haruhi shouted.

A few moments later Kyon opened the door and saw his mother watching TV. Upon entering his house his mom greeted him with a warm smile… Then her eyes widened as she noticed Haruhi in Kyon's arms. "Holy crap! Honey, come down for a minute."

Syaoran bolted down the stairs and went into the living room. He saw Haruhi and flipped out. "It's happened! Quick, I'll get a hold of Yuko, you search for one of her feathers!"

"What are you guys talking about?!" Haruhi shouted.

"Ehh?" Both of Kyon's parents said in unison. "She's hasn't lost her memories? Syaoran said confusingly.

"Who the hell do you think I am?!" The Brigade chief shouted. "Departed from her home, one woman searches for the hidden truths in the world, discovering conspiracy after conspiracy, and beating up nerds while we do it! Joining forces with her silent, moe, intelligent, and idiotic, companions she forms the SOS Brigade the most badass group ever known to North High! And I am its leader, the mighty Haruhi-sama!"

Kyon noticed that both of his parents were in pain and anguish while Haruhi was delivering her speech. Sakura fainted halfway through the speech and Syaoran clutching at his throat as if the very breath was being taken from his lungs. He fainted shortly before Haruhi finished her speech.

"Um… Haruhi, what was that?" Kyon said in a surprise tone as he laid Haruhi on the couch.

"I don't know…" The fire that had been in her eyes earlier had disappeared. "I just randomly felt that I had to set the world on fire. It came to me."

"Hmm… Well my parents will be out for a while." Kyon said sarcastically. "It seems that GAR speeches are CLAMP characters number one weakness." Kyon sighed. "Whenever my dad wakes up I'll see if he can use one of those healing spells he bragged about that one time."

"Hey Kyon." Haruhi said.

"Yeah?" Kyon replied.

"People die if they are killed." Haruhi said.

"What was that?"

"I dunno. Something else that came to me?"

-Anna no issho datta no Ni starts playing-

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**I have only seen the 4kids dub of Yu-Gi-Oh 5ds and therefore I make fun of Jack's accent.**

**Reviews and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.**

**Until next time**

**(Tag Out) **


	5. Moribito no Naku Koro Ni Part 01

**Sorry about how short and crappy this chapter is. It's mainly for plot movement.**

* * *

**Chapter four: Moribito no Naku Koro Ni part one.**

Thirty minutes after Haruhi had knocked Syaoran and Sakura unconscious with her GAR speech they finally awakened.

"Ugh…" Syaoran mumbled out. "What happened? I feel like someone ripped my throat out with a twenty-sided die."

"I accidentally blurted out a GAR speech." Haruhi said.

"HOLY CRAP THAT'S EVEN WORSE!!!" Syaoran screamed.

"Why did you fall in love with a woman who had such a terrifying ability?" Sakura blurted out.

"Hell no! It's not like that. He's just my slave and I am his master." Haruhi stuttered out, her face blazing red.

"You're into S&M son!?" The sandy haired man shouted out, his eyes the size of poke balls.

"No. It's not that either!" Kyon shouted out, his face was fairly red as well. "Listen for a second! I somehow managed to stop a semi truck with a kick and lost consciousness. Then some girl who worked for the creepy old man who lives in my head told me you two were sliders…" Kyon tried to continue but was interrupted.

"Was she that girl?" Syaoran pointed at Haruhi.

"Well now that you mention it… The girl did resemble Haruhi but she was older and had longer darker hair."

"That complicates things though…" Syaoran mumbled. "Go on."

"I woke up in Haruhi's house. Apparently she carried my unconscious body all the way to her house. Shortly after I woke up her crazy father Oruki-san crashed through the door in her room. He tried to fire some sort of energy blast… Haruhi what was that attack called again?"

"It was a bala." The yellow-ribboned girl replied.

"Right. I somehow managed to dodge two of those attacks off of instinct. Then just as he was going to fire a third one, one of Oruki's friends… Grimmjow-san was it?"

"Yeah." Haruhi replied.

"Ok then… He convinced Oruki-san to stop firing those attacks at me because he was destroying his own house. He then convinced Oruki-san, and myself to have me stay for dinner. I went downstairs and meet Jack Atlas-san and L… I mean Ryuzaki-san."

"Jack Atlas? You mean the former turbo dueling champ? Did you get me an autograph?" Sakura said sounding exited.

"Sorry mom. I forgot you were a big fan of him. I'll try to get it for you next time I see him." Kyon said. "By the way where's Imoto?"

"She's having an epic battle scene our next door neighbor, Nanako Dojima."

"You guy's have fucked up neighbors too?" Haruhi blurted out.

"No they aren't that bad." Kyon said. "Except for Souji who can only speak by saying names of beings or creatures from various religions."

"Oh… Well it sure beats having the Sonozaki's as neighbors." Haruhi said. "And of course our other next door neighbors the Maro's. God Marumaro is so annoying."

"Anyways." Kyon continued, "There was a food fight and it got out of hand. Oruki fired another attack at me and I barley dodged it in time. The blast was strong enough to go through the walls of Haruhi's house and destroy part of the neighbor's house. I heard maniacal laughter from the other house and Grimmjow-san told me to Take Haruhi and run."

"And that's why you carried her here?" Syaoran asked.

"Yeah." Kyon then remembered something. "Hey dad can you use any healing spells on Haruhi? Her ankle was injured from blast shrapnel."

"Sure I can try." Syaoran then walked to the couch and placed his palms on Haruhi's ankle. He then started chanting, and as he was about to finish he was launched to the other side of the room.

"Whoa!" Kyon shouted. "What was that? Are you okay?"

Syaoran stood up. "Yeah I'm fine. I don't think my magic will work on her. She has this strange presence around her and my magic simply won't work on her."

"So are we screwed?" Haruhi blurted out.

"No, not really." The sandy haired man then pointed at a wall, mumbled a spell, and a door appeared. "This is something I borrowed from the set of Dragon Ball Z. It allows someone to train for three months inside in one cutaway. I modified it so up to thirteen people can be in there at once." Syaoran then motioned to Haruhi. "You can rest you're ankle in there while my son and I train."

"Train?" The cynic sounded confused.

"Yeah." Syaoran shrugged "After all kung-fu you know how to use makes more sense than kung-fu that just happens randomly. Well let's go." They went into the Hyperbolic Time chamber sort of.

**MEANWHILE, IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE THAT ADHERES TO THE PLOT…(TRUST ME! I SWEAR!)**

An old lady was speaking with a woman with a red cloak and a spear. The woman had long brown hair tied into a ponytail.

"Now Balsa." The old lady started. "There are a few more things I should tell you before you enter this alternate universe. There are gigantic metal men who fire glowing arrows of fire and wield flaming swords which also glow in strange colors they are called Gundams.

"What should I do if I encounter such a thing Torogai?" The woman, Balsa spoke.

"Each Gundam has a rider. If you defeat the rider the Gundam can't attack."

"I see…" Balsa said. "So all I need to do is find one of these groups, join them and claim the magic-weaving powers for myself?"

"Exactly." Torogai said as she pushed the spear-wielder in a swirling vortex.

**BACK TO THE LI RESIDENCE…**

Haruhi, Kyon, and his parents exited the room that Syaoran conjured. "Well at least I know kung-fu now." Kyon said sarcastically.

"I can't believe my subordinate can kick my ass now!" Haruhi shouted in a frustrated tone. "If it weren't for that damn injury I would have trained like crazy!"

"Well at least you can play Yu-Gi-Oh! Now." Sakura said in a calm tone. "Yeah, well knowing how not to mil myself to death with Lightsworn or wining field and hand control with Gladiator Beasts doesn't exactly increase my power level."

"By the way, Haruhi? Why weren't you surprised when you found out that my parents were sliders?" The straight man asked.

"It was four months ago, counting the ones that happened in that cutaway." The genki girl began. "Around that time I had started to see strange things. I saw an aura around dad and Grimmjow-kun. I asked them about it and they told me to describe it. However I noticed that they carried swords I couldn't see before. I told them about that and dad was freaking out. Grimmjow-kun told me that he and dad weren't normal humans and all sorts of stuff." Haruhi sighed. "I learned of the existence of sliders from Grimmjow-kun and he told me about the arrancars."

Kyon decided that there was no point in hiding it any further "Say Haruhi… Do you remember that time when we were going to search the town on our own?"

Haruhi nodded.

"Remember when I told you that Nagato-san was an alien interface, Koizumi was an esper, and Asahina-san was a time traveler?"

Haruhi nodded again.

"I wasn't lying."

Haruhi looked shocked. She had thought about that possibility but she chalked it up as one of Kyon's pranks. "D-do you have proof?" She stuttered out.

"Sort of." Kyon sighed. He knew this was going to be a long night. "Do you remember tanabata four years ago? You were drawing a symbol on school property, but you didn't do it alone. You were assisted by a man in a north high uniform right?"

"Wait, Kyon don't tell me…" Haruhi seemed more shocked.

"That's right. I am John Smith." Kyon said without an ounce of sarcasm.

Haruhi fainted in shock.

"Damn Kyon." Syaoran said. "What did you do to her under that alias?"

"It's exactly as you heard. I helped her draw a symbol."

"Why don't you get some sleep?" Sakura said to her son. "You had a long day of training from that time before we left. You look a little beat."

"Yeah. I think I'll do just that." Kyon then said his good nights, laid Haruhi on the couch and went to his room.

-Anna no issho datta no Ni starts playing-


	6. Moribito no Naku Koro Ni Part02

**Here's the next chapter. It's a little longer than the rest so bear with me.**

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**Chapter Five: Moribito no Naku Koro Ni part two.**

That night Kyon had a dream. A dream so epic only epic music should accompany it.

Kyon woke up at the gates of a coliseum. The atmosphere was dark yet filled with power.

"Come here Kyon…" He heard a familiar yet creepy voice beckon him. He decided that nothing would be accomplished standing around so he decided to advance.

The voice kept calling him to the arena. He followed the voice and when he got to the arena he saw something that looked very familiar. It looked familiar because it was him.

Kyon stared at the other him's eyes, bright yellow. The other Kyon was wearing an outfit similar to one of his father's old getups, a green cloak and black shirt, with goggles.

"So you're finally here… Me." The other Kyon said in a devious voice.

"What's going on?" Kyon asked his twin self.

"Honestly, I don't know either. I just know that something's wrong with something you've been told. Look I'm you and you're me which means we should know all the same things right?"

Kyon didn't have time to argue. He simply nodded in agreement.

"But there's something I know that you don't know. That is… This." The other Kyon pointed at what looked like a giant TV screen. Kyon saw the TV flicker and images started playing.

-Soldiers of The Wastelands starts playing-

Gladiator Beast MCK in association with Team MTS presents…

In a world where everything seems normal to everyone, to one woman everything is alien.

A woman wearing a red cloak with long brown hair in a ponytail wakes up from an alley. "Where am I?" The woman spoke. "Is this the place Madam Torogai sent me?"

A woman who has the desire to protect will find the answers she needs.

"Nagato-san was it? So you're here to help me?" The woman spoke. Then the bookworm alien Nagato Yuki shows up on screen. "Affirmative."

"Affirmative? What does that mean?" The woman spoke up.

"It is a means to agree with the person you are speaking to." Yuki replied.

"Well. There's a lot I need to learn. Isn't there?" The woman said sarcastically.

Staring Balsa Yonsa The Spear Wielder.

Balsa was being surrounded by a group of man-sized celestials. A red glow surrounded her spear and she started swinging it like a hurricane, slashing through the translucent men.

Kyon the moronic chore boy.

Kyon was throwing kicks at an octopus/crap/spider like monster.

And The Brigade Chief Haruhi Suzumiya.

Haruhi was on camera, sleeping on Kyon's couch.

Star in!

A bunch of random fight scenes accompany a guitar solo.

The Mirage of Haruhi Suzumiya: Moribito no Naku Ni.

Coming soon.

-Soldiers of The Wastelands stops playing-

"What. The." Kyon started but was interrupted.

"I know. I know." The other Kyon chuckled a little. "You'll find out everything soon enough. Oh and by the way if you want to know I am not a shadow. I'm something much worse. When the time comes I'll show no mercy, I hope you will comply." The other Kyon had a sick smile to his face and started laughing. First a chuckle, then it got louder until he started laughing maniacaly.

"Well at least he's not as bad as that Sonozaki chick." Kyon said sarcastically.

Then Kyon was awakened from his slumber by a loud banging on the door.

"Fine I'm coming. Sheesh Imoto why are you so hell bent on taking me away from my sweet slumber." Kyon approached his door and opened it only to see something he didn't expect to see. Instead of his little sister who always woke him up in the mourning he saw the face of his brigade leader Haruhi Suzumiya. And it was a pissed off face too.

Immediately after opening his door Kyon was hit square in the face with a knuckle sandwich. "Why didn't you tell me earlier!?" Haruhi screamed at her subordinate.

Kyon on the other hand was recovering from the attack from the yellow-ribboned tsundre. "Listen to me for a second. There was a reason why I couldn't reveal my identity to you."

"Go on." Haruhi replied in a serious tone.

"Well you see…" Kyon was thinking of an excuse to tell the angry girl which stood before him and just shrugged. "There was a being with Godlike powers who was after me. If I had revealed my identity before now that being would've recreated reality. However that being has lost it's powers and they are up for grabs."

"Huh? Really?" The girl asked in a confused tone.

"Yeah that's right." The impromptu martial artist replied. "I need to get the brigades help in claiming these powers…" Then it hit Kyon like Chuck Norris punched him out… Of existence. "And they all want to claim the powers for themselves for whatever reasons they have…"

"Well." Haruhi began. "You have some explaining to do. Don't worry, I woke you up an hour before I would normally get up so you should have plenty of time to explain."

Then Kyon relised exactly how sleepy he was when the adrinelene from getting punched wore off. "Ehh. Haruhi, what time is it exactly?"

"Five in the mourning." The girl replied as if she had twelve hours of sleep.

"What!? Five?" Kyon sighed. "Fine. Take a seat." He motioned to his bed as he grabbed the chair from his desk.

Haruhi did just that. "Alright Kyon now tell me… Yuki-Chan's an alien, right?"

"Technically speaking yeah…" Kyon began. "She's a interface or something for the Integrated Data something or other."

"And Mikuru-Chan's a time traveler… Right?"

"Yeah that's pretty much it. She doesn't have any futuristic weapons or whatnot… At least I think she doesn't"

"Koizumi-kun's an esper then?" Haruhi asked in a curious voice.

"Yeah. But he can't use his powers unless certain conditions are made."

"That sucks." Haruhi replied. "So tell me. Who's the slider?"

"A majority of the transfer students and new teachers." Kyon replied remembering what Tempra told him.

"Really?" Haruhi blurted out. "Do you know why aliens, time travelers, espers, and sliders would be interested in normal humans?"

"I honestly don't know." Kyon lied.

"I see… I need to get Sakura-chan to tell me more stories!" Haruhi stated.

"Well… At least Igor isn't going to bug me today."

"Really now? I don't think so!" Igor said inside Kyon's head with a lot of energy for an old man. "This day is going to be a megas awesome day nyoro! By the way how do you like my Tsuruya impression Kyon-kun?"

"It sucks." Kyon blurted out loud.

"What sucks?" Haruhi asked.

"My head, apparently."

**MEANWHILE, IN A PICKET LINE OUTSIDE THE AUTHORS HOUSE…**

"This is megas lame nyoro!" Tsuruya said while standing in a line that consisted of herself, Taniguchi, Kunikida, Kuyoh Suoh, Kyoko Tachibana, and Fujiwara. "Why does he puts an old man in Kyon's head instead of mes!?

"Hey Taniguchi-san…" Kyoko began. "She's your sempai isn't she? Can't you understand a damn thing she's saying?"

"Unfortunately no. By the way Tachibana-san you look kinda cute. Wanna go out sometime?" Taniguchi responded in his ladies man voice.

"Hell no!" She then kicked Taniguchi straight in the crotch.

Taniguchi was on the ground, screaming in pain.

"Come on Kyoko-chan! Do you really need to be that hard on the guy?" Fujiwara said in a mocking tone.

"UGHHHH!" Kyoko got even more frustrated. "WHY DOESEN'T THAT AUTHOR NOTICE OUR EXISTINCE!"

"It_seems___that____our____presence___is____unnecessary________here." Kuyoh replied in her dead tone.

"Heys! Where's that friend of yours nyoro? Tsuruya asked.

"Who? Sasaki-san?" Kyoko replied after calming down a little.

"Yeahs, hers." Tsuruya replied in her energetic tone.

"I think Sasaki-san is going to be featured in the main story." Kunikida replied.

"Nyoro~n" Tsuruya sighed.

**AT YUKI'S APARTMENT…**

Yuki was undergoing recharge program that the other interfaces and most humans would call 'sleep'. Yuki didn't understand why such a thing was required for a humanoid interface. Then demonic sounding bells awaked her.

She put on a robe and went to the living room when she saw her superior The Undertaker. "Good mourning Nagato-san." The dead man greeted her. "The entity has a new mission for you."

"Commence briefing." Yuki said. If Kyon were there he would notice a very small hint of fear in her voice.

"If you see a woman with long hair and red robes who has a different data reading then most of the normal humans on the planet you need to let her stay here." The Phenom then took out a picture from his coat. "This is her."

"I see." Yuki took the picture examined it for a second and placed it back on the table. "Are those all orders?"

"You still need to get close to the target." The Undertaker reminded her.

"I see." Yuki replied.

"I must leave now. I have to send someone to hell." He then tipped his hat and the room went dark as the same bells that sounded earlier went off.

Yuki then proceeded to get dressed in her school uniform. After putting on her clothes she heard a knock at her door. "Come in." She already knew who it was.

"Good morning Nagato-san." Emiri Kimidori walked in wearing her school uniform. "I suppose The Undertaker was here earlier?" Emiri said with a hint of jealousy.

"Affirmative." Was all that Yuki replied with.

"He's cool and all but does he have to make that bell noise every time he teleports here?"

"That is correct. The Undertaker is the only interfaces that can teleport long distances. However the bell is a side effect when he does so."

"I see. Hey Nagato-san want me to make you breakfast?" Emiri asked.

"Not necessary." Yuki replied.

"Oh come on it'll be fun!" Emiri said as she walked to Yuki's kitchen and started pulling things from the fridge.

"I see." Yuki replied. She also didn't understand why interfaces needed to consume nutrition. It seemed like a waste to her.

Emiri and Yuki cooked rice and omelets. Than as she was eating at light speeds she remembered her mission. How could she get close to this man without angering Suzumiya-san? Perhaps getting into a romantic relationship with him? "Kimidori-san?" Yuki tried getting her attention.

Emiri nearly spited out her rice when she heard Yuki trying to start a conversation with her. "What is it? I'll be very glad to help you Nagato-san." She said

"I am attracted to a male humanoid. How should I generate his attention?" Yuki asked.

"Why are you asking me? You play those visual novels all the time. Shouldn't I be asking you for advice?" Emiri asked sarcastically.

"The main character from those games was a male. I am experiencing things as a female. Therefore my knowledge of relationships seems insufficient."

"Well… Why don't you put a note in his shoe locker?" The green-headed girl replied.

"Very well." Yuki said as she finished her meal and went to her desk. She took out a pen and, in perfect penmanship, wrote her message to her target.

_I have observed you're person from afar for a very large amount of time._

_I wish to know you better personally._

_I request that you meet me on the rooftop after all the clubs are out._

_Signed: Nagato Yuki._

She then placed the letter in an envelope and placed the envelope in her bag and started to head to her door.

"Let's get going Nagato-san." Emiri said. "I hope you have good luck with you're boy!"

"You too." Yuki replied.

"How did you…" Emiri said blushing.

"The probability numbers were high that you were interested in a male companion just from talking to you." Yuki replied.

They left their apartment and took separate routes to school. On the way to school Yuki heard a loud crash.

"Where am I?" She heard a woman in an alleyway. "Is this the place Madam Torogai sent me?"

Yuki recognized the woman as the one on the picture that she was handed by The Undertaker. She approached the woman.

The woman seemed to recognize something. "Nagato-san was it? So you're here to help me?" The woman asked.

"Affirmative." Yuki replied

"Affirmative? What does that mean?" The woman spoke up.

"It is a means to agree with the person you are speaking to." Yuki replied.

"Well. There's a lot I need to learn. Isn't there?" The woman said sarcastically.

"Here is the key to my apartment." She handed her a spare key. "You should be able to gain employment in the school at the top of this hill."

"Really? Someone like me in strange garments who has such little knowledge of this land?"

"That is correct." The petit alien replied in her monotone voice.

They made there way up the hill to North High. They were early as there weren't many people about. "Employment office is in that direction." Yuki gave Balsa directions.

"Well wish me luck." Balsa said to the small girl.

"Affirmative." Yuki replied.

After they departed Yuki made her way to the shoe lockers. She searched for her targets shoe locker, and after a few minutes had located it. She then placed the note in the young man's locker and made her way to her classroom.

**MEANWHILE, IN THE ENPLOYMENT OFFICE.**

"So you wish to work for North High?" The human resources department leader Karasuma said with his mouth full of curry.

"That's right Karasuma-san."

"Well with all the new students and teachers we need someone who can protect the peace. You look like you've been in many battles Balsa-san."

"Well… My original occupation was a bodyguard." The spear wielder replied.

"Then a security guard would be a perfect occupation for you." Said Karasuma with a dull boring look in his eye.

'Are all people in this world so emotionless?' Balsa thought to herself as Karasuma reached for a contract and a pen.

"If you are interested then please sign here." Karasuma said as he placed the contract on the table.

Balsa eyed the strange object in her hand 'Is this the equivalent to a brush in this world?' Balsa thought to herself. 'Well only one way to find out'. She tried signing her name on the contract but no ink would come out.

"Oh… I'm sorry Balsa-san. I forgot to push the button down on the pen." He then pressed the button on the pen and the tip came out. "Don't worry. We are an equal opportunity employer. Even if you come from a foreign world that doesn't have the sophisticated technology of ours we don't mind. In fact we hold night classes here for people from different dimensions on how to adapt to our society."

"I see. Well then, I'll be sure to come!" Balsa replied as she signed the name on the contract.

"Well then. Welcome to North High, Balsa-san." Karasuma said in his dull voice as he reached out his hand for a handshake.

Balsa and Karasuma shaked hands and Karasuma began to explain what she was to do at North High.

**A FEW HOURS LATER, IN THE SOS BRIGADE CLUBROOM.**

"Okay guys. Explain yourselves." Haruhi said in an annoyed tone.

"What do you wish us to explain to you Suzumiya-san?" Itsuki said with a plastic smile on his face.

"Cut the philosophical crap Koizumi-kun!"

"But I haven't even…" Itsuki was trying to continue but was cut off when he was grabbed by the tie.

"Shut up! We don't want to hear it! Isn't that right Yuki-chan, Mikuru-chan, Kyon?"

Kyon and Mikuru nodded in agreement. Yuki had nodded to, but to a lesser degree.

"I know you're secret Koizumi-kun! You're an esper, aren't you?" Haruhi had screamed in his face.

"Uhh. Well…" Itsuki was stuttering because he knew Haruhi was serious.

"Go ahead. I already told her." Kyon told the esper boy. Upon hearing this Mikuru was in gasped and had a shocked look in her face. Yuki already knew what was going on and just kept reading.

"Well then…" The esper boy sighed. "Yes Suzumiya-san. I am a esper."

"Stop the philosophy lesson Koizumi-kun!" Haruhi had said angrily in his face as if she didn't even hear the words 'I am a esper'.

"But I…" The troubled esper was cut off again by his brigade chief slamming him into thee ground.

"Well, that takes care of that." Haruhi sighed as she continued. "Oh. By the way I know you're a time traveler Mikuru-chan."

Mikuru fainted.

"And…" The brigade chief continued. "You're an alien Yuki-chan!"

"Affirmative." Was Yuki's reply.

"Well… I've got questions for all of you!" Haruhi shouted.

Itsuki gurgled on the floor. Mikuru was still unconscious. Yuki just nodded.

"You know what… That can wait. I saw a new security guard that looks like an interesting addition to the brigade."

"Whatever you say Haruhi." Kyon sighed.

**A FEW MINUTES LATER, WHERE BALSA WAS STATIONED…**

"I want you to join my club!" Haruhi had shouted in the face of the woman warrior.

"Staff can join school clubs?" Balsa asked the guard who was stationed with her.

"Well since all this fuss has gone on yeah. You'll be sort of a manager for their club if you join." Said the man.

"Well…" Balsa looked the Brigade Chief in the face 'Was this the girl Madam Torogai was talking?' She thought to herself. "I'll think about it." She replied.

"Ok…" Haruhi replied. She knew the Spear Wielder could clearly kick her ass so she decided not to try to 'Kidnap' her.

"Oh hey Li-san!" Said the man who was stationed next to Balsa.

"Hey Dojima-san." Kyon replied to his neighbor.

"You wouldn't happen to know where Souji is would you?"

"Huh? What happened?" Kyon asked.

"He just up and vanished. We can't seem to find him anywhere. I'm worried." Dojima replied in a caring tone.

"Well… I'll keep an eye out for him." Kyon replied.

"Ok Brigade dismissed!" Haruhi shouted. "Hey have you seen Yuki-chan? I haven't seen her since we left the clubroom.

"I dunno." Kyon said confusingly.

MEANWHILE, ON THE ROOFTOP…

Yuki was waiting on the rooftop. Curious to see if her target would even show up. Then the door opened.

"Ahh. So it's not a prank. Hello there Nagato-san."

"Hello, Lelouch Lamprouge-san." Said Yuki.

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Reviews and requests would be apprtiated.**

**Until next time.**

**(Tag Out)**


	7. Moribito no Naku Koro ni Part 03

**This is a more serious chapter than before. Not much to say besides that.**

* * *

** Chapter six: Moribito no Naku Koro Ni part three.**

**MEANWHILE, AT ESPER HEADQUARTERS…**

A man was sitting on a couch while eating twilight potato chips watching 'Japan's most homicidal home videos.'

"Wow. Now THAT was brutal." Said the celebrity guest host of the night, John Cena. "Can anything be more diabolic than that?!"

"Um… John? You do know that was just one of your matches… Right?" Said a faceless mook/ stagehand.

"It doesn't matter!" The large man said with a fiery passion. "As long as the WWE Universe believes in me this video is the most violent one on this show!"

"But that's just an average match you had with Jack Swagger."

"Shut up! You sure like to talk a lot don't you." Said the champ to the mook.

"Well… We have one more video. Why don't we let your fans decide?" Said the mook.

"Fine! I would never deny my fans any entertainment at any time. Unless it's the M rated kind." John said.

"Here we go…" The mook played the video.

"Ahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!" A woman with long green hair was on screen armed with the RY3NO from Ratchet and Clank 3.

"Grind! Pantera!" Grimmjow then appeared on screen. He stood, looking intimidating in his release form.

The woman fired a round from her ridiculously overpowered weapon but Grimmjow managed to dodge the blast radius… Barely.

"Urk!" The camera then focused on Grimmjow. He was missing his left arm. Blood was everywhere.

"Ahahahaha!" As the woman prepared to fire a shot she quickly relised something. 'This way is too quick.' The homicidal maniac thought to herself. She tossed the weapon aside and reached for her taser.

Then Grimmjow flash stepped in front of the green haired girl and took a swipe with his right hand. The woman instinctively tried to dodge but Grimmjow had caught her hand with the attack.

"AHHHHHHH!!!!" The woman screamed in pain as the camera focused back to her. Three of her fingernails on her left hand were removed.

She then took the taser in her other hand and thrust it straight at the Espada.

"Dude! Don't tase me bro!" Grimmjow exclaimed but it was too late. He had already been tased.

Then Jack Atlas rode in on his duel runner and grabbed the espada sexta before the Sonozaki sibling could have her way with him. A gruff voice could be heard over the camera screaming, "Run!" Then the footage ended.

Back on the stage John Cena was lying on the stage, fainted. His pants were soiled. The mook exploded… Along with half the audience.

"Exactly as planned!" Said the man munching on potato chips while on the couch. "Ryuk! Get me more potato chips!"

"For the last time Light. My name is Mori and I'm a maid! I'm not a Shinigami!" The brown haired maid said as she walked in the room. 'Geez. I wonder if Koizumi-san and I are the only sane ones in the Agency.' She thought to herself.

"Potato chips. I wish to EAT them… NOW!" Said Light.

"Fine. I'm on it." Mori said in a dead tone."

**BACK ON THE ROOF OF NORTH HIGH…**

"So… You want to know me better?" The raven-haired man stared at Yuki.

"That is correct." The petit alien replied in her monotone voice.

"Very well then. You see I've been interested in joining the SOS Brigade. I was hoping to meet one of the brigade's representatives so I wouldn't end up like Haptisim-san"

"I see. So you wish to join the brigade?" Yuki said.

"That is correct Nagato-san." Lelouch said in his regal tone.

Then the observant girl had remembered how women usually got men to like them in visual novels. "You may designate me by my first name if you desire." She told him in her monotone voice, which had a slight tone of embarrassment. Why she sounded embarrassed she couldn't tell.

Lelouch chuckled a little. "Very well then. I shall address you as Yuki-chan." He said in a friendly tone.

"I shall meet you in your clubroom tomorrow."

"I must go now." Yuki had remembered to lead Balsa to her apartment.

"Well. See you tomorrow." Lelouch said.

**ON THE HILL OF DOOM…**

Kyon was walking home with Haruhi when suddenly…

I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD, THEY COUNCIL ME, THEY UNDERSTAND, THEY TALK TO ME…

Haruhi had picked up her cell phone. "Hello?"

"It's me L. Were all at the hospital now. Grimmjow had his arm removed in his fight with the Sonozaki girl. It's not safe back at your neighborhood because the girl is still on a rampage. Would you mind staying at that Kyon guy's house for just a wee bit longer?"

"It's no problem. If he tries anything I'll just…" At that moment Haruhi had remembered the fact that she wouldn't stand a chance against Kyon and his awesome kung fu. "Never mind. I trust him."

"Hold on a second. I'm putting Grimmjow on the phone." L said.

"Hello?" Grimmjow said through the phone.

"Grimmjow-kun! Did that Sonozaki bitch hurt you?" The brigade chief said.

"Ehh not that bad. The good news is that this smoking hot nurse is treating me. She'd give that Mikuru-chan of your's a run for her money."

"Grimmjow-kun! You pervert!" Haruhi said, playfully through the phone.

"Haha…" Grimmjow laughed a little. "So… Has that boyfriend of your's gotten any stronger?"

"He's not my…"

"Haha. That's my Haruhi-chan! I'll see you later.

"Later." She closed the phone hastingly. Her cheeks were burning red. Yes that was a G Gundam Reference.

"So Kyon…" Haruhi reverted to her bossy tone. "It looks like I'm staying at your house for a while!"

"Kind of saw that one coming…" Kyon said sarcastically.

**MEANWHILE, IN THE SOS BRIGADE CLUBROOM…**

"Asahina-san! Wake up!" Said Ryotaro Dojima as he shook the well-endowed time traveler.

"KYAHHHH!!! NO MORE SUZUMIYA-SAN!!!" Mikuru screamed as she smacked whatever was shaking her with her fist.

"Oww… I think you knocked out one of my teeth Asahina-san." Dojima said.

"Eh? Ah! Sorry Dojima-san. I didn't relies you were…"

"It's okay Asahina-san. By the way, you know your friends left a few hours ago right?"

"Eh? What time is it?" Said Mikuru. The time traveler with no sense of time.

"It's ten o'clock. The lesson for the foreigners is just ending."

"T-ten o'clock?" Asked the orange-haired girl.

"Yep. You'd better head home."

"B-but it's dark a-and."

"Don't worry. I can take you home."

"But I don't want to be a bother…" The shy time traveler replied.

"It's no problem. I have Nanako-chan watching the house and with what she did with that Li girl… Quite honestly I'm scared."

"Well… Okay." Mikuru replied.

**AT THE LI RESIDINCE… **

Kyon and Haruhi returned home. They had dinner that consisted of… Pizza.

"More pizza?" Haruhi asked.

"Yeah. Sakura's been wanting a cheese-kun for the longest time now." Said Syaoran.

"What can I say? He's so cute!" Said Sakura.

"You know what? Fuck it. I haven't had a peaceful dinner in a long ass time and I'm sick of pizza." Said Haruhi, who then proceeded to throw a slice directly at Kyon's face.

Kyon caught the slice in his hand. He then threw it back at Haruhi. The slice hit her directly in the face.

"Damnit! I'm going to wash up." Haruhi stormed off.

"You'd better do something Kyon…" The sandy haired man said sarcastically.

"I can't do much. She's angry that I'm stronger than her at the moment. Besides it's not like she can make the world cease to exist anymore right? I'll give her some time to herself."

"Kyon. You want to comfort her though. Not because of reality crumbling. Because you care about her. Right?" Sakura said in a comforting tone.

"… That's right." Kyon replied in a whisper. His cheeks were flaming.

"Well there's not much any of us can do. I think we'll be sleeping in the living room Sakura, It seems that she took up residence in our room."

"Okay then." Sakura replied. "Kyon. You get some rest in your room."

"Alright then. Good night." The cynic replied as he went up the stairs.

**AN HOUR OR SO LATER…**

Kyon thought he could hear the sound of steel clashing with steel. He awakened slowly and immediately noticed that he wasn't in Kansas anymore… Or Japan for that matter.

"Where am I?" Kyon took a good look around his surroundings. He found himself in a cave of sorts with a single piece of cloth as a bed. He exited the cave and found himself in a larger cavern. The cavern was slightly illuminated by pale blue lights. The cavern seemed to have a path that seemed to lead to the exit. He noticed something else was a little off as well…

"Is this your doing, Haruhi?" Kyon said to himself as he noticed a feeling that gave him memories. Memories which he would like to forget. Memories he couldn't forget. Because he realized he was inside a closed space.

He walked towards the path that seemed to lead to the exit. After walking down the path he saw a slightly brighter blue light. When he exited the cave he found himself standing outside, the sky only being illuminated by a single pale moon. He walked for a little while and the sound of steel clashing grew slightly louder. After walking for another minute or so he saw a pair of figures. As he approached the figures he noticed exactly who they were and what they were doing. One was that of his brigade chief Haruhi. The other didn't look as familiar, but that was because he only just saw her that day. It was that of the woman Haruhi tried to recruit earlier, Balsa. It looked to him that they were fighting, with Haruhi wielding what looked like a western style long sword, and the security guard using a short spear.

"Haruhi!" Kyon shouted as he ran. Upon hearing that both of the women lowered their weapons a just stared at him like he was doing the carmeldansen with Setsuna F. Seiei.

"What?" Said Haruhi in an annoyed tone.

"Are you alright?" Said Kyon in a worried tone.

"Yeah I'm fine. How did you get here?" Asked the annoyed girl.

"I don't know." Replied the straight man.

"Perhaps Madam Torogai sent for him?" Said Balsa.

"Madam Torogai?" Kyon replied.

"She's the one that made this space. Right Balsa-sensei?"

"Honestly I don't know right now." The spear-wielder replied.

"Balsa-sensei?" Kyon blurted out.

"Yeah, she's been training me since I got here! She could give that father of your's a run for his money!"

"I see." Said Kyon. 'She just made this space so she could get stronger' He thought to himself. "Say. Where did you get that sword?" He said as he admired the quality of the weapon up close.

"I found it stuck in a hole in that cavern." Haruhi replied. "Maybe it's a cursed magical item or a Holy Avenger!"

Then they heard movement. From a distance they could see a large amount of transparent bright blue figures.

"Oh crap." Said Kyon as he eyed the crowd of Celestials approaching. "Oh wait. They're man sized" He said as they came closer.

"What are those?' Asked Balsa.

"Celestials. They appear in these spaces to destroy stuff. The more stuff they destroy the bigger these spaces become. You don't want to know what happens when one of these engulfs the whole planet." Said Kyon.

Then suddenly the blue men just decided to start charging. They were running fairly quickly and it only took them a minute or so to reach the three people. Kyon, Balsa, and Haruhi took defensive positions.

"Here they come!" Kyon exclaimed as her ran towards one of the beings. He leapt in the air and threw a kick at the Celestial. The kick hit the Celestial but it seemed to bounce off like when you jump on one of those waterbeds. "What the…" Kyon was about to exclaim, but he remembered that only espers could fight against such creatures.

Several of the Celestials cornered Balsa and Haruhi. Balsa swung her spear in multiple directions, like a hurricane of steel. All but two of the Celestials were chopped to pieces. For some odd reason that she did not know, Balsa's spear was glowing a faint red.

One of the two Celestials began to flee. The other swung at Haruhi with it's glowing fist. She dodged it and plunged her sword straight into the Celestial. It fell to the ground and stopped moving.

Then four transparent red claws appeared. The claws were approaching Haruhi.

"Haruhi! Look out!" Kyon exclaimed as he kicked her out of the way, sending her flying in another direction. The transparent claws seemed to matierlize and then started to asend. The entire creture appeared before Kyon. A large red monster with claws that resembled crab pincers. The rest of the beast resembled a spider.

"It can't be! A Rarunga!" Balsa exclaimed as she pointed her spear at the creature.

"Don't worry. We can defeat it!" Kyon said as he remembered the strongest technique his father taught him. It wasn't even a martial arts attack.

Kyon pointed his index and middle fingers at the creature. There was an energy that appeared on the fingers that looked similar to that of a cero. "Raitei Shourei!" He exclaimed as a blast of energy hit the Rarunga. The blast caused some dust to fly up. When the dust dissipated the creature had burns all over its body. It was still moving slightly.

Then Balsa brought up her spear and struck the creature in its abdomen. It stopped moving.

"I think were done." Said Kyon. "Oh wait there's one over…" He was about to point in the direction of the runaway Celestial but the same transparent claws from earlier surrounded the being. The claws sent it flying midair and the creature came out of the ground. It devoured the Celestial that landed in its mouth.

Then a chime sounded.

The Rarunga started glowing white and it started to grow. It developed more of a Humanoid form. It's claws transfigured into wings and its mouth became a beak. There was black armor all over the creature now.

"Congratulations! Your Rarunga evolved into Blackwing Armor Master!" Said a voice out of nowhere. Kyon could almost recognize the voice but decided to focus on the task at hand.

"How the hell does that happen!?" Apparently the task at hand is complaining about the monsters sudden evolution.

"We must strike now!" Balsa exclaimed.

Kyon nodded in approval.

They both charged at the large creature. His kicks seemed to bounce off, and her spear strikes had a similar effect. The monster slashed at Kyon with its claw/talon/hand.

"GHAAA!" Kyon screamed out in pain as the monsters attack struck him directly. His clothes were torn and he had a very large claw mark on his chest. He fell down to his knees for he was losing too much blood.

"You'll pay for that." Balsa exclaimed as she continued to engage the creature.

A few feet away Haruhi was on the ground watching everything. The kick almost broke something but she understood. She knew that if he didn't kick her, she would've died a very brutal death. Then when she saw the creature claw Kyon she screamed. "Damnit! Why can't I do anything? Why am I so useless? I' the brigade chief!"

"_So you wanna raise some hell?_" Said a cocky voice inside her head.

"Who are you?" She replied.

"_You see that fancy-ass sword you have? Yeah. That's me."_

"W-wait are you a…" She began to ask.

"_So. You wanna take away their bragging rights? You wanna steal back what they took from you? You wanna take back everything that you care about? Then scream my name to the heavens!"_

Haruhi smirked. "Alright. Let's do this." She stood up and raised her sword to the sky.

"SCREAM! ATOMSK!" She exclaimed as a red glow enveloped her sword. It changed form growing larger and wider until…

"Take this!" Haruhi exclaimed as she jumped in the air and stuck the large creature in head sending it flying.

Kyon took a look foreword. Before him stood his brigade chief. A red glow around her. She was holding a shining red bass guitar, which was resting, over her shoulder. "Kyon! You're gonna owe me for this one!" She exclaimed

Then she pointed at the creature. "You! How dare you injure one of my brigade members! In the name of the SOS Brigade, I declare you dead!" Kyon mentally face palmed at that ridiculous battle cry.

She charged at the creature and swung the guitar. The monster tried to dodge the attack but was too slow. It was struck directly in the head. This time it was sent downwards into the ground.

Haruhi then pulled a string on the guitar and it started to vibrate. It sounded like an engine starting. She then pointed the neck of the guitar at the creature. A bright red light started to envelop the neck until…

"CERO!" Haruhi exclaimed as the red energy blast struck the monster. It stopped moving.

"Wow…" Balsa said. "You were stronger than you thought. Stronger than I thought."

"Now would you join my brigade?" Haruhi asked.

"Of course. I don't want to know what happens if I decline." They shook hands…

"Wh-WHAT THE HELL!?" Kyon shouted as he woke from his sleep. He noticed that he had no wounds on his body and that he was sleeping on his bed. Then he relised something. 'Wait a minute. If Haruhi has no reality warping powers, who made that closed space?

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

* * *

**That's it for now. Oh and if you're wondering if Mikuru either dreams about being molested by Haruhi or dreams about beating the crap out of Haruhi for molesting her, well… You can just decide for yourself.**

**(Tag out)**


	8. Moribito no Naku Koro Ni Part 04

**Here's the next episode. It's an epilogue of sorts to the first arc.**

**MEANWHILE, ON A PLANE TO JAPAN…

* * *

**

Tsuruya and her group of rejects were watching a crappy in flight movie.

"What's with the blue peoples nyoro?" Said the ball of green energy Tsuruya.

"Would you shut up already? I'm trying to watch this." Said Fujiwara with a frustrated tone.

"So basically our goal is to raise hell for Suzumiya's brigade?" Said Taniguchi who was sitting in a completely different row.

"Yeah." Said his sidekick Kunikida. "If we can't be cast right we might as well try to find other ways to get in."

"Look at out fancy multi-million dollar CGI effects!" Said a blue person on the in flight movie. "Surely no one will think that the ridiculous amount of money we put into this movie could have been used for better purposes like saving that starving child over there?" The blue man said pointing at a bald kid with an arrow on his head.

"I'm not starving you idiot!" Replied the arrow headed boy.

"Stupid Avatar." Said Kyoko who was in another row.

"Which__one?" Asked Kuyoh.

"Both of them."

**BACK AT THE LI RESIDENCE…**

Kyon had woke up and eaten breakfast when suddenly epic music started playing.

"This can't be good." Kyon had leapt from his seat at the breakfast table and took a defensive stance.

"Oh don't worry. That's just Sakura's new Ipod." Syaoran replied to the paranoid cynic.

"Oh." Kyon sighed as he went back to the table.

"KYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!!!!" He heard from upstairs. He then heard loud footsteps. In about five seconds, Haruhi had appeared in the kitchen… While holding a sheathed sword.

"When I woke up I found this next to my bed! It wasn't just a dream then!" Haruhi practically shouted in Kyon's ear.

"Yeah, Yeah, I can hear you from here you know. You don't have to shout." Kyon face palmed.

"What's going on?" Syaoran said confusingly.

"I had the most wonderful dream last night!" Haruhi bellowed.

"It wasn't that wonderful for me." The Cynic said sarcastically remembering exactly how it feels to be near death.

"First I woke up in this cavern…" Haruhi had continued, not paying any attention to the complaints of her subordinate. "I looked around for a while and found this sword…" She showed the weapon to everyone in the room. "…Then I looked for an exit to the cavern. When I left the cavern everything was all gray-ish. I explored for a while and found Balsa-sensei…" She went on about the experience, explaining details about her training with the spear wielder, Kyon coming out of nowhere, the band of Celestials, The Rarunga, Kyon saving her from a fairly painful death, and the monster known as the Blackwing Armor Master. Then when she was explaining the nature of her sword, Syaoran interrupted.

"What exactly is this Zanpakto you keep ranting on about?" He asked.

"It's a sword that transforms when it's name is spoken. When this happens the sword, along with it's wielder get more powerful." The Brigade Chief explained to the sandy haired man.

"But a sword transforming into a guitar sounds a little far-fetched…" Syaoran said, sounding confused. "I want to see this power for myself, being a researcher of sorts. I'm kind of curious."

"Fine. When we get home from school I'll fight you." Haruhi replied.

"Wait! That's not what…"

"Oh come on dear. I think she wants to prove herself." Said Sakura who was listening to the conversation. "After all. She had to watch you train with Kyon for those three months."

"Alright. I'll do it." Syaoran said as he let out a sigh.

**MEANWHILE, IN A LOCATION INPORTANT TO THE PLOT…**

"So. You want me to join your brigade?" Said a woman donned with a heavy tattered cloak. The cloak concealed her voice yet it was easy to tell that she was a woman.

"Bro, are you sure…" A short figure with blue hair began but was interrupted.

"Come on! There's no way we can lose this if we use manly spirit!" Said a taller man with a well-built figure.

"Very well then, I'll humor you…" The woman threw back her hood revealing piercing blue eyes and long blue hair. She charged at the two figures with nothing but a combat knife in her hand.

"Bring it on! Asakurua!" Shouted the man as he drew a long katana blade.

**AT NORTH HIGH…**

"Everyone listen up!" Haruhi shouted. "I'd like to introduce you all to the newest member of the SOS Brigade. She'll be a manager of sorts but that doesn't matter. Please welcome Balsa Yonsa the spear wielder!"

Balsa walked in the clubroom. "It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet yo…" Itsuki began but a book struck him directly in the face.

"I've heard of your philosophical speeches from Suzumiya-san Koizumi!" Said Balsa who threw the book.

"I'm sorry about Koizumi-kun. My name is Mikuru Asahina." Said Mikuru with a polite curtsy.

"And you've met Kyon of course." Haruhi said to the new recruit. "Say. Where's Yuki-chan?"

"Nagato-san's in this club?" Balsa asked.

"You know her?"

"Yeah. She's letting me stay at her apartment for the time being. That man she works for is creepy though." The woman replied.

"Well that saves her the introduction." Haruhi said. "Now let me explain to you the Brigade's activities…" The genki girl started to explain all of the things done by the Brigade. Mikuru was serving Kyon tea. Itsuki kept his mouth shut for fear of being struck.

Then they heard knocking.

"That must be Yuki-chan!" Haruhi said as she rushed to the door. She opened the door and was slightly surprised. Standing next to her brigade's silent bookworm was the figure of a man with a slim figure and long raven black hair.

"Ah. So this is the Infamous Haruhi Suzumiya and her Brigade? It's a pleasure to meet you all." The man said.

"Who's this guy Yuki-chan?" Haruhi asked.

"I request that this man be examined for brigade membership." Yuki said.

"Hmm interesting. You have a name?" The yellow-ribboned girl asked.

"My name is Lelouch Lamprouge." He said as he extended his hand for a handshake.

"Humph. Well a member has recommended you so I'll give you a fair shot. Take a seat." She said.

"Very well then" Lelouch said as he took a seat.

"Do you believe in aliens, time travelers, espers, or sliders?" Haruhi asked.

"They're everywhere nowadays. I would be insane if I didn't"

"Hmmm. Good point. I guess I should be recruiting for different reasons now…" She started thinking. "So what exactly do you do?"

"I am an expert strategist. If you plan on getting into a large scale conflict of some sort then I can be of use…" Lelouch replied.

"We do need somebody like that… What else do you do?"

"Well…" Lelouch was thinking as he spotted the brigades costume rack. "I design various costumes."

"You do? Can you make something super sexy for Mikuru-chan?" Asked Haruhi with a glint in her eye.

"I've never designed anything for women. However I am more than willing to try."

"I think we have our seventh member!" Haruhi exclaimed as she extended her hand. "Welcome to the SOS Brigade Lelouch!"

'Exactly as Planned!' Lelouch thought to himself.

Haruhi then returned to her desk. "I found out details for the school festival next month!" She said as she took a stack of fliers out from under the desk she then handed them out to each member. They stated the following…

_North High cultural festival_

_Remember how epic it was last year with he bunny girl playing Guitar Hero? _

_Yeah, we decided to make the rest of the school festival epic too._

_We are still accepting recommendations for events and booths!_

_Please show us you're spirit!_

_And we don't mean school spirit either. I heard that sucks._

_Awards given to the most interesting booth, the most epic student, and other things._

_Signed Principal Jeremy Dylan._

"What. The. Fuck. Is. This?" Kyon said while examining the sheet.

"It's awesome! You should be more exited about this Kyon!" Haruhi said.

"A female rabbit playing an instrument?" Balsa said confusingly.

"A bunny girl is a sort of entertainer who dons a fairly scandalous attire to attract men." Said Lelouch. "One of my friends was a bunny girl at one point. I think she's at this school."

"I'm intrigued. Madam Torogai only told me of the Chippendale dancers who entertain women. I wonder what else she didn't tell me?" The spear wielder sighed.

"Which reminds me. I wonder if my Zanpakto can play music?" Haruhi said.

"_Yeah. I can do that. No problemo."_ Said a voice in Haruhi's head.

MEANWHILE, IN THE FACULTY OFFICE…

"I have heard of an assassination plot on a group within the student body." Karasuma, the human resources department leader said. "I would like you to find out who is behind this, Shirogane-san."

"Alright then. I should have no problem discovering the party whom is behind this…" Said a small figure wearing the North High men's uniform and small police like hat "May I see the school roster?"

"Sure." Karasuma replied as he took a file from the cabinet. "By the way. Is it true that you're a woman?"

"Yes." The girl sighed as she took the files.

**AT THE LI RESIDENCE…**

Haruhi had dismissed the brigade and decided to have Kyon take her back to the residence. She had returned as she saw Syaoran tieing the laces on his boots.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked.

"Of coarse. A brigade leader never backs down from a challenge!"

Kyon mentally face palmed 'You do know that YOU are the one who challenged him Haruhi?'

"Well then. Let's go." He said as he opened the door to the Hyperbolic-Time-Chamber-Sort-Of.

They entered the door. Inside was one of the reasons Sort-Of was added to the title. It was a lush field of grass with towers that could be seen in the distance.

"Well. Show me that thing of your's." Syaoran said as he took a defensive stance.

"Scream! Atomsk!" Haruhi exclaimed as her sword transformed.

'Does she have to say that ridiculous line every time she wants to use it?' Kyon pondered in his mind.

"Sadly yes." Said a voice that he was somewhat surprised to hear.

"Igor?"

"Who else." The old man said as Haruhi was deflecting one of his father's kicks with her weapon.

"So where have you been?"

"I was disturbed that my Tsuruya impression was off key. I've been crying all this time." Igor said while Syaoran swiftly dodged one of Haruhi's swings.

"Weird. Hey tell me. Who made that closed space last night?" Kyon asked as Syaoran and Haruhi continued to exchange blows.

"I don't know. OH! This is where it gets good!" Igor said "Watch!"

Syaoran had backed away from Haruhi as he pointed his fingers at her.

"So that's how it's gonna be huh? Don't think I don't know what you're gonna try Syaoran!" The brigade chief said as she pulled a string on her guitar causing energy to build up on the neck.

"Oh crap. Mom!" Kyon said as he went to his mother who was nearby. "We might want to make some distance."

"You're right Kyon." Sakura said as she climbed atop her son.

He carried her a decent distance away just in time for the fireworks.

"CERO!!!"

"RAITEI SHOREI!!!"

The two blasts of energy collided causing a massive explosion. Dust and dirt was flying everywhere. When the dirt cleared there stood the two figures.

Syaoran was standing, motionless. Haruhi on the other hand was on one knee panting.

"Let me guess. You can only do one of those?"

"Yeah…" Haruhi replied with a slight smirk.

"Not bad considering the fact that you've only had these abilities for a day. You could even beat Kyon.

Haruhi made a motion with her weapon and it reverted back to sword form. She sheathed the sword and approached the man. He extended his arm, as did she. They shook hands.

Syaoran saw Kyon and Sakura walking in they're direction. "I'd better say this now. I don't mean to worry you but… There's this terrible monster somewhere inside Kyon's subconscious."

"What?" Haruhi said, keeping quiet.

"It's like an alter ego. If he's unleashed not even I stand a chance against him. You on the other hand might be able to."

"Huh?" She said sounding even more confused.

"Listen. You need to be stronger for the day he is completely unleashed. I can't get much stronger than I already am. Otherwise I would handle it myself. Please don't tell Kyon about this. He might come out if you do."

"Alright." She replied.

"You alright Haruhi?" Kyon said as he walked up.

'Of coarse. Nothing like that can keep your brigade leader down!" Haruhi replied. "Now come on. We have to get out of here before a cutaway happens. Otherwise, we'll be stuck here for another three months."

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

**

* * *

That signature in the middle is the closest thing I'm going to get to self-insert.**

**If you have any ideas for the festival, review or PM me. You might just give me a plot bunny XD.**

**I started work on this chapter on 12/31/09. I finished it on 01/01/10. So until next time…**

**(Happy New Year)**


	9. Of Movie Trailers and Power Levels

**Here is the next episode! This is another movie trailer of sorts**

* * *

**AT AN AIRPORT IN JAPAN…**

"Okays! This is gonna be megas awesome nyoro!" Said the extremely cheerful Tsuruya. "Wes gonna beat the SOS Brigade! Then we shall… Claim their role!!!"

"And how exactly are we gonna defeat them?" Said Fujiwara with a sneer.

"It's gonna be megas easy nyoro! All we gots to do is beat the stuffing outta them." The green ball of energy replied.

"That doesn't answer my question Tsuruya-san." Fujiwara said as he let out a sigh. "If only Sasaki was here… Why isn't she here Kyoko?"

"She said she needed to study." Said Kyoko proudly.

"Why does studying take priority…" He was going to continue but…

"DO NOT QUESTION MY GODDESS!!!" Kyoko interrupted.

"Yeah well…" Taniguchi began. "At least we get to stay at Tsuruya-san's mansion! That place is big lemme tell you!"

"You's should see it during the dark hour nyoro!" Tsuruya replied.

"Dark hour?" Taniguchi asked.

"Uhhhh…" Tsuruya realized that she blurted out something she shouldn't have.

"No__Information is__ stored…" Kuyoh began.

"Just spit it out already Kuyoh!" Said Kyoko as she smacked Kuyoh on her head.

"No information is stored pertaining to the dark hour… HOLY CRAP I CAN TALK NORMAL!!!!" Said a surprised Kuyoh. "Thank you Tachibana-san. I am eternally grateful."

"Don't mention it." Said Kyoko as she made a V sign with her hand. "Hey look over at that screen over there! I don't think I've seen this trailer yet." She said pointing at a flat screen TV next to a drink stand.

**Gladiator Beast MCK in association with Team MTS presents…**

**-I'll Face Myself starts playing-**

In a world where everything is strange. One woman, who dresses like a man, tries to kick some ass.

"That's it! The one trying to assassinate the SOS Brigade is…" Said a small hat-wearing figure with blue hair.

Also. One other woman tries to show everybody how badass moe can be.

"Please leave us alone. We didn't do anything to you." Said a woman with mid length brown hair, and brown eyes. She looked timid yet adorable.

"Like hell! Now. You're gonna give us all you're money or else…" Said a thug looking guy who was brandishing a knife.

"Fine! I didn't want to do this but…" The woman drew a gun from her pocket… And pointed it at her own head.

And what kind of testosterone packed action movie is complete without babes?

A very familiar bunny girl was standing on a stage with a very familiar red guitar in her hand.

Staring Naoto Shirogane!

"What kind of monster are you?" The hat-wearing figure said to a woman with green hair who had a sick smile on her face.

Nagisa Furukawa!

"Umm Tomoya-kun… Does this fit me well?" She said as she tried on a fairly nasty looking metal gauntlet on her arm.

"Where did you get that Nagisa?" The boy she was talking to asked.

And Haruhi Suzumiya!

"Kyon. Get me some aspirin." She said in an annoyed voice.

Star in…

A bunch of random Spike TV programming was made into a montage.

Super Mega Action Show Movie With Babes of Death!

**-I'll Face Myself stops playing. -**

"That looks megas awesome nyoro!" Said Tsuruya.

"Does anyone else find it weird that a certain enemy of our is appearing in a movie trailer?" Said Fujiwara, who apparently took the position of straight man of the group.

"Ah, your just tired man." Said Taniguchi as he patted Fujiwara on the back. "Maybe you'll fell better after you get some rest."

"Now I know how that little punk feels," Fujiwara said as he let out a sigh.

**AT NORTH HIGH…**

Kyon was getting his bento box out of his bag as lunch was starting. As he was two of his most recent classmates took seats next to him. "Hey guys."

"Hey." Said the saiyan prince Vegeta. Come from behind him was Nappa. Ever since they were rejected from the SOS Brigade they've became at least decent friends with Kyon. Also, Kyon needed someone to talk to since Taniguchi and Kunikida were in America for the last month for some stupid reason.

"Check out what I got!" The spiky haired saiyan said as he took an object out f his bag. It was some sort of lens with some mechanism on it. "It's a scouter!"

"What does that do?" Asked the sandy haired cynic.

"It reads power levels! It took me a while to find one since they're all the rage right now. Also every time someone sees a high power level with one of these it gets crushed by the one who's reading it." Vegeta replied. "Now. Let's look at the instructions.

_ SAIYAN POWER LEVEL SCOUTER INSTRUCTIONS._

_Step 1: Put the scouter on dumbass!_

_Step 2: Make sure you can see the person you want to scan out of the eye with the scouter on._

_Step 3: Press the button on the side of the scouter_

_Step 4: Read the number on the display. Then, announce it out loud._

"Sounds simple enough." Said Kyon.

"Now let's read your power level Kyon." Vegeta said as he followed the instructions. "… It's over… 9."

"Vegeta! What does the scouter guide say about power levels?" Said Nappa.

"Let me check…"

_ POWER LEVELS_

_Note: The scouter can only determine the person's CURRENT power level. For maximum efficiency please use it on someone who is in the middle of combat or is really pissed off._

_1-10: Power level for average humans._

_11-100: Usually the power level of dormant warrior types. Be cautious if the power level is closer to 100._

_101-1000: Power level for most non-saiyan warrior races._

_1001-4000: Power level for superior warrior races like saiyan. Some others like humanoid interfaces can get here quickly._

_'How do these people know about Nagato?' Kyon thought to himself as he kept reading._

_4001-9000: The power level for badass mo-foe's._

_9000+: Chuck Norris. Some crappy shonen anime protagonists make it to this level._

"You're current power level was 13 Kyon. That means that you're some sort of badass and we don't know it. Your up next Nappa!" He said as he looked at Nappa and pressed the button. "…11. That means Kyon here is more badass than you Nappa."

"What! But we are saiyans! Were the most badass mo-foe's in the universe!" Replied a frustrated Nappa.

"Yes but… Our power levels were reduced when we were thrown into this universe." Said a disappointed Vegeta.

Then, Haruhi walked in the classroom. Out of curiosity Vegeta aimed the scouter at her and pressed the button. "…86? She must be angry or something."

**AT THE TSURUYA MANTION…**

"Okays. We have to put a stop to the SOS Brigades reign of tyranny." Said Tsuruya in a cunning tone. "Lucky for us our family has a few friends in all sorts of places nyoro." She then took out a photo. The photo featured her with two women with light green hair whom looked like twins, one woman with orange hair and some bandages around her neck, A small girl about the age of twelve who had blonde hair, another girl who was about the same age who had blue hair and looked quite cute. There was also a young man in shorts and a sleeveless shirt who was carrying a bat. "These are old friends of mine nyoro!"

"Why do the green haired twins look familiar?" Said Kunikida who was keeping to himself all this time.

"I think I recognize them too… Wasn't one of the twins on that 'Japans most brutal home videos'? You know, the one with John Cena." Said Taniguchi.

"I like Triple H better myself." Said Kyoko as she showed everybody a DX T-shirt that she materialized out of nowhere.

"Where did that shirt come from nyoro?" Asked Tsuruya. "And whys does it look to big for you? Is that sweat?"

"It's my esper power." Said Kyoko proudly. "We don't get shiny red balls like Suzumiya's espers."

**MEANWHILE, BACKSTAGE AT A WWE LIVE EVENT…**

"Hey Hunter? What happened to that shirt you were wearing?" Said the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels.

"I don't know. It just vanished I guess." Said the confused King of Kings, Triple H.

"Are you sure a fan girl didn't steal it?" Asked Shawn.

"I don't really know what to believe anymore. Hell, one night when we were in Japan I could of sworn that my sledgehammer was being taken by a nameless eight year old girl with brown hair who was wearing a shirt saying 'Imoto' on it."

"The fact that you remember every detail about her makes you sound like a pedo you know?" Said Shawn.

"It doesn't matter. I guess we need to go do that plug now… What are we selling this time Shawn?" Asked Hunter.

"I think it's a movie called the disappearing of Huruhi or something like that." Replied Shawn in a confused voice.

"Whatever. Hey? Have you seen Hornswoggle?" He asked.

"Now that you mention it… I think we left him behind in Japan."

"Oh crap." Said Hunter.

**BACK AT THE TSURUYA MANTION…**

"I can basically materialize clothes out of nowhere. I can only get men's sizes for some reason though." Said Kyoko.

"It looks like data manipulation." Said Kuyoh. "It seems that the data is taken from somewhere else and teleported here."

"Ah. That makes sense. Sort of." Said the pig-tailed esper.

"I think I have a solution to Shion's rampage." Said Tsuruya. "She keeps ranting about this Satoshi guy. I have a picture of him too. And I gots a plan."

"Sounds interesting! What is it?" Asked Taniguchi.

"It's a secret nyoro! You's gotta wait till we get there to find out." Said the green haired typhoon. "Lets go nyoro!"

**AT THE ASAHINA RESIDENCE…**

"Heehaw… Sorry Mikuru, but I gots to do this." Said Tsuruya as she poked Mikuru with a syringe. "This'll keep her from waking up. Now what place is big enough where I can draw? Oh!" Tsuruya said as she started to remove Mikuru's pajamas…

**MEANWHILE, AT YUKI'S APARTMENT…**

"Wow! This game is hard Nagato!" Emiri said as she was getting her ass kicked by Yuki in a game of Modern Warfare 2.

"It is easy. You just need to learn the control mechanisms properly." Replied Yuki in her emotionless voice.

Then, demonic sounding bells interrupted their game as the lights went out for a minute. The Undertaker was standing in a corner in the room.

"H-hello boss." Stuttered Emiri.

"Yes?" Said Yuki.

"Kimidori. I have orders for you this time. You are to download information about drums and how to play them. You should be able to do this safely while I am around."

"Y-yes sir." Emiri said before closing her eyes and speaking at a speed not possible by a human. A few minutes later she stopped and opened her eyes. "Download complete."

"Very good then. I have looked into this issue further. It seems that as long as you are not manipulating your own data or that of another interface you should be fine. Otherwise I must come and handle security." Said the dead man. "And Nagato…" He paused. "Please watch out for assassination attempts on the brigade." He then made the lights go out and was gone.

"You know Nagato…" Emiri paused. "He's not a scary as I thought." She said with a slight blush.

**THE NEXT DAY…**

Mikuru woke up feeling extremely groggy. She examined her self and saw something was off…"W-why is there a portrait of a boy on my chest?" Sure enough, the image of a boy with short blonde hair was drawn on Mikuru's chest. Then she heard knocking on her bedroom door. "Eh? Who could that be?" She said. Then her door was broken open.

"My Satoshi senses are tingling!" Said a girl with green hair. Somewhere, Stan Lee face palmed.

"Eh? Who-who are you?" The timid Mikuru said to the crazy looking woman.

The woman looked at Mikuru's chest… "SATOSHI!!!!!!" She exclaimed as she pounced on the frightened girl.

"KYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Mikuru screamed in terror.

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

* * *

**And now we know where Imoto got the sledgehammer from.**

**Anyways, until next time...**

**(Tag Out)  
**


	10. Nagisa Stole the Suicidal Thing

**Here is the next episode. I have decided to drop honorifics. They annoy me a little.**

* * *

**AT THE SOS BRIGADE MEETING THAT DAY…**

"KYYYYYYOOOOOON!" Haruhi screamed in his ear. "Where's Mikuru?"

"I don't know." Kyon replied in an irritated voice. "Maybe she's absent."

"I know who to ask!" Said the brigade chief as she ran to the door. She speeded down the hallway a little and found her target. "DOOOOUUUJIIIIMAAAAA!" She shouted at the middle-aged employee.

"Whoa! What's gotten into you today?" Asked Dojima.

"Do you know where Mikuru is?"

"Actually I was about to drive to her house. The school didn't get a call or anything so they wanted me to go check it out."

"Hmm. Very well then. Can you take me with you?" She asked.

"Sure, why not? She's your club member and friend after all. Also… I've heard rumors… I'd rather not go there alone. Can you bring one of your friends with you?

"Sure. Let me go get him." She said as she walked back to the brigade's clubroom.

**MEANWHILE, NEAR THE DRAMA CLUB'S CLUBROOM…**

Nagisa Furukawa was walking from her clubroom. She had to get another chair because Ryou broke their last one on Sunohara's back. On her way there she saw a blue haired boy with headphones on. He wore an armband with the initials S.E.E.S. on his right arm. He wasn't looking, and they bumped into one another. "Ehh, sorry! Are you okay?" Asked the brown haired girl.

"I'm fine. Sorry about that." He said as he helped the girl up and went on his way. Nagisa noticed that he had dropped something. "Eh? W-what is this?" She said as she looked down the barrel at what appeared to be a gun. As she was looking at the gun she felt her hand slip and pull the trigger. "Per…so…na." She muttered as she pulled the trigger. She fell down to her knees and heard a voice inside her head.

"Thou art I. And I art thou. Dost thee know why I am speaking like this? Whatever. I am Dango the Dango. I exist inside the sea of your soul." Nagisa noticed an image of a large ball-like creature in front of her. It was light blue and had two thin black likes for eyes. "Oh! Your so cute!" She said to the image as she glomped it. "I art thou. Therefore I am cute." The large bean pastry said.

The boy was looking back and saw the girl and her pastry. "How did she summon her Persona during the daytime?" The boy said to himself. "I'd better go get Mitsuru…"

**AT MIKURU'S APARTMENT…**

Haruhi had dismissed the brigade, save for Kyon, and went with Dojima. They saw nothing in her living room or kitchen. They went to the door of her bedroom and Dojima knocked on the door. "Asahina. Are you in there?" He asked. After getting no reply for a minute he shouted. "Were coming in." And opened the door.

When they walked into the room they saw that her dresser was flipped over, the mirror in her room was busted, blankets and sheets were everywhere, a portrait of Luigi from Super Mario Brothers with the mouth cut out had a drop of spaghetti on it, and there was a body lying on the floor, unconscious. The body completely nude and had whip marks, burns caused by a taser, and was covered in some sort of fluid. Her hair was ruffled up quite a bit but they could tell it was the brigade's mascot Mikuru Asahina. "Mikuru? Mikuru? MIKUUUUURUUUUU!" Haruhi shouted while holding the fallen angel in her arms.

Kyon was infuriated. Who would've done such a thing to his precious angel? Once he found out he was going to beat the daylights out of them. Dojima was disturbed, wondering who would do this to a simple student. "Is she alive?" Dojima asked.

Haruhi checked her pulse. "Yeah. We need to get her to a hospital though!" She said as she wrapped the girl in one of her blankets. "Let's go!"

On their way to the hospital they noticed many things. One was that Haruhi wasn't as energetic as she normally would be, you could cut the tension with a knife. The other was Dojima's odd taste in music as he turned on his Radio with CD player the tension lifted. Why? Because they were listening to…

"I never knew you were in to Tohou, Dojima." Said Kyon trying to ease the stress of everybody in the car.

"I. Like Tohou music too." Said a faint voice in the car.

"Asahina?" Said Kyon and Dojima at the same time. "Mikuru? You need to rest Mikuru. We'll be at the hospital soon, so don't worry." Said Haruhi.

"C-can you turn that up?" Asked the drowsy girl.

"Sure." Said Dojima as he turned up the volume of 'Help Me Erin!'

**MEANWHILE, AT THE TSURUYA MANSION…**

Tsuruya sighed. She didn't want to do that to her old friend, but there was no other way in calming down her light green-haired friend. She had called all of her other friends over to discuss the defeat of the SOS Brigade. The light green-haired Sonozaki siblings, Shion and Mion were already there. The latter coming to the mansion to check on the status of the former. The next to arrive was the dweller of the scrap yard, Rena Ryugu. She remembered to bring her hatchet. The one to arrive after that was their baseball-loving friend, Keiichi Maebara. He also remembered to bring his weapon of choice, a baseball bat with the name 'Satoshi' written on it in kanji characters. The final people to show up were the infamous trap master, Satoko Houjo, and the shrine maiden Rika Furude, there was also an unfamiliar person following Rika inside, he had light green hair similar to the Sonozaki's and a noh mask that was kept on the side of his head. He was wearing a dark cloak and had a katana strapped to his waist.

"Heya Rika-Chama? Who's the guy? Is he your new groom to be nyoro?" Asked the ball of energy Tsuruya.

"I was in need of a bodyguard that wasn't a trademarked character." Said Rika in a dark sounding voice. "He looked creepy enough so I went with him. He also happens to know the name of one of our mortal enemies."

"Hello everybody. I am Hiruko. I come from a strange alternate world where everybody's gender is changed. Including you guys." The man introduced himself. Keiichi, Rena, Tsuruya, and Taniguchi started laughing. Fujiwara giggled a little, and Kuyoh broke down and smiled a little. Kyoko couldn't hear them because she was too busy playing 'Through the Fire and Flames' on Guitar Hero. Kunikida Looked offended for some reason.

"I'm serious guys!" Hiruko sighed. "Oh well… At least I'm not Koizumi." They then started plotting they're somewhat evil deeds against the SOS Brigade.

**AT THE HOSPITAL…**

Haruhi, Kyon, and Dojima were waiting in the lobby while someone passed by… "Hey Haruhi!" Announced Grimmjow as he was waving and approached the group. "What are you guy's doing here?"

"One of my friends was assaulted while she was in her apartment." Replied Haruhi in a somber tone. Then she perked up when she saw Grimmjow's arm. "How did you get your arm back Grimmjow?"

"Remember that smoking hot nurse I talked about? She has the ability to bend reality and crap. She just regenerated my arm like it was nothing! You're friend will be okay with her around." Said the espada sexta. "Who got hurt?"

Being a little relived that her precious mascot was in good hands she answered the blue-headed arrancar. "Do you remember the girl who stared in my movie? The one with huge breasts!"

"Oh. I liked that movie. I thought it was funny. Yeah, Mikuru was it? My nurse actually looked kind of like her." Grimmjow replied. "So. How are you doing onii-chan?" He said in a mocking tone while motioning to Kyon.

"Why are you calling me that? Not even my sister calls me that." Replied Kyon in an irritated tone.

"Well… If you're not her boyfriend then you must be her long lost brother right? Right?" Mocked Grimmjow.

"It's not like that." Kyon and Haruhi simultaneously stuttered out.

"Sure it is." Said a sarcastic Grimmjow. "I'm heading home now. Oh. And your father said he was going to go destroy Kyon's house because he heard that Haruhi was staying there. By the way. Good job on getting that Zanpakto Haruhi." He said as turned to the door. "You still need to work on it though. I didn't senesce your spiritual pressure until I was on the floor above this one. Call me sometime and I'll help you out."

"Thanks Grimmjow!" Beamed Haruhi.

"Hey Haruhi. Don't we need to go back to my place? I'm a little worried." Said the sandy haired cynic.

"Oh don't worry. My dad weakens when he's angry. Besides, I think Syaoran was holding back against me." Said the Brigade chief.

"What are you kids talking about?" Asked Dojima.

"Your better off not knowing Dojima." Kyon said sarcastically.

**MEANWHILE, AT THE LI RESIDENCE…**

"GRAN REY CERO!!!" Oruki exclaimed as he launched the energy blast at the Li Residence. It was deflected into the sky, however. Syaoran, the one who deflected said attack was bleeding. He had blood all over his left hand from trying to play Guitar Hero with some esper lady online. He looked bored for some reason. "Can I help you sir?"

"Yeah. You'd better tell me where my daughter's at right now, or I'll blast you to smithereens." Said Oruki in a menacing voice.

"I got a text message earlier saying that he had to go drop somebody off at the hospital…" He tried to continue but was interrupted. "THAT BASTARD KYON! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM FOR HURTING MY BABY GIRL!!! But first… I'm going to blow up his house!" He said as he drew his Zanpakto. "SPAM! FREEDOM!" He exclaimed as his sword started glowing around his right arm. When the glowing diapered his arm turned into some sort of cannon. "I'MA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!" He said as he charged his arm-cannon.

Deciding to take a page out of the book of his son he face palmed. Then He charged at the man with blinding speed and delivered a flying kick at Oruki. The kick sent him flying to the local Team Rocket office that was across the street from them.

Jesse and James were quite surprised when a man with an arm-cannon flew into their office. "Oh crap…" Oruki said. "I'MA FIRIN MAH LAZER!" His cannon unleashed his 'lazer'. His 'lazer' hit a generator in the corner causing a massive explosion big enough to send all of the people inside flying.

"TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!" Said the two rockets.

Syaoran went back to his house. He saw his daughter playing with the cat Shamisen, and his wife cooking smoked cheese for some reason. He decided to turn on the T.V.

…And in other news the new Prime Minister, Saber, who was elected after former prime minister Carlos Mencia was turned into a chibi and could no longer serve, had this to say. "It seems that every two seconds in this country a Prime Minister is turned into a chibi. Not anymore though. I swear that as Prime Minister I will declare this a country where all people, chibi or otherwise, have a fair shot at life." No one knows why Miss Saber made her acceptance speech in a maid outfit. Now, here's Sho Minamoto with the weather.

"Listen up you sons of digits! The numerical temperature will get up to the positive regions so you folks who aren't zetta slow in the cranium had better dress lightly. Otherwise it is almost as perfect as pi to do a school festival or an assassination attempt ya zetta morons!" Syaoran continued to watch the news. About thirty minutes later Kyon and Haruhi arrived.

"See? I told you we didn't need to worry about my dad." Declared the yellow-ribboned girl.

"Yare yare."

"Was that your father who tried to blast the house?" Asked Sakura who just came out of the kitchen.

"Yeah." Haruhi replied. "He did this to all of my old boyfriends in middle school. Except that idiot buddy of your's. I dealt with him personally."

"Huh? I thought you just dumped him." Said Kyon.

"Yeah. I did. Off a small cliff. Into the ocean." Said the Tsundre girl. "Whatever. We need to prepare for the school festival. Can either of your parents play instruments Kyon?"

"I dunno. Can you dad?" He asked Syaoran.

"Not really. I just fail at Guitar Hero. Sakura can though."

"Really?" Said Haruhi. "Hey Sakura! What kind of instrument can you play?"

"The double necked guitar." Replied Sakura with a soft grin. Kyon, Haruhi, Syaoran, and the reader all fell on their face. "What? Was it something I said?"

**MEANWHILE, AT S.E.E.S. HEADQUATERS…**

The blue haired boy, Minato walked up to the meeting room where he would meet with Mitsuru. He opened the door and saw something disturbing. Mitsuru in Sailor Moon cosplay doing the carmeldansen with Kira Yamato and a naked Don Vito. In the background there was the control panel being used as a drink coaster. There were also Naruto Yaoi doujinshis piled on top of an unconscious Cloud Strife. There was also a very drunk Mike Jones trying to rap to the catchy carmeldansen. He decided to go commit suicide because what was sawn could not be unseen. He went to the top of the building and jumped off because shooting himself was simply not an option.

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

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**Not much to say about this. Well until next time**

**(Tag Out)  
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	11. Koi no Brionic Densetsu

**This is the next episode. It has less crack and is a little more dark than normal. Prepare for insanity in the next one though.**

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After their lively discussion about double necked guitars and smoked cheese the Li family with Haruhi ate dinner and went to bed. Well… They would have if not for Haruhi's stubbornness. "Kyon! I am not sleeping on the couch again!" The girl screamed in his face.

"Well, you're not sleeping in my parents bed again either." Replied Kyon.

"Why the hell not?" Haruhi asked.

"Well you see… It's because they're already asleep in their bed. CLAMP characters need their twelve hours of sleep."

"Well then it's decided!" Haruhi said in a loud tone. "As Brigade Chief I order you to let me sleep in your room!" This sentence caused Kyon to blush a considerable amount. He stuttered a little but that only aggravated Haruhi more. "What kind of ideas are you having?" She asked him in an annoyed, yet somewhat flustered tone.

"Uh, nothing! I swear!" He lied. He was thinking but those thoughts scared him more than they turned him on. They still turned him on though; the blush on both of their faces was enough evidence.

"Wh-Whatever! You just sleep on the couch then!" The genki girl stuttered out as she stomped off to the chore boy's room. He sighed and decided to get comfortable on his couch. 'This is gonna be a long night.' He thought to himself as he turned on the TV. It was playing an advertisement for World Wrestling Entertainment saying that there was going to be a live event at the North High culture festival. "Figures." Kyon said to himself sarcastically. "I hope Haruhi doesn't get anymore funny i… Aw hell. She's going to anyway." He then started to doze off…

**MEANWHILE, AT THE DOOR TO THE TSURUYA MANSION…**

Mitsuru Kijiro sighed. She knew that this wasn't exactly the best group of people around, but she didn't have much of a choice. She wanted more screen time and knew she wasn't going to get it the easy way after Minato killed himself. She rang the doorbell. A few minutes later the door opened revealing three girls with green hair. "Wes had been expecting You's nyoro." Said Tsuruya as she gestured the red haired woman into her mansion. She noticed that there was a slightly evil yet easygoing at the same time, aura around everything.

"I have our new recruit nyoro!" She said as she grabbed Mitsuru's shoulders from behind and pushed her in view. Taniguchi started breathing heavily, Kunikida and Fujiwara nodded in approval, Kuyoh didn't respond at all, Kyoko and Hiruko were playing Street Fighter IV and didn't notice, Rika just smiled and said "Nipah~!" Rena grouped her and claimed that she was going to take her home. Shion was laughing… At some random sitcom playing. Mion, Keiichi, and Satoko were the only ones who were actually looking her over. "So… What do You's guys say? Is she megas awesome or what?"

"Hell Yeah!" Said Taniguchi as he was grinning.

"I have no objections." Said Fujiwara. "Me neither." Said Kunikida. Everyone else seemed to approve of their new recruit. Except for Kyoko and Hiruko, the former was too busy kicking the latter's ass with Ken.

"Then its decided nyoro! Welcome to the Ehh…" Tsuruya stuttered as she relised that her group had no name. "Why don't we just go by the RIP Cartel?" Fujiwara asked. "I mean, it's not like this is the only story that makes a reference to that fanfic."

"Sounds good nyoro! Welcome to the RIP Cartel Mitsuru!" She said as she put her new recruit in a headlock for no good reason. 'This is gonna be a long ten to twenty chapters' Mitsuru thought to herself as she was weakly struggling against the green haired heiress.

**INSIDE KYON'S HEAD…**

Kyon was opening his eyes… and he noticed that he found himself in the Velvet Room… Again. This time there were five other occupants besides himself. From his left to the right he noticed Naru, Tempra, Igor, The school human services department manager Karasuma, and the channel sixty-nine weatherman Sho Minamoto.

"Welcome to the Velvet Room, Kyon." Said Igor in his normally calm voice. "I'm sure that you've been acquainted with Miss Naru, and Miss Tempra." He motioned to the two women to his right. "And I'm sure you've heard of Karasuma, and Sho over here." He said as he motioned to the two on his left. "This time we are all here to warn you of something dire… Except Miss Naru. She just wanted to tell you something real quick. Go ahead Miss Naru."

"I'm sorry about my husband trying to blow up your house Kyon. I called him earlier and told him that you and Haruhi were okay. He calmed down a little and said something weird about CLAMP characters and then hung up." Naru said.

"It's okay Miss Naru." Kyon said. "Now what's going on?"

"It seems that the showdown's rules have changed significantly Kyon." Said Tempra. "For starters… There's more than one group opposing the SOS Brigade now. I found out about another one. One that just decided on their name about five minutes ago. They are the RIP Cartel."

"Really? I was going to warn him about another group Tempra." Said Karasuma. "This one different though. They, just like the first group that will oppose you, have no clue that you are enemies. They just simply go by the Theater Club and have fewer members than the rest of the groups at the moment. Their leader could possibly the most formidable out of al four though… She just doesn't know about it yet."

"Well unlike those two who have informed you in an addition of unfriendlys, I am here to add to the knowledge that will be useful soon." Said Sho. "Listen up ya son of a digit. There are a lot of zetta freakazoids honing into the school festival. You gotta forget about everything you know about anything! Otherwise your brainpower will go into the negative regions."

"Huh?" Kyon said, sounding even more confused than the fan base was after seeing that Emiri Kimidori got her own character CD despite her three minute appearance. "Can I get a translator?" He said sarcastically.

"No." Said Igor. "But you can have…this!" He said as he motioned Kyon back to the world of reality.

Kyon noticed that he wasn't in the living room, sleeping on the couch. He noticed that he was in his bed, wearing only boxers, and sleeping next to a certain brigade chief, who wasn't wearing much either. "Damn you Igor." He thought to himself. Then, his worst fears were relised. Well, besides being assaulted in the middle of the night by a chainsaw wielding Santa Claus. Because said brigade chief was opening her eyes…

First she opened her eyes a little. Then they widened when she saw who was in the bed next to her. Then she screeched. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" She threw him off of the bed and covering herself up with the blanket. "K-Kyon. Wh-What are y-you doing you…" She was about to finish but Kyon was running for the door. For some reason the door wouldn't budge. He knew damn well what was coming next "…PERVERT!!!!" She screamed as she charged at the sandy haired cynic. She grabbed him by the throat since there was no tie and threw him at the window. For some reason the window, which would've broken normally didn't even crack as Kyon was repelled back at the scantly clad girl. He landed on top of her with both of his hands pining her to the ground.

"F-fine. J-just make it quick." She stuttered with tears in her eyes.

"N-no. Haruhi it's not like that!" He said, as he hastily got off of the brigade chief. "The creepy old man who lives in my head put me here." Kyon said, still panicking. "I was even wearing more than just my boxers when I went to sleep. I swear!"

"F-fine. J-just get out of here so I can get dressed." She said as she motioned to the door. He tried to comply but the door still wouldn't budge. He also noticed that it wasn't locked. "Um Haruhi? My door wont budge."

"What are you talking about?" Haruhi said, her completion returning somewhat as she went to the door. She tried opening it too but it still wouldn't budge. "Wh-what's going on?" Her complexion left her again as she started to panic a little. "F-fine! Just look away while I get dressed." She looked around the ground where she left her clothes and saw nothing there. "What happened to my clothes?"

Kyon was looking in his closet and was just as shocked as Haruhi. "My clothes are gone too. All of them."

They both started to panic a little. Granted, Kyon couldn't help but be turned on a lot by this but he was a seventeen-year-old guy. Haruhi, on the other hand was getting desperate. "Wh-what are we going to do Kyon?"

Kyon was about to answer that but noticed something was off. For one, even though it is supposed to be morning there was only a pale blue light coming from the window. Also it started to get fairly cold for some reason. "I don't know. Why is it cold all of a sudden?" After he said that it started to get colder still. After a few minutes they were both shivering and they could see their breath. "Q-quick the blanket!" Kyon said with his teeth clattering. He went to the bed and noticed that the blanket was gone. Nowhere to be found. "F-fuck. What are we supposed to do now?" He said with his teeth still clattering.

"F-fine! I guess I have no choice." She stuttered out as she grabbed on to the cynic out of nowhere. "Eh?" Kyon stuttered out. "Oh I get it. Sharing our body warmth right?" He said as he noticed that he warmed up a little.

**MEANWHILE, AT THE DOOR OUTSIDE KYON'S ROOM…**

"Urk." Syaoran grunted out after trying to kick his sons door open. "It just bounced off. Hey Sakura, can you do anything about this?" He asked.

"Not alone, I can't." Then she heard music by Drowning Pool playing downstairs. "Can you go answer Kyon's phone? I'll try to think of something."

"Okay." He said and went down the stairs. When he got to the living room he saw his daughter digging around the stuff that Kyon was forced to leave behind before he got in his position. She brought the phone to her father. "I'm going to go play with my sledgehammer now!" She said as she ran off. Syaoran decided to answer the phone.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Who is this?" He heard a feminine voice that was devoid of emotion from the other line.

"It's Syaoran, Kyon's father." He answered.

"I see. An emergency has come up. Requesting permission to warp to your location." She asked him.

"Huh? What do you mean by that?" He said sounding confused.

"Accept or Deny." She answered.

He let a sigh after hearing that. "Fine… Accept. But why ar…" He was going to finish but was interrupted by the sudden appearance of two girls in high school uniforms. "What the…" Demonic sounding bells and the lights going out for a minute then cut him off. Then a third figure appeared, this one much scarier looking. "Wh-what's going on?" He stuttered.

"We have come to solve your problem." Said The Undertaker in a demonic sounding voice. "Show us to your sons room."

"O-okay." He stuttered out in fear as he led the demonic figure and the two girls up the stairs. When they got there they saw something weird. Sakura dressed in what looked similar to Mikuru's combat waitress uniform with an odd looking staff in one hand and a card in the other. "Is that a Yu-Gi-Oh! card?" He asked.

"Yeah. I figured it could work." She then got a look at the three figures behind her husband. "Are they aliens?" She asked.

"That is one way we can be designated." Said Yuki who stepped from behind the two. She then examined the barrier. She launched a kick at the door but it didn't even seem to make an impact. "It seems that no form of physical attack can work on this barrier. However if I were to combine my data manipulation with her magic than it is possible that the barrier will break." She paused for a minute. "There is a high possibility that something has happened inside the barrier. We must hurry." She then motioned to Sakura. "Please proceed."

Sakura then lifted the card up above her head and let go of it, the card floating mid-air. "Release!" She raised her staff and the card started to glow. Then the glow grew in size and brightness until it was blinding. Then a large blue creature that looked like a Chinese style dragon with icicles around its body. "I am Brionic, Dragon of the Ice Barrier." He said in a strong sounding tone. "So… What's up?" He said still in that tone.

"It is requested that you use your attack on the barrier. I will manipulate your attack data so it will lift the barrier."

"Huh? Can you speak English? Or Japanese? Or whatever language we're supposed to be speaking?" Asked the ice dragon.

"Just do it." Said Syaoran, Emiri, and the Undertaker at the same time. All except Emiri sounding irritated.

"Fine. Fine I gotcha." He then started to take in a deep breath as Yuki was speaking at inhuman speeds. He let out a roar that was so loud even the three aliens in the room covered their ears. Not to mention that thanks to Yuki's data manipulation, the roar sounded like it came from a Vocaloid. A DRAGON VOCALOID!!! After a few minutes Syaoran had recovered enough to try opening the door, Brionic was lurking right behind him for some reason.

He turned the doorknob and opened the door. He saw the two inside, cuddling each other for warmth. "Eh? Sorry! Don't mind me!" He slammed the door and walked off. Brionic was still at the door.

"Hey I think we can get out of this godforsaken room now!" Haruhi yelled as she let go of Kyon and went to the door. She opened it and saw a large Ice Dragon staring at her. "Hello." The dragon said to her.

"……………Hi" She said awkwardly as she looked at the large dragon. She then slammed the door shut. "Kyon! There's a dragon blocking our path! As Brigade Chief I order you to vanquish the dragon!" She said looking even sillier because she was only clad in bra and panties.

"Ehh. Okay." Said Kyon as he walked up to the door. He opened it and saw that Brionic was still there. "You're not going to slam the door on my face like that girl did are you?" The dragon asked.

"No. You're not going to eat us are you?" He asked the dragon.

"Nah. By the way, am I interrupting your good time with your girl over there?" Brionic asked in a sarcastic tone.

"Nope. Can we get out now?" He asked.

"Sure… You just have to answer my riddle!" The dragon chuckled. "Nah. You don't have to answer a riddle. Just be sure to be nicer to people addicted to math. Oh, and could you find your mom's Clow Cards? I'm tired of being called for menial tasks like breaking down barriers, or fending off yanderes." He said as he vanished.

"Hey Haruhi. The dragon's vanquished. You can come out now." He said sarcastically.

"Yeah right. I saw you talking to that dragon like you were aquatinces." They both walked out. They saw that Syaoran and Sakura were standing to the side, blushing. Yuki stood there, looking like it was natural, and The Undertaker gave his 'Your bullshit does not amuse me' look. And Emiri had a faint blush as she also stood to the side. It-it's not what it looks like! I swear!" Haruhi said with a fairly red glow on her face.

"He was transported to the room last night wearing nothing but boxers. Then all articles of clothing besides the one you were wearing were confiscated. Then a barrier was created to seal the both of you inside." The Deadman spoke up. "Finally the barrier had a side effect, reducing the tempeture in the room to freezing numbers."

"I see. Who did this?" Asked Syaoran.

"It is a mystery. However the person who transported the boy and the one who did the rest are two different culprits." The Undertaker said. "It seems that the latter's intention was to lock her in alone and kill her via frostbite. If it weren't for the actions of the former than we wouldn't be here in time and she would've died already." Haruhi looked very frightened after hearing this. Especially from someone like The Undertaker.

"You'll have to borrow some of our clothes while we try to find the stuff you packed." Emiri spoke up. She then spoke in that inhumanly fast speed and tone until Haruhi found herself wearing the school uniform. "I modified it so it would fit you."

Kyon then went to the living room to retrieve his stuff and got dressed in the bathroom because his room seemed like a bad place to be. After getting dressed he went to the living room where everybody was.

"You still need additional members for your band Miss Suzumiya?" Emiri asked.

"Yeah." She replied in a somber tone. She was still recovering from that ordeal after all.

"I can play drums. Perhaps I may join?" The shy looking girl asked.

Haruhi's mood brightened up a little. "Sure! I think we have a full band now!" She said as she grabbed her Zanpakto from the corner. "I'm not going anywhere without this guy anymore!"

"Yeah. You know you need me baby." Said Atomsk in Haruhi's head.

"I must go now." The Undertaker said as the bells sounded again and he vanished.

"Kyon! Let's find the bastard who almost got us killed and send him straight to hell!" She exclaimed as she pointed ahead.

"Right." He said.

**MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE…**

"What kind of bastard tries such an underhanded trick!" Yelled a blue haired man in frustration. "When I confront someone, I do it face to face like a real man!"

"Do you have any ideas bro?" Asked a smaller blue haired boy.

"I dunno. Ryoko! You got any ideas?" He asked the blue haired girl standing next to him.

"I can't think of anybody. Perhaps now would be a good time to go there ourselves?" She replied.

"Sounds like a plan to me. Now. To go to North High and let the presence of the mighty Kamina and his Gurren Brigade be known!"

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

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**Until next time**

**(Tag Out)**


	12. North High is really Impel Down?

**This is the next chapter. Be sure to read the collab project between me, Superstarultra, and my beta BKE called "The CRACK Brigade"! It is epic!  
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**MENAWHILE, AT ESPER HEADQUARTERS…**

Light Yagami had called most of the espers over for a meeting. He sat with Sonou Mori, Arakawa, and…

"Why do we have to be so mysterious Light?" Said John Cena, who had recovered from Shion's rampage video.

"Because it makes us look badass!" Replied the brown haired mastermind.

"It makes YOU look badass. It makes the rest of us look silly! Aren't I right Mori?" Mori nodded in agreement of the athlete.

"Regardless, we have a problem. It seems that our agent, Itsuki Koizumi can't speak for more than two seconds without being assaulted by someone fearing a philosophy speech. Also there's someone trying to kill Haruhi but that doesn't matter." Light said brushing the latter as something that would just take care of itself.

"I have a report guys." Said Itsuki whom just appeared on the organization's holo-vid.

"SHUT UP DUMBASS!!!" Light said as he threw his shoe at the holographic image of the esper youth.

"As I was saying…" Itsuki let out a sigh as he continued. "It seems that some sort of high level being has tried to kill Miss Suzumiya. However their efforts were stopped because of another high level being of sorts. It seems that someone wants to break the rules due to the fact that they are too lazy to fight for the prize. It is my intention to find out who is behind this. Is there any information pertaining to high level figures in our database?"

"I swear. That's the most dialogue you'll be able to use before being interrupted in this story. I almost fell asleep while listening to that!" Said the frustrated Light. "We don't have anybody high enough level to collect that info. Our best computer is an extremely terrible Mac from 2001 due to budget cuts. By the way, Mori? Why do we have budget cuts?"

"It's because we randomly buy mansions in deserted islands or snow mountains. The fact that you spend one million dollars on potato chips a week doesn't help either. Seriously? How are you not overweight?" Said the maid Mori.

"Because I have liposuction on a daily basis to keep my bishounen looks." Replied Light.

"Okay." Mori replied in a sarcastic tone. Itsuki had hung up from the holo phone/vid after hearing that.

**A FEW DAYS LATER, ON THE MORNING OF THE FIRST DAY OF THE FESTIVAL, AT THE LI RESIDENSE…**

"Hey Kyon!" Haruhi shouted at Kyon during breakfast.

"What?" Replied Kyon.

"Did you know that the school festival has been made a week long due to the extremely large amount of events going on?" Asked the energetic girl.

"Yeah. They were telling everybody this at school. Why bring it up now?" Asked the Cynic.

"I dunno. I was just bored. Anyway we play on the last day. Until then we can search for who did that to us."

After finishing breakfast they gathered their stuff and made their way up the hill of doom. On their way up they saw military from Japan and America. There was a large amount of choppers and Tanks along with random G.I. Joe assault vehicles, ALAWS mobile suits, KOS-MOS from Xenosaga, the Aqua Teen Hunger Force, the Black Knight's Knightmare frames, Optomus Prime and the Autobots, and a bunch of random foot solders practicing the Hare Hare Yukai in groups of five. Haruhi had contemplated attacking part of the military because they stole her dance, but decided against it in favor of getting her bankai or some other sort of high-level attack before taking her revenge on the citizens of Japan, and America. Kyon, on the other hand decided to ask a question pertaining to the high level of military being near a school festival. He stopped by and saw someone who looked high ranked.

"Hey you. What's going on?" He asked a man who had strange hair and wore a blue shirt. He had what appeared to be a yellow towel in one hand, and some sort of kitchen chopping device in the other.

"Hey! It's general Fitz. What can I do for you and your lovely lady friend today?" He motioned to Haruhi as he said this.

Kyon decided not to deny anything in favor of actually asking questions. "Like I said. Why is there so much military activity going around?"

"It's because of a large amount of information links, warnings, and the Japanese Prime minister Saber beating Barack Obama in a game of Monopoly with weird stipulations. Anyhow Miss?" He motioned to Haruhi again. "Why don't you ditch this zero and come for a towel salesman such as myself. Trust me. You're gonna love my nuts!" He said as he held up the chopping device. A few seconds later he found himself on the ground applying cold water to his towel so he could put it on his black eye. "Why do I end up saying wow every time?" He sighed and wandered back to his post.

Meanwhile, Kyon and Haruhi went through a few security checkpoints. After a few hours they finally made it to school. They somehow made their way to the SOS Brigade clubroom after wading through all of the random turbo dueling, DDR, ITG, cabbage eating, alcohol consuming, random encounters, giant swords, various TV tropes, 4chan, you tube videos, guys with Blackwing fetishes who's names rhyme with 'Shavid Shly', and Naruto fan booths. Then as Haruhi opened the door they saw a figure dressed in azure armor that was wielding a large sword with an eyeball on it.

"The time is right. You shall become part of me. You are my first sacrifice!" The figure turned around and Haruhi got a good look at the figure's face. She had long blue hair and green eyes. She wore a cat like smile on her face. "I am Konani…Wait. You're not Kagami. Never mind. The girl sat back down and started playing on her DS.

"Who are you?" Asked a somewhat perplexed Haruhi as her and Kyon walked into the room.

"Oh. I'm Konota Izumi, or right at the moment…Konanightmare!" She said as she rose from her seat and raised her sword.

"Ah. I've heard of you from my dad. So you're espada number two I take it?"

"Exactly! So that makes you his daughter, the infamous Haruhi Suzumiya! Right?" Asked the bluenette.

"That's right. What's up?" Asked the yellow-ribboned Brigade chief.

"Ah. I'm just trying to scare the crap out of Kagamin, that's all." Replied Konota.

"There you are!" Exclaimed a girl with purple pigtails. She was wearing gleaming white plate armor and carrying a large blue sword. "Tell me how to get out of this armor already!" She demanded.

"Now, now Kagfried. You must defeat me…In Mortal Kombat!" Answered the blue-haired otaku.

"Isn't this Soul Caliber though?" Asked a somewhat confused Kyon.

"It can be Mortal Kombat too." Replied Konota.

"Whatever." Kyon face palmed. "When are Nagato, Asahina, and Koizumi showing up?"

"Not long… I hope." Sighed the brigade leader as she watched Kagami yell at Konota.

**MEANWHILE, AT THE DRAMA CLUB…**

Nagisa Furukawa was trying out different kinds of weapons for a play. She found an old box that was full of odds and ends. She was currently trying on a very nasty looking gauntlet that covered her right arm up to the elbow. The gauntlet had painful looking spikes on the knuckles and around the sides. "Tomoya? How does this look on me?" She asked while doing a somewhat silly pose.

"That looks ridiculous on you, Nagisa." Said a man with blue hair, Tomoya Okazaki.

"Oh… What about you Tomoyo?" She asked a woman who was sitting in the corner of the room. She had long silver hair and piercing blue eyes.

"I must admit, you do not look like a warrior type Furukawa." Tomoyo replied in a mature sounding tone.

"You look silly." Said a woman with long light purple hair, Ryou Fujibayashi.

"I think you look kind of fierce." Said another woman with shorter light purple hair, Kyou Fujibayashi.

"It looks… Nice?" Said a blue haired woman who was sitting close to the front, Kotomi Ichinose.

"Fuko likes it!" Said a girl with brownish hair who was holding some sort of wooden star, Fuko Ibuki.

Then suddenly the door was kicked open. A man with blue spiky hair, who was not wearing a shirt, came running in with a drawn katana. Following him was a smaller boy with darker blue hair and a blue vest, a woman with long blue hair and an eye patch over her right eye, who was wearing a heavy white cloak, and a black man with somewhat puffy hair and a black and green jumpsuit. "I've found you, Tsuruya!" The first man exclaimed as he pointed his katana at Nagisa who flinched a little. "Damn. I didn't know you were so…" He would've continued that sentence but was cut off by a right jab from Tomoya.

After getting back up from the jab the man took a step back and took a pose. "Listen you! We've come to put an end of the tyrannical ways of the RIP Cartel! I am the mighty Kamina!" Nagisa stopped paying attention to the man as she heard a voice in her head.

"Nagisa… He will not listen… Summon me…" Said the voice of her persona, Dango.

"B-but I don't wanna hurt him… And wouldn't it scare everybody if I summoned you?"

"Do not worry. You're friends do not stand a chance against this man or his allies. Except maybe that Tomoyo girl, but still. Please give it a try."

"O-okay." She said as she pulled something from one of her skirt pockets. The occupants in the room were shocked when the small girl pulled out a gun. They were even more shocked by the fact that she was aiming it at her own head. "P-Persona." She stuttered out and pulled the trigger.

Then after being knocked back a ways she started glowing with a white light. Then the manifestation of a certain blue bean pastry came forth. However the Dango started to glow with a red light. Then something emerged from the Dango. An extremely large man with a body chiseled out of stone came forth. He had dark skin with white hair pulled back and a small white goatee. He was wearing white trousers and had a large gold belt around his waist. He swung a humongous fist at Kamina who dodged it. The fist made impact on the ground, which created a large hole where Kamina was standing. Then Tomoyo saw an opening. She made her way to where Kamina was standing and struck the man in the chest with a kick. The kick sent him flying out of the door. The smaller boy, the woman, and the other man made there way out of the room. The large man punched a large hole in the wall and tried to pursue but then Nagisa started to shake her head. The man reverted to being a bean pastry and disappeared.

"Oh my." Said the perplexed Nagisa. Needless to say, everyone in the room except for Tomoyo was paralyzed with fear. Then she fell unconscious.

**BACK AT THE SOS BRIGADE CLUBROOM…**

The other members of the brigade had arrived. Yuki came in first, wearing her witch outfit for some reason. Coming in from behind her was Balsa, then after her, Lelouch. Itsuki and Mikuru walked in together because the latter had given a ride to the former.

"Okay! We shall split into teams and find this person, however this is a festival. You may enjoy yourself however you wish. Just don't get separated from your partner, okay?"

Haruhi gave the brigade their briefing and reached for the toothpicks, with two added to accommodate their new members. Haruhi seemed annoyed when she was paired up in the one, three man team, with Itsuki and Mikuru. Yuki and Lelouch ended up paired up, much to their own convenience. Which left Kyon being paired up with Balsa.

Haruhi decided to have each team split up and start at a different area. She then ordered everybody to "Return to the clubroom if you sense danger."

**BACK WITH THE GURREN BRIGADE…**

Kamina was fairly frustrated at the moment. First, they think they found Tsuruya, but it turned out to be someone else… Someone else who was incredibly powerful. Second he was dragged away from said people by his little brother, Simon. However things started to look brighter when they found one of their comrades.

"Hey Konota! Did you find anything?" Kamina asked the otaku.

"I found out where one of the enemies hides out. It wasn't Tsuruya's hideout though. What about you?" She replied.

"I think we found another one of the enemy teams. They're more powerful than we thought. There's no way we'll lose to any of 'em though!" Kamina said with rising confidence.

"I guess we know the identities of our enemies now." Said Ryoko who was coming up from behind. "We're not ready to fight them though."

"What're ya talking about Ryoko!" Kamina started to raise his voice. "We are the mighty Gurren Brigade! We back down from no challenge!"

"We aren't being challenged though." Replied Ryoko in a calm voice. "Besides, we need to plan our attack. You saw what that seemingly harmless girl could do. And her friend was almost as bad. Not to mention that we don't even know how bad the rest of them are! Fighting is only part of the battle, Kamina. Strategy, planning, and information are crucial too."

"Fine… We'll split up and see what we can find." Kamina ordered. Then he had Konata and the man in the jumpsuit go as a team, himself and Simon go as one, and Ryoko go off on her own.

Kamina and Simon made their was through crowds and saw a majority of things. There were people dressed in all sorts of outfits. There where tayoyaki stands ran by DDR characters, burger stands ran by Vulcan's, and a strange looking stand called 'Death to the Doctor' which was run by a few things that looked like salt shakers with toilet plungers. Looking over the descriptions he got from Ryoko, he saw the one that piqued the most interest. Then he took a look in the crowd outside the school and saw someone who looked like her. A man with a plastic looking smile and a girl with an angelic looking face accompanied her. He then knew imideitly who it was and could not resist his urge. He drew his katana blade and charged through the crowd with Simon trying to keep up. He found an old car that was close enough to his target to meet his purposes. He then charged towards it and leapt on the hood of the car, pointing his sword at his target.

"There you are! Listen up good because I'm only going to say this once! Long departed from his home, he valiantly searches out new land and brings more souls together for his cause! He fights, day in and day out, knowing his one true purpose! To win this war and the spoils that comes with it! I am that man! The mighty Kamina! Now. So-called leader of the so-called SOS Brigade. Get ready!" He was cut off.

"Are you the one who tried to kill me earlier this week?" The brigade chief responded as she drew Atomsk, and pointed it at the man.

"Hell no! I only fight face-to-face, one-on-one! Now. Get ready to face the wrath of the leader of the Gurren Brigade!" He replied

"A rival brigade huh? I show no mercy to my rivals!" She said as she charged at the man.

He got off of the car and charged at her. Their blades met with an unearthly clang, like there were more than just two humans fighting each other. "So. You're the mighty Atomsk, the Pirate King I presume?" Said a voice that both the combatants heard in their head.

"And what's it to you?" Replied Atomsk in an annoyed tone.

"Nothing. You're just in my way, that's all. Kamina! Release me!" The sword beckoned at its master.

"This guy is pissing me off Haruhi! Release me too!" Atomsk demanded.

Then they both took a few steps away from each other.

"Alright. It's time to go wild!" Kamina beamed.

"Fine then." Haruhi said.

Kamina then took his sword and raised it above his head. "Reign! Arioch!" He exclaimed as the sword started to glow green. The green glow then created a vortex above the sword. When it dissipated, the sword was now a huge, two handed blade which was pitch black.

"Scream! Atomsk!" Haruhi exclaimed as she released her blade. After that they charged at each other with but one thing on their mind… "Damn. I left the oven on."

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

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**Until next time**

**(Tag out)**


	13. New World's Fool

**Here is the next chapter, beta'd by Superstarultra.**

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MEANWHILE, WITH KYON AND BALSA...

The Cynic and the Spear Wielder were having lunch at a strange little shop ran by things that looked like salt and pepper shakers, when they started to hear a commotion outside. It sounded like a chaotic symphony between a guitar clashing with something, and the battle cry of many warriors.

"What's going on?" Asked Balsa. "Is that Haruhi?"

"It sounds like it... And she sounds outnumbered. Plus Miss Asahina is there too. I'm worried about her." Kyon replied.

"We have best get over there then. There's no telling exactly what's going on."

Kyon nodded and requested his check. One of the salt-shakers-with-plungers replied, "Exterminate?" Kyon just left some money on the table and headed out with Balsa.

As the two made their way through the crowd, they saw strange creatures, that looked like humanoid animals with futuristic armor on. They were keeping the crowd in line. After they finally made their way through the crowd, they saw an impressive sight. They saw Haruhi clashing with Kamina. Every time she struck something with her guitar, a loud noise played, almost rhythmically. Every time he swung his huge black sword, the screams of lost souls could be heard. They were not of anguish, rather, they were like a war cry, like they were cheering on their wielder. Despite this, they parried each others swings, and neither one of them could land a clean hit

After a few minutes of fighting, however, two figures came out of the crowd. One was dressed in North High's men's uniform with a blue, police-esque hat. That figure had a slim build, and blue hair. The other was wielding a trident, and could be recognized as Karasuma, the human resources manager. The one with the police hat stood by Kamina and aimed a gun at his head. Karasuma, on the other hand pointed his trident fairly close to Haruhi's neck.

"Stop this already! You're ruining lunch for everybody." Said a huge man with long, spiky, blue hair, and a creepy smile. "My names Toriko. The author refused to appear in another chapter. So I'm in control around here for the time being. It's not that I have a problem with you two fighting, it's just that it's lunch time! And all of the people here had their lunch disturbed by your loud weapons. You can fight later."

"Please co-operate with us sir." Said the slim figure standing next to Kamina. The person had a strange tone of voice for a man.

"We don't want to hurt you." Said Karasuma as he lowered his trident a little.

"Whatever. Koizumi! Mikuru! Were leaving." Haruhi said as she put up her Zanpakto. "I have more important things to take care of anyway. I know you're not the one who tried to kill me like that. Nobody who fights like that would resort to such dirty tactics."

"I'm not a fan of that bastard either." Kamina said as he put up his sword. "I don't know if she's the one you're looking for, but there's an innocent looking girl with brown hair who wields a terrible power. She shot herself in the head, but then something strange happened. Maybe she's the one your looking for." He then turned away and started to leave. As he was leaving he turned around. "We'll settle this one day though!"

"Damn straight!" She replied and turned the other way.

As she started walking she saw Kyon and Balsa. "Did you come here to investigate the noise?" She asked.

"Surprisingly, yes. We were worried about you." Kyon replied.

"Kyon, you idiot! You don't have to worry about me! I'm fine. We should look together from here on out though. If what he says is true, we have one hell of a fight on our hands."

"Well then, shall we get going?" Itsuki said. Surprisingly, he wasn't interrupted.

"May I interlude?" Approached the figure whom was standing by Kamina. "I have been investigating various things at this school. You mentioned that you were nearly killed. Do you know anything about the one who attempted this?"

"No. They attempted to kill us by freezing us with a barrier of some sort. We're looking for the culprit right now." Haruhi replied.

"I see. May I accompany you? If we work together, then surely we can find out the culprit."

"Sure. Just one question..." Haruhi said.

"Hmm?"

"Are you a woman?" She asked.

The person smirked. "Hmm. I see you've figured it out. Yes. I originally dressed this way to try to gain respect amongst my fellow detectives, but now I dress like this because I like the clothes, and I'm used to them. I have yet to introduce myself, haven't I? My name is Naoto Shirogane."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Naoto!" Haruhi beamed out. "I'm the Brigade chief of the SOS Brigade, Haruhi Suzumiya."

"I'm Itsuki Koi..." He tried to finish his sentence but was interrupted by Haruhi bringing a sock out of nowhere and stuffing it down the esper youth's mouth.

The rest of the brigade introduced themselves to the blue-headed detective and started searching.

MEANWHILE, AT THE TSURUYA MANSION...

"NYHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!! Those Gurren Brigade idiots never thought of us not going to the festival nyoro!" Tsuruya laughed as she was watching video footage of the festival being captured in live time by various bugs the green haired heiress placed beforehand.

"You're starting to sound like one of us more and more Tsuruya." Fujiwara commented as he was digging his hands into a bag of twilight potato chips. "That guy on the other hand is nothing like us." He said as he pointed at Taniguchi, who was hitting on Mitsuru.

Mitsuru, on the other hand, was dared earlier that day to listen to the silver haired playboy's poor womanizing techniques by Kyoko. Tsuruya overheard this, and decided to turn it into an order.

"Do you know why the chicken crossed the road? Because he saw you on the other side." Taniguchi said in a confident tone. Mitsuru mentally face palmed at the boy's silly joke.

Then Kyoko started to groan. "I'm bored. We should've gone, we would've had more screen time. Plus, I'm tired of kicking everybody's ass at the games you have, Tsuruya."

Kuyoh was writing a Naruto yaoi fanfic by orders of the fanged heiress. Kunikida volunteered to beta read it, and looked like he was anticipating it.

The Higurashi cast was in the middle of playing 'Strip Monopoly' with Keiichi on the losing end, much to the pleasure of the girls in the room. Except for Shion, who was trying to charge her taser with Kyoko's Nintendo DS.

Then, the door bell rang. "That must be the pizza nyoro! I'll get it." Tsuruya dashed to the door and opened it. Sure enough, a green haired pizza hut employee was standing before her with about five boxes of pizza. "That'll be fifty American dollars Miss Tsuruya." C.C. Said

"Here ya go nyoro!" She handed the green haired woman a golden statue of Shamisen and started looking through the boxes. While she wasn't looking, C.C. Opened the door a little wider so Emiri, who was sneaking behind her could infultrate the mansion. "Yes! My smoked cheese pizza nyoro!" She then dashed inside and slammed the door in C.C.'s face.

The mysterious pizza delivery girl sighed and stepped away from the mansion. "Lelouch? Can you hear me?" She spoke into some sort of device she had on her collar.

"Yes. I can hear you, C.C.. Has the girl infiltrated successfully?" Lelouch asked from a speaker in C.C.'s left ear.

"Of course. She had no problems getting in on our end. What about you?"

"I asked Yuki to alert me of the presence of any enemy's. So far, we are in the only safe place in the entire area."

"And where might that be, Lelouch?" C.C. Asked coyly.

"In the clubroom of the computer research society. The guy's here aren't very dangerous. Also Yuki wanted to mess around on their computers. Apparently, she's helped them out quite a bit." Lelouch replied.

"You aren't going to abandon the plan, are you?" C.C. Asked.

"I still need Emiri Kimidori and the other IDTE interfaces on our side for the moment. When the time is right, they wont be able do do anything against us." He replied.

"Very well then." C.C. Sighed. Just don't die. We still have a contract, remember?"

"I remember." Lelouch replied.

"Good. I have to go deliver more pizza because I'm the only pizza hut employee in this story." C.C. Then went to her car and took off.

MEANWHILE, WITH VEGETA AND NAPPA...

The two Sayain's were looking for something to do when they saw a huge hole in the wall of the drama club. "Hey Vegeta? Vegeta? Can we go to the drama club? Can we? Can we?" Nappa pleaded.

"Fine. We'll go to the art club Nappa." Vegeta replied in an annoyed tone.

"Yay!" He said and started charging towards the huge gaping hole. Then when Vegeta caught up with Nappa, he saw the members of the drama club, looking at what appeared to be prop weapons. "Look Vegeta! Locals!" He said as he pointed to the members of the drama club.

"Can we help you?" Ryou said as she held what appeared to be a two handed battle axe.

"Look! Vegeta! Vegeta! It's another Pokemon!" Nappa said while ignoring Ryou and pointing at one of Fuko's wooden starfish. "Can I catch it?"

"No." Vegeta replied.

"Aw, come on!" As he said this Fuko stood up.

"Are you picking a fight with Fuko!" The starfish loving girl held up her starfish. The reply she got was a master ball tossed at her wooden starfish.

"Oh no! That was my only master ball. Why didn't it work?" Nappa asked.

"Because that only works on Pokemon you idiot! It doesn't work on wooden starfish or lolis." Vegeta replied with a stern voice.

Then Fuko got tired of the sayain's bullshit and decided to do something about it. She started to glow red, as if she was on fire. Then, the glow flashed brightly, and the ground that she was standing on looked like it was on fire. When the glow died down, she was wearing a black hoodie/coat. She then held two starfish in her hand and they appeared to be on fire. She threw both of the wooden starfish at Nappa who, was knocked back upon impact. He was also on fire. While he was putting himself out outside the clubroom, Fuko stood and exclaimed, "The Name's Fuko! Got it memorized?"

Meanwhile, Vegeta was chatting with Tomoyo. "I'm sorry about Nappa. He can be extremely dumb most of the time."

"Oh don't worry. I know someone who's the same way. His name was Youhei Sunohara. He was a pure idiot. I wonder what happened to him..." Tomoyo replied.

MEANWHILE, AT THE BUSH RESIDENCE IN TEXAS...

"I wonder if the American public ever found out that they're former president was as good looking as me!" Sunohara said as he was taking off a gray wig and makeup that made him look old.

Then suddenly, Kanye West and Taylor Swift crashed into the residence. They were wearing chessey skin-tight spandex tights. "I knew it! President Bush was really an extremely idiotic anime character in disguise!" Exclaimed Kanye as he pointed his finger at Sunohara.

"What's going on? And why are you two working together?" The blonde boy asked.

"Because I was bored and Kanye here owed me." Taylor Swift replied. "Now, prepare to be vanquished by our awesomeness!"

"But your not that awesome." Sunohara replied. He then found himself getting kicked in the face by the country singer. Screams of terror could be heard form the Bush...I mean Sunohara residence.

BACK WITH VEGETA AND THE DRAMA CLUB...

"Okay. I'll make sure to keep him locked up." Vegeta said as he carried a small pet taxi with Nappa inside.

Most of the rest of the day was uneventful for the Sayain prince. Occasionally, he had a random battle with some guy bored out of his skull. Right before he left the festival for the day, he bumped into Haruhi and the brigade.

"Vegeta! Look! It's the Pokemon from a few months ago!" Nappa exclaimed from the pet taxi.

"Why do you have him in a pet taxi, Vegeta?" Kyon asked.

"Because he bugged the crap out of the drama club. He's lucky to even be alive." The Sayain prince replied.

"I could use another slave..." Haruhi muttered. "How much do you want for him?"

"But I'm not for sale!" Nappa said through the pet taxi.

"He's right. I wont sell him to you...Take him for free." Vegeta said as he handed the pet taxi to the yellow-ribboned tsundre.

"Thatnks! I promise I wont kill him...For now." Haruhi beamed out.

"No. Thank You. I can sleep at night now!" Vegeta exclaimed as he flew off.

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

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**I think I need to mention that there are a few shout outs to certian authors in this story. I'll let you find those out on your own. Or you can PM me if your too lazy**

**Until Next Time**

**(Tag Out)  
**


	14. SUI: Summoning Under The Influence

**Here is the next chapter. I'm sorry it's a little late. Again, thanks to Superstarultra for being my beta. **

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Kyon and Haruhi made their way home with Nappa in the pet taxi. Kyon was tasked with carrying the man, which proved to be an arduous process. Despite his new-found strength, he was having back-pain from carrying the huge man in the pet taxi.

"Are we there yet?" Nappa asked in an annoyed tone.

"No." Kyon replied flatly.

"Are we there yet?" Nappa said again.

"No." Haruhi replied, sounding just as annoyed. The process of 'Are we there yet?' and 'No' went on for a while, until Haruhi snapped and fired a cero at the cage, causing it to fly out into the distance.

"Wasn't that a bit much, Haruhi?" Kyon asked, rubbing on his back to relive some of the stress.

"No. It wasn't enough. I was just too lazy to release Atoms. Dammit, Kyon! Your slackness is rubbing off on me!"

"Is that even a word?" he asked sarcastically. She just 'Humphed' and continued walking.

Eventually, they made it to the Li residence. When Kyon opened the door, he face palmed. "Oh fuck, they're drinking again." He said as he narrowly dodged a plate of spaghetti. Haruhi, on the other hand, was not so lucky, as she was tackled onto the ground by a tipsy Sakura.

"Huh? The hell?" Haruhi exclaimed as she noticed that she was being felt in certain places.

"Tee hee. I never knew you were this cute up close, when you blush, Haruhi-chan." It didn't take long for the brigade chief to kick the brown-haired woman off of her.

Meanwhile, Syaoran was on the couch, headbanging like you would to a metal song...To the tune of Chopin. "FUCK, YEAH, BEETOVEN!" He exclaimed as he spilled liquor on top of Kyon's sister's head. Kyon's sister, who seemed a little tipsy herself, was giving Kyon, and Haruhi a WeeGee esque stare.

"Your sister drinks, too?" The yellow-ribboned tsundre asked.

"Everybody drinks here. I usually try to pass, but it's inevitable that alcohol will be consumed. Hell, it's a good idea to drink just to forget about them being drunk.

"But I placed a ban on alcohol!" Then, Sakura threw up on her shoes. "Eww. Fine. Get me a drink." She sighed as she took off her shoes and brought them to the kitchen to wash off the vomit. After washing off the shoes and putting them outside to dry, she was greeted in the living room by Kyon, and two bottles of Budweiser.

**MEANWHILE, AT THE TSURUYA MANSION...**

Mitsuru Kijiro was busy at the task at hand. Which was, after losing a bet with the Hinamizawa games club, was dressing up like Satoshi, and seeing how long she could run away from Shion.

"SATOSHI-KUN! COME BACK!!!!" Shion shrieked as she chased the red-headed Persona-user.

"This is getting tiring," Mitsuru said out loud as she continued to run. Then, she heard a voice in her head.

"Mitsuru. Why don't you just put a stop to this crazy woman?" her Persona, Penthensila, asked.

"Because then Tsuruya would just throw a fit and punish me with something more demeaning," she responded.

"But surely anything this Tsuruya could do, could not compare to what this crazed woman would do to you," Penthensila responded.

"You have a point." She turned, to face the crazed green-haired girl, with evoker in hand. "Bufula!" She exclaimed as she aimed the evoker at her head, and pulled the trigger. Then, a white mist appeared around the insane yandere. The mist hardened, as Shion was encased in ice.

Mitsuru tried to catch her breath for a minute; running away from Shion was a tiring process after all. Then, she heard laughter from behind. She turned around and saw Tsuruya from behind her.

"NYHAHAHAHA!!! If yous wanted to spar, ya could'da just asked mes nyoro. I'd be happy to oblige," she said this and took a defensive stance. "Come on, nyoro! I wants to play!"

"It seems like I have no choice." She then eyed a suit of armor on the wall holding a rapier. She attempted to grab the rapier but was shocked when the suit grabbed her by the hand!

"You shouldn't use stuff like this for sparring. It's dangerous! Use this instead," the armor said as he pulled out a practice rapier, with the point replaced by a small ball.

"Thank you?" Mitsuru said in a confused tone as she took the weapon from the hands of the armor.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, miss. I'm Alphonse Elric. Me and my brother joined yesterday!" Alphonse said.

"Well... My name is Mitsuru Kijiro, and it was a pleasure to meet you, too." She replied.

"Yawn. I'm getting megas bored, nyoro!" Tsuruya said in an annoyed tone.

"Fine, then. Here I come!" Mitsuru roared as the two girls charged at each other.

When Tsuruya was in striking distance Mitsuru thrusted with her rapier. It was caught, by of all things, the weapon in Tsuruya's hand, a dinner fork. Then the fanged-heiress thrusted with, what appeared to be a plastic dinner knife. Mitsuru side stepped and got her rapier free from the fork. She then threw a forewords kick at Tsuruya. The kick struck Tsuruya directly in the stomach, and caused her to lose her footing.

"Nyoro~n," Tsuruya said as she rolled backwards and got back up to her feet. "Not bad, nyoro. But let's see if you can handle this!" She dropped the fork and knife, and spread her arms out. "FU-RIN-KA-ZAN!" she exclaimed as she started to glow gold.

"Oh, shit," Was the last thing Mitsuru said before she lost consciousness.

BACK AT THE LI RESIDINCE...

"Th-This pizza is what all true wa-wa-warriors strive for, mah boi!" Kyon's sister said as she tried to shove a slice of Meat-lovers down her father's throat.

"But I'm a CLAMP character! That much meat could make me sick!" Syaoran replied, while trying to escape his daughter's grasp.

Sakura and Haruhi were dressed in cat-girl outfits which were taken from Sakura's closet. Kyon was wearing Haruhi's sailor-fuku, on top of his own uniform (Minus the jacket).

"Nyan~!" Sakura said.

"These cat suits are super sexy! I wonder how Mikuru would..." she tried to continue, but was interrupted by Kyon's godawful rendition of the Motteke Sailor-Fuku.

"Oh, well. At least he's better than Christina Vee!" Sakura said, as she started to say 'Nyan~!' every two seconds again. Haruhi decided to join her, when the doorbell rung.

Sakura hiccupped. "Ehhh. Brionac! Get the door!" she exclaimed as she raised her staff and trading card.

Brionac came out and sighed. "Fine." The ice dragon went to the door and said an audible "Come in!" to whoever it was.

The person opened the door and let out a girly shriek.

"Do not worry." Yuki said in her dull tone. "It is not hostile."

"Oh. That's a relief." Lelouch replied. "Yuki and I came here to stop and say hi."

"Well you might want to wait until tomorrow to say he..." The dragon was interrupted.

"AHA! Lulu! Yuki! Come on in! The party's just starting." Haruhi said as she hiccupped.

"Well...If it's fine with you, I'll just be leaving now..." Lelouch tried to leave, but was captured by Haruhi's vice-like grip on the back of his collar.

"You're not going anywhere! Come on, Yuki, let's all have some fun~!" The Brigade chief said.

"Oh, shit..." Lelouch said as he was dragged to his doom.

After about a half-hour of drinking, (or in Lelouch's case, being forced to drink) Yuki was dragging the slightly tipsy Brit to the closet.

"Go get 'em, Yuki~." Haruhi encouraged as she hiccupped.

After the petite alien closed the door to the closet, she took the raven-haired boy's wrist, and started biting on it.

"Eh? Wh-What's going on, Yuki?" Lelouch stuttered in a confused tone. A few seconds later, Lelouch was not feeling as tipsy as before, "Oh, I get it. Data-manipulation, huh? Thanks." Lelouch said to the purple-haired alien.

"I see. The nanobots in your blood stream will keep you immune to the effects of alcohol temporarily." She replied.

"Interesting." Lelouch said. "Yuki? Is something wrong?"

"Everything is fine." Yuki replied.

"Tell me, have you ever wanted to feel emotion?" Lelouch asked her.

"It would be helpful in my task, but it is not necessary," she replied.

"I see. Very well then. I must do this, now or never," he said as he reached for his eye. "I, Lelouch Vi Britannia, command you! Feel!" he said as his eye glowed red.

"Understood." Yuki replied as she started speaking at inhuman rates.

Humanoid_Interface_YUKI_N: Accessing Integrated Data Though Entity archives. Downloading folder: . Download complete. Now installing program... Installation complete. Reset necessary for completion of download, proceed? Y/N: Y. Now resetting: Time required to initialize: 24 hours. Now entering sleep mode...

A few minutes later, Lelouch was carrying an unconscious Yuki out of the closet.

"Y-You didn't hurt my Yuki did you?" Haruhi said, hiccupping again.

"No. She just needs to get some rest. I will carry her back to her apartment," Lelouch replied as he went for the door.

"O-Okay. At least you're done with the closet. Come on, Brionac!" she stuttered as she was trying to get the ice dragon to follow her.

"No way! I'm tired of babysitting you drunkards. I'm going to go hang out with my buddy, Steve. Laters!" The ice dragon escaped Haruhi's grip and flew out, making a large hole in the ceiling on his way out.

"Aw, shucks." Haruhi said as she started looking around the room...

**MEANWHILE, AT ESPER HEADQUARTERS...**

"Gentlemen!" Light Yagami screamed to his esper comrades inside the meeting room. All together, there was Itsuki, Sarah Palin, John Mcain, John Cena, Mori, and Arwakawa. "I have a new invention! And if you do not test it, you will give me a sponge bath!" he exclaimed as he held up a sponge.

"I'm ready!" the sponge exclaimed. Light then threw the sponge on the ground and started stomping it.

"Didn't I tell you, not to talk!" he exclaimed.

" If I might ask, what exactly is this so-called invention?" Cena asked the crazed genius.

"It's...THIS." He pressed a button, and a display turned on. On the display, there were strange full body costumes, with helmets. There were six different colors, red, blue, yellow, pink, green, and black.

"So basically you ripped off Power Rangers, right?" The wrestler asked in a sarcastic tone.

"I did not! They are MY creation! Power Rangers just copied off of me," Light replied.

"I see. Then, what exactly do these things do?" Cena asked.

"They allow us to use our powers outside of closed space!" Light replied.

"We could already do that though, see?" Cena then created a small fireball in his hand.

"Allow me to explain, Mr. Cena," Itsuki said.

"Cena will work just fine," he replied.

"Very well, then. Since you have only recently discovered your powers, and have never been inside a closed space, you wouldn't know, but what we have now is only a small fraction of our powers..." he was then interrupted by a shotgun.

"Darn it! I missed," Sarah Palin said as she was loading up another round.

"Let me try next time," Mcain said.

"Get your own!" Sarah replied to the former presidential candidate.

"Now, now! No need to shoot him. It's not like he was using philosophy. Now, go on," Cena said.

"Very well...As I was saying, our full powers were much stronger than this. We were able to fly with our full ability. However, this limited ability only gives us the ability to fire small fireballs, and even so, they are not as strong as before. However, this new invention will give us our full ability." He then turned to Light. "Am I right?"

"Yes. The suit itself is just a stimulator, so it does not need much power. You could keep running it until you run out of psychic energy."

"I see. Does it HAVE to look so ridiculous though?" Cena asked.

"Yes. We esper must be as fruity as possible! Right, Itsuki?" Light asked his subordinate.

"Absolutely!" Itsuki saluted his boss.

"Good. We deploy at North High tomorrow!"

**THE NEXT MORNING, AT THE LI RESIDENCE...**

"Uhhh...." Haruhi muttered as she awakened. "Where did I get the cat costume... Kyon, why are you wearing my outfit?" she asked.

"I don't know. My head hurts so much right now," he replied, rubbing his head.

"Kyon, get me some aspirin." The Brigade chief ordered. Then, she felt incredibly sick. "Oh, God." She ran to the bathroom. The cynic heard the sounds of throwing up from the bathroom.

"Today's gonna be slow," he fell back on the couch.

After about half an hour, the chime of demonic sounding bells sounded the coming of the Deadman. He appeared out of nowhere, with Emiri trailing behind.

"Kimidori. The nanobots," Undertaker ordered.

"Yes, sir!" Emiri trembled a little as she ran to the occupants of the house.

After injecting Haruhi, and the Li family with nanomachines, she gathered them all up in the living room.

"Hey, I'm starting to feel better!" Haruhi exclaimed as her hangover disappeared.

"Good. Can you remember anything?" Undertaker asked.

"A little. I remember trying to drag a dragon into a closet," the yellow-ribboned girl replied.

"Good. Was Nagato here last night?" he asked, sounding a little annoyed.

"Yeah. She came with Lelouch, I think," Haruhi said.

"I see. That must be it then. She would not disobey my command otherwise. Nagato is on her bed, installing complicated data," said the Deadman.

"Huh? Like what?" Haruhi asked.

"Human Emotion. Kimidori has the same emotion installed onto her interface, so there is no problem having it, however..." The Undertaker paused for a second. "There is a problem within the entity. Any manipulation, besides self-manipulation works normally. However, any sort of self-manipulation comes with risks. It is possible that Nagato may have a virus. It is impossible to scan for viruses at the moment, because if we were to try, it could cause damage to her programming. We must wait until she is finished."

"When is that going to be?" Haruhi asked.

"Twelve hours from now," he replied. "There is something else you must know. Lelouch Lamprouge has an extremely potent mind-control ability. Not much detail is known, other than the facts that it requires eye contact, and it works on interfaces, in addition to humans."

"Mind-control? Why didn't he tell me?" Haruhi asked, sounding frustrated.

"He probably has his own agenda. Kimidori, tell them what you found out," the Deadman ordered.

"It turns out that your friends, Tsuruya, Taniguchi, and Kunikida have sided up with the Sky Canopy Dominion's interface, the rogue esper woman, the rouge time-traveler, and many others to form a group. They are opposed to your group and wish to capture the data-manipulation powers which are up for grabs. Be careful around them," Emiri said to the cynic and the Brigade chief.

"Why would Tsuruya do something like this?" Kyon asked.

"It seems that the others around her have a small influence on her. She is the leader of their group however. Also...Tsuruya has a terrible method of attack. Be on guard at all times when facing her," the salad haired girl replied. "My master and I will be taking our leave now. Excuse us." Then, the two interfaces left.

"Hey, Kyon?" said Haruhi

"Yeah?" asked Kyon.

"I'm hungry. Make me some breakfast."

"Yare, yare," the cynic said as he went to the kitchen.

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

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**There it is. I'll try to update soon. Expect a new one shot from me too, I'm entering it in my library's fanfic contest.**

**(Tag Out)**


	15. Meet the Shishigami's

**Author's Note's: Behold, after reverting back to my slow update schedule, I have a new episode. Actually, I just needed time to work on my entry for a Fan Fic contest. Enough excuses for now. Oh, and thanks to BKE for beta-ing.

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**

It was an annoying morning for Kyon, even after recovering from his hangover. First, Haruhi ordered him to make her a sandwich. But when she said "Sandwich", she really meant, "A feast for a king, and I don't mean the king of Hyrule.". Because no one could eat a feast that big. It was still a pain for Kyon to make though. He had to gather meat from nine thousand year old pigs, the bread from a Wal-Mart, that was overcrowded with people demanding a refund for they're Twilight potato chips,vegetables from that series of Bible inspired cartoons, Veggie Tales, and he had to borrow soy sauce from the mighty ruler known as, "The Guy.".

The rest of the ingredients were no problem to get. The pig was aged with magic, he casted his Ratei Shorei spell in the Wal-Mart, to get everyone to shut up long enough so he could get the bread, and the Veggie Tales vegetables were easy to hunt down because some guy named Lou pointed them out. He didn't see why Lou wanted him to succeed so badly, but he thought it had something to do with the fact that he had red horns on his head. The soy sauce however...

Kyon walked up to a building with a strange sign in front of it. Curious, he approached the sign, and it read "People don't die when they are killed here.". The sign featured Emiya Shirou with the head of Yami Marik/Melvin instead of the normal head. Behind the sign, there was a green platform. "I wonder what this is for?" Kyon thought to himself as he walked into the building...

A FEW HOURS LATER, AT THE SCHOOL FESTIVAL...

Tsuruya was walking around with her head held up high, as she led her rather large group of students, sneering bastards, aliens with massive hair, espers with no useful combat capability's, yanderes, persona-users, and alchemists, through the school yard. She felt like teaching those pesky Street Fighters a lesson today. Instead, she saw something stupid.

"Naruto Uzumaki is here! Believe it!" Said an extremely annoying ninja clad in orange. "Now, all of you obscure anime characters bow down to my massive popularity before I use my cheap hacks to kill you all!" Tsuruya couldn't hold back her laughter as she pointed at the ridiculous ninja and let the laughter bellow out.

"NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You're so funny! You actually think your cheap hacks have anything on ours?" She drew out her knife and fork. "You can kiss your fame goodbye after this one, orange boy, that isn't Jeremiah Gotwald."

"Bring it on! Believe it!" The ninja said his annoying catchphrase as she started to make fake gang signs. "Kage Bush..Bunch...Aw fuck it, I'm based off the English dub anyway....Shadow Clone Jutsu!." Then, Tsuruya was staring down around a hundred Narutos.

"Is that really the best you can do, nyoro!?" Tsuruya let out confidently, as she charged at the annoying ninja(s) with superhuman speed. The clones started popping as the genki girl made her way to the army, and within a matter of seconds, she was nearly done. There were only three left.

"Oh yeah? Take this. Bel..."

"WOULD YOU STOP FUCKING SAYING BELIEVE IT EVERY TWO SECONDS, YOU FUCKING RETARD!!!" The ninja was interrupted by none other than the normally mild-mannered Alphonse Elric.

"OK, if you can make Al snap that easily, you deserve to die, nyoro." Tsuruya then dropped both of her utensils and took her pose. "Let me show you what a real fake ninja is like! FU-RIN-KA-ZAN!!!"

-"Beat a Nail with Your Hammer!" starts playing-

Mitsuru screamed in terror and started to run away at that particular exclamation. The rest of Tsuruya's group didn't understand why, until they got a good look at they're leader. Her entire body was covered with a golden glow, as if she was a super Saiyan. Her eyes looked like there was pure fire coming from them. She then charged at the ninja(s) faster than lightning. She struck the two clones down with two swift strikes. She then struck at the real one, but he had used the substitution jutsu. She ended up kicking Taniguchi in the face.

"Ahahahahah!" Naruto laughed from a distance. He wasn't laughing for long however, as Tsuruya closed in on him in an instant. She struck him a great number of times, sending him flying any number of directions, before deciding to finish him off.

Naruto just stood, dazed as Tsuruya stood in front of him. The next thing Naruto saw, was a number of golden doors opening. As the final door opened, he saw Tsuruya again, with a terrifying expression. Pure rage covered her face, her eyes burning with the very fires of hell. Then, she struck the ninja with a punch that defied the very laws of physics. The second her arm made impact with the ninja, Naruto ceased to exist.

-"Beat a Nail With Your Hammer!" stops playing.-

"Wow, Tsuruya. I never thought you were this epic." Hiruko said from out of the shadows.

"Heya! I thought you disappeared." Tsuruya cheerfully said.

"Nah. I had to go to the gender swap dimension to judge a Pokemon tournament. Itsuko Koizumi kept trying to cheat by feeling up Kyonko while they were playing." Hiruko replied with a sigh. "Where did that red-head go?"

"Oh, Mitsuru? She's scared of my Fu-Rin-Ka-Zan for some reason. She lost consciousness before I even touched her in a sparring fight!" Tsuruya replied.

"Hmm, I see. Hey, does Bang even know you're using that move?" Hiruko asked.

"He's the one who taught it to me, nyoro! He said that someone had to beat the crap out of people with it, while he goes to another dimension to fight some Ky guy. I dunno. He was megas awesome to me though! He even gave me these nails! I dunno what to do with them though." The green haired girl explained. "By the way, where are those pesky Street Fighters?"

"Oh, them? They left to go get ice cream with the Gurren Brigade. And if your wondering about the drama club, they went to go play DDR. Except for that Tomoyo girl, who is hanging out with the Street Fighters." The slider replied. "By the way, Vegeta is with the Street Fighters too."

"Damn it nyoro! We cant beat 'em up today!" Tsuruya said frustratingly.

"But the ice cream shop is only a short walk away from here, Miss Tsuruya." Hiruko said.

"But I wanted to beat them up here nyoro! This megas sucks. Come on guys! Let's go beat up the army's they have stationed here. Because that's what bad guys do, right?"

'I still don't see why Bang likes her so much' Hiruko thought to himself. "Aw fuck it, I'm in. It's been a while since I've blown up anything."

"That's what she said!" Taniguchi came from the back. He was then hit fairly hard on the back of his head by Kunikida. "OWCH! What was that for!?"

"Your jokes aren't funny." Kunikida replied. He looked like he was genuinely offended by the gray headed playboy's joke, however.

"Let's go! First, we have to hunt down Mitsuru. I'm sure she's getting drunk somewhere, despite the fact that she's under the legal drinking age, and no one would sell her beer. Well, except for that one guy, but he only takes rupees. Then, we has a ball nyoro!" Tsuruya ordered her group to the nearest possible hiding spot where Mitsuru could of gone.

BACK AT THE GUY'S TOWER...

Kyon could not believe that he finally made it to the top. Every time he went in, he died. He then found himself revived on the platform next to the sign. The first time, he fell down a randomly placed hole which was filled with spikes. The second time, he was launched in the air by a gray couch, onto a ceiling of spikes. He was also killed by a piece of fruit that flew to him from a tree. Upon being touched by the fruit, he exploded into a million bloody pieces. After being killed more times than Kenny from South Park, he had finally made it to The Guy's room. He then cautiously knocked on the door...And was nearly impaled by another spike.

"Come in!" Said a gruff voice from behind the door. Being cautious again, Kyon opened the door, and his head was nearly taken off by Zazalamel from Soulcalibur. Zazalamel then let Kyon into the room.

"So..." A man wearing a cape while smoking a cigarette spoke up. "You want to be The Guy?" He asked.

"No, no, no. I just want to borrow some soy sauce." Kyon desperately said.

"Oh, really? Here." The Guy handed the cynic a bottle of soy sauce wrapped with a pink bow for some reason. "Are you sure you don't want to be The Guy? I mean, you came all this way, and you'll probably die on your way down anyway. Who knows? You might get lucky and beat me."

"Sure, why not." Kyon took the bottle, and as he took it with his left hand, he aimed his right hand at The Guy, "Ratei Shourei!" he exclaimed as he blasted The Guy at point blank range with the attack. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BUILDING THIS HELLISH TOWER, MOTHERFUCKA !" Kyon shouted as the attack left nothing but ashes.

Then, his head was taken off by Zazalamel, who was just standing there. "HA. Now I'm The Guy! Now, I should get as many fan girls as Nightmare, or Kilik, right?" The dark skinned man was replied by the chirping of crickets. "Well, shit." he sighed as he took a seat.

Meanwhile, Kyon was on his way back to his home. He had all of the ingredients he needed, and he made his way home quickly. When he entered his house, Haruhi's extremely loud, pissed off voice was the first thing he noticed. "KYON YOU DUMBASS! HOW DOES IT TAKE FOUR FUCKING HOURS TO GET INGREDIENTS FOR A SANDWICH! I'M SO HUNGRY, I THINK I'M GOING ANOREXIC!!!" While being yelled at, he didn't notice that the bag of ingredients he had was taken from his hand.

"It's not my fault that the soy sauce you wanted was on the top of a tower that makes Tartarus look like Nagato's apartment! And it didn't help that I died every two seconds either. Do you know how it feels like to explode into a million pieces after a piece of fruit touches you?" Kyon replied, angry.

"Well it's not my fault that you die so easily. Hell, I would've got to the top of something like that on my first try!" Haruhi confidently replied.

"Mmm. This is delicious!" They both heard a voice from the kitchen. Haruhi went to go look, and she saw Imouto eating a sandwich made with all of the ingredients. "YES! YES!" Imouto said as she finished off the sandwich.

"You...Bitch." Haruhi said in a tone filled with hatred. She then drew her Zanpakto. "Scream. Atomsk."

"Baby...You know you have to actually scream to turn me on, right?" Atomsk said in Haruhi's head.

"DON'T SCREW WITH ME RIGHT NOW!!!" She yelled out loud. Then, her sword took on it's guitar form.

"Hey, don't lay a hand on my sister!" Kyon exclaimed as he held the tsundre back.

"Get off of...What is this? I don't even." Haruhi was about to speak up, but then she noticed that Imouto had a gun pointed to her own head. "Is that an evoker!?!? How the hell did you get an evoker?"

"I seduced it out of the hands of some kid. He was acting all mature and stuff, but he didn't stand a chance against my loli-ness." She then pulled the trigger. "Go! Ganon!"

"YOU MUST DIE!" Ganon appeared and launched lightning bolts at the two. Because Kyon was holding Haruhi back, neither could dodge as they were both stuck. Then, they both fell to the ground.

"YES!" Imouto said in an imitation Captain Falcon voice.

MEANWHILE, AT DAIRY QUEEN...

Tomoyo Sakagami was enjoying a blizzard with Vegeta, due to some strange blind dating booth at the festival. The Saiyan prince's former wife, Bulma, was killed in an accident involving a Gundam. Because it's easier to die in a mecha show then a fighting show. Anyways, after having his power level shrunk, his age reversed, and his hair not as shiny, he decided to move on. Much to the dismay of the few people reading this who actually ship DBZ characters. Unfortunately, they were having a problem enjoying they're time because...

"And then I was like, HADOUKEN! And the guy exploded. It was brutal, man" Ryu bragged to everyone who would listen. Then, again, the only other people besides Vegeta and Tomoyo were the Gurren Brigade, and the Street Fighters.

"Yeah. You have to watch out for those little blue haired otaku types. They're brutal!" Guile said, not even noticing the person sitting next to him.

"Oh, crap! You're that foreigner I beat up because you were threatening Tsukasa! Have you come back for round two?" Konata said, while poking him with a plastic fork.

"Hell no! You're insane!" The blonde American said out loud. "Besides, haven't you converted to Soulcalibur?"

"Good point. I still need to beat up Siegfried. I'll be going now guys. I'll be in touch." Konata then left with Soul Edge(?) in her hand."

"Ryoko, remind me again why I let her on? I don't get half of the references she makes." Kamina sighed as he ate his steak burger, which I don't even think DQ serves.

"Because we needed a loli. And I'm already the yandere, so I can't be the loli." Ryoko replied.

"Why exactly do we need a loli? Can't the manliness of the Gurren Brigade be enough?" He asked in a confused tone.

"Because lolis can put up just as much of a fight as GAR's, if there is even a classification as such."The alien replied.

"Damn. Who's thinking this crap up?" Kamina asked no one in particular. Then, a trio of people walked into the restaurant. "Hey, isn't that Oruki?"

"It looks like him. Bro, what could he be up to?" Simon asked.

"Yeah, bro?" Ryoko teased the blue haired man.

"Don't call me that, Ryoko. Besides, why are you so affectionate all of a sudden?" Ryoko then blushed, as the Street Fighters laughed a little.

"Hey, Kamina! I want back in your brigade thingy. And I won't take no for an answer!" Oruki slammed his hands on the table.

"Why do you want back in so badly? You left with your tail in between your legs once Ryoko joined." Kamina replied to the gruff man.

"It's because of that rat bastard, Kyon! He kidnapped her, and won't give her back!" Oruki angerly replied.

"Oh. You mean your daughter? I met her yesterday. If she was kidnapped, she could kill her captors herself. I know this because she put up a good fight against me." Kamina said.

"WHAT? You put your hands on my daughter? Prepare to die, bastard!" Oruki drew his Zanpakto.

"Actually, neither of us even landed a clean blow. There's no way she would've won that fight, if it went on longer." The Gurren brigade leader replied.

"What do you mean?" Oruki asked. Kamina then stood on the table and started to shout. "Who the hell do you think I am? Torn from one home, into a completely different place, and then torn from that place into ANOTHER place, he finds himself staring down the beast. He does not fall back. Instead, he charges at the beast head-first, striking with the manliness of Chuck Norris! He then finds himself, staring down the first woman who dares challenge him. Admiring her guts, he accepts the challenge, knowing well that he was supposed to be somewhere completely different at that moment. Then, he was chewed out, and lectured by a blue haired alien who thinks she's a yandere. That man is me! The mighty Kamina!" He paused for a moment. "...Also I have a bankai."

"I. See... Wow. That was just. I don't even." Oruki was at a loss of words. He finally just bowed down at the manliness of the Gurren Brigade captain.

"Damn straight." Kamina confidently said.

-Anna no Issho Data No Ni starts playing-

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**By the way, I have never played BlazBlue, or Street Fighter. So don't kill me. Becaus I will die if I am killed (Damn you Emiya).**

**(Tag Out)**


	16. Hotel Bestiari

**Next chapter is here. Mostly plot movement here. Hopefully things will pick up in the next chapter. It'll probably be a while longer before I update again, because I plan on cleaning up the earlier chapters, to meet the standard of these newer chapters.**

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MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE...

Kyon was slowly regaining consciousness. As he opened his eyes, he saw that he was in some sort of room with very little visibility. He then noticed that Haruhi was laying next to him, slowly regaining consciousness as well.

"Kyon...Where are we?" She asked while rubbing her eyes a little.

"I don't know. The last thing I remember was being knocked out by an overused YouTube poop character." Kyon replied, seeming just as confused as Haruhi. "Hey...What are these?"

"What the..." Haruhi also noticed what Kyon saw. They were both wearing chains on they're ankles. "What's this!? Who decided that it was a smart idea to capture the brigade chief? I'm going to make they're heads roll!"

"Hello. I wanna play a game, desu." A voice called out from a speaker. Then, a monitor came down from the ceiling. On that monitor, was a person wearing a luchador mask.

"How do you know my name?" Kyon snapped at the monitor.

"I know everything about you, desu. I even know about that embarrassing underwear that you have in your secret component in your closet, desu." The voice confidently said. "Now do the carmeldansen or I kill you with a toilet seat, desu."

"Wait a minute, how can you kill somebody with a toilet seat?" Kyon asked.

"This is coming from somebody who knows how delicious fruit kills people, desu. Do you really want to question my logic, desu?" The person said.

"Good point. Okay, I'm in." Kyon started to get up. As he got up, he heard something smashing the door at the other side of the room.

"Wait, no. They can't be here already, can they, desu?" The voice was shocked. As the door was smashed in, a large creature stood before Kyon and Haruhi. He resembled a lion, but stood upright like a human. He had strange looking spikes floating around him.

"We've come to stop this little game. You two are coming with us! He then motioned to the door, and another creature entered. It had a body like a horse, but it stood upright, like a human. It was also wearing breastplate, and was carrying a whip of sorts.

The two creatures made they're way to the two, and started to rip the chains from the wall. "Come on now. We can talk this over when we get to the school courtyard." The horse-like creature said.

"Okay. But, exactly who are you guys?" Haruhi asked.

"We're from a special defense squad made by all of the different nations to try to keep order in this mayhem. My name is Darius, and this guy is Laquari." The horse-like creature motioned to the lion-like creature. "Come on. We have no time to waste." The two beasts led Kyon and Haruhi through the halls of the dungeon.

As they made it through the formerly trap filled dungeon, they found the exit rather quickly. When they got outside, they found themselves in the school courtyard, with Imouto being carried around by a fish like creature.

"Imouto! Are you okay?" Kyon called out to his sister.

"Yeah, I'm just fine. The bad man came to our house and kidnapped us, after I knocked both of you out with my persona. Then, this fish guy came to save me!" Imouto patted the fish-like creature on the head.

"That's Murmillo. He's our heavy weapons guy." Darius said.

"He sure doesn't act like it though." Haruhi remarked.

"Yeah, well...Let's go to where the commander is. We don't want to piss him off." Darius replied as he led the two into the school building.

When they made it to the school building, they saw a green, bird-like creature, standing upright like the rest of them. He was also wearing armor of sorts.

"I swear, desu! They mad me do it, desu!" Said the person from earlier, her mask removed, she looked like a doll with one red eye and one green eye.

"SAY DESU AGAIN! SAY DESU AGAIN! I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! SAY DESU ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!!!" The bird-like creature shouted loudly.

"Bu-but I have to say de..." The doll was smacked hard on the back of the head before she could finish.

"Frigging dolls." He sighed. "What's going on, Darius?" He asked the horse-like creature.

"Ah, yes. Commander Bestiari, we found theses two in the dungeon. I think they're the ones we wanted to question."

"Hmm, let's see...Miss Suzumiya, and Kyon, was it? Don't worry. I won't go Samuel L. Jackson on you. I just want to know a few things about your friend, Miss Tsuruya."

"Okay. What do you want to know?" Haruhi stepped foreword.

"Have you gotten in touch with her since all of this crazy stuff started to happen?" He asked.

"No. The last time I got in touch with her was a few months ago, during summer break..."

FLASHBACK...

"Hey, Haruhi. Can I join your brigade, and has megas fun times with you guys?" Tsuruya chirped to the brigade chief.

"Huh? No. I'm busy looking for aliens." Haruhi replied as she was looking for them in Itsuki's toilet.

"Curses! I shall go plot my revenge now!" Tsuruya stormed off.

END FLASHBACK...

"Hmm. That doesn't help anything. The truth is, we think Miss Tsuruya is being possessed by a demon or something like that. It could explain why she's acting so evil, and building a group that could rival Team Rocket. Can your brigade lend us a hand? We're busy doing work that the normal police is supposed to do, because that fanged tyrant took out all of the military, and the police!" Bestiari asked of the tsundre.

"What's in it for us, Commander?" Haruhi replied with a smirk.

"I thought you would never ask. If you agree to help us, we'll go send our Monk to go help your alien friend out. He could probably get her back to full health soon enough." He said, knowing what Haruhi was up to.

"And what do you want us to do?" Haruhi asked.

"You go straight to the point, don't you? All we need you to do is identify all of the members of the RIP Cartel, and get their names and faces. Then, we can make wanted posters and make them go on the run." Bestiari replied.

"I think we have a deal, there." They shook hands in agreement. Haruhi was shaking her wrist afterwords, because the bird-like creature's talons dug into her skin.

MEANWHILE, AT ESPER HEADQUARTES...

"Hey Palin. You don't think those Gladiator Beasts will force us to get the fudge out of here, right?" Light asked the Alaskan governor.

"Oh, you mean the defense force, dearie? They've already ordered us to leave. And they look mighty scary too. I wouldn't want to be caught in the forest with one of those guys." She replied.

"Dammit! Who would of thought that having our secret base directly beneath North High was a bad idea!" The sandy haired man sighed. "Pack up your stuff guys, we're going apartment hunting."

"I'll be with you all in a while." Itsuki said, with bags of his stuff being carried by the large man in bondage, standing directly behind him. "Miss Suzumiya called me five minutes earlier, and it seems she want's to call a meeting."

"Great! Can I come with?" John Cena stepped up. "I would much rather be ordered around by a fine looking chick with a crazy ass guitar, then a crazy guy who thinks Gods of death are real."

"BUT THEY ARE REAL!!!" Light screamed at the wrestler. " Ryuk! Get in here!"

"For the last time..." A certain brown haired maid jumped out of nowhere, and roundhouse kicked Light in the face. "...My name is not Ryuk. It's Mori! Mori the maid! Get it right!"

"Well, come on. I'm sure Miss Suzumiya would not mind. You can come too, Mori." Itsuki said, with a smile on his face. "Make sure my stuff makes it to the hotel, Shirley." He directed to the man behind him.

"Ugh." The man grunted in reply.

A WHILE LATER, AT DAIRY QUEEN...

Haruhi had decided to gather everybody up at the Dairy Queen. Everyone was there, save Yuki, who was being tended to. Then, Itsuki arrived with his two workmates in tow.

"Hey, Koizumi. What's Mori doing here? And...Why's John Cena here?" Haruhi asked, with a slightly disgusted look on her face.

"Oh, they were tired of being bossed around by my superior. So they tagged along. Feel free to give them any orders you desire, Miss Suzumiya." Itsuki replied.

"Hmm..." The brigade chief was thinking. "I guess they can help. But don't think you're members of the SOS Brigade!" She declared. "And I'm keeping a real close eye on you, Cena." She pointed at the large man.

"Not much of a John Cena fan, eh?" He said.

"No. I like Randy Orton better." Haruhi smirked.

"I see. So you are a WWE fan. You just like the heels, right?" He replied.

"Shut up." She glared back at him. "Now, we have a job to do! I made an agreement with Bestiari that we would get pictures of all of the members of the RIP Cartel! That's Tsuruya's gang of butt pirates, if you didn't know."

"Oh, you mean the commander of the Gladiator Beasts?" The flamboyant esper asked.

"I didn't get their group name, but that's probably it." Haruhi replied.

"Ah, I see. Never mind then."

"Anyways... We shall split up into groups! Balsa, Kyon, myself, and...Cena will go in one party, while Koizumi, Mikuru, Mori, and Lelouch will be the other party. You guys will need this!" She placed two cameras on the table. "When your group has taken a picture, report to the other group, so we don't get the same people! Any questions?" She asked, to no one in particular.

"Umm, I have a question." Cena said, in a mocking tone.

"What?" Haruhi asked, in an anger filled tone.

"Are we actually going to order anything? We're at Dairy Queen, after all."

"Sure. And you're paying for everyone! I'm sure you can cover it, considering the fact that, you're a multi-million dollar earning, WWE talent, right, right?" She perked up.

"Sure. It's not like I wanted anything that badly, but sure. I'll pay for everyone." Cena said, sarcasticly.

"See, Kyon! Days and days of hard work have earned you a promotion! You're now a keeper of the peace!" She started to shake the cynic sitting next to her.

"Woohoo. A keeper of the peace." He said sarcasticly. "What peace, exactly?"

"Shut up. Hey clerk! Get me a Bad Dudes sized cheeseburger! I just remembered that I haven't eaten all day." She ordered.

"You saved the president from ninjas! Are you a bad enough dude to eat this cheeseburger?" The clerk asked, while ringing up the item.

"Hells yes! Those ninjas didn't see what was coming!" She beamed out confidently.

"Get me a lunch fitting for someone who was once called, The Guy. I think I deserve that much." Kyon called out.

"Holy crap, you were The Guy!?!? To be called that for even a second deserves a massive feast! Hell, it could feed your entire party, there. The clerk replied, while ringing it up.

"Good. That saves us a little time, at least." Kyon offered. "I want a large coke to go with that. Can everyone agree on that?" He asked.

"Well, at least you're using your new found authority wisely, Kyon. I'm good with it." Haruhi gave her thumbs up in approval.

"Umm, can I get diet?" Mikuru chirped out.

"Yes, I would like diet too." Lelouch said.

"Sure. Let me ring that up real quick..." He started to punch in everybody's drinks. "The total comes to five thousand rupees."

"What's a rupee?" Cena asked.

"It's five hundred American dollars, if you don't have rupees." The clerk replied.

"Oh, that's fine. I got it covered." He crossed his arms.

MEANWHILE, IN THE VELVET ROOM...

"I'm so fucking bored." Igor sighed.

"Me too. Why won't anyone come over? I want an excuse to bake cookies." Naru also let out a sigh. "I know! Let's invite them over for a party!"

"Sine, cosine, tangent." Sho was trying to meditate.

"Perhaps we should got to the festival tomorrow?" Karasuma offered.

"There's no problem with that. As long as we don't forget about the next change we have to do on the last day, we should be worry free." Tempra brushed her hair back. "Why don't we go now though?"

"Because Tsuruya might try to beat us up, and if that happens, then destiny is screwed." Igor replied. "We also want to stay away from the Gladiator Beasts, because that could produce the same result." He let out another sigh. "I remember, back in the old days, when it was just me and Elizabeth. We would battle out Pokemon for days on end. But then, she left, and her sister, Margret moved in. She was never as good as her sister in Pokemon."

"Wanna play a card game?" Naru offered.

"Thanks, but I know how bad you are at Pokemon, and don't get me started with Yu-Gi-Oh!." Igor replied.

"Oh well." Naru let out another sigh.

A LITLE LATER, AT A GOLDFISH CATCHING BOOTH...

Both of the teams had already split up. Mikuru, Lelouch, Itsuki, and Mori were approaching a goldfish catching booth, when they saw one of it's strange patrons.

"Oh, it's so cute! I want to take it home~." Rena was rubbing her head on the fish tank, as she saw a number of the fish on display.

"It's ten rupees to play Miss, wanna give it a shot?" Asked a clerk out of nowhere.

"Would you take a check? I don't have any rupees." The red-headed girl replied.

"Sure! I can get you change too. How much do ya want?" The clerk asked.

"Hmm...Get me five-hundred rupees." She started to fill out a check. "Who should I put you down as?"

"Just put down, The Doctor. And I assure you, I am not a time-traveler or slider of any sort." The clerk calmly replied.

"Okay." She finished writing down the check. "Here ya go."

"From the RIP Cartel? That's a weird name, Missy. Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers I suppose. Here you go." He handed Rena a number of small gemstones. "Now, one game, was it?"

"Yeah." Rena gave the man back one of the smaller gems.

"Okay. Good luck!"

"Hmm... Is that not one of our adversaries?" Lelouch asked.

"Sounds like it. I guess we should get a good picture of her, then." Itsuki replied.

"What's the fun in that? I have a better idea." Lelouch walked up to the girl. "Excuse me, Miss?"

"Yeah?" Rena turned her attention to the raven haired man.

Lelouch removed his contact lens, revealing his geass eye. "Why don't you try catching one of those fish with your mouth, Miss?"

"Oh sure! That sounds like fun!" Rena then dunked her head in the fish tank, and started to try to catch the little fish with her teeth.

"Hey! What do you think you're..." The Doctor walked up to the two.

"Go back to another time, and forget that you ever saw me, or this lady over here. Also, give me all of your rupees." Lelouch ordered.

"Kay." He gave the Britannian a large bag of the gems, and started to run off. Then, Lelouch got in a position away from the stand, and aimed his camera. When Rena finally caught one of the little goldfish, Lelouch took a silly looking picture of her with the fish in her mouth.

"Wh-what was that?" Mikuru timidly asked the raven-haired man.

"Oh, that's just geass, the power to get anyone to do anything. It requires eye contact, and can only be used on someone once." Lelouch replied, as if screwing with peoples heads was a hundred percent natural. Then his phone started to ring.

"Hello?" Lelouch asked.

"Hey Lulu. We got one. What is that high pitched noise from the other end? Did you make Mikuru cry?" Haruhi asked. Lelouch just noticed Mikuru's bizarre, high-pitched cry.

"I am afraid I have. Please forgive me. On the upside, we have someone too. What did yours look like?" Lelouch replied.

"We had two. They both had long green hair. They looked like twins. And apparently, one of them is into S&M." The tsundre said from the phone.

"I see. Ours is a red-head, very much like Miss Asahina. She is currently wearing a wet white dress, and hat." Lelouch said.

"Okay. Be sure to report next time too." Haruhi hung up.

"Why didn't you tell us about this geass earlier?" Itsuki asked.

"Because you didn't need to know then. None of the members in Miss Suzumiya's group need to know either. Just you three. And if you tell anybody, I will kill you." Lelouch threatened.

"Bu-but I don't wanna die!" Mikuru started to cry, more like a regular cry. "Please, don't hurt us!"

"Oh, don't worry. As long as you say nothing, no one will be hurt." He started to pat Mikuru on the head.

"You bastard." Mori said in a hate filled voice.

"I'm just following a plan. That's all. Now. Shall we be on our way?"

MEANWHILE, AT YUKI'S APARTMENT...

"Um... Commander? You do know, that I'm a SUMMONING monk, and not a healing one, right?" A purple robed figure was chatting with Bestiari.

"I thought you could, you know, multi-task?" He replied.

"Do not even bother." The Undertaker came out from Yuki's room. "All she needs is rest. Then, she will be fine. By the way...You do know that Kimidori, over there has the names and pictures of all of the cartel members, right?"

"She does?" Bestiari seemed somewhat surprised.

"Yes. In fact, Lelouch was the one who got everything going." Undertaker paused. "...Wait. Why didn't he say anything when the mission was given out?"

"I don't think Lelouch was at the briefing." The bird-man said. "But if he was at the brigade's meeting, then he would've said something." He sighed.

"I shall call Suzumiya now." The Undertaker went back into Yuki's room, and grabbed her cell phone. Scrolling through the contacts, he finally found the brigade chief's number. He hit the call button.

"Hello?" He heard from the other end. "Yuki?"

"No. It is I." The Undertaker replied.

"Oh. Is Yuki okay?" Haruhi seemed worried from the other end.

"Yes. She only needs bed rest. Was Lelouch with your brigade today?" The dead man asked.

"He was at our debriefing. Why?" She seemed a little confused.

"Did he mention anything about Miss Kimidori infiltrating the RIP Cartel's headquarters?" He asked.

"No. Does Emiri already know all of the members?" Haruhi said.

"Indeed she does. In fact, Bestiari is gathering the data from her as I speak." Undertaker replied.

"I see. I guess I'll call it a day then." She said.

"Be careful around Lelouch. He is planning something, I just know it." He said,

"Alright. Be sure to call back when Yuki's feeling better!" Haruhi beamed out.

"Very well then. I must go now." He then hung up.

A FEW HOURS LATER, BACK AT DAIRY QUEEN...

"Alright, Lulu! Fess up! Why didn't you tell me about Kimidori?" Haruhi poked the man in the chest with her finger.

"It slipped my mind. Please, forgive me." Lelouch replied.

"Hmm...Cena! You're off of my shit list! As punishment, you're buying everyone's drinks!" She pointed an accusing finger at Lelouch.

"Very well then." Lelouch took a seat. "Would you like to see this picture, though?" He put the camera on the table.

"Not that it'll do any good but..." She took a look at the picture. "Wh-what is this?" Haruhi started to laugh hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Kyon walked up and asked.

"There's a....AHAHAHAHAH!!!" Haruhi couldn't help but keep laughing.

"Let me see...What the?" Kyon started to laugh hysterically as well.

Eventually, everyone, including the clerk, got a look at the picture. Everyone was laughing, save for Itsuki, Mikuru, and Mori. Balsa, who had been quiet all day, got curious at the silence of the three. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"Oh, nothing." Itsuki smiled.

"I see. Well, if you have any problems, don't keep them to yourself. Please tell us." Balsa offered.

"Okay then. I'll be sure to get your help, if I need it." Itsuki continued to smile.

"You guys too." She motioned to Mori, and Mikuru.

"Y-yes Ma'am." Mikuru timidly said.

"Of course." Mori said, quietly.

Then, a rumbling could be heard outside.

"HARUHI!!!" Shouted a familiar voice. "YOU'RE COMING HOME!!!" Then, the door was kicked in by Oruki. Accompanying him, was Grimmjow, Jack, L, and Konata.

"Sorry, Haruhi. He goaded me into this. I'll go easy on you and your friends, though!" Grimmjow said.

"Hey. I got dragged into this too. But I really need to practice my new moves!" Konata said with a catlike smile. "Come on, give me your best shot!"

"Uhh...Dad? Do we actually have somewhere to stay?" Haruhi asked, in a confused tone.

"NO! But I'm tired of seeing that guy with you! He's so...Plain. You need an espada boyfriend! I know this kid named Wonderweiss. He would really like to meet you! At least...I think that's what he said." Oruki then drew his Zanpakto. "Whatever. Here we go!"

"This is going to be annoying." Haruhi sighed. "Oh well." She pulled out her Zanpakto. "Let's go."

-Anna no Issho Data no Ni starts playing.-

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**(Tag Out)**


	17. Magical Girl Turf War Sort of

**Alright. My re-done earlier chapters will be here eventually, (I have a few done, but I'll wait until they're all done to post them) but in the meantime I couldn't resist writing the next chapter. Thanks to Superstarultra for acting as a beta.**

* * *

**MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF MEXICO...**

"Ow! What's going on!?" A girl, with a long brown ponytail, and a north high uniform said.

"So..." A voice from the shadows beckoned. "You have arrived safely.... Mistress Kyonko."

"What? Who are you?" he replied, looking around, trying to find the source of the voice.

"This world needs your help, Mistress. A terrible power is coming, and we need your help most of all." Then, something started to glow a ways away. "Come..."

"Are you some kind of pervert? Because if you are, you're over complicating this," Kyonko said, as she let out a sigh.

"Do not be alarmed. I am only slightly perverted," The voice replied.

"Only slightly!?" Kyonko crossed her arms. "That doesn't help anything."

"Look, Missy. If it weren't for me, you would have to deal with Haruki wielding a crazy-ass guitar," The voice said, seemingly angry.

"How do you know about Haruki?" She asked.

"I go on the internet a lot," The voice replied.

"Dammit. I guess I don't have a choice now, do I?" Kyonko asked.

"NO!" The voice said, with a terrible Ganon impersonation.

"Fine. I'm coming." Kyonko walked towards the glowing light. As she saw the cause of the glowing, she stood in shock. "Is that a staff?"

Sure enough, the thing that had caught Kyonko's attention was a staff, with a yellow rod, and a pink heart on top. "Yes. I am the mighty Glamorous Heart, the Key of Justice," The same voice from before said. "Now, take me and become..." It paused for a moment. "...THE GLAMOROUS MAGICAL JUSTICE BRINGER KEEPER KYONKO!!!"

"What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On." Knowing that no facepalm would work here, the pony-tailed girl fell down to her knees.

"It's been your dream to be a magical girl? Right?" The staff asked.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, YOU STUPID FUCKING STICK!?" Kyonko snapped, as she took the staff below the heart pendant, as if trying to choke the thing. Instead, her clothing disintegrated. As she started to blush heavily, she found herself unable to control herself, as she started to move around, like a dance. As she started to move, glowing sparkles, and flashing lights of various colors seemed to swirl around her. Then, as she continued to move, odd articles of clothing started to form on her body, at a fairly slow pace. She didn't realize this, but a few yards away, a random passerby saw her scandalous transformation dance, and had passed out from blood loss. About twenty minutes later, her transformation sequence was complete.

"...uh...What's going on..." After the transformation, Kyonko felt a bit weird. First, she felt she was shorter for some reason. Then, she got a look at her clothing. "WHAT THE HELL!?" She was wearing a one piece, with swirly pink and yellow colors, with a multi-colored skirt. "How did I get into this get-up? What's this? I don't even..." She then lost consciousness.

BACK AT DAIRY QUEEN...

Oruki was staring down all of the members of the brigade. He noticed Lelouch walking off, but expected something like that, for being intimidating. Just as he was about to attack, a large dark-skinned man crashed through one of the walls, and stood between the two sides.

"Um...Please don't fight!" Walking from the opening in the wall, Nagisa stood next to the phantasm of the man, with evoker in hand. "I don't want to see any of you get hurt. Also...I don't want this place to be a complete wreck." She shyly put her hands behind her back.

"Umm. Miss? Aren't you doing that now?" The clerk timidly said, from behind the counter.

"Yes, well... Oh! Me and my friends can help you rebuild! And if they fight, this place would be damaged beyond repair."

"Good point. Alright! If you wanna fight, take it outside." He instructed the people in the room.

"B-but, I don't want to see anyone fight at all!" The shy girl timidly said.

"This, coming from a girl who can summon a massive man, capable of smashing buildings within seconds." Grimmjow remarked. "Come on, Oruki! It's not like you have a home to take her to anyway. Besides, I like that kid." He pointed at Kyon.

"Fine..." Oruki let out a sigh. "Understand this now! If it wasn't for the loli and the huge guy, who could break me, and anyone else here, in half, with his bare hands, I'd be kicking all of your asses. But I'll be back! Once I have a new house, you can't really argue about coming home right, Haruhi?"

"Sure. I'll come with you as soon as you can get another house, with at least two bedrooms, and a working bathroom, without destroying it." Haruhi declared.

"Dammit! I was just going to get an apartment. Oh, well. I'm strong. I'll just go kick some poor SOB out of his house." Oruki said.

"Wow. That's pretty cold, Oruki." Kyon remarked.

"And if I find out you did anything with my daughter..." Oruki stared at Kyon intently. "I will nuke your entire neighborhood!"

"Sure, ya will." Kyon replied.

Oruki growled. "You weren't so cocky the first time I met you. In fact, you might of actually grown a pair! But, I'm going to wipe that smile off of your face soon! Just you wait!" He then motioned to his group. "Come on! We're leaving."

"Aww. I wanted to put this thing to use." Konata said, as she embraced, what looked like a replica Soul Edge. They then started to leave.

"It's best we leave as well." Itsuki offered.

"Good point." Haruhi replied. Then, she noticed something was a little off. "Where did Lelouch go?" She said, not detecting the Britannian youth. This caused Itsuki, Mikuru, and Mori to shiver a bit.

"Oh, don't worry about him. It's not like he can't take care of himself." Haruhi said. "Alright, brigade dismissed! C'mon Kyon."

"Yeah, yeah." He replied. Everyone started to make their way home.

Kyon and Haruhi made their way back to the Li residence. On the way there, Kyon had noticed a familiar bench. The same bench where he had learned Mikuru's time-traveling ability. As he passed the bench, a voice screamed in his head.

"_So... The end has almost come, has it? You are the one who started everything. You are the one who pulled the trigger of fate. Even if you did not know the consequences, you __must live with them. Now. You will serve me, vassal."_ After hearing the demonic voice in his head, he fell to the ground, and lost consciousness. He could faintly hear Haruhi's voice, far in the distance. She sounded worried, but he could not tell what she was saying.

**MEANWHILE, AT AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION....**

"Dammit!" A man, with black hair, in a number of spikes, and a tattoo on his face, next to his eye, pounded the ground, as he saw the report on the monitor. "It's already starting!"

"Well, that's not my fault, Yu-kun." A woman, with pink hair, was tuning the strings on a bass guitar she held in her hand. "If you wasn't such a slow learner, this wouldn't be a problem, would it?" She said in a mocking tone.

"Shut up, Haruko! This is no joke! We're talking about the lives of millions here!" The man angrily replied.

"Well, Yu-kun, millions of lives were already down the gutter after the dimensional rip. And you can't save everybody, right?" The woman continued to mock him. "Like the great Emiya Shirou once said..." She cleared her throat. "People die if..."

"Dammit! There's no time! We're just going to have to enter the war, just like everyone else!" He then loaded, what looked like a light green bass guitar onto an odd looking motorbike, and hopped in.

The woman sighed. "I miss Ta-kun already. Oh, well. Beggars can't be choosers." She hopped onto a yellow vespa scooter, with a "P!" decal on it. Then the two sped away.

**THE NEXT MORNING, AT THE LI RESIDENCE...**

Kyon felt his consciousness slowly return to him, as his eyes started to open. The first thing he noticed, was that he was in his room, on his bed. "_What happened last night?" _He thought to himself. The second thing he noticed, was, he had company. The cynic saw, next to his bed Haruhi, who was rustling slightly. Then, she started to wake up.

"Hnn...Eh? Kyon? You're up. You need to stop falling unconscious all the time. It's getting somewhat annoying. You wouldn't believe the number of weird looks I got from passersby." She remarked.

"Yeah, well. Who asked you to carry me?" He said, sarcastically.

"Hmph. I should of just left you on that damn bench. Maybe I could of used you as bait, to capture enemy mooks. Then I would torture them, until they gave us all of their info." She replied, a smile showing up on her face.

"How would you do this? You wouldn't undress them, and force them to wear ridiculous costumes, while you take demeaning pictures in a bunny suit, would you?" He asked, still sarcastic.

"Shut up. I'm hungry." She paused for a moment. "Go make me a sandwich." As she said this, her smile turned slightly crooked, as she started to laugh. Kyon, on the other hand, had his eyes go wide for a moment, before replying with a "Shut up." of his own.

As the two made their way downstairs, they heard the squealing voice of Sakura. After hurrying down to investigate, the two saw Sakura in hysterics, as Bestiari had made his way to the Li Residence, and was currently chatting with Syaoran.

"...and that is how you get a cat out of heat. Oh! You're up. Good." The bird-like creature said. "Can either of you read magical cards?"

"No." Haruhi replied. "Why? Can't Sakura do it?"

"About that..." He face palmed, as he pointed to the master of the Clow cards.

"OH, MY GOD! THEY'RE FOR REAL!" She was bouncing off of the walls out of excitement.

"Apparently, our existence was surprising to her, despite the fact that she could just summon any card in the game to talk to or such." Bestiari shrugged. "I suppose all we can do is wait."

Then, Kyon's sister walked in. "For instructions on how to calm down my mother, please check the enclosed instruction book." She then handed him a small booklet.

"Hmm...Okay. This should do it." Bestiari cleared his throat. "Hey Sakura! Sailor Moon told me, she could kick your ass anytime of the week."

"WHERE IS THAT BITCH!? I'M GOING TO RIP HER THROAT OUT!!!"

"Calm down, Miss. Don't worry about it. The cake is a lie." He started to console the woman. "By the way, can you read what this says?"

"Huh? Oh, sure." Sakura took the card, and waved her staff. Something that looked like a holographic image appeared on the table. It showed Yuki wearing white robes.

"Kyon! You've got to help! The emperor is planning on blowing up the planet with the Death Star. Why he didn't do this already, well...Your guess is as good as mine. Help me, Kyon. You're my only hope." The transmission ended there.

"I see. Yuki came up missing sometime last night. Undertaker found this on her pillow." Bestiari explained. "If you want to help her, go meet up with him. I think he said he'd be at the Dairy Queen. Maybe he can explain more than I can."

"Alright. After breakfast though. I wasn't kidding when I said I was hungry, dammit." Haruhi declared.

"All toasters, toast, toast." Imouto said, as she went for the bread.

After having a filling breakfast, that had absolutely no shenanigans whatsoever (I swear! Honest!). Kyon, Haruhi, Syaoran, and Sakura made their way to the Dairy Queen. As they saw the entrance, several people, including employees, were fleeing from the building. Curious, they entered to find an upset Undertaker.

"Goddammit! I know I'm supposed to be frightening and stuff, but come on! I just wanted to order a Blizzard." The Deadman sighed. "Kimidori, can you please get drinks for us? It seems they're here." They then noticed a creature completely covered in fur walk behind the Phenom. It let out a loud growl as it went to the kitchen.

"What's with the creature?" Syaoran tried to bring up a conversation.

"Oh. Kimidori, why do you have to wear that Halloween costume now? You're freaking out the Clamp characters." Undertaker shouted at the figure.

The figure then took off a full-head mask, revealing the face of Emiri Kimidori. "Sorry if I scared you guys."

"What's with the get-up, Kimidori?" Kyon asked.

"Oh, this is my costume. I plan on taking this baby to cons and stuff. I can also scare little kids and yaoi fangirls away with this. She replied, with her dignified tone.

"Enough! We must talk." Undertaker shouted. "But first, I must deal with someone." He then took a seat across from the restaurant's only occupant besides Haruhi's group, and Emiri. A man with blonde spiky hair, and red eyes, was wearing a fur-coat, and wearing gold jewelry.

"Okay. Is five hundred thousand rupees good?" The Deadman offered.

"Hell, no. One million is my best offer." The man replied.

" Fine. How about seven fifty now, and the rest later?" He asked.

"No. I have to have it in cash now." The man stubbornly replied.

"Come on now. I'm sure you're a reasonable man. Right, Gilgamesh?" He asked.

"THAT'S MAMA GILGAMESH TO YOU, UNDERTAKER." He said angrily, as he held his arm up. "GATE OF BABYL..." His exclamation was cut off by the Undertaker's hand wrapping itself around the throat of the King of Hero's. The Deadman then choke-slammed Mama Gilgamesh through the table.

"Idiot. I didn't want that Yoshi anyway." Undertaker remarked. "I believe that, Nagato's kidnappers are on a space station of some sort. We will infiltrate the station with my ship, the Aluminum Falcon."

"Wait. We get to go into space!?" Haruhi started to get excited. "Hells, yes! Let's go save Yuki! And maybe explore uncharted planets out of boredom."

"Hold on! Let's get the rest of the brigade first." Kyon tried to calm the tsundere down.

"There is no time." The Phenom explained. "Your members here will be enough. Also, if we take any more, we would exhaust the oxygen supply on the ship too fast. No problem for me, or Kimidori, of course, but the rest of you would be fucked."

"Good point." Kyon shrugged.

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

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**...Yes. Emiri is Chewbaca. I wanted to do something else, but I had some slight writers block. Oh well. Like Haruko-sama said, "Beggars Can't be choosers.". **

**(Tag Out)**


	18. We miss Vader

**Here is the next chapter. Thanks to Superstarultra for beta'ing again.**

* * *

After the encounter with Mama Gilgamesh in the Dairy Queen. The Undertaker, not even waiting for Emiri to finish the drinks, decided to lead the small group to his spaceship. Despite its name, the 'Aluminum Falcon' was neither made of aluminum, nor resembled the Millennium Falcon. In fact, it was much larger than the famous spaceship. It had two docking ports, containing god-knows-what, and a few laser beam cannons. The phrase 'Ptolomiaos, Property of Celestial Being.' was crossed out, and, 'Aluminum Falcon, property of The Undertaker.' was written fairly poorly over it.

"Are there Gundams in there?" Haruhi asked, enthusiastically

"No. I'm a IDTE Interface, and so is Kimidori. We don't NEED Gundams." He explained.

"Oh, well. Maybe we can capture one in space!" She exclaimed, even more excited than before.

"Umm. Haruhi? You do know that Gundams aren't Pokémon, right?" Kyon asked, sarcastically.

"I don't know what you're talking about, idiot. Anything can be claimed as your own nowadays!" She raised her fist in the air.

"Are we done talking about Gundams here? We need to stop the empire before they kill us with the Death Star's ultimate weapon." Undertaker said, plainly.

"Well, then. Come on! Let's go! I'm getting bored already." The yellow ribboned tsundre said, annoyed.

**MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN CANADA...**

"...Where am I now?" Kyonko started to wake up from her slumber. She was inside a log cabin, on top of a nice bed, with the sheets pulled over her. She pulled the sheets off, and saw that her clothing from before was back. She also noticed the snow outside the window. She then overheard a conversation, from the door to her room. Curious, she wandered over there.

"Haruko. Tell me again." She heard a stern voice from the door. "Exactly why do you want to involve this innocent girl in this war?"

"Yu-kun, Yu-kun, Yu-kun." She heard a more mischievous female voice from the other side, assuming it was this Haruko person.. "Did you get a look at what she did to that guy in Mexico? She's the ultimate moe character. Plus, she's a loli! We need a loli on our team, Yu-kun." She started to convince the man otherwise. Then, Kyonko accidentally creaked the door, revealing herself, and the two behind the door.

"You're awake." The man said, somewhat relived.

"You know eavesdropping isn't nice, right?" Haruko said, sarcastically.

"What the hell is going on!?" Kyonko started to get angrier. "First, I get throw in the middle of nowhere, then this staff shows up and sexually harasses me, and now this." She sighed. Then, she took a breath in, and asked again. "What the hell is going on!?"

"Someone's on her monthly." The woman remarked. Then, the pink-haired woman was sent flying with a fearsome looking kick, delivered by the normally cynical girl.

During her flight, Haruko performed a number of odd aerial maneuvers, such as spinning, and rolling. None of which lessened the impact of her crashing into the wall. Then, Kyonko started to go towards her direction, to inflict more punishment. Haruko followed suit, and started to move closer to the pony-tailed girl. As they were about to clash, the tattooed man got in between them, and extended hands in both of their directions to try to stop them. He was facing Kyonko.

"Calm down. I'll explain everything." However, with his attention on the pony-tailed girl, he did not notice how his other hand was keeping Haruko occupied though.

"Yu-kun..." The pink-haired woman paused for a second. "NO TOUCHING!"

He then looked back, and was shocked, when he saw his hand on one of her breasts. "Ha-Haruko! I didn't mean to..." He was interrupted as the woman pulled a bass guitar out of nowhere and bashed him on the head with it.

As the man fell to the ground, Haruko stared down the pony-tailed girl. "Are you chilled out yet?" She seemed to have a demonic looking gaze.

"Um. I'm fine, Miss." Kyonko timidly backed away.

"Good. Let me wake up Yu-kun real quick so he can explain stuff to you. He's better at that then I am." She then got down to the ground, and turned the tattooed man face-up. "Now it's time for a little..." She paused for a moment, while she put her mischievous grin on. "...Mouth to mouth." She then mover her head closer to his, and started to 'administrate CPR'.

Kyonko had seen CPR done to people before, and what she saw before her didn't look the least bit like the life-saving technique. Instead, it looked like Haruko was forcefully making out with her patient/victim. After a minute or two, the man started to open, his eyes. They then shot up in shock, as he tried to get the pink-haired woman off of him. After another five seconds or so, she finally got off of him. He started to gasp for air, as he backed away, into a wall.

"H-Haruko! Wh-what was that for!?" He said, still gasping for air.

"Oh, that. I was saving your life." Haruko slyly said. "Besides, you liked it, didn't you?"

"Sh-shut up!" He started to blush.

'And I thought that staff was bad.' Kyonko thought to herself. "I'm feeling a little dizzy. Do you guys mind if I go lay back down for a little while?" She asked.

"Huh? Sure. Go for it." Haruko said, as she seated herself by a wall. "It'll be a while before Yu-kun gets better. Go ahead and get dressed, or transform, or whatever. You'll probably need to."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I said so." Haruko replied with a cat-like smile.

**ONBOARD THE ALLUNIMUM FALCON...**

After being served tea by Emiri, in her Wookie cosplay, Kyon was playing a game of space chess with Haruhi.

"Ha! My Frieza takes out your entire Sayain race, minus three guys and a baby." Haruhi exclaimed. Obviously, Kyon was losing. Then Undertaker spoke from the intercom.

"The Death Star is in sight. They're pulling us in as we speak, so get ready for battle. They plan on forcing us to dock, so you need no spacesuits. Trust me. I watched A New Hope forty times."

"You're lucky, Kyon. On my next turn, I would have had my PC stab your Mac in the heart with Excalibur." Haruhi said, as she reached for her Zanpakto, and released it. Emiri grabbed the Blitz Gun, from Ratchet and Clank, and handed it to Kyon.

"Miss Kimidori? Thanks for the concern, but I can deal more damage with my hand than I can with that. Plus, I can launch ranged attacks on my own." Kyon said. "Besides, that's the Blitz Gun of all things. A regular throwing knife would be more effective than that."

"You do have a point, Kyon. Here," She then grabbed a very familiar sword, to Kyon anyway. "You're father and mother have decided to watch the ship, so he decided to let you have this."

"Where is he?" He asked.

"He's throwing up in one of the garbage bins. Hyper speed travel doesn't treat him so well, apparently." She then noticed the monitor. "Are you ready? We're docking now."

"Yeah." He replied.

As the three infiltrators me up with the Undertaker, Syaoran and Sakura were behind him. "They changed their mind. They want to come."

"Would you two make up your mind already!?" Emiri snapped at them. "You're not a couple of kids anymore. You're in your thirties for Christ's sake."

"Yes, Miss Kimidori." Syaoran and Sakura said, simultaneously. "By the way, go ahead and keep the sword. You'll probably need it more than me." Syaoran said.

"Thanks, dad. I'll put it to good use." He replied.

"Alright. The doors are open. Get ready." Undertaker said, before chanting at an inhuman rate. As the doors opened, the group was greeted by a number of Stormtroopers. They were then struck by black lightning, courtesy of the Phenom. As they made it outside, a huge amount of them, at least fifty, aimed their blasters at the group.

"Let me have a go." Sakura said, as she drew out her staff, along with a card. As the Stormtroopers fired, a large barrier covered the entire group. Then, it broke, and shards of it went flying towards the troopers.

"Mirror Force. Broken, isn't it?" Sakura said, while smiling. However, one of the troopers survived, and fired at the master of the Clow. The red hot beam was deflected by Emiri's hand. The green-haired girl then chanted briefly, as the trooper was struck in the chest with a spear made of ice.

"Please be more careful, Miss." Emiri scolded the woman.

After running through more hallways, they had made it into some sort of communication room. A few Stormtroopers aimed their blasters at the group, but were taken out within seconds, by Kyon and Syaoran. However, one of the communicators was going off.

"Hello? Is anyone there? What's going on?" Said a feminine voice from the speaker.

Kyon quickly pressed the button to talk. "Um. Nothing's wrong here. Just a malfunctioning deal here. Everything's fine here. How are you?"

"Oh. You sound sexy. I'm so horny right now, I could fuck a goat. Wanna have creepy phone sex right now?" The feminine voice beckoned.

The communicator was then smashed by Haruhi's guitar. "Bad conversation anyway. Come on! Let's get her!"

"Right." Kyon replied, and they started to move about again.

After making their way around the space station, they finally made it to an odd room.

"Come here, kitty. Good kitty. Nyan." The same voice from before said.

"She settled for masturbating? Damn, we've sunk low." Sakura brought up.

"Wait. It seems that Nagato is in this room. We must enter." Undertaker said, as he started to chant. As he was doing this, Emiri opened the door. What they saw, was disturbing.

A woman, in a black school uniform, from the school down the road from North High, Kouyouen High, had a cat toy of sorts. She was playing with Yuki, who had cat ears, and a tail. She seemed to play along, because she tried to vigorously grab the toy out of the girls hands. The weirdest thing of all was, the woman was wearing a black helmet, which belonged to a certain Sith Lord.

"Oh." She then turned to the group. "You're here. Yuki, go play somewhere else. I have to deal with these guys." She then took out a small object, and pressed a button on it. Then, a red, beam-like saber came from it.

"Who the hell are you?" Haruhi asked.

"Oh, you're so funny. Let me take this helmet off." She did just that. Everyone there stood shocked. The woman's long, brown hair fell down, as, she fixed the yellow ribbons in her hair.

"WHAT THE FUCK!? HARUHI?" Kyon gasped, thinking that his eyes were deceiving him. Other than the fact that her hair was longer, and a little messy from wearing the helmet, it was no mistake.

"You are correct..." She paused. Her voice sounded 'normal' again, after the helmet came off. "...my name is Haruhi Suzumiya."

"You're going down, imposter!" Haruhi (Regular) was charging at her mirror image with Atomsk. Sith-Lord-Haruhi simply made a single motion with her arm, as she force-pushed Regular-Haruhi away.

"You cannot defeat me. I came from an alternate universe, where some guy got bored, and asked Nagaru Tanigawa if he could make a spin-off manga. Nagaru Tanigawa agreed, and the man written a manga based on the fourth novel. I got bored waiting for the conclusion of the manga, and decided to join the dark side." Sith-Haruhi said.

"So what? It's still five on one!" Haruhi exclaimed.

"Not it's not." Sith-Haruhi force pushed Syaoran and Sakura out of the room, and snapped her fingers. The opening was sealed by a red barrier. "I just remembered something." She pointed at Kyon. "You're the sexy sounding man from earlier, right? As soon as I defeat your group, I will have sexy time with your body, dead or alive."

Kyon didn't know if he should be scared, or turned on. He was feeling a good deal of both. Then he was smacked on the back of the head by Emiri of all people. "Don't even think about it. We have more important things to do. Besides, don't you want it with the non-evil Suzumiya? At least she won't kill you... I think."

"Sh-shut up! I don't even know what you're talking about" His face started to fire up, red.

"Well then, shall we begin?" Sith-Haruhi asked.

"Oh, you are so going down, imposter!" Regular-Haruhi exclaimed.

**MEANWHILE, IN KYONKO'S HEAD...**

"Dammit! Why do I keep ending up in strange places?" She was observing her surroundings. All around her, was various weapons, mostly swords, stuck in the ground. In the distant sunset colored sky, there were large gears, turning about. She then saw a man, with white hair, and red and black clothing approach her.

"So, we finally meet. I am here to show you something that is very important." The man said. "My name...Well, to avoid spoilers, call me Archer."

"Alright. Now, what is this you need to show me?" Kyonko asked.

"This." He raised his arms, and closed his eyes for a moment. Then, two short swords, one black, one white, materialized in his hands. "This is the exact same power that was once held by that Brigade Chief of yours."

"You mean Haruki? That's his power?" She asked.

"It's incredibly similar, but mine is not on a global scale like his is. You may not know this but, you took a good amount of his power with you when you left your dimension. Which means you can make weapons out of nowhere." He replied.

"Really? It sounds a hell of a lot better than that stupid staff. I'm willing to comply, I suppose." She said.

"Good. Just picture the weapon of choice in your head. I will show you a number of examples, so you'll have it easier." Archer said, as he took a sheet of paper from his pocket. "Keep this for now, I will explain later."

"Sure. But why do I have to get stronger anyway?" She asked.

"It is simple. There is an enemy, only you can defeat. Perhaps when you awaken, you can learn more about this task. I am confused about it myself. However, I will perform my role. I'm that bored. Now, let me show you how to make exploding arrows..."

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

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**Yes, I'm skipping a large amount of the plot of A New Hope, plus AUHaruhi and the Undertaker are especially OOC today. Oh well. I'm still working (Not Really) on fixing up the old chapters a little. I'll try to work on that more.**

**(Tag Out)  
**


	19. Total Nonstop Disability Girls

**I had a difficult time with this one. The original version of this was quite dark, and didn't really fit in with the pace I was going. I had brief writers block, until a YouTube Poop gave me an excellent idea. Once again, thanks to Superstarultra for beta'ing. **

* * *

**BACK AT THE DEATH STAR...**

Haruhi (Regular) and her group, were in the midst of battle with Haruhi (Sith). Despite sharing the same appearance as the guitar-wielding girl before her, (minus he outfit and hair) Haruhi (Sith) was much more formidable than her other self, as she was fending off attacks from multiple directions. As Haruhi (Regular) ran up to her, she deflected the guitar with her light saber. As she was holding that off, Emiri, who was wielding a large, medieval axe that didn't seem to suit her, and Kyon, tried to flank her. As they closed in, she jumped backward, while dropping her light saber, and drug Haruhi (Regular) to her previous position with her force powers. The three ended up sprawled on the floor as their heads crashed into each other.

After that, she leaped ahead to narrowly avoid a purple lightning bolt, courtesy of The Undertaker. She reclaimed her light saber from the floor, and moved in to the group on the floor. She then lunged herself at Emiri and slashed vertically. Unable to put up a barrier fast enough, the normally professional-looking alien was cut in half, from the left shoulder to the right hip.

"Kimidori!" Kyon shouted in a raging tone.

"Don't worry. Death has not claimed her. She will return to us eventually." The Deadman explained. "We must end this now." He then made a motion with his hands, and the room grew dark. After completely blacking out, the only lights came from Haruhi (Sith)'s light saber, the barrier at the door, and several purple lines, which lighted up briefly around the walls of the room. Then the lights came back on as the Phenom slowly removed his hat, revealing cold, dead, eyes."Surrender now. This entire room is under my command. You cannot win"

"You think I'm not prepared for something like this?" Haruhi (Sith) cockily said. "What kind of person do you take me for!? Yuki-rin! Disable his command!" She shouted.

Then the collar Yuki was wearing started to glow, as the girl stood up, and started to chant at an inhuman rate. In a matter of seconds, the purple lines started to fade, as the room started to glow, in a warm, blue light. After a moment, the light started to fade. As it did, one could see a pillar of ice in the middle of the room. Once the light was completely faded away, one could see that, trapped inside the ice pillar, was none other than The Undertaker himself. Then standing off to the side of the pillar, the collar around Yuki's neck broke apart, and she fell to the ground, unconscious.

Haruhi (Sith) started to laugh evilly. "You've got to love technology these days! A collar that makes someone act like a cat ninety-nine percent of the time, and a Benedict Arnold the other one percent." The long-haired Sith couldn't help but laugh more. "Plus, I even infected the Integrated Data Thought Entity with a virus, so she would obey me. Of course, I didn't do this alone. Just like you, I have many allies." She then raised her saber again. "So, now that the only chance of you beating me is gone, I say we finish this little gig up, right here and now!"

"We're not done just yet!" Haruhi (Regular) declared. "You have better get this right, Kyon!" She turned to the sandy-haired cynic. "Otherwise, you're going to receive the death penalty!"

Kyon shivered a bit this time, because what she said was true. Failure really meant death. "Sure. Whenever you're ready."

The yellow-ribboned tsundere charged at the yellow-ribboned Sith. As she swung at her enemy, she was deflected, by another force push.

"Don't you ever learn!?" Haruhi (Sith) snarled. She then noticed the engine sound, emitting from the guitar. After looking bemused for a moment, she noticed the energy gathering at the neck of the instrument. As Haruhi (Regular) shouted out the name of her attack, a blast of red energy was launched at the Sith. She jumped out of the way, and was struck by another wave of energy. She had completely ignored Kyon's attack preparations. Then she saw the two coming at her from different directions. "You made me do this, you know?"

It happened so quickly, that she never saw it coming. As her duplicate muttered that phrase, she drew out another beam saber. Then she deflected both Kyon's and her own swings. After giving nasty-looking glares at both of them, she jumped back, and sent Kyon flying into a wall with a force push. Stumbling back, Haruhi (Regular) swung at the Sith clumsily, in an attempt to regain her balance. However, she found her weapon caught by both of Haruhi (Sith)'s light sabers. With a brief motion, the Sith sent Atomsk flying upward, out of the tsundere's hands. After that, she swung her light sabers, to form another "X". However, Haruhi (Regular) thought quickly, and jumped back. She couldn't get far enough to avoid the attack altogether, as the blades made faint contact, ripping her top, in a number of pieces. Looking slightly behind her opponent, she saw Kyon's shocked staring, and quickly realized that something was off. She then tried to cover herself with her arms in embarrassment, which proved ineffective in combat, as the duplicate sent her flying with a kick that was enhanced with another force push. Haruhi (Regular) then hit the back of her head heavily against the wall behind her and lost consciousness.

Haruhi (Sith) took a look at her disabled opponent, giving a sick smile to him in the process. "You gotta love randomly falling asleep in the middle of battle. Even if it is technically knocking someone out, it's still funny in some situations." She then began to slowly walk over to Kyon. "Now, where was I, before we hung up?"

Absolute dread consumed Kyon. He was fearing for his own life, wondering if Haruhi (Regular) would be alright, and fearing for his parents. Starting to panic, he blindly lunged forward with his blade. In a single stroke, it was deflected, and sent flying away. Backing away to the wall, he stared at the twisted female, who resembled his dear friend, approach him, with a revolting grin on her face. Then he heard a demonic-sounding voice resonate in his head.

"_Pathetic. I cannot believe you lost to someone like this. I mean, it's a frickin mid-boss."_ As thevoice said this, the ribboned Sith put away her light sabers, and moved closer to him.

"_You really suck, you know. I mean, come on! What kind of host are you? The gay retarded kind?" _The replica then pinned both of his hands to the wall.

"_Come on, tell the__ whole world that you're a gay fagot. I see what that esper boy does to you. Admit it. You like it, don't you?" _She then started to move her face closer to his.

"_A__re you just going to let yellow-__ribboned bitches run over you, all your life? Come on, you li__ttle girl. Just give in."_ She moved her lips closer to his, she could feel his frenzied breathing.

She was moments from feeling her ecstasy. Her lips were an inch away from his. She was close enough, however, to hear the faint word he said.

"No."

Suddenly, Haruhi (Sith) was launched across the room from some sort of unknown force. Then she took a look at the man she was previously forcing herself upon. His eyes were glowing bright yellow, a crooked smile, that sent shivers down her spine. Kyon then frowned for a moment.

"_You.__ You tried to kill me, my friends, everything. You are not my friend. You are not my lover. You..." _He paused for a moment. Haruhi (Sith) noticed how twisted his voice was, like it was being sent through some sort of broken synthesizer. _"...You are nothing more than__ a spinoff character. You are not the "real" Disappearance Haruhi, and you never will be!" _He paused as a golden scythe with some sort of chain attached materialized in his grasp. Then Haruhi (Sith) noticed a golden yellow box, which resembled an offertory box found at shrines. The villainess took a look back at Kyon and saw a silhouette behind him. The only thing she could recognize was that the silhouette resembled a short human, feminine, and carrying a staff of sorts. _"Why don't you make me a sandwich, you little Vade__r rip-off?"_

As he said this, golden chains came from the walls, and entangled her arms, holding her down in that one place, where she stood. _"You know what? I'm tired of waiting for you to beg for your life. I'm just going to end it now." _He then ran at her with his scythe.

"K-Kyon!? I-is that you?" Kyon heard a voice off to the side. He took a look and saw that Haruhi (Regular) had regained consciousness. "W-what's going on!?"

"_Oh, nothing much....__ just about to kill this bitch. You wanna piece of her to take home?" _He said, his eyes continuing to glow yellow.

"Enough, Kyon! Stop! What the hell is wrong with you!?" She stood, shouting at him, with a hint of fear in her voice.

"_This, coming from a girl, who commanded godly powers, for the longest time, made my life a li__ving hell, almost killed me a number of times, and now wields a glowing red guitar as a weapon." _He scoffed.

"Wait, you don't mean..." She was in absolute shock, waiting to hear what he had to say next.

"_That's right. That idiot thought it was a good idea hiding it from you, but I'm in charge now! Yes, you were the one who held the godlike powers, before all the shit started to fly. But it doesn't matter now. All I need to do is end this."_

He raised his scythe, and aimed it for the Sith's head. Before it could make contact, however, a loud crashing noise was heard, as one of the walls came down, bringing a cloud of dust with it. When it cleared, he saw a slightly chubby woman, with pink hair done in twin drills, wearing a school outfit, that had a white blouse and a green skirt, hold the rod of the scythe with both hands. Next to her, was a comely looking woman, dressed in a similar uniform, with short blue hair, wearing glasses, and had one hand on her hip, the other on her glasses. Standing behind the two girls, was a man with shaved blonde hair, wearing a black jumpsuit, with two "C"'s printed on it. One of which was reversed.

"I'm not going to let you hurt my buddy~!" The pink haired girl said, as she tossed the scythe aside.

"_Who the hell are you __people?" _The demonic looking man asked.

"I'm Misha~! This is my buddy, Shizune, and our friend, Christian~! Those are the last names you will hear before you die~!" She started to laugh, as if not even taking any of this seriously.

"You're going to pay for trying to kill our comrade!" Christian yelled. "Which is why, at Miku-geddon, you guys are going down! There won't be not one table, two tables, three tables, not even four tables. At Miku-geddon, we will have a five table elimination match!"

"_Wow. You__ guys are just__..__. I don't even know. And what the fuck is a Miku-geddon?" _Kyon asked, still sporting the demonic voice.

"After Miku Hatsune forcefully took over TNA wrestling from Dixie Carter, we needed some way to compete with WWE. So we gave or Pay-Per-View events stupid names. This somehow earns us more money." He replied calmly.

"_Wait a moment, aren't you supposed to be working for WWE?" _The demonic tone was starting to leave his voice.

"Yeah, so?" Christian asked.

"_That's against the law, isn't it?"_

"I'm pretty. I can do whatever I want." He replied, crossing his arms.

"_Okay. Dude? _That's not how the joke goes." The tone had completely left Kyon's voice, as he said that.

"Yeah, but I wanted to do something new, you know? Fresh? Like Mentos, the Freshmaker!" He then pulled out a pack of gum, that said "Mentos.". On the pack, was yet another Twilight advertisement.

Haruhi, while watching this, calmed down a great deal, as the demonic tone left Kyon's voice. She stood up, forgetting about the condition of her uniform. "We accept your elimination match, Christian! We will not back down, no matter how pretty you are, or how nice your breath smells!"

The glow left his eyes, the golden box, the scythe, and the chains started to fade away. "Haruhi, you just sounded like you were hitting on him." Despite his snark, he could not help but wear a goofy grin as he stared at Haruhi. "It doesn't help very much, that you're topless, either."

"Huh?" She then felt the breeze in the room, even though they were in space. "Dammit, Kyon! You're going to receive the maximum penalty!"

"Wow, and I thought I was a slut." Haruhi (Sith) said, as she got down, from the chains fading away. "Let's get the fudge outta here guys, that guy is a loose cannon." She motioned to Kyon.

Shizune then started to make a number of signs in the air, and then crossed her arms, shooting them a glare. "Shiichan says, that if you try to avoid our challenge, we will blow up Earth with our second Death Star~!" Misha beamed, as she made a few hand signs of her own. Then, Christian threw a smoke bomb on the floor. After the bellowing smoke cleared, the group was gone, leaving a note behind.

"I wonder what this says..." Kyon took the note from the ground, and read it aloud.

"_**You guys are really effing stupid, you know?**_**"**

"_**This isn't even a real Death Star, it doesn't have the lazer."**_

"_**When we meet, I shall play with you...with my dolls!"**_

"_**What? You think everything in this story is so perverted?"**_

"_**You will face the wrath of an overpowered loli, and her army of lazers."**_

_**-Sincerely, Alice Margatroid, ruler of the empire.**_

"You know what? It would have been better if I hadn't read it in the first place." He remarked, as he took of his blazer, and put it over Haruhi's shoulders. They then heard a familiar chirping, as Syaoran, and Sakura ran into the room.

"Are you guys okay?" Syaoran asked, sounding concerned.

"Sort of." Kyon replied. "Actually, I felt like I passed out, before the imposter tried to force herself on me."

"You don't remember anything? Not even how creepy you sounded?" Haruhi asked.

"Creepy? What was going on?" He started to sound concerned.

"Perhaps I can explain" The ice pillar cracked, and Undertaker emerged from it. "I was able to watch the entire battle, even while trapped in this ice. By the way, I never knew mortal chicks were so... Sexy." He then received a knuckle to the back of the head. Emiri had repaired her body, and heard that remark.

"Whatever. I shall explain when we return to earth." He slightly elbowed Emiri. 

**MEANWHILE, IN CANADA, AT THE CABIN...**

Kyonko's dreams went on, for what seemed like an eternity. First, she learned to create basic weapons. Twin blades, bows, arrows, long swords, spears, axes, clubs, and the like. After creating the weapon with her mind, she found it easy to actually use the weapon. Although she was sleeping for, possibly an hour, she felt like it was weeks. Then, she found her body being shook.

"You must awaken now. Don't worry. I will show you more when the time is right." Archer calmly said.

"Alright." Kyonko nodded. Then she awoke to the bucket of cold water, that was just splashed on her face.

"Get up! We has some business to do!" Haruko yelled.

"I'm up! What's going on!?" The pony-tailed girl asked.

"Haruko, you didn't need to do that. We could of waited for her to wake up on her own." The man from earlier, said.

"Well, tell me anyway. I want this girl to come up with a good excuse as to why she woke me up like this." She glared at the pair.

"Our enemy has awakened." The man said. "Why don't you dry yourself off? This is going to take a while to explain, and I don't want you to catch a cold."

"Alright." Kyonko muttered. "I already miss Haruki."

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

* * *

**Can anyone guess where this train wreck of a plot is going? Not even I, the author can. And I'm actually a fan of both TNA and WWE, not being able to decide on what to watch on Monday nights XP. **

**(Tag Out)**


	20. The Undertaker's worst day

**Here is some moar. In this chapter, we feebly attempt to explain the plot of this insanity. Thanks yet again, to Superstarultra for beta'ing.**

* * *

After drying herself off and changing, Kyonko sat down on a couch in the cabin as the tattooed man, and the pink-haired sat down next to her.

"Alright. Now, tell me what the hell is going on!" The pony-tailed girl said, obviously losing her patience.

"You're not from this world. However, we do not belong here either," The man began. "There are a large amount of alternate realities out there, which normally act independent of each other. Under normal circumstances, there would be no way to travel to or affect any reality, which you do not belong in. However..." He paused for a moment. "...There's an evil force at work here. This being found a way to rip apart the barrier between realities. However, when that barrier was gone, there was nothing stopping people from being transported from their own realities at any moment."

"Can you explain this in human terms please? I'm afraid this makes little sense at all," Kyonko replied, seeming confused.

"What Yu-kun is trying to say is, some power-hungry idiot thought it would be fun to be a god. So, they ripped apart space and time to get to this power. In the process, many people were randomly sucked out of their world, and stuck into another," Haruko said, like she was trying to explain algebra to a fourth-grader.

"Wait, a minute, if this so-called 'Being' can rip up space and time, why isn't he already considered a god?" Kyonko asked, still confused at what the hell was going on.

"Because you cannot defeat a god. This being can be beaten, but we still have no clue how," The man said.

"Who are you guys, anyway?" Kyonko decided to bring up another question.

"My name is Haruko Haruhara!" She said, while shifting her position on the couch, to stretch Kyonko's face, in an odd state. The pony-tailed girl quickly got the crazy girl's hands off of her face.

"I'm sorry for her, well, craziness. My name is Yusei Fudo, and we're supposedly the only ones who know that there's actually something wrong with what's going on," He replied.

"My name is..." Kyonko began...

**MEANWHILE, ON THE ALUMINUM FALCON...**

"Kyon! Look what I found!" Haruhi said, waving around a video tape. Fortunately for her, Emiri had conjured up, yet another North High uniform for her. "I wonder what kind of movies this guy is into!?"

"NO!" The Undertaker had moved from his chair in the cockpit to Haruhi's position in the lounge, and grabbed her arm, which held the tape. "Do not watch that!"

"You don't have to worry." She freed her arm, and went to a conveniently placed VCR, hooked up to a monitor in the room. "My dad's an otaku, so I wouldn't hold it against you if this was some Shinji/Asuka hentai porn. I don't know why he likes that pairing so much though." She then shoved the tape into the device, and mashed the 'Play' button.

"Fool! I hold the remote, which commands the destiny of the VCR. You cannot win." He replied, holding the device in his hands.

"As leader of the SOS Brigade, I command you to hand over that remote!" The tsundere ordered.

"I am not your subordinate, no matter how much of a sexy mortal you become!" He replied, in a terrifying voice.

"But almost all of your screen time has been spent, either with me, or another member of the Brigade. Face it, you're a member of the SOS Brigade." She confidently replied.

"...SHIT. You're right. However, I still will not submit." He then found that the remote had left his hand. Looking around, he found the green-haired thief, handing the device to Haruhi. "Dammit, Kimidori! Why are you siding with her?"

"Because the Entity just told me to. It's communications are back up. Besides, I want to see this again, too," Emiri said, chuckling a little.

"...Fine. Let's get this over with." The Phenom slumped into a chair.

"Yay!" Haruhi pressed 'Play' on the remote, and the monitor came on.

As the screen came on, two men were walking through a grassy plain, with a few trees littered about. Music, that seemed like it belonged to a SNES game was playing in the background. The two men, who were both wearing overalls, one red, and one green, were easy to recognize, despite their costumes. The man in red was The Undertaker, who looked slightly less threatening then he normally does. The man in green, was the man from the Dairy Queen, who was also wearing numerous gold chains. As they passed through a gate, the two women from the Death Star, Misha and Shizune, were on the top of a gate. Shizune was adjusting her glasses, while Misha bellowed out a bizarre-sounding laugh. The two didn't seem to notice this as they passed through the small drawbridge.

"It was nice of Kimidori to prepare lunch for us, gay Gilgamesh?" The Deadman said to the King of Heros.

"I hope she is the king of making lotsa spaghetti!" Gilgamesh replied.

The two made it to a house, with a note attached to the door. The Undertaker took the note and read it aloud. "Dear pesky Deadman and King. The entire cast of Katawa Shoujo and I, have kidnapped your acquaintance. She is now the welcomed guest at one of our seven hospitals/schools. We dare you to come and find her! Signed, Shizune Hakamichi." He put the note away. "We must go assist her!"

"And the king of gamers must help!" Gilgamesh pointed at the camera, as if daring the watching audience.

"For instructions on how you may assist Kimidori, please read the enclosed scriptures," Undertaker said. Then the video stopped.

Everyone in the lounge, besides the Undertaker, was laughing they're asses off, only stopping to take in air. Except for Emiri, who didn't need air to laugh like that.

"Wh-What the hell is this?" Haruhi asked, then began to laugh some more.

"Now I know where my sister get's a few of her sayings." Kyon remarked, then continued to laugh.

"My, my. That was hilarious!" Sakura said, also laughing crazily.

"My daughter has an excellent role model!" Syaoran declared, slapping his knee, as he continued to laugh.

"That never gets boring. Even if I had to be the heroine in that, it's still funny as hell." Emiri kept on laughing.

"Okay, that's it," The Undertaker said, with terror returning to his voice. He saw Kyon and Haruhi, who happened to be standing close by each other. While they were distracted laughing, the Deadman grabbed both of their throats with his hands. Lifting them up with no problems, he slammed them both down on the table in the lounge, causing it to break from the pressure. This caused the two to stop laughing.

Next, was Syaoran and Sakura, who were still distracted by how insanely bad, yet funny the movie was. He gave them the same treatment he gave Kyon, and Haruhi, the only difference being that there was no table to put them through, since he broke the only one in there. However, they still stopped laughing, as they arched they're backs in pain.

Finally, Emiri, who was still somewhat aware of her surroundings. Then she stopped laughing, and turned to the Deadman. "You're so embarrassed, you want to shut us up the hard way? Go ahead and try." She snapped her fingers, teleporting her, and the Phenom to a distant planet.

"So it begins..." Undertaker said as he placed his hand on the rocky surface of the planet, and started chanting. After a few seconds, the ground started to shake, and spiked pillars of rock emerged from the ground, around Emiri's feet. Thinking quickly, she leapt in the air, and balances herself on one of the pillars. She then leapt from pillar to pillar and started a chant of her own. She then launched thousands of spears down at her opponent.

Starting another chant, he hit the ground with his fist, causing a large wall of earth to rise up, blocking the spears. He then hit the wall a number of times, launching earthen spears at the green-haired girl. Not wanting to be outdone, Emiri made a quick chant, and started to float mid-air. She then evaded the myriad of projectiles, with an incredible amount of grace. She then landed on the ground, a couple of yards away from the Phenom. "Is that the best you can do?" She mocked.

"You speak like you have already won," Her superior said, beginning another chant.

"It's because I have." She then began a chant of her own.

As the Deadman finished his chant, he launched a massive purple lightning bolt at Emiri. It seemed to make contact, as it kicked up a large amount of dust. However, when the dust cleared, a large green balloon dog stood there.

"I am Mister Kimidori. It is a pleasure to meet you, good sir." The dog said, in a deep voice.

"What the hell? Where's..." He tried to continue, but found that he was impaled by a spear, which was colored a pure white.

"Like I said, I won," Emiri said, from above the Undertaker. He turned to face her, and saw that she was riding on a white Pegasus, and was wearing a pure white dress. She then snapped her fingers again. Then a slight ticking could be heard.

"What the Fu..." He began, but was interrupted by a large explosion.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Emiri and her Pegasus were laughing, yet again.

**BACK AT THE CABIN...**

"...Li. But everyone calls me Kyonko," She finally finished introducing herself. At this time, both the crazy Haruko and the normally patient Yusei were fast asleep, their heads on Kyonko's shoulders. She was wondering why there was a weight on both of them halfway through her introduction. "Dammit! I hate it when this happens..." She said, frustrated. She then took both of their heads and crashed them together. "Wake up, guys! It's not polite to sleep on a woman's shoulders, while she is trying to tell you her ridiculously long and stupid name."

"Eh? Sorry," Haruko said sheepishly. She then turned to Yusei. "Tell the woman you're sorry, dammit! We have to hur-hur-hurry!"

"Oh, right. Sorry, Miss Kyonko," He apologized, a faint red showing up on his face.

"Can you drop the 'Miss'? It makes me feel old," Kyonko remarked. "Now, why do we have to hurry?"

"Because we don't have all the time in the world! If we wait, she is just going to get more powerful! We have to go to where she came from," The pink-haired woman replied.

"I see. Where exactly do we have to go?"

"...Gensokyo." Haruko replied, actually sounding serious.

"What's that?" Kyonko asked.

"We'll explain more on our way there. You'll have to ride in my sidecar, since we only have two runners at the moment," Yusei spoke up.

"Runners? What?" The heroine questioned, still sounding confused.

**BACK AT THE ALUMINUM FALCON...**

"I still can't believe I was slain by a 'WTF? Boom'," Undertaker complained.

"Get over it. You sorta deserve it for choke-slamming everyone," Emiri explained a-matter-of-factly.

Then a certain purple haired alien walked in. "I can't get any sleep. Wh-what's this?" She stuttered out. This shocked Emiri and The Undertaker quite a bit. This was the most emotion they've ever seen her show.

"N-Nagato. Is that you?" The green-haired alien asked, still shocked.

"Y-yes. Why is everything torn up in here? And where is everyone?" Yuki asked, shyly.

"It-it can't be!" The Deadman stuttered out. "It's book four Yuki! We're all doomed! Wait. No. This is actually a good thing. Now that she has emotions, she can kick out that annoying Asian kid, with the Blackwing fetish. I'm tired of playing Modern Warfare Two with him."

"Y-yes. I'm tired of him too. B-but I don't know if I can?" Yuki replied, still seeming shy.

An automated computer voice sounded. "We are about to make atmospheric entry. Please fasten your seat belts, or I will have to quote Emiya Shirou, just like nearly every other character has in this story."

"Which reminds me, where are Haruhi and the others?" Emiri asked.

"I dunno. Let's get to the cockpit." They then made their way to the cockpit and fastened their seat belts. After a bumpy landing, a loud shouting could be heard from outside.

"YOU BASTARDS! YOU CRASHED INTO MY NEW HOUSE! AND AFTER I WENT THROUGH THE TROUBLE OF THROWING SOME INNOCENT FAMILY OUT OF IT, TOO!" They heard the voice of an angry man from outside. Yuki, Emiri, and The Undertaker, made their way outside, to discover the source of the noise.

"Prepare to face the wrath of Lightning Demon Oruki Suzumiya!" The temperamental man angrily growled to the three aliens exiting the spaceship. They then heard a commotion from across the street.

"Dad! That man put his hands on me! Go ahead and blast him!" Haruhi shouted from across the street, standing by Kyon, Syaoran, and Sakura. They were all behind an escape-pod of sorts, which seemed to crash on top of some poor mailman's mail-truck. The mailman was not inside, however.

"You... PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY BELOVED DAUGHTER!? THAT'S IT, I HAVE TO WASTE MY CONVENIENTLY OBTAINED BANKAI ON YOU!!!" Oruki started to release a massive spiritual pressure.

"M-Mr. Suzumiya! Emiri and I had nothing to do with what he did!" Yuki shouted. She then drug Emiri out of the line of fire.

"Fine then. I'll interrogate them later. For now...Ban Kai." He raised his sword, as it started to glow around him. As the glow faded away, Robotic looking wings, with six 'feathers' adorned his back. His right arm was replaced with a cannon, and his eyes glowed green. "...STRIKE FREEDOM!!!"

"...SHIT," Undertaker deadpanned, before he was hit by thousands of lasers coming from all directions.

**MEANWHILE, AT NORTH HIGH...**

"Commander Bestiari! We have captured all of the members of the RIP Cartel!" A short, lizard-like creature announced proudly.

"Good job, Private Secutor. Now we can rid the world of this menace, once and for all! Prepare them for a public execution, maybe we can lure out that other problem we have," Bestiari replied.

"Do you really think she'll come? She's practically abandoned them!" Secutor said.

"We don't have that many options though. If nothing else, we can think of a plan B to lure her out..."

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

* * *

**...Yes. I've turned The Undertaker into the Vocaloid, Kagamine Len. Oh well, he shall have his revenge...someday...I dunno. Also thanks to JonBob0008 for giving his already crazy OC a crazy nickname. **

**(Tag Out) **


	21. I Wanna Be the SuperVillain

**Here is the next part. In this episode, we try to straighten out this multi-directional plot, and fail miserably. Okay, I'm just kidding. After obtaining my nationals invite, I decide to make fun of those annoying birds some more. Thanks to Superstarultra for beta'ing, yet again.**

* * *

While the Gladiator Beasts were discussing their strategy, Tsuruya and her group of buddies/comrades/somewhat evil cohorts, were locked up in a makeshift dungeon, located in the gym of North High. There were a number of students here, looking at the various attractions. A good number of them had been pointing at the cages.

"Ha! I knew she was a wild animal! Just look at that fang, she's a freaking crocodile!" One of the students shouted, while pointing at Tsuruya's cage.

"Hey! That's very rude, nyoro! My fang is a symbol of honor within my family!" The genki-girl shouted, while shaking on the bars of the cage.

"Hey, Shiki," A short, white-haired girl grabbed the boy by the wrist, and turned him to Shion's cage, "That one looks kind of hungry. Maybe we can feed her?"

"SATOSHI~!!! SATOSHI~!!!" Shion was weeping in her cell. "COME! SAVE ME FROM THIS PLACE WITH YOUR BIG, SEXY, MANLY ARMS OF SUPER MANLINESS!!!"

"Maybe we should leave her alone, Len..." The boy replied uneasily.

"Heys! I'm hungry, nyoro!" Tsuruya shouted from her cell. "Feeds mes, nyoro! I wants smoked-cheese!"

"Oh, wait, there's a sign that says, 'Don't feed the animals.' So we should just get going." The boy explained, while re-adjusting his glasses.

"Nyoro~n," Tsuruya said, pouting.

**OUTSIDE THE ALUMINUM FALCON'S LANDING SPOT...**

"Wow. Looks like I'll be going home soon, heh, heh...." Haruhi chuckled nervously as she witnessed her father's destructive power.

"Damn straight! We're just going to move into the Velvet Room, where your mom works. Surely, Igor won't mind!" Oruki declared.

"You have not won just yet, mortal." The sound of demonic bells filled the air as a bolt of blue lightning came down to the smoked remains of The Undertaker. As the smoke from the bolt cleared, the Deadman stood once more. "I have received a message from the Entity, declaring you a minor problem. You have a higher damage output than anyone here, besides myself, Kimidori, and Nagato. However, I now have permission from the Entity to incapacitate you."

"You don't scare me and neither do those lolis!" The gruff man motioned to the two aliens, who were standing off to the side. "Are you ready for more of mah lazers!?"

Before he could fire, The Undertaker warped in front of him, and grabbed him by the neck. He then started to chant, and before Oruki could react, the large man screamed as a loud zapping noise could be heard and went limp. Then the Phenom slammed him into the ground and began chanting again. A few moments later, a dark coffin materialized beside the Deadman, who then lifted Oruki's still limp body into the coffin, and shut the lid.

"Wow. You didn't kill him, did you?" Haruhi asked, sounding somewhat concerned.

"No. He will be kept in stasis, depending on the amount of power he was emitting at the time of imprisonment. Kimidori, what did the scouter say about his power level?" He motioned to the calm-looking alien.

"It was over nine-thousand!" She replied.

"There. He'll be in there for about a day or so. During his sleep in stasis, he will be plagued with nightmares," Undertaker stated.

"Like what? This isn't going to make him go emo, is it?" The ribboned girl asked.

"Probably not. Perhaps he will be willing to co-operate with us after he awakens," The wrestler replied.

"Yeah, I doubt it." Haruhi deadpanned. "Knowing my dad, we're going to have to beat him down at least three or four more times, before he either caves in and joins us, or whines at mom to fight us."

"Wait, your mom doesn't look that threatening. She can't hurt us, can she?" Kyon asked, sounding confused.

"I don't know. Every time he asks, she ignores him." Haruhi replied. "But then again, if dad is asking her to fight for him, she must be powerful."

"Excuse me." Yuki spoke up. "Perhaps we can regroup at my apartment. There is something I wish to discuss with you. In addition, I wish to avoid further conflict for the moment."

"You guys go on ahead." Syaoran said. "Sakura and I have to head back home, we have a few things to take care of."

"I see. Please be careful on your way home." Yuki offered. After everyone said their goodbyes, Kyon, Haruhi, and the three aliens made their way to Yuki's apartment. After typing in her key code, the purple-haired alien let the others in the complex. As they came to the elevator, they saw Vince, the Shamwow guy.

"Oh, hey! It's... You again." He greeted them, panicking slightly.

"Huh? I'm sorry, who are you again?" Haruhi asked, placing her hands on her hips.

"Haruhi, that's the guy you punched out for flirting with you." Kyon told her.

"Oh. I still don't remember him. Could you give me a better hint?" She asked. Kyon facepalmed at this.

"The guy from the Shamwow commercials," He offered.

"Oh, yeah..." She then placed a hand on her chin and blinked slowly. "YOU KILLED BILLY MAYS, YOU BASTARD!!!" The spokesperson then found himself being tackled to the ground, as the tsundere started to pound on him ferociously.

"Calm down, Haruhi! That's just a rumor some bored guy on the internet started!" Kyon said as he tried to lift her off of the poor spokesperson and restrain her.

"But I've seen proof! I saw an image of him holding a Death Note!!!" She replied, while struggling to escape from the cynic's restraint.

"That was probably a photoshop from the same guy. It's kind of like pasting Marvin the Martian's face on Carlos Mencia's face and calling him an alien."

"Hmm...Good point." She stopped struggling and calmed down. "I still don't like you though, Billy Mays rip-off." Haruhi pointed menacingly at Vince, who was on the ground, too scared to move.

"Would you three stop arguing over Mudkips, and get on the damn elevator?" Emiri said in an annoyed tone.

"Since when do you order me around!" Haruhi snapped at the calm girl.

"You know the guy standing right next to me, who took out your dad within seconds? I kicked his ass," She stated, matter-of-factly.

"Quit bragging. The only reason you won, was because of that damn balloon dog. You couldn't even do anything if she mounted you like she just did to that poor guy over there and beat you until you weren't functional." The Deadman smirked, coming to Haruhi's defense. "Besides, the Entity told me to go easy on you."

"Why you..." Emiri growled murderously. "Fine. Give the order, supreme commander."

"Very well then, let's go already! I'm getting bored. ..........And hungry."

After a somewhat uncomfortable elevator ride, the mismatched gang of characters made it to Yuki's apartment. As they entered the room, they spotted an Asian man with spiked orange hair, donning a black headband, and a tattoo of a yellow 'M' on his forehead. He wore a black vest, on top of a green shirt, and black jeans. "Ah, Yuki. You're back early. And you have guests? Oh, boy..." He said the last part sarcastically and with an eyeroll to boot.

"That's Crow. I won a bet by beating him in Modern Warfare Two, and now he's my slave. The Entity said I needed one to watch over this place for some reason," Yuki explained to her friends.

"You'd better not be taking advantage of my Yuki, you bastard!" Haruhi stormed in the conversation, raging.

"Whoa! Calm down!" Crow backed away from her in concern for his health. "She usually never tells me to do anything anyway. The only things I ever do are get groceries and spy on certain things. I don't see why she wants me to spy on these individuals, and I also don't understand why egorge visual novels are on a grocery list!" He replied, backing away from the annoyed tsundere.

"Fine. But I'm keeping an eye on you!" Haruhi snapped at him. "Anyways," She turned to face Yuki, "what did you wanna discuss?"

"It's about Lelouch. He isn't who he says he is," Yuki said, sounding frightened.

"Yuki, you sound weird. Is everything okay?" Haruhi offered.

"I will get to that in a moment. However, I suspect that he is a spy, controlled by the Sky Canopy Domain." The lavender-headed extraterrestrial said, before she turned back to her unlucky slave."Crow, get us some tea."

"Yeah, yeah..." Crow replied, as he went to the kitchen.

"Those guys? Don't they have a communication problem though?" Kyon brought up, as he took a seat at the table.

"It seems that Lelouch Lamprouge is a normal human, given a special data-manipulation power, by one of the Domain's highest ranked interfaces," Yuki clarified as she took a seat at the table, across from Kyon.

"Who exactly is this Domain thingy?" Haruhi asked as she took a seat at the table next to Kyon.

"It is a rival faction to the Integrated Data Thought Entity. Their goal is unknown, but they have kept their distance from the Entity." Yuki paused for a moment. "According to the data we have collected, the human Lelouch Lamprouge had received his data-manipulation ability from the highest ranked member of the Domain that we have knowledge of. Her name was C.C.. In order to investigate the strange ability of Lelouch, we had Emiri Kimidori spy on both Lelouch and the RIP Cartel. Upon further investigation, we discovered C.C.'s involvement in the Domain. However, it is not certain that C.C. is a member of the Domain. Our only knowledge of her is that she can manipulate data, and that she is not a member of our faction."

"I see. What does she look like?" Haruhi asked, still somewhat confused.

"She has long green hair, and is employed by Pizza Hut." The purple-haired alien then turned to Crow as he placed cups of tea on the table. "You are two-point-five seconds late, Crow. Your service time has been extended by fourteen days."

"What?! Hell, no! I'm tired of being your slave! I'm getting the fudge outta here!" He turned to where the door was supposed to be, only to find a wall.

"You cannot leave until you have completely served you time." Yuki said.

"Fine then. I challenge you to a duel! If I win, I don't have to serve you anymore!" Crow shouted, pulling out a duel-disk out of nowhere.

"Very well. If I am successful in winning, I will terminate your data, causing you to cease to exist." Yuki replied.

"Fine then! Anything's better than working for you!" He raised his duel-disk. Yuki, being an alien, had no need for the device, so she materialized a deck out of nowhere, and placed it on the table.

"I'll go first!" Crow exclaimed, as he took an unnecessary dramatic pose, and drew a card from his deck. "I summon Blackwing-Shura the Blue Flame!" Then a large, black, bird-like creature, materialized. "Now that I control a Blackwing monster, I can special summon Blackwing-Gale the Whirlwind from my hand!" A smaller, bird-like creature materialized. "Now I tune Gale with Shura in order to synchro summon, Blackwing Armor Master!" A somewhat familiar bird-like creature, donning black armor, came forth.

"Hey, didn't I already kill that thing?" Haruhi brought up.

"You cheated," The large creature spoke back.

"No, I didn't. I kicked your ass all the way back to your stupid little nest in hell!" She snapped at the bird.

"Whatever. First, I'm going to slap your little alien friend around a bit, and then I'm coming for revenge!" He threatened.

"I end my turn! Try getting past my monster!" Crow said, acting smug.

"Draw." Yuki began her turn. She then laid five cards on the table. "I have Exodia." The alien calmly said, as a large, golden humanoid creature, who had chains on all of his limbs came forth. "I win. Now terminating data link." She said as Exodia launched a golden beam from his arms.

"What the..." Crow stood there, shocked.

"NO! NOT INTO THE PIT, IT BURNS!" Armor Master cried out, as he and Crow were struck by the attack.

"Yuki, what was the point of that?" Haruhi asked. "If you wanted him gone, why didn't you just do it?"

"Another thing caused by Lelouch Lamprouge. He used his data-manipulation on me, causing me to download emotion files. Beating on Crow was fun." Yuki replied, with a very faint smile.

"You're kinda creeping me out, Yuki." Haruhi admitted

"I don't blame you. I'm still a bit creeped out about this, too." Yuki turned to her green-haired workmate. "Emiri, what do you do about these emotions?" She asked.

"Oh, you'll get used to them. I hope....." Emiri sighed.

Suddenly, they all then heard a phone ringing. "I'll get it." Yuki said, and then went to get it. "Yes. Yes. I see. No, I did not sound like M. Bison right there. Yes. I see. I will be there." She hung up the phone. "Tsuruya and the RIP Cartel have been captured by the Gladiator Beasts, and they are going to hold a public execution."

"They're going to kill Tsuruya?!" Haruhi said, sounding worried. "I don't even know if she's that evil, but she doesn't deserve it!"

"They have a plan. Someone whom they have been hunting for a long time, may show up to this execution. They would not kill the RIP Cartel like this, otherwise..." Yuki paused. "...They asked us to look out for this individual."

"I see. What does this one look like?" Haruhi asked, curiously.

"He has long silver hair and carries a long sword. He also has a single dark wing." The bookworm alien explained to the party.

"Great. We get to deal with more birds!" The brown-haired tsundere laid her head on the table.

"Cheer up, Haruhi. At least we won't have to deal with more clones of ourselves," Kyon offered.

"You think we don't have to deal with more clones." Haruhi sighed. "And I thought being weird and strange would be fun, too."

"Hey, can we call up everyone, so we can meet them at the school?" Kyon asked.

"They told us to bring the Brigade, so yes. Hold on a moment." Yuki then went to the spare bedroom that Kyon an Mikuru slept in for around three years. "Balsa, are you finished?" She called. Yuki then put her ear to the door. "I see." She opened the door, and Balsa came out, placing the sheaf on her spear-tip.

"Hey," Balsa greeted. Her brow was a bit sweaty, implying that she had at least began training of some sort.

"Huh? You're staying with Yuki? And Crow didn't bug you, either?" Haruhi asked the spear-wielder.

"He didn't bug me. And yes, Yuki used some sort of magic-weaving power on the room," The bodyguard explained.

"What kind? I'm kinda curious," Haruhi asked, her face lighting up slightly.

"I preformed a modification of the room, causing it to become bigger on the inside, than is implied on the outside. In addition, I have added various items, which Balsa requested for." Yuki explained.

"Really?" Haruhi took a peek in the room. She saw a massive room with a number of features. In one corner was a sleeping area of sorts, with a flat mattress, a training area in another corner, with a few wooden practice dummies, and in-between the two, was a spring of water, dug into the floor.

"Wow! Yuki, can you do this to my room?" The ribboned girl asked enthusiastically.

"It is possible. However, it will take a long period of time, with variables depending on the adjustments. For Balsa's room, it took exactly twenty-four hours," The alien retorted.

"I see. No time for that now! I'm calling the rest of the Brigade! Did they tell us where to meet?"

"The school gymnasium." Yuki answered.

"Okay. Should I call Lelouch? It would make us suspicious if we left him out." Haruhi explained.

"Yes. Inform him of our meeting place."

**LATER ON, AT THE GYMNASUIM...**

The Brigade, and all of the students watching, stood behind short, security walls, as the six cages, holding members of the RIP Cartel, were in the center of the gym. Standing next to the cage holding Tsuruya, Fujiwara, Kuyoh, Kyouko, and Mitsuru, was Bestiari, with a paper in one hand, and a microphone in the other.

"Tsuruya...Whatever your first name is." The huge bird began. "We the people of the insanely overcrowded North High cultural festival, have accused you of slaughtering random security guards, tipping cows, causing annoying orange ninjas to cease to exist-which isn't really a bad thing, in my opinion- and let me add..." He paused and checked his paper again. "Damn! There's a lot here. Disturbing random concession stands, reading the Twilight novels, stealing smoked cheese, throwing random oddities at Melty Blood characters passing by, and a bunch of other crap, we sentence you to death."

"What!? Comes on! You can't kill us just because of that, nyoro..." Tsuruya pleaded pitifully.

"You killed security guards. And military. Anyhow, since we don't do executions, here's our special guest to do it for us!" Bestiari then motioned to someone in the crowd. The person made their way to the cage. It was someone with a slim build, who was wearing a hat, and had a somewhat blank expression. "Please give it up for Kino!"

"He wouldn't let me leave this country until I did it. And if I stay in a country for more than three days, I'll explode or something," Kino creepily explained to the wide-eyed crowd. She then took out a gun, from one of her holsters, and pointed it at the fanged girl in front of her terrified friends and cohorts. "Sorry, but I really don't want to explode." As she was about to pull the trigger, the building suddenly blacked out.

As the lights came back on, all of the cages were torn apart, and Kino was left on the ground, unconscious. Then Kyon practically jumped up, when he saw someone standing before Bestiari. It was someone he knew very well, since junior high. What he didn't recognize, were the black robes, and the extremely long sword she pointed at the Gladiator. "S-Sasaki!?"

"Her!? What the hell is she doing here!?" Haruhi bolted up.

"Well, well, well..." Sasaki began, licking her lips in a cat-like manner. "You expected my master, didn't you? He has taught me well enough, though. In due time, you will all fall before me. But first..." She turned to Tsuruya, Mitsuru, and her old acquaintances. "I can't believe you would sink this low. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Once I am done with these intriguing creatures, I will take all of your heads as trophies."

"What happened to you!?" Kyouko spoke up, tears welling up in her eyes. "Why are you acting like this, Sasaki? Don't you care about any of us?"

At this, Sasaki scowled, before an eerie smirk made its way onto her face. "With no order left in the world, I felt at a loss. However, as I wandered the streets alone and in deep thought, I found an interesting power welling up inside of me- darkness. It reached out to me, and in curiosity, I touched it back. Rather than fighting it, I welcomed it in. After training with my master, I inherited his power, combined with my own. Now... Let me show you all the meaning of true despair!" Sasaki exclaimed as an enormous, dark, feathered wing emerged from her robe, tearing it off. Underneath her robe, she donned a black vest, over a chainmail shirt. Uttering a gleeful laugh like a child, she then charged at Bestiari, her blade gleaming bright, and her right eye shining a bloody red.

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

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**I might end up taking a brief break from this, because I seem to have dark elements sinking in here. Also, I think I'm losing my touch here, but that might just be the fact that I'm actually trying to fill out a non-random plot here. So I might not update this for a bit. Or I might. It depends entirely on my mood.**

**(Tag Out) **


	22. Omake: Embodiment of the Obese Traveler

**Here is a little omake I did, celebrating the birthday of my good friend, Superstarultra. Credit goes to BKE for beta'ing (I can't have Super Beta his own birthday present, can I?). Anyhow, let us begin the omake of absolute terror!**

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In a far away land, a loud growling sound could be heard, over the calm rumbling of an engine. It was night, the full moon shining on the land, and the stars scattered about the sky.

But that was not what Kino was thinking about.

It had began in a much more awkward manner. It was two days ago, and Kino ran into a rock on the road, launching her into a lake. She swam to the shore, only to find that greedy bandits were digging into the various pockets in Hermes's saddlebags. As the talking motorrad was cursing out the bandits, the quiet traveler reached for her persuader. She took aim and pulled the trigger, only to find that her gunpowder had gotten wet in the lake. Annoyed, she took out a few knives, and threw them at the bandits. The bandits were a good distance away from Kino, however, and were able to avoid them in time. Before Kino could pull out another knife, the bandits ran off with the saddlebags, and their contents.

Her luck worsened from there. All of her portable rations were in the bags, and there was very little wildlife anywhere. She had tried to make a few snares, to catch something, but to no avail. This continued for a day, until Kino decided to continue on, hoping to find an area with more abundant wildlife. However, on the next night, her luck hit rock bottom.

The traveler took a look at her map, and saw that she wasn't far from another country. "Gensokyo, huh? Maybe they have food there." She muttered out.

"Kino? Who's that strange man over there?" Hermes asked.

"Where?" She looked around, and found the culprit. A man, wearing green overalls and a hat, with a black mustache, gave her a creepy stare. "Who might you be?"

"That's Mama Luigi to you, Mario!" The man exclaimed.

"Huh? Who's Mario?" Kino asked, while putting a hand to her chin.

"Oh. Sorry. I'm a bit delusional right now. I thought you were my old plumber buddy. Say, you don't happen to have lotsa spaghetti, do you?" He asked.

"I'm afraid not. I'm quite hungry myself, as there seems to be not much wildlife in this area." The traveler explained.

"I see..." Mama Luigi creepily paused. "...I know you have lotsa spaghetti somewhere! And I'm gonna take it, even if I have to rip out your esophagus, and pretend that's spaghetti!" He then produced a bill-hook cleaver

"Uh-oh. Time to leave, Hermes." Kino deadpanned, as she mounted her motorrad, and took off.

"Oh no you don't! Come on, Yoshi!" He screamed, as a miniature green dinosaur came out of nowhere and he mounted it.

Kino then found herself being pursued by a crazy green plumber, and his dinosaur. As Yoshi started to catch up with Hermes, Kino pulled harder on the throttle, causing them to go faster. However, the Yoshi seemed capable of the same high-speeds that Hermes was, and quickly caught up. Thinking quickly, Kino turned into the forest, in an attempt to lose them. After a few minutes of dodging trees, branches, and other obstacles, Kino saw a large brick wall, with a few good sized windows. She tried to hit the brakes, but to no avail, as a fallen limb from a tree sent traveler, and motorrad alike flying into one of the windows.

She crashed through one of the windows, and landed into what looked like a dining room. Inside, there were a number of servant-type people panicking, as a strange girl was throwing things everywhere. No one seemed to notice the traveler crashing through the window.

"Please, mah boi, DINNER will be served shortly!" A large man, with a long blonde hair and beard lifted his goblet, and held his hands open, as if trying to surrender.

"I don't know who you are but..." The strange woman paused. Kino got a better look at her. She had blonde hair, and was wearing a red dress with frills. She seemed to have strange wings, that looked like they were fashioned out of Christmas lights. "...I'm Hungry now!" She then threw a chair at the man, hitting him directly in the head.

"It seems you and I are in the same situation." Kino tried to start a conversation with the crazy girl. "My name is Kino, may I ask yours?"

"Finally, someone with proper manners." She complimented the traveler.

"I wouldn't think crashing into someones house would be proper manners though." Kino replied.

"Yes, but I've broken those windows thousands of times. My name is Flandre Scarlet. Won't you play with me?" She asked.

"Perhaps after we have some food. It's been a while since I've eaten." Kino offered.

"Sure! I don't think sister would mind, and it's not like there's anything she could do about it if she did. You're my guest, after all." Flandre replied.

Then, large doors from one end of the room swung open, revealing an odd-ball group of chefs. One was a girl, with short, light brown hair, and a sincere smile on her face. The next was a man, with messy blonde hair, and a sneer on his face. Standing next to him, was a girl, with her hair done in brown pig-tails. The final one, was a strange girl, holding a large barrel, with an extremely large amount of dark hair, which almost touched the floor. She had a blank look on her face. Behind them, were plates, and plates of food, stacked on trays.

"Okay, listen up you guys, we need to capture her, and use her mad powers against that accursed SOS Brigade!" The pig-tailed girl whispered.

"Did you even think on how were going to use this loli?" The man whispered back.

"Shut up, Fujiwara. No one asked you." She replied.

"Actually, Kyouko? I am kind of curious myself, on how we will use Miss Scarlet against that brigade." The short-haired girl asked.

"Ask questions later. Kuyoh, you have the explosive barrel, right?" Kyouko brought up.

"Affirmative. Time__until___maid_with_knives_recovers__approximately_thirty_seconds." The black mess of hair replied.

Before anyone could say anything, a ball of fire crashed through one of the windows, and then into the barrel Kuyoh was holding. The barrel exploded, sending the group flying everywhere, and leaving a number of holes in the ceiling and the walls. It also sent all the food flying around the outside of the mansion.

"I suppose it is time to eat, Flandre." Kino got on her motorrad.

"Indeed it is. Let's play at the same time though! I challenge you to a..." Flandre paused. "...Gourmet Race!" She flew through one of the holes in the ceiling.

"I accept! Let's go, Hermes!" Kino exclaimed, as she drove through the door of the mansion, which was also blasted open. Outside the window where the fire ball came from, she saw a girl with yellow ribbons in her hair, yelling at a boy with short brown hair. They were standing around, what appeared to be a mortar launcher. She ignored them, and proceeded to dig her face in with whatever food she could find.

Meanwhile, the girl with ribbons continued to yell. "Kyon! I told you to aim for the other window! Now how are we going to claim my summer vacation home!"

"Haruhi, why didn't you just ask Koizumi? I'm sure he has a few more rich relatives willing to give away houses." The boy said, sarcasticly.

"Shut up! No we have to go grab another round for this thing!" She paused, as she saw something strange. "...An alien! You're coming with me!" She pointed in the direction of a strange pink creature. As she tried to grab it, the pink creature opened it's mouth, wider than expected, and started to suck up the yellow-ribboned girl. He sucked her up, and then spat her out. He then started to transform, as his previously bald head had brown hair, and a yellow ribbon, similar to hers. An orange arm band, also similar to hers, donned on his arm, read 'Kirby'.

"Wh-what's that!" Haruhi shouted, startled at her newest cosplayer.

"I don't know! Come on, let's get away from that thing!" Kyon grabbed her by the arm, and ran into the mansion.

Meanwhile, Kino and Flandre continued their race. Shortly after beginning, Hermes ran low on fuel, so Kino decided to let it rest. She ran to each random dish of food, greedily gobbling it up, as the catchy tune played in the background. Flandre was the same way, eating up whatever dish she could find. They continued for a while, until they met each other at a hill overlooking the mansion. They were unrecognizable now, their clothes barely holding in their new build. It seemed that they ate so much, they became incredibly fat.

"That was fun." Flandre huffed and wheezed.

"Indeed. I think my visit to this country has proved to be more eventful that a few of my others, to say the least." Kino replied.

"Hmm? What's happened to the mansion?" Flandre pointed at, where the mansion was once located. In it's place, was a giant cake.

"Looks tasty. Perhaps there is enough for your servants?" Kino offered.

"Hmm. Perhaps. Hey, who are those two?" The fattened vampire pointed in the direction of two strange looking figures. One was a man, wearing a hat, and completely dressed from head to toe in red. The other was an incredibly ugly looking apparition.

"There they are! Traveler, I need your talking vehicle to destroy those pesky Street Fighters!" The man spoke up.

"And I need your magic to take over Hyrule, Vampire." Said the apparition.

"I see. Who may you be?" Kino asked, not intimidated at all.

"There is no one who has not heard of the terror that is Ganon!" The apparition declared.

"M. Bison. You will be screaming it a lot. Now, prepare to die!" The man in red exclaimed.

"Oh my." Kino grunted. "It seems I can't reach my persuader. I guess I'll do this." She then pulled out one of her knives, and threw it at Bison. It struck the man in red, who then seemed to vanish.

"Ahahahahah! This is delicious!" Bison said, standing next to a bush, a yard away. "You didn't expect a hologram, did you?"

"Hologram? Sounds intriguing." Kino said.

Meanwhile, Flandre and Ganon were going at it. The sister of the Scarlet Devil fired a few barrages of bullets, which were cleverly dodged by Ganon's ghostly form. After firing a few more bullets, she started to huff and wheeze.

"Okay! Time to recharge." She then started to slowly go down the hill, with her destination being the Scarlet Mansion cake.

"You haven't seen the last of me!" Ganon exclaimed, as he fired magic missiles at Flandre.

"Huh? Did a fly bite me or something?" She asked, as she tried to dust off where the projectiles hit her. "Hey, what's going on over there?"

BACK AT THE SCARLET MANSION CAKE...

Kirby had found his new found powers to be quite difficult to control. He had accidentally turned a mansion into cake, when all he wanted were ingredients. However, his problems didn't seem to end there, as two figures came from a distance. One had ocean blue hair, and a gleam came from the knife she was wielding. The other had incredibly long green hair, and a fang. They were both wearing the same type of sailor uniform.

"Miss Tsuruya, why did you insist on coming?" The knife-wielding girl asked.

"Cuz I was bored, Ryoko. And maybes there's smoked cheese here, nyoro~!" Tsuruya beamed.

"Well first we must deal with him. He has Miss Suzumiya's powers, and therefore is very threatening. Do not let your..." Before Ryoko could finish, Tsuruya charged at the Nintendo icon.

She let out a battle cry, as she threw numerous forks at the pink creature. Kirby dodged them with ease, and fired a beam from his eyes. Tsuruya narrowly dodged the beam. She looked back, and saw the beam strike a plant, turning it into a Goomba.

"Whoa! Okies, now I have to go all out, nyoro!" She took a stance. "FU-RIN-KA-ZAN!"

MEANWHILE, INSIDE THE SCARLET MANSION CAKE...

"Dammit, Kyon! If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be trapped in this damn cake!" Haruhi shouted at the cynic.

"This cake is a lie!" A man with black hair, and bags under his eyes shouted. He was wearing a white, long sleeved shirt, and regular blue denim pants. He wasn't wearing any shoes. "I'm going to eat it anyway though. You guys wanna join me?"

"As much as I'd love to, I just saw two lolis gain four-hundred pounds from this monitor here. I don't even want to think about the laws of dieting in this place." Kyon deadpanned.

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad, right?" The man took a piece of cake, and shoved it in his mouth. He then fattened up until he exploded.

"Ugh. Where's a drill that can pierce through the heavens when you need one?" Haruhi asked.

"Probably in the Mushroom Kingdom, or Pallet Town at the moment." Kyon said, sarcasticly.

"What are the chances of that?"

BACK OUTSIDE THE SCARLET MANSION CAKE...

As the loud, Bang install music played, Tsuruya sped around Kirby, launching attacks from all directions. The pink creature dodged each one, and threw a toilet seat at the fanged girl in retaliation each time. After being hit by twenty of the things, Tsuruya noticed that Ryoko had joined the fray. The blue-haired extraterrestrial threw her knife at Kirby, who jumped over it, but was knocked back by the surrounding force of the weapon. The knife kept going, until it was stopped in it's tracks by Flandre Scarlet's newly acquired fat belly.

"Ow. Another bug bit me." Flandre reached for the weapon with her flabby arms. "Oh, it's a knife. Same difference." She tossed the weapon away.

"That must hurt, doesn't it?" Kino said, as she sat on Bison's unconscious body.

"Nope. I got used to bug bites a long time ago." Flandre replied, as she sat on Ganon.

"You dare joke about bugs? You must die!" He exclaimed as he electrocuted the vampire.

"Another bug bite." Flandre sighed.

As the battle continued, Kirby thought. "Hmm. We need some milk to wash down that cake!" He turned, and saw Ryoko lunging at him with her colossal, shining, arms, and decided to use his powers on them. He fired a laser from his eyes, striking the limbs. Then, a flood of milk came from where Ryoko's arms used to be.

"I'm glad I'm not a human." Ryoko smiled. "Otherwise, this would hurt like hell."

The flood of milk rushed to the mansion, and crashed with it, washing the former estate away. Ryoko and Tsuruya stared in awe, Kino and Flandre stared in hunger, and Ganon and Bison stared...at their captors ass. Like they were for the last ten minutes.

"Waits. Wasn't theres people in there, nyoro?" Tsuruya asked.

"I think so. Too bad. I wanted to massacre them myself. Oh well." Ryoko sighed, as she flew up to Kirby, and threw kicks at him.

The battle continued for another five minutes or so, until they all heard a shout from behind.

"PINK THING! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, FOR PUTTING ME IN THAT DAMN CAKE, MAKING L FROM DEATH NOTE EXPLODE, AND NEARLY MAKING ME DROWN!" Haruhi exclaimed from a distance, still soaking wet from the milk. Standing beside her, was Kyon equally as wet, Link from the Legend of Zelda, Hair Guy from Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, Parasol Waddle Dee, Chad Warden, Shoop Da Whoop, Sith Haruhi, Remilia Scarlet, Souji Seta from Persona 4, the blue Power Ranger, Ryu from Street Fighter, The Kid from I Wanna Be The Guy, and Youhei Sunohara from Clannad. "Come on! Let's kick that things ass!"

"Oh boy!" Link exclaimed.

"Wait." A dark, demonic voice called out from the shadows. "It is not he, whom you must worry about." The man stepped out of the shadows. "It is I, Rick Astely, whom has been pulling the strings behind the pink thing. Now you will all fall before my might."

He then tried to start to sing the lyrics from his hit single 'Never Gonna Give You Up.'. However, he noticed that the music wouldn't start playing.

"What is this?" He started to panic.

"Nyhahahaha~!" Tsuruya bellowed out a great laugh. "No RickRoll can be done in the presence of the Bang Roll!"

Then, everybody turned their attention to Rick. "Oh shit..." He was then trampled by everyone there, besides the Kid, who was stepped on by Chad Warden, and then exploded into a bloody puddle. The beating lasted for about five seconds, before Tsuruya hit Rick Astely with her Astral punch, causing him to cease to exist. Unpleased at how easy their victory was, everybody started to beat each other up. On the hill, overlooking the former location of the mansion, Kino and Flandre looked at the bloody/beautiful sight.

"I like this country." Kino offered.

"Really? I think it gets noisy here." Flandre replied.

The resulting battle was quite epic. Tsuruya had a slight advantage, until everybody ganged up on her for having so much power. They did the same to Ryoko and Kirby. Ryu valiantly fought off Link and Hair Guy, until he was hit by a stray lazar from Shoop Da Whoop. Kyon and Chad Warden kept trading punches, until Youhei Sunohara exclaimed "And a toilet seat!". Then, they proceeded to beat on Sunohara. After finishing him off, they were both taken out by the Blue Power Ranger's spin kick. Remila Scarlet, and Shoop Da Whoop kept firing bullets, and lazars, until one of Shoop's lazars was reflected by Waddle Dee's parasol. Haruhi took the inititave, and skewered the Blue Power Ranger with Link's master sword, and stomped Waddle Dee. Sith Haruhi drew her light saber, but was incinerated by one of Remila's spell cards.

Remila and Haruhi stared at each other, being the last two remaining.

"My money is on sister." Flandre brought up.

"Hmm. In that case, I'll bet on the girl with ribbons." Kino replied.

Remila fired waves of bullets at her advisary. Thinking quickly, Haruhi rolled out of the way of the projectiles, and tossed Kyon's unconscious body at the older Scarlet sister. After taking in a few projectiles, the limp body fell over the vampire, causing her to fall to the ground. Taking her opportunity, Haruhi charged at the still-recovering vampire, and raised her blade. Remila threw the unconscious body away, and readied her claws and fangs. The two blocked each-others attacks, for what seemed like an eternity, before Haruhi finally found an opening, and ran the master sword through Remila's five-hundred year old body.

"Well done human. You've won. If there was still a Scarlet Mansion, I would surrender it to you." Remila sighed. "But there isn't, so the best I can give you is the property."

"Hmm. I guess that can do." Haruhi nodded. "Kyon! Get up. We're going to re-construct the mansion." Kyon didn't respond, however, as he was still unconscious from the battle.

"Oh. It seems that sister lost. Oh well, I suppose you win, Kino." The younger Scarlet sister sighed, as she snapped her fingers, causing Kino to be enveloped in light. Then, she returned to her original height and weight.

"Thank you, Flandre." Kino said. "It's time that I go now, there are still places I wish to go see."

"YES! YES! I'm finally free!" Bison danced around a little, and ran away.

"I'm still stuck here, you know." Ganon deadpanned at Flandre, who was still using his face as a chair.

"Oh, that's right. I ate that burrito earlier, in the race." Flandre said.

"NO! NOT INTO THE PIT! IT BURNS!" Ganon cried out, as Kino ran down the hill to go collect Hermes.

"Kino, you sure took your sweet time." Hermes remarked.

"Oh. Sorry, I lost track of time." Kino replied. "Let's go find some gas, somewhere. If not, my luck may not be improving, after all."

"Hey traveler!" Kino heard from a ways away, the voice of the Brigade Chief, Haruhi Suzumiya. "Remember me. One day, I will be the empress of the galaxy, with my alien king husband, and we will take over all countries with our army of time traveling espers!"

"Sure you will." Kino said, sarcasticly, as she rode off into the morning road.

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing.-

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**Hopefully, I'll get back on the writing train with this. Until next time.**

(Tag Out) 


	23. Quick! Get to Da choppa!

**Here is the next chapter. Here, we experiment with the other aspects of insanity, as we raise our blades, and scream our war cry, we charge into battle, with no fear. Or we can just read this. Thanks again for beta'ing, Superstarultra.**

* * *

As Sasaki ran at the Gladiator, sword in hand, she suddenly remembered something.

"Wait. I have to do something real quick..." She muttered, as she took out a cell phone. She dialed up a number and put the phone to her ear. "Yes, Pizza Hut? I would like to place an order for a delivery of..."

"Quick! We have a chance! Strike her down, while she's ordering pizza!" Haruhi shouted from the crowd.

"No, we don't do it that way," Bestiari stated. "We must be honorable warriors, and let this bitch finish her call."

"Really?" Haruhi said, putting a hand on her chin, as if contemplating the meaning of life. Meanwhile, Tsuruya, who had somehow recovered, was sneaking up on the one-winged angel. Fork in hand, the genki-girl tried to poke Sasaki with the utensil.

"Hmm? Yes, charge this to the Tsuruya family," Sasaki ordered, as she vanished from sight in a cloud of black feathers. Moments later, she was behind the fanged heiress, sword positioned to slice her throat at any given second. "Yes, I would like twenty supreme pizzas, one meat lovers, one calzone, and twelve orders of cinna-stix." She calmly ordered as she held the blade closer to Tsuruya's throat.

"Persona!" A voice from the crowd exclaimed. Then the large tan-skinned man from the Dairy Queen materialized behind the brown-haired girl. As he tried to grab Sasaki by the head, she vanished again, releasing Tsuruya.

"Are you all right?" Nagisa Furukawa said, stepping over the guard rail and next to the heiress.

"Thanks to yous, nyoro. That's a cool power yous have!" Tsuruya beamed, as she patted the short girl on the shoulder.

"_Nagisa, she's coming again,__" _A voice spoke in Nagisa's head.

"Okay. Here's what I need you to do. Distract her, with whatever you can think of, while I have Raikage capture her," Nagisa explained.

"No problem, nyoro." She took a pose. "FU-RIN-KA-ZAN!"

"We should give them back-up," Bestiari offered, while talking with Laquari and Secutor.

"Aren't we trying to kill the fanged girl though?" Secutor asked.

"...Just put on the damn earring." The bird-like creature handed identical earrings to his two comrades. Bestiari then placed his earring on his left ear, Laquari on his right, and Secutor put it on his nose. Then by some unknown force, the three were dragged together, as a light enveloped them. As the light faded away, one creature stood where the three were standing. He was huge, standing at least ten feet tall. His head was lion-like in appearance, with green wings on his back. He wore armor, held a large golden axe in his right hand, and a golden shield in his left. He then let out a loud battle cry."Come forth, demon, and face the wrath of Heraklinos!"

Moments later, the sound of nails to a chalkboard could be heard, as Heraklinos's shield was suddenly cut in two. Sasaki stood before the creature. "Alright, hurry up. If you don't deliver the pizza in time, I will kill you. A LOT. I don't care if you're an immortal witch, it's still going to hurt." Sasaki hung up her phone, and placed it in her pocket. "Now where was I?"

"You was gonna get your ass kicked, that's what, nyoro!" Tsuruya charged at the villainess, and ran around her with lightning speed.

"That's nice. But I am faster," Sasaki stated, matter-of-factly as she disappeared again. Then Tsuruya suddenly stopped, when she found a fist in her mouth. However, she decided to chew on the hand, which belonged to Sasaki, who had flash-stepped in front of her.

"OW! This hand is hard!" Tsuruya let go of Sasaki's hand, as she wiggled her fang. "You made my fang loose, nyoro!"

"Oh, did I mention I'm half cyborg now? Sorry," Sasaki smirked as she made a sideways V sign in front of her left eye. "I learned this from that terrible movie Suzumiya made." She then threw down her sword. "Sasaki Beam!" She exclaimed with malice in her voice. Then a deadly red beam was launched from her eye. Tsuruya ducked out of the way, just in time. Heraklinos, who was in the line of fire, wasn't so short, so he quickly took his axe to the ceiling, causing a large number of Twilight books from the library, upstairs, to fall down before him. The books shielded him from the attack, as they were incinerated.

"Hey! I like Twilight," Sasaki pouted.

"Sasaki, what did that man do to you, to make your head so twisted!" Kyon shouted from the crowd.

"I liked it from the start. My master was impartial to it, preferring David Eddings's Belgariad series." She explained.

"I knew there was something wrong with her, Kyon. ...Although the Belgariad is nice," Haruhi offered.

"Yes, it is," A woman with black hair, with a single streak of white said. "I should know, I was in it."

"Wow! It's Lady Polgara! Are you here to join the SOS Brigade?" Haruhi asked, with a gleam in her eye.

"Sadly, no. I'm just here to take a break from fighting off all the overpowered magical lolis, who keep invading Riva. Although if you help me out sometime, I could give you support," The sorceress offered..

"Hmm. I'll consider it. It may be a while though, my brigade is occupied as it always is!" Haruhi declared.

"Why am I paying so much attention to that conversation?" Sasaki wondered. She was then forced into the ground by a massive fist from above. "OWWW!"

"Oh, my. I hope we didn't kill her, Raikage." Nagisa shyly said, a short distance away from the carnage.

"_Let me check..." _The persona lifted his arm from the crater he had created, with his massive punch. He looked down at Sasaki, who was in the middle of the hole. She wasn't moving. _"Sorry. She's dead."_

Then a faint beeping could be heard, as the eyes of the crazed girl started to blink red. She then exploded, sending the Raikage flying backwards, and eliminating another large section of the crowd.

"How do you like that?" Sasaki's voice mockingly called out from the shadows. "That's my one-hundred percent cyborg duplicate. I'm a mad scientist, too." She stepped out from the corner, completely unharmed.

"Is it just me, or is your old friend the definition of the term, 'Villain-Sue'?" Itsuki asked Kyon, suddenly appearing at his side.

"Where were you at all this time?" Kyon replied with a question of his own.

"Long line at the bathroom. I ended up going in my pants," The esper smiled. " I had to run home and change my pants.

Kyon started to laugh, but noticed that something was off. "Then why is your head bleeding?"

"I got hit by a stray hadouken," He replied quickly.

"Are you hiding anything from me?" Haruhi spoke up, joining in the conversation.

"Don't worry. You can at least trust your friends." Balsa said calmly.

"...Sorry," Itsuki said, the smile wiped off his face. The esper then bolted from the crowd, running as fast as he could.

"Dammit! Oh, well. I'm going to have to penalize him later," Haruhi said as she drew her attention back to the match. "Wait. I think something's wrong."

"Yes, something's off." Balsa nodded.

"You're right." Kyon agreed. "Why are we the only ones here?"

"We need to find them! I got so into the match that I didn't notice them leave." The three left the crowd in order to search for their friends.

"You guys are even more screwed now. I see the only backup you had is getting out before they have to deal with me!" Sasaki snickered. The brunette retrieved her sword from the ground and looked down her opposition. "Now then...Who's next?"

"I has no choice, nyoro...." Tsuruya muttered. "Shion! That bitch killed Satoshi."

"Sa-Sa-SATOSHI~!" Shion stood, her fear being replaced by anger. She charged at Sasaki, taser in hand.

"I hate to break it to you, miss..." Sasaki sidestepped the charging yandere. "...But I didn't kill Satoshi. He isn't even dead. In fact..." She paused as Shion stared at her, "...Miss Tsuruya over there has been using him as a sex-doll ever since last summer. I know this, because I've been watching her with my spell."

" Hey! That's... not that true...I only did it a little..." Tsuruya blushed, wringing her hands together feebly.

"You... LIAR!" Shion turned to Tsuruya.

"Hey! That's my line, Shion!" Rena shouted at the crazed Sonozaki.

"Oho? And what do you plan on doing about it, KFC girl?" Shion taunted the normally fun-loving girl.

"You wanna go at it, bitch?" Rena took out her billhook-cleaver.

"Bring it on, wannabe meme!" Shion rushed at the orange-haired girl.

Then all of a sudden, even more copies of Twilight fell on the two girls. "Hahahahaha~." Satoko did her impersonation of Naga's laugh. "I laid traps all around, while you weren't looking!"

"I saw them," Sasaki stated casually, examining a well-manicured fingernail. "And I've already disarmed them all. You may be a trap-master, little loli, but you are no Villain-Sue." Sasaki then started to laugh maniacally, sounding more akin to Bowser.

"See, she even said she was a Villain-sue. Anybody got anything to stop this bitch?" Tsuruya asked, almost sarcastically.

"What's wrong? You don't sound energetic at all, Tsuruya," Kyouko asked.

"If I stay in Fu-Rin-Ka-Zan mode for too long, this happens. If this fight keeps dragging out, my clothes might turn into a business suit." Tsuruya replied. Everyone gasped in horror at the thought of a prim and proper Tsuruya.

"I have a way." Heraklinos said, raising his axe. He then made a few motions, and ran towards Sasaki.

"Another frontal assault? Oh, PUH-lease! That isn't going to work, you know~!" Sasaki matter-of-factly stated, wagging a finger. "Oh, I see. That's your game." She stood, motionless, waiting for the attack. As the Gladiator brought down his axe, Sasaki rolled out of the way, and slashed at his leg. However, it was caught, by the lightning-fast Tsuruya, who held it at her side. The blade managed to cut her, as blood trickled down the point.

"Hurry up and finish her!" Tsuruya gritted her teeth . Heraklinos raised his axe again, and aimed for Sasaki's body.

"I can't believe you're making me do this. Worms..." Sasaki sighed as she let go of her sword and faded into thin air again for the umpteenth time.

"Now!" Heraklinos shouted. Then a vehicle with three wheels and a deadly-looking point at the end sped to where Sasaki was before she vanished. The vehicle itself disappeared, and a scream could be heard in a corner of the gym. Everybody turned to the corner, and the crowd cheered, as they could see Sasaki, impaled by the vehicle's spike..

"D-Damn you and your chariot..." The wounded girl muttered angrily. "Now I have to kill you quickly. Say goodbye!" She teleported again, and re-appeared in the middle of the gym, her body still injured from the chariot's spike. She raised one arm, and her sword flew back into her grasp. Sasaki took what looked like a card from her pocket and raised it in the air with her other arm. "Forbidden sign – Darkness Seal."

As she declared the name of her card, black chains emerged from it, covering the frames of everybody in the room, even the crowd, and trapping them in place.

"It ends now...." She raised her sword, but then felt a vicious growling from deep in her stomach. "Oh, my. It seems I must go use the ladies' room. You may all live for now, but I will return, and kill you all, someday. Farewell." With an incredibly over the top and dramatic gesture, Sasaki vanished for the last time, the chains disappearing shortly thereafter.

"So this is the might of our enemy..." Heraklinos muttered. "We will prepare for the next encounter. As for you..." He turned to Tsuruya, who was still injured from holding off the attack. "...All of your charges will be dropped. We never intended to kill you, we only wanted to lure out that demon." He paused for a moment. "However, I must ask that you join forces with the other various groups out there. You see, that girl is not the only threat. There is another more dangerous one. If you would go to the main office, we can explain this to you in privacy." He then turned to Nagisa. "You were an invaluable asset in fighting this menace. May I ask for your co-operation as well?"

"O-Of course!" Nagisa shyly replied. "I don't want to see any of my friends get hurt, so I'll do my best!"

"Our gratitude is with you, persona-user. Now let us be off," The Gladiator said as he led Nagisa, and Tsuruya's group with him to the office.

**MEANWHILE, ON THE SCHOOL ROOFTOP...**

"I got the esper kid," C.C. said as she nonchalantly dropped a tied-up Itsuki on the ground, next to a tied-up Mikuru. "Now what, Lelouch?"

"Our comrades are almost here. Now, Suzumiya won't have the option of trying to escape, if she wants her subordinates back." He looked down at the esper youth with a cruel smile. "Isn't that right, Itsuki?"

"Y-You bastard! You're not going to get away with this!" Itsuki stuttered a little, his smile nowhere to be found.

"Oh, come on, you don't have to be like that. After all... we are brothers, right?" Lelouch smirked.

"No. That can't be true!" Itsuki shouted. As he was about to open his mouth again, the loud roaring of an engine could be heard as a large battleship came from above, and lowered a platform. C.C. took the esper boy, and the time-traveler in her arms, and stood on the platform with Lelouch. As the ship was about to take off, the door on the roof crashed open, as Kyon, Haruhi, and Balsa rushed out.

"L-Lelouch! What are you doing!" Haruhi screamed.

"Heh. So you finally made it. Well, I will see you at Miku-geddon... because if I don't, these two become my slaves!" He then started to laugh maniacally.

"Get back here!" The Brigade Chief shouted, but to no avail as the airship drew in its platform, and took off. Some strange turtle-like creatures could be briefly seen on the deck, however....

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing.-

* * *

**And there we have it. See, wasn't that better than getting killed in some sweaty battle? It may be slightly longer between updates, due to the fact that I'm actually busier in summer than normal. Until next time.**

(Tag Out) 


	24. Don't try this at home, guys

MEANWHILE, IN AMERICA...

It was quite an easy trip, that Haruko, Yusei, and Kyonko went through. Haruko was riding her yellow vespa scooter, Yusei drove his duel runner, and Kyonko ended up cruising in a sidecar, attached to the duel runner. They didn't have any problems crossing the border, thanks to Haruko forcing Kyonko into a revealing bunnygirl outfit, similar to the one she received from Haruki. Haruko herself, donned a nurse outfit, complete with mini-skirt. After seducing their way across the border, they saw Yusei's facepalm, as he was taking out proper papers for the one remaining border guard.

"Haruko! What did you do?" The duelist snapped at the pink-haired nurse.

"Yu-kun, don't be such a pussy. I know that you were going to take forever with this, so I had a little fun with Kyonko." She patted the pony-tailed bunny on the head, her cheeks fired up, and her eyes filled with tears. 'Okay, scratch what I thought. Haruki is way better than this bitch...' Kyonko thought to herself.

"Come on, Kyonko~. You know you like what you did~." Then Kyonko let out a yelp as Haruko started to grope the pony-tailed bunny from behind.

"T-That does it!" She started to find a place in her mind where she could focus and muttered something. "...Trace on." She roughly elbowed the pink-haired girl in the side, escaped her grip, and jumped ahead, with incredible grace. Then the form of a weapon started to materialize in her hand, as she focused on the structural parts needed to create it.

While in midair, Kyonko remembered what happened to her almost a year ago when Ryou Asakura tried to kill her with a katana. Back then she could do nothing to fend off her attacker, yet she was saved by the cool-headed, silent alien, Yuuki Nagato. Although she didn't care to remember the event, she couldn't help but want nothing more than to teach her tormentor a lesson. So she stood before Haruko Haruhara, wielding the same katana which almost ended her life.

"Oh, so you wanna be a big girl now, huh?" Haruko reached for her guitar, and pulled a string on it, causing an engine to start. She charged at Kyonko, raising her guitar to deliver a mighty blow. Kyonko met her challenge and swung her katana at the instrument. The two weapons met, and the sound of steel clashing went through the air. Although she had confidence, Kyonko knew she didn't have brute strength Haruko possessed. She quickly turned, and let Haruko's guitar hit the ground, as she released her weapon from the struggle. The smaller girl then swung her blade in rapid succession at the pink-haired guitarist. Haruko took cover behind her guitar and blocked each attack with a slight motion. She swung again, only to hit thin air as Kyonko leaped away with a graceful flip.

"No turtleing, you bitch!" The enraged musician aimed her guitar's neck at Kyonko, preparing to fire a stream of projectiles. Then a thought occurred in Kyonko's head. She remembered the shield technique that Yuuki used to protect her from Ryou's projectiles in their battle. The brunette then thought to herself, 'Maybe I can...' and dropped the blade, causing it to vanish as if I had no more purpose. Thinking she had her win in the bag, Haruko pulled a string on her guitar as Kyonko focused her mind. With a bang, the guitar fired bullets like a gatling-gun at Kyonko. They seemed to stop inches from striking her face as a blue light surrounded her entire body.

"Eh? A barrier, huh? Why didn't you use that earlier?" The scarf-wearing girl asked.

"I'm experimenting," Kyonko explained. "Well, are you going to leave me alone now?"

"Threatening, eh?" Haruko smirked. "Fine. But that doesn't stop me from playing around when you're asleep~ ."

"You little..." The pony-tailed girl muttered as she turned away. "I'm going to go change out of this thing."

After Kyonko walked off, Yusei confronted the pink-haired pervert.

"What the hell are you thinking! She's the only hope we have at defeating that interface!" He scolded angrily.

"I was just having a little fun~. Besides, I forced her to think. It's better to know this stuff before a major battle, right?" Haruko replied as she put on a toothy grin.

"It's still not right to do that." The duelist stated.

"You're no fun, Yu-kun."

Soon afterwards, the group traveled from the Canadian/American border with a simple destination in mind- a small warehouse located in North Dakota, no more than two days travel on a duel runner/scooter. On the second day of travel, shortly before arriving at the warehouse, Kyonko tried to stir up a conversation, despite the wind gusting by.

"Say, Fudo. Do you even know how we're going to get to this... Gensomething or other place?"

"The Youkai of the boundary, Yukari Yakumo, is going to open a portal for us. That's pretty much all I know. Haruko knows what's going on...which isn't necessarily a good thing!" Yusei shouted over the wind, before slowing to a complete stop. "We're here."

The two vehicles parked next to a bland, windowless warehouse. As the three walked in the door, they spotted a figure, dressed in a pink sweater, and a black skirt. She had brown hair, slightly past the shoulders. Most noticeably of all was the fact that she was carrying a bow, a quiver of arrows on her person, and a holster, which seemed to hold a gun.

"Hey... You're not Yukari! What's going on?" Haruko asked, looking around suspiciously.

"Yes... I am! Who exactly are you?" The girl spoke up, her hand wandering near her holster.

"Woah, woah, woah, calm down. No need to go all crazy on us. Say, where's the Youkai of Boundaries? The scarf-wearing female asked curiously.

"Oh. She's on vacation." The armed youngster visibly calmed down. "I'm her substitute- Yukari Takeba," She explained.

"Ah. Wait, you can manipulate the boundary?" Haruko asked, with a dumbfounded expression.

"I sure can!" Takeba stated, matter-of-factly. "Mistress Yakumo modified my Persona, with the ability to travel between here, and Gensokyo. Watch!" She then took the 'gun' out of her holster, and pointed it at her forehead.

"No! Don't do..." Kyonko shouted as Yukari pulled the trigger.

Then Kyonko's eyes rolled back into her skull as she fell to the floor in a faint.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT NORTH HIGH...

"Those bastards!" Haruhi angrily pounded on the wall of the Brigade clubroom. After failing to rescue Itsuki and Mikuru from Lelouch, everybody was in a somber mood.

"Calm down. We may be able to save them," Balsa offered. "We just need a plan."

"You're right. But it's Lelouch we're talking about! He's a tactical genius! I could tell from the chess games he played while he was here. Nobody could lay a finger on him!" The ribboned-girl pouted.

"When exactly is this, Miku-Geddon?" Kyon asked, trying to change the subject.

"I don't know. I stopped watching TNA after Miku took over. Let's see..." Haruhi went over to the computer, and started up a search engine. After being taken to a few porn sites because of bad links, and a few Trojan viruses (from bad ads involving creepy-as-hell babies, no less), she found TNA's official site. "Let's see here... Next week! And look at what it has listed as the main event!" The tsundere lifted the monitor screen, and put it in right Kyon's face. The cynic was shocked to see his face printed on a giant tarp as a small, blonde woman, with a large turtle-like creature with a red mohawk burst through it. Both wore toothy grins on their faces as they dazzled the audience with an array of pyrotechnics and lasers.

"Two-on-one handicap match? Kyon versus... Alice Margatroid and King Bowser Koopa!" The cynic cringed when he looked at the oversized turtle he had to face. He wasn't too worried about the blonde loli, but his gut told him something was off.

"This is atrocious! They didn't even place me in the main event! They put me in the damn undercard!" Haruhi pointed lower on the screen at the remaining scheduled matches. Kyon saw Haruhi's name listed to fight... Lelouch?

"Wait. Why would Lelouch want to confront you personally? He looks like the kind of guy who could be wrestled to the ground by my sister," Kyon stated bluntly.

"Hmm. Something's fishy! Let's keep looking..."

The three continued to look over the list of names. "Yuki Nagato and Emiri Kimidori versus the entire X-Division? Wait. With special guest referee, Crow? Didn't Yuki kill him?" Haruhi seemed annoyed at the recurring enemies.

"Who knows? It's not like anything makes sense anymore," Kyon deadpanned.

"Moving on... Balsa versus... oh, hey, it's those two girls from the Death Star," she said, pointing at Shizune, and Misha's names. "Let's see who else is listed... The Undertaker versus Gilgamesh, and... What the fuck is a Neko-Arc?" Haruhi asked, her face wracked in confusion.

"Hell if I know. Are they going to make a pay-per-view of just matches involving random people who aren't wrestlers?" Kyon asked.

"Pretty much. Oh, the TNA World Heavyweight/X Division/Tag-team/Global/Knockout/Knockout tag-team champion, Miku Hatsune is facing Sting. Why the fuck does she hold every title?" Haruhi asked no one in particular as she looked for any other info they needed.

"I don't... ugh." Kyon started to feel tired as he fell out of his chair and onto the floor with a thud.

"Huh? Kyon, what are you doing! Say something!" yelled Haruhi, running off to the aid of the unconscious boy, and started shaking him.

MEANWHILE, IN THE VELVET ROOM...

"Ugh...warn me before you do that, Igor." Kyon remarked as he started to awaken in the room with the bluish hue.

"I'm sorry. However, I wanted to introduce you to our new guest." The hunchback motioned to the seat next to Kyon's, where an attractive girl with a long brown ponytail sat. She was still dozing off, which gave her a cute look. Despite all these factors, Kyon had no attraction for the girl.

"Actually... I wouldn't call her a new guest. In fact, she's been here all along, ever since this incident began. You could go so far as to say... she's you from an alternate universe.

Kyon gasped in shock, trying to register the strange things Igor was telling him.

"Don't be afraid, Kyon!" chirped Naru, stepping out from behind Igor, wearing a blue dress and holding a large tome of sorts in her arms. "At least she's attractive. How would you feel if she was ugly?"

"Well... I don't know." Kyon said nervously.

"Oh, it appears that she is awakening," Igor said delightedly as the girl started to stir from her sleep.

MEANWHILE, AT TNA WORLD HEADQUARTERS/BOWSER'S NEW CASTLE...

"Gwar har har har har!" A certain large turtle-like creature sat upon his stone gothic throne, laughing uproariously at the new hit series, "How to Use Danmaku with Julia Hedberg", which was laying on a T.V. made out of rock.

"...and now for our surprise guest, Yukari Yakumo!" A guy in a fish suit exclaimed as a red curtain rose, only to reveal thin air. The guy started to stutter, until he found a light tapping on his shoulder. He turned around to see the guest in question, a woman with blonde hair. She wore a long white dress with pink frills and carried a parasol with her, despite being indoors. The guy in the fish suit fell over in surprise as the woman walked up to the stage.

"Hello, everyone~!" greeted Yakumo, who took a mic, and sat on Julia's couch. The stage was very much like any late night talk show, save the burn marks everywhere.

"Hey. It's great to meet you," Julia said as she extended her hand.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, too, Miss Hedberg." Yakumo took her handshake.

"So what are we going to be teaching the people at home today?"

"We are going to teach everyone how to deal with a Megaman-style boss. Ran, would you please lead him out?"

"Yes, Mistress." The small shikigami, Ran Yakumo said, as his Mistress opened up a strange portal. The shikigami floated inside. Seconds later, a robot with a mainly cobalt black color scheme was thrown out.

"Huh? Where am I?" The robot asked.

"You're on 'How to Use Danmaku with Julia Hedberg'!" Julia explained.

"Huh?" Before he could respond, Yakumo started to fire colorful bullets at the robot. He dodged some with ease, while the ones that connected just seemed to bounce off. "I am the mighty High Max. Your puny danmaku has no power over me!"

"See, with these guys, you have to hit they're weakness to do any real damage." Yakumo explained to the audience.

"...I see that show is on." Alice walked into the throne room, with her doll Shanghai in her arms, and sat playfully on Bowser's scaly lap.

"This is funny! They drag that poor robot out and just shoot at him!" Bowser chuckled, his claws clacking together in a pyramid shape as the robot ran around onscreen like a headless chicken.

"Nice. Is this actually teaching you how to use danmaku?" Alice asked, twirling her short blonde hair around with her finger.

"...No," The Koopa King replied quickly, making a impersonation of one of his greatest foe's voices.

"Oh, well. At least this show has appeal, right Shanghai?" The small mage asked tauntingly. She then pulled on an invisible string, tied to one of her fingers, and made the doll nod in agreement.

"You and your dolls..." Bowser remarked, slightly creeped out by the toy's general appearance.

"Well... they may be cute, but they're not as cute as you, dear." The puppeteer replied, as she laid a kiss on the Koopa King's cheek.

BACK IN THE VELVET ROOM...

"..and that's the story, Miss Kyonko." Igor took in a deep breath after having to explain the entire situation to Kyonko in that short cutaway. "Now. There's something I need to tell you. Kyonko, Kyon, both of your dimensions are similar, except for one particular trait. You see, in Kyonko's dimension, her parents are the genderswapped Syaoran and Sakura. But Kyon, in this dimension, those are only you're foster parents."

"What the hell!" Kyon snapped, shocked by the hunchback's statement.

"You see, Kyon...

…

…

…

…

I am your father."

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-


	25. Fist of the North Loli

**Here is the next chapter. And I just now realized that I didn't put an AN in the previous chapter...yeah. A few notes: **

**If two characters share the same first name, they will almost always be referred to by their last name. **

**Second, since I don't want to say this every single time I do the second AN, just pretend the phrase "I've got some splanin' to do~" is at the end of every AN. **

**Third, nowadays, my passion for writing has been stomped on by various things. So updates will be zetta slow, sadly. **

**Finally, credit goes to Superstarultra, for Beat'ing this, and the last chapters. Okay, enough of my pointless rambling, here's the chapter. **

* * *

Kyon was panting heavily, after the huge, "WHAT." he exclaimed. "Are you trying to mess with me?"

"I wish I was, son. But it's true. I am your father." Igor sighed. "Allow me to explain myself. You see, I got bored one day, you would, too, if you spend every day in a strange-ass blue room." Igor paused, taking a wine glass, and sipping some of the liquid. "So I decided to visit one of the most fascinating, if not dangerous planes of existence. That place, was called Gensokyo..." Igor handed the bottle and a couple of glasses to the pair sitting across the table from him. "Go ahead. You'll probably need it."

"I guess," Kyonko said, as she poured herself, and her other self a glass of the red wine.

"Now, where was I? Oh yes, Gensokyo. Now normally, it would be next to impossible to turn me on, after all, you've seen the women who hang around here. It's hard to beat that. However, I saw someone, I would never forget, because she nearly killed me once she became sober. Her name, was Reimu Hakurei, your mother, Kyon. It just so happened, that it was the day of the Hakurei neighborhood association festival. I saw her, dancing on the stage, with a faint blush on her cheeks, indicating that she was drunk. The sake bottles at her feet helped out quite a bit as well. However, what enticed me...were her exposed armpits..." Igor dreamily said.

"Huh? Armpits? Are you listing to this crazy man, other me?" Kyonko elbowed her male counterpart, who had a blank look on his face.

"Hmm? Sure," He replied, still sounding shocked.

"Shall I go on? Or do you need time to recover, son?" Igor asked Kyon.

"I really...don't know what the hell is going on anymore. But, Igor, you left me on some random doorstop, hoping that whoever was inside would take care of me, right?" Kyon asked, anger sneaking up on his tone.

"That was your mother's doing. If she wasn't so mad at me, I would have wanted to raise you myself. However, I have been watching over you, hoping to finally help you through your maturing," Igor replied calmly. "If you think of me as a liar or as someone who abandoned you, I understand. But it is important that you listen to the rest of my story, so you can at least understand what happened. I also understand that you don't call me father. I have no right to hold that title." The old man sighed, a slight hint of sadness coming from his voice.

"...Fine. Tell me everything," Kyon told the old man.

"I shall. I will only tell you the details from now on, nothing to distract you. I had a few bottles of the sake they had and joined the party. I don't remember the rest of the party, but when I awoke, I was in a futon, nude, with that miko, Reimu, laying next to me, also in the nude. My eyes went wide as I tried to escape the shrine, before she awoke, but it was too late. As soon I got my pants on, the woman saw me, and was immediately outraged. I ran out of the shrine, trying to escape, but as I ran out the door, I was struck in the back with some sort of paper seal. I couldn't move a single muscle in my body. The nude shrine maiden approached me, with an enraged look in her face. She looked like a bat that had flown through the gates of hell. She held a staff with paper amulets attached to it and raised it up to smite me. The next second, however, I found myself back in the Velvet Room, sitting comfortably on my seat," Igor sighed. "If it weren't for Tempra, I would have died right there."

"Ah, yes." Tempra stepped in the door, her outfit slightly bloodied up. "I didn't really do much that day. All I did was stop time for a few seconds, drag Igor to the Velvet door I called, and un-stopped time. I then yelled at the miko to have some decency. She blushed and ran back into the shrine. Before I left, I canceled the barrier around the shrine, by aging it a thousand years, so it could be watched from the Velvet Room."

"What happened with you?" Kyon asked, his mind slightly more at ease.

"Oh, this?" She pointed to the blood on her outfit. "I had a bit of a disagreement with an ancient red dragon. And since my time magic didn't seem to work on him, I had to do it the hard way."

"I see...Igor, is there anything else?" Kyon asked.

"There is, but it would be better to hear it from your mother. Which is why you two are switching places," Igor explained.

"Huh?" Kyon and Kyonko said at the same time.

"You need to go to Gensokyo to speak with that miko, Kyon." The long-nosed aristocrat pointed at Kyon. He then turned to Kyonko. "And you might get something out of meeting your friend's counterparts."

"It depends. How long will this take?" Kyon asked.

"Do not worry. You will switch back before Miku-Geddon. And Miss Kyonko...your traveling partners will still be in Gensokyo by the time you return, so you can still figure out what needs to be done. Are you up for it?"

"I'm in. I am tired of that psycho bitch, Haruko. Besides, I wonder how everyone looks here..." Kyonko said, sounding confident.

"I guess I'm in, too. But just one more thing... if these abilities of mine were obtained from my dad, Syaoran, how can I have them, when you're supposed to be my father?" Kyon asked.

"That is Reimu's doing. Ask her yourself." Igor took another sip of wine. "It's time you both awakened. See you later, Kyon. You, too, Miss Kyonko."

**SOMEWHERE IN GENSOKYO...**

"Oh, my god! I really screwed up!" Takeba panicked, as she held her head in her hands, running around in circles.

"What's wrong?" Yusei asked, concerned.

"I TURNED THAT PONY-TAILED GIRL INTO A GUY!" The persona-user screamed, as she started to shake. "Oh, god, Mistress Yakumo is going to have my head on a plate for this..."

"Calm down!" The duelist grabbed Takeba's shoulders, trying to calm her down a little. "Where is she?"

"O-Over there, behind those trees. She was still passed out when I looked for her," Takeba explained, still sounding panicked.

"I see. Perhaps we should ask her. Maybe that will shine some light on this." Yusei said.

"O-Okay." Takeba replied, as the riding duelist helped her up. The two walked by the trees, and saw a sandy-haired man, wearing what looked like a school uniform of sorts, laying by the tree. As luck would have it, the boy was calmly rustling from his sleep before his eyes popped open. He let out a scream and took in his surroundings for a brief second, before turning his attention to the two before him.

"Is this... Gensokyo?" He asked, looking confused, as always.

"Yeah. You wouldn't happen to know a woman named Kyonko, would you?" Yusei asked.

"Oh, yeah. She and I are counterparts...I think. I'm still trying to digest it myself. All I know at the moment is, she and I literally switched locations for the week." Kyon explained, still trying to make sense of the situation.

"Do you know why you had to switch places?"

"Apparently, my birth mother lives here in Gensokyo. My so-called birth father switched our places so I could talk with her," The cynic said, still showing disdain for Igor.

"Hmm... I guess we'll just play it out for now. I'm Yusei Fudo, one of your counterpart's traveling companions."

"My name... we don't have time to waste, do we? Just call me Kyon, it's what everybody else calls me."

"You have a stupidly long name, right?" The delinquent asked.

"Pretty much." He turned to Takeba, who was still cowering behind the duelist. "Don't worry, I won't hurt you."

"I guess you're right. I hope Mistress Yakumo doesn't blame me for this... My name is Yukari Takeba. I'm the one who brought this group here."

"Oh. I'm sorry if I got you in any trouble, Takeba."

"Don't worry. You sound like you have worse problems than me, anyways," The persona-user replied.

Then the group heard a loud voice booming from the forest. "YU-KUN, YU-KUN~... WHERE ARE YOU~!"

"Oh, great. She's awake." Yusei face-palmed as he turned back to the two students. "Do you know where your mother might be? At least the name of the location?"

"The Hakurei Shrine," Kyon replied.

"Takeba, do you know where that may be?" The duelist asked.

"Yeah, I've been there a few times with the mistress. Why?"

"Take Kyon to speak with her. I'm afraid that, with Haruko around, not much speaking will be done. I'll distract her and try to keep her around here."

"Haruko?" Kyon asked.

"You'll see later on. For now, go on," Yusei spoke back.

"Alright. Takeba, would you mind leading the way?"

"I'm cool for that. I don't really enjoy Haruko's company, and I've only know her for about five minutes!" Takeba said, glad to be free of the obnoxious female for at least just a few hours.

"Trust me. It doesn't get better." Yusei headed off back into the woods, where Haruko was camped out.

**BACK AT THE SOS BRIGADE'S CLUBROOM...**

"This is atrocious! The room flashes and suddenly, Kyon's a girl! And a flat one at that!" Haruhi was raging, looking down at the unconscious Kyonko.

"Calm down. This could be the work of Madam Torugai. Perhaps he must seek information in the womenfolk's changing rooms, or something..." Balsa stated, sounding sarcastic.

"Huh? You don't sound concerned about this at all!"

"Only because I have a feeling I know what's going on. I've heard of alternate dimensions from Madam Torugai. In one, everybody's genders are swapped. If this is the only dimension that's been affected, than our Kyon must be in the gender-swap world which is much safer. ...Hmm? She's waking up. Let's ask her ourselves, shall we?" Balsa offered.

"Fine. But I want a full explanation for this at some point in the future!" Haruhi exclaimed, crossing her arms.

The pony-tailed girl let out a yawn as her eyes slowly opened. She then sat up and took in her surroundings. "The SOS Brigade clubroom... I never thought I'd be so happy to be back here!" It was at that moment that Kyonko looked at the other two occupants of the room. "Haruki? Is that you?"

"Hmm? Oh, that must be what I'm called in that other world. It wouldn't make sense to have the same names, right?"

"Oh! My mistake. I should probably introduce myself. Everybody calls me Kyonko as I'm sure you will, no matter what my _real_ name is," She said, sarcastically. "If you're wondering what happened with the boy-me, he switched places with me for the week."

"I see. So he's with the gender-bent SOS Brigade, right?" The ribboned girl asked.

"No. He's with a group of travelers, who are going to some place called Gensokyo,or something like that. Apparently, Kyon has to speak with his real mother or something."

"Isn't Sakura his real mother?"

"Apparently, his birth parents just left him on a random doorstep."

"What? Where are they? I'll tear they're heads off for doing that to a defenseless baby!"

"You definitely sound like Haruki, that's for sure."

"Oh, I'd better introduce myself, too! I don't want to be known by some other name, even if it belongs to the me in a different world! I'm Haruhi Suzumiya!

"And I am Balsa Yonsa. I'm a wandering bodyguard, sent here to help out with things before they get _too _chaotic," The Spear-wielder introduced herself.

"Where's Koizumi, Asahina, or Nagato?" The pony-tailed girl asked, unaware of the current situation.

"Those bastards kidnapped Itsuki, and Mikuru! But don't worry, I'll save them!" Said Haruhi.

"Who are these _bastards_ anyway?" Asked Kyonko.

"I doubt they exist in your world. There's this really wimpy-looking guy with long black hair and purple eyes. His name is Lelouch, and he turned traitor against us!"

"I see. What about Nagato?"

"Yuki's at home right now, recovering from her kidnapping."

"Yuki, huh... Geez, are you guys the Mokuba Brigade or something?"

"Well, my dad does sometimes cosplay as Ghost Nappa, so I wouldn't be surprised."

"Sounds like you have a fun time. Is there a place I can stay for the week?" Kyonko asked, still confused about exactly what it is she's supposed to do.

"I'm staying at Kyon's place, because my dad blew up the house again." Haruhi stated a matter-of-factly as she saw the pony-tailed girl blush a little.

"W-Wait. You were at my... I mean his..." Kyonko stuttered a little, before she was interrupted.

"It's not like that, I swear!" The yellow-ribboned girl shouted, blushing.

"You seem quick to deny it, Chief." Balsa remarked, smirking as she elbowed the shorter girl. "You know, I heard from a few of my sources about that one time, where you and him were locked in his bedroom. Heh heh heh~."

"We only cuddled to share warmth!" Haruhi shouted directly into Balsa's ear, possibly giving the bodyguard permanent hearing damage. The spear-wielder fell on her back, caught off-guard by the shout. Meanwhile, Kyonko was blushing up a storm, imagining a situation where Haruki demanded that they snuggle to share warmth. She was scared, yet _slightly_ turned on at the same time.

"H-How about I make some tea?" Kyonko offered.

**BACK IN GENSOKYO...**

"BUHWAHAHAHAHAHA! BEHOLD, MORTAL KNAVES, AS CIRNO'S PERFECT MATH CLASS IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!" Shouted a small girl, slightly younger than Takeba, and had icicle-like wings. A blue ribbon sat upon her light blue hair, as she paced up and down an impromptu classroom. It was a strange occurrence, indeed. How did it even begin in the first place? Well, Kyon and Takeba were fleeing to the Hakurei shrine, before being intercepted by some sort of bird-like girl. The girl grabbed onto Takeba and flew off like a falcon on a sugar-rush. Kyon pursued the avian, only to be led into a different area in the forest. The bird-like girl finally landed, dropping Takeba onto a desk of some sort that was close to the ground. Before Kyon could react, the other 'students' at the desks yelled at him to sit down. Kyon decided to play along for the time being, to see exactly why all these women were gathered.

About five minutes later, the light-blue haired girl came from the trees and made her statement. Kyon decided to raise his hand, in an attempt to find out exactly what in god's name was going on. Bad idea.

"WHAT IS IT... HOLY SHIT, A MALE!" The girl shouted, in a voice that sounded akin to a certain 4kid's voice actor.

"Miss? I'd really like to know what's going on here, and why one of your students kidnapped my guide." Kyon asked.

"SHUT UP!" The ice-fairy replied, sounding eerily similar to a certain red echidna.

"Look, all I want to know is why the hell is there a classroom in the middle of a forest?"

"I AM THE STRONGEST IN ALL OF GENSOKYO, DO NOT QUESTION MY LOGIC," Cirno shouted directly into Kyon's face. The cynic finally had enough and took the fairy by the shoulders. He then drove his head directly into hers, holding back somewhat. The ice fairy fell back as small birds flew around her head, indicating she was out of it.

"Whoa. I didn't even use that much force." Kyon remarked, as he rubbed the back of his head.

Cirno soon got up, slightly tearing up in the eyes. "THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOING DOWN, MOTHERFUCKER." She took a card out of her blouse. "ICICLE SIGN... 'ICICLE FALL' (Easy)!" She declared. The frosty sprite spread out her arms, launching small icicle-shaped bullets from her sides. The bullets then advanced, after going a ways. The problem was that it had a fairly sizable blind-spot which Kyon saw in an instant. The brown-haired boy jumped from his desk and stood directly in front of the wannabe teacher.

"Huh? WHAT? NOOOOOO!" The ice fairy screamed as the martial artist found the easily noticeable blind spot.

"Now, what was it about me going down?" Kyon menacingly commented.

"I CANNOT BE DEFEATED HERE!" Then everybody heard a loud roar, not very far off. Cirno canceled her spell card, and looked on in terror. From the back of the 'classroom', a huge lion-like creature with a horn on its forehead came from the trees, and tried pouncing on her. Thinking quickly, she used the one good spell she had, turning everything above her, including the beast, into a ball of ice. Hearing a light chuckle, Cirno looked up and saw a figure standing where the lion pounced- a small girl, probably a child, with her green hair done in twin-tails. She wore a robe, red at the top and white at the bottom.

"You cannot escape wrong death..." The girl said as she took an defensive stance. Cirno threw the ball of ice at the girl. Instead of dodging, like she had predicted, the mystery girl instead threw a punch at the incoming ice-block. The wannabe school teacher looked on in horror as the ice ball shattered, freeing the lion-like creature. "Predictable as always," The green-headed girl coldly muttered.

"Grr... I AM THE STRONGEST IN ALL GENSOKYO! I WILL NOT LOSE HERE!" Cirno screamed as she took out a huge, two-handed sword out of nowhere, and charged at the small girl. She swung her blade and missed, fairly badly. The smaller girl retaliated in an odd way. She lightly, but quickly, hit several different parts of her opponents body, a slight tapping noise could be heard from it.

"HA! Is that the best you can do!"

"You are already dead.", The small girl stated, as she walked back to her lion companion. Moments later, the ice fairy was holding her hands to her ears, screaming her head off.

"GAH! MAKE IT STOP!"

"What did you do to her?" Kyon asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"I just said that previous line to be dramatic. I actually gave all of her vital organs a certain YouTube link. At this moment, all of her vitals are being RickRolled," The girl replied.

"I-I see. Sounds gruesome," Kyon stuttered out a little. He had learned from Syaoran, that martial arts like that are the most terrifying to go up against, and was fearing for his life.

"Don't worry." The girl perked up a smile, and started to speak, in a much warmer voice. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want to go home. My name's Luna. Yours?" She extended her hand.

"Everybody calls me Kyon. It might as well be my real name, since my 'real' one is so long." He took Luna's handshake, feeling much less frightened.

"I am called Regulus," The lion growled.

"Nice to meet you both," The cynical boy said.

"Hmm? You are not surprised by a lion talking?" Regulus asked.

"I know a couple of birds that talk. The green one is pretty cool, but I can't stand the armored one," Kyon remarked.

"I see. How is Bestiari these days?" The lion asked.

"Last time I saw him, he merged with two of his comrades." Kyon then saw something was off. "Huh? Where did Takeba go?" He looked around, and saw that all the other occupants of the 'class' had left. "Oh, shit, not again."

"Please watch your language around Luna. She may be a killing machine, but that does not mean she is not young." Regulus stated.

"Yeah, yeah. Can you track her down?" Kyon asked.

"I can' at the moment. She has left the boundaries of the forest. However, perhaps the shrine maiden can help us." Regulus said.

"I've been meaning to talk to her. Hopefully she can answer my question."

"May I ask what that may be? I have lived many years, and I may be able to help."

"I don't think you'd know. Besides, it's a personal matter, between me and my so-called 'real' father."

"I see. In that case, we must hurry to the Hakurei Shrine. Climb on my back. I can take you there much faster," Regulus offered.

"Alright," Kyon said as he mounted the lion's back. Luna followed suit, and was seated behind Kyon.

"Hold on. This will be a fairly bumpy trip."

-Anna no Issho Datta no Ni starts playing-

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**And that there does it for now. Hopefully, I can get the ball rolling again. I'm still open to requests, although I may include them in a strange way, and probably not that soon. Well, until the next installment...**

**(Tag Out)  
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	26. Everyone dies in this chapter Maybe

**I think I got my swing back. Completely. Anyhow here's the next chapter. Credits for Superstarultra, for beta'ing, and AlonsoMassa for letting me make a referance to their insane crackfic of insanity. Here we go...**

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**MEANWHILE, AT TNA HEADQUARTERS/BOWSER'S CASTLE...**

"So, you were saying we were brothers?" Itsuki calmly asked the raven haired boy before him. To clarify the situation, Lelouch had brought his two captives to his room, which contained a fancy, blood-red carpet, a computer with three different monitors, a huge, 47-inch television with a SNES plugged in (Lelouch wasn't a fan of modern consoles.), a large bed shaped like a Gundam's head, and a work desk with the Britannian flag used as a curtain. The tactician sat at his desk, with Misha and Shizune by his side. They were both armed with heavy, medieval battle -axes. Also, Mikuru was dressed up in a bikini that resembled the American flag, by Lelouch's request.

"Technically, we're not, but we have the same English voice actor. That's close enough for me... isn't it for you?" Lelouch stated, his fingers forming a Gendo Akari-esque bridge that covered most of his face.

"I'm afraid not," The esper youth replied.

"Wh-Why do I have t-to wear this?" Mikuru stuttered, her face glowing red.

"Because C.C. wanted a break. Now, please grab your chest and pant for me." Lelouch commanded.

"Eh? B-But..." Mikuru stuttered even more, her face glowing like it was sun-burnt.

"Do it now, or my silent friend and my hyper friend here will chop off your legs, and give them to their other disabled friend... I think her name was Emi? It's not like me to forget." The commander ran his hand through his raven-black hair as the well-endowed girl surrendered and did as he wished. Although not as mysterious as C.C., or not as experienced as Kallen, he was turned on by the girl's shyness. He would of kept being hypnotized by the mascot's assets, if Shizune had not bumped him in the head with her axe, and pointed at the phone. "Oh. Didn't notice that ringing." He picked up the phone, noticing it was from the White House.

"Hello. I see you've finally seen our message, hmmmm?" Lelouch spoke into the phone.

"Yes, I have, you little weeaboo," A certain U.S. president spoke up. Surprisingly, the Geass wielder had the speakerphone on.

"Oh, please don't call me that, Mr. Obama. Now will you agree with our terms, that you surrender all of your Burger Kings, McDonalds, Wendys, Arbys, et cetra, to the Pizza Hut company?" Lelouch asked.

"No. We will never agree with your terms, you..." Obama was cut off by Lelouch's shouting.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH!" The Britanian prince then slammed his fist into a red button marked, 'The Button'. Seconds later, Australia was wiped off the face of the Earth in a huge explosion. "...Whoops. Wrong button," Lelouch sighed. "Oh, well. Consider that a warning. If you don't agree with me now, the bombs in your country will go off next."

"Hmm? Oh! You mean THOSE bombs," Obama spoke up, something clearing up in his head. "We found all of those, and used them for our independence day celebration. They were pretty."

"Well, in that case, I'll just send my army of lolis to take over your country!" Lelouch threatened.

"We have Chuck Norris in our country. No loli will even make it through the border," Obama confidently replied, meeting the raven-haired commander's threat head on.

Lelouch was about to counterattack, with another ridiculous threat, but then, a loud crash could be heard from the hallway. Then screams of terror shortly followed. "Oh, shit. Smell ya later, Obama," Lelouch quoted Gary Oak, and pressed another button. Then three pods came up from behind where Lelouch, Shizune, and Misha were standing. The three entered the pods, and shortly thereafter, they took off.

"Hmm. Miss Asahina, are you all right?" Itsuki asked the scantily-clad mascot.

"I-I'm alright. Wh-what was that noise?" Mikuru asked.

"I'm afraid I have no clue, but perhaps we can use this to escape." Just as Itsuki was thinking of a potential escape route, a knock came to the door. "May I come in?" A calm, feminine voice asked from the door.

"Certainly," Itsuki replied. The door opened.

"It certainly has been a while, hasn't it?" The voice's owner stepped into the room, sound much less evil than earlier.

"Y-You." Itsuki actually stuttered for a moment.

"Ah, so you recognize me. I'm one of Kyon's friends, Sasaki. Of course, you probably already know that," The villainess replied, stroking her finger on the esper's chin. "You seem to be intellectual enough, so why don't we be friends? I'm sure we could have many conversations that would put other people to sleep."

"Wait, are you freeing us from this place?" Itsuki asked, a glimmer of hope in his voice.

"I was not planning on helping your well-dressed friend here, but certainly. I will get you both out of here..." Sasaki replied, giggling a little.

"Thank you, Miss Sasaki." Itsuki gave the girl a deep bow.

"Oh, I wouldn't be thanking me, if I were you. You see, I am only going to take her..." She stuck a thumb in Mikuru's direction, "...out of here, and back to North High. You, on the other hand, will be accompanying me for the time being."

"And if I refuse?" The esper youth asked, hesitantly.

"Then your friend here ends up like the Koopas I met on my way here." She lifted her sword, which was still wet with blood, and licked it, ignoring the blade cutting her tongue. She then spat out the blood in obvious disgust. "Ewwwww... Koopas are disgusting. I'm sure your friend tastes infinitely better than that, and I don't even swing that way."

Itsuki shuddered, now realizing the situation he was in. "Alright. I'll come with you. Just make sure Miss Asahina is unharmed.

"Yeah, yeah." Sasaki put a hand on the girl's shoulder and spoke a single word. The mascot vanished.

"I sent her back. Now, shall we be on our way?" The brown-haired killer extended her hand to the esper.

"I suppose so." Itsuki reluctantly took her hand...

**BACK IN GENSOKYO...**

Kyon and Luna were riding atop Regulus's back, speeding through the plains. While they traveled, Kyon decided to ask the small girl a question. "How exactly did you get so good at martial arts?"

"Oh, that. One day, my brother was being an idiot, and he accidentally ran into the road. As our luck was so bad that day. A semi-truck was speeding his direction. But then some weird thought came up and the next thing I knew, I had stopped a semi with my bare hands." Luna paused, surprised that the older boy wasn't laughing at her. "Anyways, right after that, I fell asleep, and had a bizarre dream, where I saw this old hunchbacked man with a long nose.

"Huh? Wait, was that hunchback's name Igor, by any chance?" Kyon asked.

"Yes, actually. You know him?" The shorter martial artist asked.

"He's the main reason I'm here. He claims to be my 'true' father, and that I should see my 'true' mother, Reimu Hakurei."

"Something smells fishy here..." Regulus commented.

"What did he say to you, Luna?" Asked the cynic.

"That's strange, because he told me the exact same thing. The only difference was, he didn't even mention my 'real' mother." They were coming to the steps of the Hakurei Shrine. "We should ask the shrine maiden about this."

"You're right. I want to get to the bottom of this."

Regulus stopped in order to let the duo dismount. Then the trio made their way up the steps of the shrine. It wasn't long before they saw a small building with a wooden box in front, with the words 'Donations please~' printed in bold. The group saw a woman with long black hair, sweeping the pavement. She was currently donned in a red and white miko outfit, with detachable sleeves exposing her armpits. Now Kyon knew why Igor was drooling when he mentioned the maiden's arms. She turned to the group.

"Good day. Have you..." The shrine maiden then got a good look at Kyon, as her eyes started to widen. She started to back away from the cynic. Then her face went from 'shocked' to 'focused' in an instant. "Get ready! He's coming, I just know it!" She then took out a staff, with paper amulets attached.

"Wait, what's going on?" Kyon deadpanned at the miko's paranoia.

"IT'S A TRAP!" Reimu shouted in an unintentional Admiral Akbar impersonation.

That's when the shit hit the fan. Five small doors materialized, glowing with a blue hue. They then all opened, as if on cue. Standing before the shocked quartet, were Naru, Tempra, Sho Minamimoto, Karasuma, and Igor himself.

"Wow. I can't believe you fell for that shit, Kyon. I thought you were one of the smart ones!" Igor remarked, a smirk forming on his wrinkled lips.

"What are you talking about? Did you lie to me?" Kyon outraged.

"Yes, and to the little one over there too. Now I can get rid of this damn miko, once and for all! Tempra, if you would, please..." He motioned to the time-manipulator.

"Very well then." She stood by her master, and snapped her fingers. A smoke cloud popped out, obscuring the group's view. When the smoke cleared, where Igor was once standing, a much more intimidating foe stood. He had red hair, and a goatee. He was much taller than the old man, and was wearing a red flight-suit.

"Kyon, let me re-introduce myself..." The man paused, having a much more intimidating voice than before. "I am Ali Al Saachez. I've come from an alternate world for a few reasons, but there is one that outdoes the others."

"...?" Kyon was still too shocked to even say anything as were Luna and Regulus. Reimu, however, didn't keep her silence. "So, that's what you truly look like. Do you think your threats even hold any ground?"

"I haven't even threatened you yet," Ali deadpanned.

"Yeah, but you're a villain. You're going to eventually," The shrine maiden stated, matter-of-factly.

"Enough. As I was saying..."

"Why are we even trying to explain algebra to these 1460-day-year-old hectopascals? You're so zetta slow, boss," Sho interrupted.

"Sho...You're ruining my big villain speech! And for that, I KEEL YOU!" He then snapped his fingers. "Time to try out my new...DARK SHINING GUNDAM!"

"What a dork," Luna remarked, taking her opposition a little less seriously.

"You said it," Agreed Kyon.

Then a giant box dropped down from the sky, crushing Karasuma, who couldn't/was too lazy to dodge it in time. Sho, however, got out of the way, and was currently flirting with Reimu's robot maids.

"Damn. I couldn't kill him. Oh, well, time to..." He was cut off by Kyon, deciding to take a page out of Haruhi's book, and drop-kicking him. The mercenary was sent flying at Tempra, who caught him with ease.

"I-I still have my Dark Shining Gundam!" He declared.

"No you don't." Luna snapped her fingers, and the box containing the supposed robot exploded was torn apart, with the robot in question, equally torn apart.

"Something tells me you didn't have this plan thought out very well. In fact, I do remember this little ice fairy we meet in the woods. She was a genius compared to you." Kyon smirked.

"Grr... NARU! KILL HIM!" Ali demanded, his face ablaze with anger.

"Oh, my. First my husband wants you dead, and now my boss. I don't want to kill you, though. You're such a nice friend to my sweet daughter." Naru said.

"So you're not going to kill me?" Kyon asked, preparing himself for any response.

"I really don't want to. Hey, boss, can I just injure him to the point where he won't be an issue anymore?" Naru eagerly asked.

"Fine. Just fine. Tempra, get me out of here, I need a glass of our strongest wine." The red-headed mech pilot ordered.

"As you wish." Tempra snapped her fingers and Ali, herself, Karasuma's twitching remains, and a waving Sho vanished.

"Okay, then. Here I go, Kyon!" Naru took out a book, and flipped through its pages. "You know, I may be a kind-hearted working mom, but I know of many ways to inflict pain," Naru said, not a trace of malice coming from it.

"Th-That's a bit creepy, Miss Naru. D-Do I really have to fight you?" Kyon asked, feeling intimidated by the older woman's kind-sounding threats.

"That would make it more interesting! Sure!" The brown-haired mother exclaimed, hopping up and down in excitement.

She aimed her right palm at Kyon, which was now covered by a glowing red circle of sorts. Small bullets came from the circle. The cynic dodged out of the way, still reluctant to attack Naru. Naru, however, decided to take some initiative. She ran up to the boy, and caught him by the arm. She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them wide. "NOW I'VE GOT YOUR POWER!" She shouted, in an out-of-character way.

"Huh? Do I LOOK like Pharaoh Man or something?" Kyon asked, as he swung his fist at the female, out of curiosity. Just as he expected, even though he put next to no force in the blow, the comely woman was sent flying. What he didn't expect, was her landing in such a graceful and professional manner. She then pointed her index finger at Kyon, as a magic aura surrounded it.

"Wait. It can't be... Luna, Regulus, Miss Hakurei, take cover!" Kyon ordered, as he pointed his own index finger at the woman.

"I haven't even introduced myself either. Being popular is a chore. Come on, little one, and lion." Reimu looked more like she was casually herding a group of children into a minivan, than trying to get out of a blast zone.

"Smart thinking. And you're even going to take me head on! Here I go... Raitei..."

"Take this!" The sandy-haired bot shouted, as he draw-slashed his sword, while channeling energy into it, causing a shock-wave to head straight for Naru.

"...Oh, bother." Naru canceled her attack, and rolled out of the way, much like how Kyon would. "You remind me of a man I knew in middle school. I think his name was Buzz Killington. And I was so excited, too." Naru sighed, as she ran towards the martial artist.

The two then began trading blows. Neither of them could get a clean shot it, as they kept blocking each other's attacks. However, Naru had a thought, and changed up her attack in the middle of an exchange. She focused for a moment, and the color of her clothing changed. Instead of blocking the boy's kick with her own, she ducked under, and launched an uppercut at his head, connecting at full force. "Shoryuken!" She exclaimed as the attack connected.

"Ugh!" Kyon was knocked away, the uppercut hurting much more than he expected. As he stood back up, he noticed that the woman he was fighting had a completely different stance. "No wonder Oruki wanted you to fight for him."

"It's not really that shameful for him to ask. After all..." She lifted her shirt slightly to reveal the number imprinted on her stomach. "...I am Espada number one, after all."

Kyon's jaw dropped at least five feet. He had already contemplated that the lower numbers had more strength, from watching Oruki, and seeing that one instance with Grimmjow. "W-Wait. Does that mean..."

"Oh, yes. I'm going easy on you. Really easy. In fact, I almost fell asleep five times in that little exchange we had." Naru put a hand over her mouth, and yawned for emphasis.

"S-Shit. There's no way I can... ugh!" Kyon cried out as his hands covered his head and he started moaning in pain. "N-No. I don't want you coming out again!"

"Too late..." A voice from his head spoke to him.

Kyon then stood up, his head hung low. Then he snapped his head back, an insane smile formed across his face. He started to laugh maniacally as he started to glow with a yellow aura again. It was as though he had consumed several pounds of sugar. His eyes then started to glow red as a golden scythe with a chain attached materialized into his hand. "Maybe I should stop holding back, too, Miss Naru... Heheheh."

"What happened to you? You were such a nice, honest, young man a minute ago! Now you remind me of my boss, only you look less stupid!" Naru remarked in shock.

"Don't compare me to that weakling. Now die!" Kyon (or whatever the hell was possessing Kyon at the moment) charged at his foe so fast, he left a blurry after-image of himself. Naru, on the other hand, changed her color again, this time to more of a black scheme. She aimed her entire book at where she thought the man was going to show up- behind her. She put it all on the line for one attack.

"Huh?" The demonic voice sounded from Kyon's body, surprised that the woman was facing him.

"Final Flash!" She exclaimed, a huge ray of light blasting the demonic cynic.

"Oh, shit!" Kyon(?) roared as he was struck by the beam.

"My shrine!" Reimu cried out, noting that the blast had took out her precious place of worship and donations. But mostly the first thing... Yeah, that's right. Then she remembered exactly what Kyon was for. "Why am I so stupid sometimes," She remarked to herself.

Naru was panting heavily, looking down at her opponent. He laid unconscious, his uniform toasted by the attack, leaving his chest bare. However, there were only minor scorch marks on his skin. Then she noticed the lack of yellow aura and the scythe. "I'd better leave. Now," She deadpanned as she went through one of the velvet doors, back home. The door then vanished.

"Looks like I have a lot of explaining to do. Hmm, I wonder if that witch is home? I might need some of her sake," Reimu sighed.

"Who said sake?" A voice yelled out from under the rubble that was once the Dark Shining Gundam.

"Suika, are you under there?" Reimu asked.

"Huh? What is this thing? It looks tacky."

"My thoughts exactly," Reimu, Regulus, and Luna all replied at once.

-Anna Ni Issho Datta no Ni starts laying-

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**Excpect to see more insanity, and a pinch of ecchi in the next chapter (If I remember, that is). **

**Until next time**

**(Tag Out)**


	27. Atomsk, you dirty old rascal

**Next chapter is here, nyoro. I said there was ecchi, and I delivered. (I actually had some of these planned out, and I wanted to write a bit of it.) Don't worry, it doesn't warrant an M rating. Otherwise I'd just change the rating. Thanks to Superstarultra for beta'ing this dealie again, and the people who have read it so far. Here it is, the insanity!**

* * *

A few hours had passed. The sun was setting and everything was peaceful. That only lasted for a few seconds. Reimu Hakurei had led Luna, and Regulus, who was carrying an unconscious Kyon on his back, to the abode of her witch friend, Marisa Kirisame. As the group tried to enter the forest of magic, a voice called out...

"What's up, guys?" A man with green hair and wearing a noh mask on the side of his face shouted at the group.

"Who are you supposed to be, OC-looking person?" The miko questioned, while shooting the slider a glare.

"Although you put it so rudely, you're right. I go by the name of Hiruko, and I haven't had enough screen-time! So I went ahead and kidnapped another potential member of Kyon's harem, in order to get in on this," The man cockily replied.

"So you're a villain?" Reimu asked.

"No, not really. I just ran off with Takeba, to get her out of the line of fire. She's close by." Hiruko dodged the question.

"So you're NOT a villain?" Reimu started to get annoyed.

"Well, I was, until Tsuruya made some sort of deal with some dude named Bestiari..."

"Ah, I know him. Really good chap, he is," Regulus interrupted.

"As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted by the lion king over there," Hiruko paused for a bit. "Tsuruya's become goody-goody, just like that. Then again, maybe she was good from the start, and we just didn't know it."

"Ah. You see, I've heard of such things from the Youkai of Boundaries, whether I want to or not. I heard she killed innocent civilians." Reimu questioned the boy.

"They were all either terrorists, convicted criminals, rapists, or Twilight fans," Hiruko replied.

"Oh, I see. So she's Kira now, am I correct?" The Shrine Maiden kept the barrage of questions going.

"Huh? You know about that, too? I thought that was in a completely different dimension."

"Again, it's that troublesome hag." Reimu stated, matter-of-factly.

"Hey!" Takeba called out from a bush, before coming out. Her clothes were a bit on the ruffled side, however. "Don't talk that way about my master!"

"Oh, great... I never do get to rest, do I?" The miko reached for the sealing charms stashed away in her robe.

**MEANWHILE, AT THE LI RESIDENSE...**

"Kyonko! Wake up already! You've been asleep for god knows how long!" Haruhi shouted at the still sleeping Kyonko. After they somehow made it home, Kyonko, who was fairly perplexed at the happenings of her alternate self, had fallen asleep on the Li family couch. Sakura was in the process of picking up McDonalds food, since for some reason, the Pizza Hut was closed. Syaoran, on the other hand, was also busy, trying to show Imouto how to use her Persona. It was very difficult for the martial artist, since he had no knowledge in the field. He was basically just her training dummy.

Haruhi had almost given up on waking the sleeping beauty wannabe, when she started to stir in her sleep. She then started mumbling things...

"...Oh, Archer. Not there, please not there. No, no, Ohhh! You're so irritating..."

Needless to say, Haruhi was somewhat perplexed. "Hey, Atomsk. Can you look in her head?"

"Oh, so now you want to watch her dream sex, is that it?"

"Only a little! Besides, she might be in trouble."

"Whatever you say, baby." The Instrument, currently in sword form, flashed for a moment before sending Haruhi a shock. The ribboned-tsundere fell unconscious...

**MEANWHILE, AT NORTH HIGH...**

"Everybody run! There's a gigantic, naked woman tearing everything up!" Jack Atlas, who is also getting his first screen-time in a while, warned all the people at the school festival. Although Sasaki DID keep her promise of not harming Mikuru, she did make her grow to the size of a Godzilla-esque monster and clouded her mind with generic black magic, so she would act like a Godzilla-esque monster and tear everything in sight up.

"Call in an air-strike! We need all the help we can get!" Bestiari ordered, a distance away from the rampaging maid.

"No, don't! You'll..." Jack tried to warn the Gladiator, but it was too late. Several jet planes flew from above, and launched missiles. The projectiles connected with Mikuru, who then let out a sharp screeching noise, "PII!~"

"You idiot! You made Mikuru cry!" Jack scolded.

"So? What's that got to do with anything?" Bestiari replied. "And besides, how do you know the name of this woman?"

"She and I are Facebook buddies." The duelist answered.

As Jack and the commander kept on with their somewhat heated argument, A large mech, with a white and blue color scheme flew by. It had two massive engines attached to it's equally massive shoulders.

"It's a Gundam!" Nagisa had stepped out in the open, to point at the iconic machine.

"Of course it is. We live in Japan, of course we have Gundams," Jack explained, in his fake Australian accent.

"Whys is Mikuru a giant monster, nyoro?" Tsuruya also came out, quite perplexed by the turn of events.

"I don't know. If I knew, this wouldn't be a problem," Bestiari answered, turning to the fanged-heiress.

The Gundam landed next to the group. "00 Gundam. Setsuna F. Seiei. Here to help." The voice of the pilot was heard from the mech's speakers.

"You gots to save Mikuru!" Tsuruya shouted at the pilot.

"I will try!" The driver replied, before taking off again, to fight off the berserk mascot.

**BACK AT THE LI RESDENSE...**

"Oh, my! Isn't that Kyon's friend on TV?" Sakura asked, perplexed at the gigantic nude maid on the TV. She had returned home, disappointed that the Mcdonalds was closed too, because of a burger shortage, caused by an army of Goombas.

"Yeah, I think. Say, do you know why those two are cuddling?" Syaoran pointed his thumb at the couch where Haruhi was passed out on top of Kyonko.

"I don't know. Say, doesn't the pony-tailed girl remind you of Kyon a bit?" The magical woman asked.

"She does, actually... I wonder if her parents look like us?"

"I'm going to bake cookies!" Sakura declared bravely, before going to the kitchen.

"No! Don't!" Syaoran reached his hand towards Sakura, but it was too late...

"Urrrr... Feed me!" A grotesquely heavy woman groaned from the kitchen. She had purple hair, tied up by ribbons on both sides of her head, and looked like she was wearing light purple pajamas, stained with grease and a multitude of sauces. Behind the room's new occupant were at least twenty others that looked exactly like her. They all groaned, "Feed me!"

"Oh, shit..." Sakura muttered, as she turned back and ran into the living room.

INSIDE KYONKO'S HEAD...

"Archer, you forgot to say 'Uno'. Now draw your cards." Kyonko smirked, as she outsmarted the servant.

"But I said Uno! You just forgot is all," Archer defended himself. "You heard me say Uno, right?" He turned to a slightly annoyed Haruhi.

"So let me get this straight. You have a training ground which could make seasoned warriors cry at how amazing it is, and you're using it to play a card game?" The ribboned-girl asked.

"Well, no, but..." Archer tried to form a sentence, but was rejected by a boot to the head by Haruhi.

"Geez. You guys are just as bad as Kyon!" Haruhi stated a-matter-of-factly.

"If you actually listened to what Archer had to say, you might actually calm down a little."

"Fine. Go on, normally badass guy." Haruhi demanded.

"You see..." Archer stood up, dusting himself off. "...a few individuals were blocked from entering this world, due to certain circumstances. So instead of fighting as themselves, they pass on all of their combat knowledge to another normally weak person. And in some cases, the person is already powerful, but just needs the knowledge. Kyonko here, already had the power, but not the knowledge. That is where I came in."

"So you let her have your combat expertise?" Haruhi asked.

"Yes. In exchange for this," He turned to Kyonko. "And most people like you don't get to learn this until the last second, but if someone like you wins, both of us have access to the power. In addition, the person who had more to do with the victory gains the upper hand over their partner."

"What are you talking about when you say 'power'?" Kyonko asked, not knowing what the hell was going on.

"Oh, yeah. We are in a war, where everything is trying to become god. A deity lost its powers, and everyone is trying to claim them." Archer explained.

"What? What if I don't want to become a god?" Kyonko asked, her face showing signs of anger.

"You wouldn't want this getting in the hands of someone evil now, would you?" Archer replied.

"I guess so..."

"Ah, baby! There you are!" A voice called out from the distance. Haruhi knew that only one voice dared to call her that.

"Atomsk?" She called back, in the direction where she heard him. In the distance, she saw what looked like a humanoid figure, glowing red, and with a television for a head. He wore a tattered garment, fashioned to look like a cape, also glowing red.

"Who else is there? Don't I look sexy in this form?"

"You do look pretty cool." Haruhi replied, a glint in her eyes.

"Red is the most badass color." Archer commented, while showing off the red cloth covering his armor.

"Shut up, you're nothing but stuffed toys," Kyonko remarked.

"Yeah, yeah."

"So, Haruhi..." Atomsk spoke. Haruhi was surprised that the entity called her by name. "You wanna get stronger? Like insanely, broken as hell, hax stronger?" Atomsk asked.

"Yes! Tell me how!" Haruhi demanded.

"You need a bankai. It lets you access my ultimate power as the pirate king."

"I swear, if this turn me into Luffy from One Piece, I don't even wanna..."

"No! Not those pirates!"

"Oh. More like Johnny Deep then?" Haruhi asked.

"Hell no. I'm talking about space pirates," Atomsk explained.

"You mean like Rouge Galaxy?"

"NO. Just for that, there's going to be a condition you must meet before I teach you bankai." Atomsk declared.

"Oh? What may that be?" The tsundere asked.

"You must lose your virginity," Atomsk said, as he saw the face of his master twist and turn.

"...What?" Haruhi asked.

"You heard me. Go have it off, I don't care who."

"You know, I could possibly help you in this task..." Archer stood by the tsundere, her face starting to get wracked in anger.

Haruhi placed her hand directly on his chest, her back turned from Archer as she gave him a glare that could make Chuck Norris tense up for a moment. "...Cero." A huge ray of blue energy came from her hand, sending the servant flying.

"Hey! More like Gran Rey Cero there, baby!" Atomsk cheered his wielder on.

"Shut up. Actually, this shouldn't be too much of a problem," Haruhi brightened up a little at the discovery of her new technique.

"I'll tell you what. I'll show you stuff you can do without bankai. You kinda needed to learn these first anyway," The Pirate King offered. "You don't mind if we crash here, do ya?" He turned to Kyonko.

"I guess I'll be sleeping a little longer. Can I at least get a good look at your forms, so I can trace them later?" The pony-tailed girl asked.

"Why not. It's your head after all..." Atomsk replied.

**BACK IN GENSOKYO...**

"Wow. This guy is actually tough." Reimu commented on the noh-masked individual dodging her charms. The fight had been going along for a while, and Hiruko was kept at a distance due to Reimu's projectile spamming. However, the red-white clad miko decided to change things up a bit. "I learned this from a legendary racer, who passed by my shrine one night..." Reimu flew at the masked boy, at an intense speed, and extended her leg for a strike. "...Falcon Kick!" She exclaimed as her foot connected to the surprised boy's face. The boy was sent flying backwards into a tree.

"Ugh! I don't get paid enough to do this..." Hiruko darkly muttered. "...I'm out of here! Make sure he doesn't die." He pointed at Kyon, and ran off into the trees, the sound of his footsteps silencing shortly thereafter.

"Is he all right?" Takeba came from out of the bushes, examining his unconscious body atop the lion.

"Something bad happened. There's no permanent damage, but it'll be a while before he awakens." Reimu said to the persona-user.

"Maybe I can help." Takeba took out her evoker, and aimed it at her head, pulling the trigger. A strange being then came forth, appearing somewhat transparent from behind the pink-clad girl. It's head appears to be that of an bull, with longer horns. It wore a helmet, which wrapped around its head. The helmet bore the face of a woman. It had wings, and the body of a woman, with everything under the waist replaced by a point, that seemed to help it float mid-air. "Isis, Diarhan!" Takeba shouted, as the being went to Kyon's unconscious body, placing its wings on his chest. A light emitted from the wings, and transferred to the boy's body. As the spell was finished, all of the scratches and burn marks were gone.

"He should wake up any second now," Takeba commented, her persona vanishing after casting the spell.

"That's good, Takeba. I need you to return to the human world." Suddenly, a gap was opened from behind the brown-haired persona user, her boss was whispering in her ear.

"Gyhaa!" Takeba fell on her rear in shock, she then looked up at her boss. "Mistress, please don't scare me like that!"

"Aww. But it's fun~!" Yakumo teased.

"...W-What's going on?" Kyon slowly muttered, as he started to awaken.

"Ah! Perfect timing! Your friend is now a giant and she is rampaging your school. Also, I don't like men dirtying up Gensokyo. I barley tolerate that turtle of Reimu's, and that shopkeeper," The Youkai of Boundaries said.

"Huh? Who are you talking about?" Kyon's eyes were widened. "And who are you, miss?"

"Oh, how rude of me. I forgot to introduce myself. I am the Youkai of Boundaries, the One behind the spiriting away, the sister of Chuck Norris..."

"Please miss, all I want is a name." The cynic interrupted, annoyed by the many tittles.

"Yukari Yakumo. If it weren't for that thing inside of you, I would gap an entire visual novel H-scene, complete with tentacles and fur, into your stomach."

"What thing!" Kyon was startled, 'Does this woman know what this thing is?', he thought to himself.

"That is not of importance as of now. You must save your friend from becoming the next victim of a roundhouse kick from my brother." The parasol carrying youkai replied.

"Why do you keep calling Chuck Norris your brother?" Luna asked, curious at how that worked.

"Oh. We're on pretty good terms, actually. He and I play Basketball on the weekends. Of course, we have to change the location each time, since every time we play, that galaxy explodes."

"Does this have anything to do with what's going on!" Kyon snapped. "I have a million things going through my mind, and you're talking about Chuck Norris!"

"Yes, actually. Were you not listening?" Yakumo taunted.

"UGHHHHHHHHH!" Kyon reached for his head, screaming. His eyes started to glow yellow.

"Oh, dear. Takeba, would you take these, and the other humans you brought back to the human world? I have a fight on my hands." The youkai asked.

"Yes. But wait, did you just say..." Takeba was shocked at her mistress's choice of words.

"I am afraid I did, my child. Go now, things are going to get messy around here."

-Zetsubou Billy starts playing-

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**Surprising, huh? A new ending theme! Not that it matters. Anyhow, I shall continue to advance this crackfic with a plot, until I get bored, or finish it, or get too addicted to Mabinogi. It isn't ending anytime soon though, we still have a ways to go! Hell, I'm still taking requests for this. Until next time...**

**(Tag Out)**


	28. Repairing the Fourth Wall

**Ayayayaya~. My spark keeps coming and going, it's practicably everywhere, SPIN RUGAL, SPIN!**

**Oh well. I'd like to take this time to thank all the readers, and the reviewers, for all the support. You're one of the things that drives my madness, hehe~.**

**Yeah, I'm going insane. If I weren't already though. Anyways, thanks again to Superstarultra for beta'ing.**

**DARKVALOR FTW!**

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"So..." Yukari Yakumo was sizing up her opponent. In a short time, a golden box, the same one from the Death Star, had materialized from the shadows. The boy himself was coated in a golden aura, as if he had turned into a super Sayian. He had an evil smile on his face, and a glint in his eyes. The ground around him was covered in darkness and golden chains with kunai at the ends emerged from the darkness, pointing themselves at the Youkai of Boundaries. The boy was also carrying a golden scythe again like the Death Star. "...Why exactly are you possessing this child?"

"Hehehehe..." Kyon(?) started to giggle, before letting out in a cacophony of maddening laughter.

"Kid, you eat too much sugar. Seriously, you look like you were forced to listen to Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers for eight hours straight," The parasol-carrying woman commented with a disturbed look.

"Hehahahahaheehee... Ahhh... You _really_ think I'm just going to let you trap me inside this cynical idiot's subconscious again!" A sickening voice came from the boy.

"That would be nice. Then I could get back to sleep," Yakumo yawned, not caring at Kyon's sudden change in personality.

"Well, too damn bad for your schedule. Now I'm going to exterminate you... like the filthy little bug that you are!" The fallen cynic launched a barrage of chains at the youkai.

"Oh, boy. Now you're a Dalek. Just what I need..."

**BACK AT NORTH HIGH...**

"Hadouken!" Ryu from Street Fighter exclaimed as he launched the attack at the Giga-Mikuru. This only angered her further. Snarling, she looked down at the shoto-clone and grabbed him up in her gargantuan hand. She brought him up to her head, licked her lips, and opened her mouth...

...before dropping the Street Fighter back to the ground in pain, due to being struck in the back by six multicolored orbs. Mikuru grit her teeth against the pain and turned around. Right behind her was the group from Gensokyo, minus Kyon of course.

"Die you monster! You don't belong in this world!" Haruko declared, pointing her guitar at the giant moeblob.

"It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh." Although Giga-Mikuru looked down on Haruko, her mouth wasn't opening, and the voice sounded too gruff to belong to the moeblob. "I was called here by humans, who wish to pay me tribute."

"Tribute!" The pink-haired guitar enthusiast shouted. "You steal men's eyes and make them your sex slaves!"

"Perhaps the same thing could be said of all fandoms..." The voice, which probably didn't belong to the mascot (not that Haruko cared) replied.

"Your words are as empty as your head! Mankind ill needs a mascot such as you!" Haruko declared.

"What is a man?" Before the voice continued its sentence, Giga-Mikuru threw a semi-truck, containing, among other things, wine glasses. The truck landed right next to Haruko. "A miserable little pile of hidden H-doujins. But enough talk... Have at you!"

"How the hell do we deal with this?" Yusei asked no one in particular, unable to take his eyes off of Mikuru's massive mammary glands.

"Simple." Reimu stepped out, seals in hand. "We subdue her, and wait for Yukari, or someone with similar powers to show up."

"I think it's too late for that." Takeba also stepped forward as she pointed at a limousine. "That limo belongs to the Prime Minister!"

"What does that mean?" Regulus asked, also trying to inch in some screen-time.

"See for yourself..." Takeba said as the limousine's door opened.

"Foul monster! You dare defile this land with your smashing and your oversized boobs! Now prepare to face judgment!" A regal-looking woman with blonde hair and armor gleaming in the sun shouted. She held an intimidating looking sword in her hand.

"NOOOOOO!" Tsuruya popped out, after noticing the limo. "DON'T BLAST MIKURU! WE CAN STOP HER!"

"I am afraid it is long past that point..." The woman muttered with dread, not expecting the fang-toothed girl to hear. The blond turned her attention back at the beast of a maid. "Now is the time." Her sword started to glow a bright, warm-colored light. "...The sword of promised victory! EXCALIBUR!" She exclaimed, swinging the sword in the giant's direction. A wave of light came crashing to the gigantic Mikuru, but before she was struck, a familiar, demonic-sounding bell chimed, as she was surrounded in darkness. The light crashed into the darkness and stopped.

"Saber. The situation is under control." As the darkness lifted, a trio of figures stood, consisting of Yuki, Emiri, and Undertaker, who had spoke up. Emiri had in her arms an unconscious Mikuru, who had been shrunk down to her normal size. She also had a towel wrapped around her (not that it mattered, everyone got an eyeful of gigantic versions of her somewhat unmentionables already).

"So are you the one behind this?" The Prime Minister asked, authority coming from her words.

"No. We don't play around, you should know that," The Deadman stated, as he looked at the strange group who had just slid in. "I think we all need to have a nice, long talk."

"I agree. I have only been directly involved in this for a few minutes, and I already want to know what the hell is going on. The plot is completely lost on me at this point!" Reimu remarked, putting her seals away.

"Saber, do you wish to attend?" Emiri offered, still holding the unconscious maid in her arms.

"...I'll pass. I want to stay out of this whole thing," Saber said as she literally ran back to her limo, screaming at the driver in a panic. "Get me the hell out of this insane asylum!"

"Well, this is going to be a headache. Nagato, did you bring anything to alleviate boredom?" Surprisingly, it was the Undertaker asking this.

"All I brought was a laptop with 'Umineko no Naku Koro Ni' on it." Yuki offered.

"...That will work."

**A FEW HOURS LATER, AT THE LI RESIDENSE...**

"What the hell is going on?" Haruhi awoke, unsettled. But then again, you would be too, if the room you were sleeping in was overcrowded by aliens, time-travelers, espers, sliders, lolis, monsters, martial artists, yanderes, and other such freaks. If this had happened a few months ago, this would be a dream come true for Haruhi. Now it seems kind of... well, weird. "Everybody out! Get to the backyard, now!"

"Is Satoshi coming?" Shion asked rather loudly in order to be heard from the crowd. Everyone replied with a big "NO".

A few moments later, Haruhi was sitting beside Yuki, Tsuruya, and Kyonko, on the roof of the house. She looked down at the crowd of people before her, confused looks on all of their faces.

"Where's the free food?" Fujiwara shouted from the crowd.

"And the gift baskets!" Kyouko asked, again from the crowd.

"Everyone quiet down!" Haruhi shouted. "First of all, I don't even _know_ half of you. Second of all, if you won't listen to my every command, go away now! I'm not interested in subordinates who refuse their master's orders."

This intimidated the crowd. A good amount of them left, including the gang from Hinamizawa, the Anti-SOS Brigade members, the two Persona-users, Takeba, and Mitsuru, who picked each other out of the crowd, and started to have a nice conversation as they left, the Elric brothers, also not wanting to be involved in any of the madness. Nagisa and the Gladiator Beasts also left, claiming they had their own plans. In fact, the only ones who stayed by, were Balsa, Reimu, Tsuruya, Yuki, Undertaker, Emiri, who was still carrying an unconscious Mikuru, Yusei, who was staring down the Brigade Chief intently for some reason, Haruko, who was kept from leaving by Yusei's tight grip on her collar, and someone Haruhi didn't recognize right off the bat, due to the huge crowd...

"Mom!" Haruhi leapt down from the structure, landing with no difficulty,

"Oh, sweetie, give your mom a hug!" Naru cutely replied, as she outstretched her arms. The ribboned-tsundere caught her mother in an embrace. Then Haruhi felt something weird...

"NOW I'VE GOT YOUR POWER!" Naru exclaimed in her bubbly voice.

"Do you have to shout that every time, miss?" Reimu spoke up, remembering the clash she witnessed earlier. Yuki briefly pondered if Haruhi would give Naru a Pharaoh Pawnch, but quickly dropped the idiotic notion out of her head.

"Maybe~," The woman replied as she let go of her daughters embrace. "Don't worry Haruhi, I didn't hurt you. I would never do that. I just wanna be in your Brigade dealie!"

"Huh? M-Mom!" Haruhi started, a little surprised.

"Well, my boss has gone crazy. He started to make unreasonable demands for everyone, except for Tempra, one of my work buddies. She started to act funny, too. So I quit!" Naru said, complete with a little pout.

"Ohhhh. Well, it's a good thing you came to join the Brigade!" Haruhi beamed, showing her over 9000 watt smile.

Then what looked kinda like one of the portals from, well, Portal, with two red ribbons tied onto nothingness at the ends popped out from the front of the shed. The inside looked dark, with creepy-looking purple eyes floating inside. Yukari Yakumo emerged from the gap, dragging an unconscious Kyon, his clothes now just tattered remains, a majority of his body was covered in crusted blood. The youkai of boundaries wasn't looking too well either, one of her arms removed at the elbow, and a jagged cut or two on her dress.

"Ugh... This boy is more trouble that what he is worth..." Despite missing an arm, Yakumo didn't seem to be anything but her usual self.

"W-W-What happened!" Haruhi started to freak out at the scene. Tsuruya was also freaking out, and Kyonko fainted, yet again. Yuki had less of an expression of fear, but it was noticeable, even to an onlooker.

"Is it _that_ bad? You actually got injured?" Reimu asked, more surprised at the older woman's injuries.

"Actually, that was self-inflicted. If you had chains dragging you to hell or worse, 4chan, you would want to cut off the trapped limb!" The youkai huffed out tiredly. "Ah, well, it'll go away once I get some sleep~. I'll be okay after I just rest."

"I don't think that's how decapitated limbs work, miss...?" Balsa interjected. He wasn't exactly sure who this new freak-of-the-week was after all.

"Ah, I haven't introduced myself, have I? Oh, that can wait. My introduction was enough to set this boy off. Do we have anybody with healing magic or do I have to stay up for another hour or so?" Yakumo sounded more irritated asking this.

"I will attempt to speed his recovery process," Yuki spoke up, walking to the side of the unconscious cynic.

"Good! Wonderful. All you need to know is that that... thing won't be coming out for a while~," The bloodied mistress sung out. "Reimu, do that thing I told you to do. I'm going to go sleep for the rest of the year~."

"Yeah, yeah."

**IN AN UNDICLOSED LOCATION...**

"So..." Lelouch was bowing like a knight to a young woman with long, blue-green twin-tails. She wore a wrestling championship belt on her waist. "Now what, my queen?"

"Well..." The woman spoke in a semi-synthetic-sounding voice. "...If we can't lure them to us, we'll have to bring Miku-Geddon to them! I will not be upstaged by that idiot, Ali, that moeblob, Nao, or that freak, Giygas!" Anger flowed from her voice like a tropical downpour.

"As you wish, my queen," The raven-haired strategist replied, kissing the back of her left hand.

"I prefer you call me 'Mistress Miku', you worm." The woman stomped the ground in a tinge of frustration.

"As you wish, my queen!" Lelouch started to sound like a broken record.

"Dammit! Misha, do you know what's wrong with him?" She yelled at one of the boy's escorts

"He tried to have a debate with Rin. She got pissed, and painted a bunch of Guro-images of Lelouch. Half of them were yaoi, too. He's kinda zoning in and out of sanity as we speak," Misha explained, her index finger in the air. Blinking, the just-introduced villainess kneeled down to Lelouch's level so that she could stare into his eyes. In the depths of his pupils were the signs of a man gone mad. She stood up, taking a twin-tail in one hand so that she could twirl it in thought.

"But I see images of myself getting raped, beaten, tortured, making out with other women, cosplaying, causing explosions, slaying ninjas with a leek samurai sword, and of course, my deformed chibi-form, and I'm **perfectly** sane!" Miku replied, a crooked smile on her face.

"If you say so..." Misha started to inch away from the crazed Vocaloid.

**AROUND NIGHTTIME, AT THE LI RESIDENSE...**

While time passed by, Syaoran and Sakura finally came back home from fighting off the fat, pajama-wearing clones who had infested their kitchen, when they saw the group of misfits sitting out in the backyard. They quickly noticed Yuki, who was tending to Kyon's recovery. "Oh, my! What happened?" Sakura ran to the body of her unconscious son. Syaoran followed suit.

"It is unclear how the situation arose. However, it is assumed that your son was caught in a major fight, and was severely injured," Yuki said, a slight hint of uncertainty came from her voice.

"Hmm... Let me do that! The way you're doing it, it'll take hours to for him to get up!" Sakura motioned the bookworm out of the way. The book-lover complied as Sakura started mumbling some words, a white glow coming from her hands. Like before, she placed her hands on her son's chest, the light transferring to his body, healing his wounds. Unlike this time, however, Sakura had to do this a number of times before his wounds were completely gone.

Meanwhile, Reimu was standing at the wooden gate to the backyard, when Tsuruya came back from a snack-run that Reimu sent her on. "I'm back, nyoro!" The fang-toothed heiress shouted with joy.

"Sorry, miss, but my name isn't 'Nyoro'. As it seems, the boy is waking up soon. It's almost story-time."

"Huh? Story time?" Tsuruya asked.

"You'll see in a minute," Reimu replied to the long-haired girl.

"Hello, everyone!" A voice sounded by the sliding door that leads to the backyard. It belonged to Mikuru, who seemed to be very much relived. Accompanying her was Emiri, who had her usual shy, yet plain look. Mikuru was wearing a North High woman's outfit. "I-I'm sorry I caused everyone so much trouble."

"Die you, monster! You don't belong in this world!" Haruko, yet again pointed at the maid.

"Not again, Haruko..." Yusei facepalmed, annoyed at the pink-haired woman's insanity.

"E-Eh?" A frightened Mikuru stuttered. "W-Was I really that bad?"

"No. You were not in control of your bodily functions," Emiri tried to calm Mikuru down.

Then a voice moaned. Everyone in earshot turned, to see that Kyon awoken from his slumber. "...What happened? Why do I feel worse than the time I went to that stupid skyscraper?" He said, remembering his sandwich-making trip.

"Ah, so you're awake," Reimu walked up to the boy, who was sitting upright with his mother, who had a somewhat confused look on her face. The miko then handed him a bag of Justin Bieber potato chips, and an Undertaker Big Gulp cup.

"Hey, I wanted to drink out of that one." Undertaker darkly muttered from the corner he was standing in.

"Tough luck. You get the John Cena one," Reimu smirked, handing the Big Gulp cup to the Deadman.

"Your soul will burn in hell for this, just like the stupid internet trolls from LittleKuriboh's latest episode."

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" The Shrine Maiden replied. She then handed snacks and drinks to everyone in attendance. "Now, I have a story to tell. Can one of the aliens make a campfire?"

"No," Undertake replied, in his Hotel Undertaker voice.

"Already done." Yuki came from behind, a perfectly good campfire was set in the middle of the yard, with plenty of room for everyone to sit. This made the Deadman facepalm.

"Now, everyone, listen up!" Reimu shouted. "Some of you don't seem to know me, so I will introduce myself. I am Reimu Hakurei, of the once great, but now destroyed Hakurei Shrine." Sorrow emanated from her voice, while she spoke the last part. She sat at the campfire, motioning the others to follow. After everyone was seated, she began to speak again. "I need everyone to listen up." She turned to Kyon. "I'm afraid a large burden has been placed on you. Around sixteen years ago, a terrible demon was rampaging across the many worlds out there. It caused massive destruction, and many lives were lost. However, it made its way here..." She then started to seem reluctant. "Kyon, you haven't told her yet, have you?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Confusion wracked the boy's face. Haruhi also seemed to be puzzled.

"You know exactly what I mean. You told her part of it, but not all of it, am I right?" Reimu started to sound much more serious than usual.

"...No. I haven't." Kyon hung his head.

Reimu sighed, before going on. "The demon wanted to feast on the souls of the people in this world, like it had in the others. However, something was stopping it from going any further. An unknown enigma, with godlike powers. The demon kept trying to break through, but the enigma kept repelling it. Thirteen years passed, and the enigma was too tired to continue. It then saw a message written down on the ground, as if someone was calling it to them. The enigma took refuge in this person's soul, while at the same time, able to put up a shield of sorts, protecting the world from a direct attack from the demon."

Reimu paused for a moment, looking on at her audience. Everyone was listening, some with confusion on their faces, but a certain one stood out. A certain eccentric Brigade Chief. "The enigma gave the human powers, yet they were unaware of their existence. This was done to keep the demon busy. The demon had other plans, however. He was tired, too, and could not muster up his full power. So he took refuge in a different human, the one who was standing by the enigma's chosen one. Unlike the enigma, he went deep within the host's soul, making sure the host knew nothing, waiting for the right day..." Reimu eyed the two she was worried about, and sighed one final time. "...Incidentally, the message, would anyone like to know what it said?"

"Tell us!" Haruhi was not taking this lightly. She had a certain feeling where this was going...

"The message read, 'I am here'."

-Zetsubou Billy starts playing-

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**That's enough for today. Now, I must go through the nuclear warzone that is my head, and drag more ideas from the border of life and PINGAS.**

**Until next time**

**(Tag Out)**


	29. One chapter towards a DEAD END

**Here is the next chapter. Sorry to make everyone wait for a crappy "Let's all get around and hug, while we advance the plot JUST enough"-type chapter. Oh well, I'll be able to finish the current arc in the next chapter, provided I don't get lazy again. Anyways, credit goes, yet again, to the Embodiment of pure crack, Superstarultra! Enjoy!**

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"Wh...What? You mean I was the host for some enigma?" The ribboned-tsundere looked like someone had stolen her Klondike bar, no one knowing what kind of hell she had went through to get it.

"Yes. What's worse is that your entire brigade, before this fiasco started, were sent to spy on you. They were all sent by some faction to study those strange powers that started to come from you. Kyon over there knew about it, but was just an ordinary human whom they trusted." The Shrine Maiden took a sip from her drink, then sighed when she noticed the anger in Haruhi's eyes, and expression quickly rising.

"What the hell! Are you trying to tell me that my subordinates were lying to me all this time!" Haruhi angrily headed towards the miko, grabbing her violently by the vest of her outfit. "Like hell am I gonna sit around, and let you talk about my friends that way!" She then started to shake the Shrine Maiden like a rag-doll.

"M-Miss Suzumiya, s-stop!" Mikuru stuttered, trying to calm the taller girl down.

"Huh? Mikuru, are you defending her?" Haruhi said, but in more of a confused tone, than an angered tone.

"W-Well, what she said is sorta true..." The maid tried to start an explanation, despite being afraid. "I don't know the exact details about the others, but I'm sure we were all sent to watch you, for one reason or another..." She started to tear up.

"Mikuru..." By now, Haruhi had let Reimu down, who was fixing her outfit from the rather violent grab.

"B-But no matter what our superiors wanted, we all became friends, right? I still felt like we all were, anyway...Oh, I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay." Haruhi walked to the sobbing Mikuru, and embraced her tightly. "Something small like that will never get in the way of the SOS Brigade!

"You." While the teary, emotional-type moment was going on, Reimu nonchalantly pointed at The Undertaker. "Wake me up when this is over. I'm starting to fall asleep from this."

"Sorry, Shrine Maiden, but I am also on the verge of falling asleep." The Deadman replied, in an equally nonchalant manner.

"I can make you guys wakey wakey, nyoro!" Tsuruya popped in the conversation. "I still have bundles of energy!"

"So be it. Emiri, get the coffin." Unfortunately for the Phenom, Emiri was already fast asleep. "Damn. Must I do everything for myself? Now where did I leave... Oh, yeah... That Oruki guy!" He looked back at Tsuruya. "If they even notice me gone, tell them I went to go get my coffin from Oruki."

"I doubt they will, but okie dokey!" The fanged-heiress continued to show so much energy, despite all the half-asleep faces about the makeshift camp in the Li residence backyard...

**IN AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION...**

"Gosh darn it, I just thought of something!" Miku Hatsune, who was drinking motor oil from a red goblet exclaimed.

"What is it, Mistress?" Misha saluted. Shizune, was pointing at Misha's mouth while she said that, and saluted with the other hand.

"How are we going to lure those pesky kids to Miku-Geddon, if we have no captives!"

"Hmmmm! You do have a point there. I dunno. Has Lelouch calmed down yet?" Misha asked, her index finger in the air.

"Hmm... Lelouch, are you better yet!" Miku shouted loudly to attract her partner-in-crime's attention.

For some undisclosed reason that will never be solved, the Erasure song 'Always' started playing, as Lelouch rode in the room, mounted atop... a robotic unicorn. "Yes, Mistress Miku~."

"Very good, man-slave," The Vocaloid commented.

"Yes. Thanks to the robot unicorn, and the background music, my testosterone has increased by three-hundred percent!"

"SPARTA!" Misha kicked Shizune in the gut, sending her flying.

"Now, Misha...Did you drink vodka with your medications today?" Miku asked.

"Maybe~."

The twin-tailed Vocaloid sighed, in her synthetic voice. "Lelouch, what shall we do~?"

"It's actually quite simple, my lady. If they won't come to us... We take the fight to them, and rip their balls off!" Lelouch declared, his fist in the air.

"Oh, Lelouch~. I thought you were so wimpy, but now you just scream manly!" Miku jumped in the raven-haired man's arms. Surprisingly, he held her up, without falling on his ass.

"I'm afraid I'm not a machine, Mistress. I cannot return the white-hot feelings in my loins for you," Lelouch said dramatically, sorrow coming from his voice.

"We can fix that. We'll even make you a super-robot!" Miku giggled.

"_Exactly as planned!" _Lelouch thought to himself with a smirk.

**BACK AT THE LI RESIDENSE BACKYARD CAMPFIRE PARTY/TOUCHING EMOTIONAL MOMENT (lol)...**

"...I am sorry for deceiving you. It was necessary at the moment," Yuki apologized to Haruhi. At this point, everybody but Kyon, Haruhi, and Mikuru were fast asleep.

"Don't worry, Yuki..." Before Haruhi could continue, she noticed everyone asleep. "What's going on? Why did everyone fall asleep on us?"

Then the sound of marble grinding across pavement could be heard, as a certain dark figure walked back to the campfire, coffin in tow. He dropped it near the fire, and opened it, rather forcefully. He then took an unconscious Oruki by the scruff of his neck, and flung him out. "Oh, are you done? Good." The Phenom walked across the camp/backyard, taking in all the sleeping faces, even the normally energetic Tsuruya, who could not comprehend the boredom she went through.

"Woah, is my dad okay?" The tsundere asked, slightly concerned.

"Yeah. He'll wake up pretty soon. He'll probably wanna kill me, but he should stop harming you guys. Who knows, he might help us."

"Good. Maybe we can make him join," Haruhi offered. "Since mom is with us, too, I doubt he'd argue.

"I must rest now. Even the dead need sleep." Undertaker laid down in his coffin, and closed the lid.

"I need to rest as well. You should, too, Miss Suzumiya. We have a performance tomorrow," Yuki reminded the ribboned girl.

"Oh! How could I forget about that!" Haruhi held her hands at the sides of her head. "Oh, well. Not like we need to rehearse. We barley did last time, and we were perfectly fine working with those ENOZ girls!"

"I see. Good night." Yuki said, in her monotone voice, before lying down, and shutting her eyes for the night.

"...Hey, Kyon." Haruhi turned to the boy, and went to take a seat next to him. "Whenever you first told me about the rest of the Brigade, you told me a different story. That there was a god who chased you. Why did you tell me that?"

"Well... I didn't know how you would react to being a god, or at least formerly being a god, or our friends being sent to watch you." Kyon rubbed the back of his head. He then fell back, when he received a painful slap from Haruhi.

"Kyon, you idiot! Do you really think something small like that would hold me back!"

"No. I was being foolish." Kyon surrendered, knowing full well he screwed up.

"Hmm... You're being oddly submissive, Kyon," Haruhi pointed out.

"Do you know what happened to Itsuki? I haven't seen him around." Kyon asked.

"That's the problem... Mikuru told me he was taken by Sasaki. She said that was the last thing she remembered before being turned into a giant Godzilla clone..."

"WHAT?" Kyon asked, this being the first he had heard of that scenario.

"I was surprised too. She told me about it, and I kept bringing up questions. She kept blushing, though."

"I see. So Sasaki ran off with Itsuki. Why would she want him?" Kyon asked, wanting the opinion of his chief.

"Well, she could have him for the same reasons Lelouch had him, or maybe she wanted his esper powers." Haruhi held her hand to her chin, contemplating the situation.

"I hope he's okay though. Despite being a fruit loop, I'm still worried about him," Kyon offered.

"Hmm... I'm sensing something else here..." A catlike smile formed on Haruhi's lips.

"Hey! It's not like that!" The cynic denied the accusation, complete with both arms making an 'X', while shaking his head.

"Don't worry, Kyon. I'm not into that yaoi stuff. But if I ever get into it though, I demand you and Itsuki perform a show for me on a weekly basis!" She declared, pointing her finger directly at Kyon's face.

"Gah! What has gotten into you, Haruhi? What happened to members of the Brigade not being able to date each other?" Kyon reminded her of the rule she instated a long time ago.

"I was thinking of abolishing that..." Haruhi unknowingly muttered out.

"Huh?" Was Kyon's reaction.

"N-No, nothing!" Haruhi started to sound defensive, her face starting to glow red from blushing.

"Yare, yare." Kyon started to feel drowsy, from their lively conversation at such a late hour. "I'm gonna try and get some sleep."

"Okay, then. Lights out!" Haruhi, being one of the last ones awake, put out the campfire, with a bucket of water placed nearby for that very reason.

**IN AN UNKOWN LOCATION...**

"Hmm... So it seems our little vigilante is going to make her move soon..." Ali sat at a round table, atop a rather fancy chair. Standing by the seated Gundam pilot were Tempra and Sho, the former having a look of pleasure on her face, and the latter having the exact opposite expression.

"So, what will be our next move? And how many machines will we need?" An elegant-looking woman, dressed in a black china dress with white twin-tails said. Standing next to her chair was an intimidating-looking man with blonde hair and bright yellow eyes, and a boy, most likely in his late teens, with black hair and red eyes.

"Oh, you don't need to give them special names. They're all called 'Gundams' regardless of them being Knightmare Frames, Gunmen, EVAs, Ridepods, etcetera, etcetera." The mercenary took a sip from a wine glass he was holding. "We should be good on Gundams. I already got my old one back from the Auto-Zone, plus that old/new model. You have the Impulse, The Savior, and a couple of ZAKUs."

"I don't like ZAKUs though. I prefer the ASTRAY models," The woman calmly replied, then sighed. "Oh, well. I guess it can't be helped."

"Now what do we do, if '_He_' shows up?" Ali asked, whispering the 'he' part.

"Oh, that freak? I can slide whenever I need to, and Tempra over there, along with Dio over here, can time-stop. Then we can watch from a distance as he tears them apart!" The woman started to giggle, her laughter magnified by the joined cackles of her cohorts.

**THE NEXT DAY, SOMETIME IN THE AFTERNOON, AT NORTH HIGH...**

"Alright, so here's what's going to happen!" Haruhi was backstage, with Yuki, and Emiri, the Brigade Chief dressed in a gothic Lolita-type dress, Yuki wearing her witch hat, and Emiri... dressed up as a Dominatrix. The Undertaker flat-out refused to perform in a musical band, and he backed up his threats by One-Hit-KO'ing her father again, after he tried to get back at the Phenom. "We're gonna try something new... METAL!"

"If you say so..." Emiri was reading the sheet music, taking everything in as data, and trying to adjust the leather riding up in her... backside.

"Affirmative," Yuki deadpanned, as she also took in data.

The three girls finished making their preparations, and walked to the stage, instruments in hand. It was notable that Haruhi had a released Atomsk as an instrument. Emiri took her position at the drums, as Yuki took her position to the side. Haruhi faced the crowd in front of the two aliens. "Now listen up, everyone! This next one's called NYEAHHHHHH!" She screamed in an Arnold Schwarzenegger parody voice, panting afterwards. She turned back to the aliens. "Come on, guys...you were supposed to come in already!" She then noticed Emiri wasn't at the drums. "Where's the drummer?" She then saw the salad-haired alien coming back from a restroom stall, drenched in blood, for no particular reason. "Ugh. Soon, very soon." She waited for the alien to return to the drums. "One.. two... three... GET TO THE CHOPPA!" The three girls played a rendition of Austrian Death Machine's song, 'Get to the Choppa'. Despite still having the Govenaitor-parody voice, Haruhi sounded great, while Yuki and Emiri played all the notes perfectly. The song concluded a few minutes later, the crowd was cheering. Everything was going okay, until...

...A brown-haired man, wearing a black jacket, and black jeans walked up to the tsundere-vocalist, snatching the microphone from her grip. "Yo, Haruhi, I'm real happy for you, and I'mma let you finish, but Lacus Clyne is one of the best anime girl singers of all time!"

Haruhi had a huge 'WTF?' face. It turned into a glare shortly afterwards as she took Atomsk and swung, sending the boy crashing through the roof.

"KIRA~!" A pink-haired woman, who we assume is Lacus Clyne, cried out from the crowd.

"Where!" A certain detective, who hasn't showed up in a while, asked no one in particular.

"Time to go teach swimming lessons..." A secretly maniacal killer/esper, who also hasn't showed up in a while, whispered as he stepped outside the building.

Then Haruhi noticed something weird from the hole she recently made in the ceiling, with the aid of the Kanye West wannabe. "What's that?"

"Attention all students, guests, staff, etcetera..." The robotic voice of the intercom sounded. "An airship, which was seen earlier in the week, has aimed its cannons in our direction. I suggest we now panic in an orderly fashion and run in frenzied little circles. Please grab a buddy you can trust and prepare for freaking out. Then... Oh, crap, it's going to shoo..." The intercom went off, as the entire auditorium started to shake.

"Everybody, get out!" Haruhi exclaimed as she dropped Atomsk, and stood on top of the guitar. Surprisingly, it started to float in the air. Suddenly, it and Haruhi took off flying through the hole, moving slowly to avoid crashing.

"Do what she said!" Kyon was rallying everyone to get the hell out. Debris started to fall from the ceiling, but a few moments later, the auditorium stopped shaking as badly. The sounds of cannon-fire could be heard, however, along with the sound of explosions. When Kyon, and the brigade finally got the place evacuated, they themselves stood outside, and saw the air force, the 00 Gundam, but more notably, Haruhi, flying around the battleship, attacking it. The ship looked fairly beat up as it was, and looked as if it was about to simply drop to the ground. Then, two figures came down from the ship, atop what looked like a unicorn. As the mythical beast/robot landed, the two dismounted.

"Long time, no see, guys," Lelouch called out, his voice sounding robotic. His right arm looked metallic, and one of his eyes was glowing red, the other glowing blue.

"So, this is the host? I'm not impressed," Miku Hatsune commented, with a leek sword in hand. Then a rather large ship came from the docking bay of the battleship. It landed by the Vocaloid, and the Britanian. Part of the ship was blasted open, as the TNA X Division, who were all wearing strange looking collars on their necks, the Katawa Shoujo girls, a strange-looking cat-thing in a dress, and Bowser, who was carrying Alice on his shoulder came stomping out, standing by Miku.

Haruhi landed at the front of the Brigade, and glared down Miku. "So, you think you can just waltz in, and challenge the SOS Brigade, huh?" The ribboned-girl shook her fist at the leek-enthusiast. "You're still a thousand years away from standing on the very ground I step on! What makes you think you can beat us?"

"I have the numbers advantage, fool," Miku stated, matter-of-factly, motioning to her miniature army.

"Hacking of mind control collars is complete," Yuki spoke up. "Now releasing restraints."

The collars popped off the necks of the wrestlers. The second they did, the athletes passed out, possibly an after-effect from the mind control.

"That's cheating!" Miku complained. "I still have the advantage, however!"

"Spell card! Spirit Sign 'Fantasy Seal'!" Reimu exclaimed, as six multicolored orbs came from her hands, and hit each one of the Katawa Shoujo girls, except for Misha, who tried eating it.

"OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!" Misha went, to the orb. If Shizune was conscious, she would be face-palming.

"GOD DAMN IT!" Miku started to get pissed off. "That's it, now I'm going to kill you!" She charged at the Brigade chief.

"Oh, no, you don't..." A voice echoed from above. Then from the airship above, a man wearing a black, leather cloak came crashing to the ground, before the Vocaloid. He seemed to land badly, but then popped back up to his feet, like the fall was nothing. Miku froze, as she took a look at his black and white paint-covered face. "...you're mine!"

"...You actually showed up." Miku faintly smiled, before glaring down her challenger as Haruhi and the others looked on in confusion. "...Sting."

-Zetsubou Billy starts playing.-

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**As time marches on, so do the seasons. I'm always filled with melancholy during the end of summer, but at the same time, my blood starts to constantly pump. Having a seasonal job, I lose my income when Summer ends, but all these exiting things start to happen shortly afterwards. But enough about me, this just simply means I might be less busy, for more writing. At least, I hope. Time will only tell... **

** Until next time...**

**(Tag Out)**


	30. Hatsune Miku no SPORTING EQUIPMENT

**Well, this is awkward. I said I'd be able to write on it more, yet I lost my flame again. I'm sorry for making everyone wait for this one. I'm trying to get my general fanboy craze for Haruhi back, since it started to get stale for me after seeing so much OOC stuff (I'm not helping, with a guitar wielding espada-Haruhi, either), I sort of lost the true grasp of the characters. More rambling at the end chapter, AN, I won't bother you anymore up here. Enjoy the much-needed update, folks! **

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"So, you've dome to take back TNA, am I mistaken?" After escaping the initial shock, Miku looked down on her advisary.

"You stole the minds of some of the most hard working athletes in the world with those damn collars! Are we nothing but dogs to you?" Sting replied.

"Dog, huh?" Miku paused. "...I love dogs! Dogs embody loyalty, they follow their masters commands above all else!" Miku's eyes lit up. "Be a jerk to them, and they don't complain, and they never once beg for a paycheck! Trust me Sting, they're the great servants of man! Loyal canine, how we salute thee~!" She sung out.

"Okayyyy. Can we just skip to the part where I kick your ass, and win the freedom of my peers?" Sting deadpanned.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Miku said, completely ignorant of what her opponent said, due to her dog-induced daze. She drew out a katana-length leek, and took a stance.

"Lelouch! You betray me, my brigade, my friends, my family, my sandwich..." Haruhi was ranting at the prince, while Miku and Sting had their little confrontation.

"Look. The reason I betrayed you, and became a spy is just simply, you're a bitch. Remember way back when you were recruiting? You messed with one of my hos, Kallen Kozuki." Lelouch said, interrupting Haruhi, who was still going down the list of things/people/food items Lelouch betrayed.

"Huh? Who's that again? So much stuff has happened, I can't remember every little face." The ribboned girl asked.

"Red hair, about your size and build. She has a nasty temper, and gains about 500 pounds every two months or so." Lelouch explained.

"I see. I don't remember the weight gain, but I do remember her now. So what, you're butt-hurt about me rejecting one of your girlfriends?" Haruhi asked.

"That, and I don't want to be in the brigade, when Yuki goes off." A sadistic grin formed on the prince's face.

"What?"

"Enough talk. Heaven or Hell, let's rock!" Lelouch exclaimed, quoting the announcer from Guilty Gear.

"Achoo!" Yuki sneezed, which seemed out of character.

"Bless you." Alice said, holding a doll and a book in her right, and left hands respectively.

"Why thank you. These emotions feel so...weird." Yuki stated.

"Huh? Nagato, what's up? You seem different." Emiri patted her on the shoulder.

"I've felt weird, ever since I was bedridden, and kidnapped before. At first, it was nothing, but everything seems so clear now...and I still can't figure out why I find it hard to speak like I used to." The bookworm was rubbing her head.

The Undertaker walked up to her. He looked down, so he stared at her eyes. Then, he rolled his eyes perfectly back, so it appeared like his eyes were empty, frightening, and most importantly, dead.

"Eeeek!" Yuki fell back.

"Yeah...we have a problem here." Undertaker deadpanned. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you, calm down."

"O-okay..." She took the Phenom's extended hand, and stood back up.

"And now she's stuttering. Houston...we have a problem."

"Are you three ever going to address me?" Alice muttered. None of the aliens replied. She took that as a 'no'.

"Gwarharharhar!"Bowser chuckled out. "You little people have no chance of beating me!"

"Oh, I know what world this guy comes from." Reimu spoke up. "I saw it a Kourindou, a strange shop back in Gensokyo. It carries things found from the real world. One of these things, was a "Nintendo 64". She explained. "Tell me, do you know a man, by the name of Super Mario?"

"What! How do you know him?" Bowser growled.

"Rinnosuke, the store owner told me about the plot of the game. He mentioned that a princess, by the name of Peach, was captured by you. Then, a plumber, who wore the same color clothes as me, which I find a little creepy, by the name of Super Mario, came to save her. He ends up defeating you, by throwing you, by your tail, into bombs." Reimu continued.

"Yes. But there's a difference here...THERE ARE NO BOMBS YOU CAN THROW ME INTO!" Bowser started to chuckle maniacally, if it's even possible to chuckle maniacally.

"I don't like this guy." Kyon commented.

"Same." Balsa replied.

"Um...he looks scary though..." Mikuru stuttered out.

"That's because you're always so scared, nyoro~" Tsuruya teased.

"This guy is annoying. Lemme think..." Kyonko put her hand on her chin, as if pondering something.

"Wait a minute...WHY DO I GET FIVE OPPONENTS INSTEAD OF ONE OR THREE?" Bowser shouted.

"Dear, I'll take one of those off your hands. It's not like any of mine acknowledge I exist." Alice said, shouting over the aliens.

"Okay, honey. I would never deny my gf what she wants." The Koopa king said,

"Did you just say 'gf'?" Kyon asked,

"Yeah, you know, all the cool kids use these... I forgot what they're called. But they make me lol!"

"Now you just said 'lol'" Kyon face-palmed.

"You did too." Bowser remarked.

"Ugh... I'm not even going to wait." Kyon rushed towards the Koopa king.

"I always thought you were the patient one, too. This group is more than meets the eye." Reimu allowed.

"Did you just quote Transformers?" Alice asked.

"Ah, so you saw that at Rinnosuke's shop too, I see." The miko said.

"Well, I'm bored. Fight me in danmaku, while I wait for those aliens to notice me."

"If you insist. One shall stand, one shall fall."

As the Katawa Shoujo girls found a nice hiding spot, seeing as how they'd have problems in the melee, a somewhat awkward battle ensued. It earned that tittle, from Sting gaining an early advantaged on Miku, by placing her in a submission hold, which involved grabbing her, by her long twin tails, and spinning her right round like a record baby. She was, surprisingly singing that song while in the ordeal.

Lelouch didn't fare much better. Even though he had a mechanized body, and a robotic unicorn playing Erasure music, he was still a British wimp. Even worse, was Miku, who replaced his geass eye, with an optic blast eye. However, Lelouch never watched X-men, or played 'Marvel vs Capcom' before, so he failed at using it.

Alice and Reimu were having a colorful danmaku duel, like they had in they're source material. Except Alice kept cheering on her oversized lover, while her spell card was in play. Reimu face-palmed, as she grazed through the doll's spears, and such.

Bowser was doing much better. He happened upon a smash ball, and turned into Giga-Bowser. He used his new-found size, and strength, to keep Kyon, Balsa, and Tsuruya at bay. Kyonko was still thinking of a way to beat the oversized boss.

Before anything was decided though, everything went to shit. A large body, coming from seemingly nowhere, crashed in the middle of the battleground. Haruhi immediately recognized her father, who after getting up, almost instantly, looked down on Miku with a creepy stare.

"Dad?" Haruhi called out.

"Oh shit. That reminds me. Something went wrong in his head. I think the wrong type of person has granted your father powers." Undertaker said.

"Huh? Like what?"

"Watch." He pointed at the large man.

"Umm...we're kinda in the middle of a battle right now, so if you would kindly..." Miku began.

"I am Oruki Suzumiya." The man said, sounding like something off of Gary's Mod. "I will eat you." His creepy stare turned into a very frightening grin, his mouth open wide.

"Huh?" Before she could react, old Rare music (the game company, not the actual term 'Rare') started to play in the background, as the father of the tittle character put the vocaloid's entire head, in his mouth.

Then the brigade, especially Haruhi, looked don in terror, as the middle-aged man started to consume the Vocaloid. Thankfully, she was a machine of sorts, so he didn't completely trash her, and there was no blood. He spat out her head, and the arm he took out, sounding disgusted. He fell back to the ground, and with a few snapping noises, seemed to teleport to Alice. "I will eat you."

"Umm...No." Alice took a card out of her blouse. "Testing 'Goliath Doll'!" She dropped the small doll in her arms to the ground, before it grew, to about twice Oruki's size.

Oruki then turned to the oversized doll. "No sir!" He cut open one of his fingers, with his teeth, and then pointed the hand at the doll. "Gran Rey Cero." He said it in the exact tone he's been using up to this point. A huge blast of blue light emitted from his hand, engulfing the doll, and everything else in it's path. As the smoke cleared, the doll still stood, as if nothing happened.

"What!" He sounded closer to his old self, saying that.

"You dropped your guard, bland old man..." Alice stated, as the huge doll raised it's two equally huge swords to strike the man.

"No sir!" Back to sounding weird, he stood still, as if awaiting the heavy swing. The doll brought down it's swords, only for them to be caught by Oruki. "I will eat you." He ginned creepily, yet again. He began to put the sword in his mouth, until am odd sense of pain came from his rear-end. It felt like...he was being bit?

He turned down to the source, and saw Misha trying to sink her teeth into his ass. "No sir!" He grabbed her by the hair, and threw her off. She walked back up to him.

"You look weird." The chubby pink haired girl said.

"I will eat you." Oruki said, yet again, in this robotic sounding tone.

"No...I will eat you." Misha replied. The middle-aged man, and the disabled high school girl stared one another down, like two wolves fighting over territory. Before anything gave however, Oruki was sliced in the back by those two swords, wielded by the giant doll.

"GAH! Who the fuck did that?" Oruki went back to sounding normal again. He turned and saw the giant doll. Before he could retaliate, however, his hands went up to his head, as he screamed. After a few seconds, he looked back at the doll, with that inhuman stare again. "I will eat you."

"HEY! We're not finished yet!" Misha growled.

"No sir!" He turned back to Misha. "I will eat you." He put his hands on the plump girl, but felt, yet another pain on his back, this time, of a more burning nature. He turned around, and saw Haruhi, who had just hit him with a bala. "Haruhi! What the fuck did you do that for!" Oruki steamed, in his normal human voice. Shortly afterwords though, his hands went back to his head, as he screamed, though slightly less this time.

"Listen up, guys! It seems the only way my dad is coming back, is if we piss him off enough times! Who's with me?" She looked around at the battlefield.

"Gwarharhar...I don't want to be eaten. You can count me in." Bowser chuckled.

"Indeed. I shall be of help as well. I don't want to be food." Lelouch got up, a little wobbly from the beating he received.

"Well, I was confronting him to begin with, so I might as well comply." Alice said.

"Look at you guys! You're letting the enemy order you around, like you're her new best friends!" The decapitated head of Miku Hatsune shouted. She then saw a black circular object next to her head. She looked up in horror, as she saw Sting hold the object, his baseball bat, like a golf club. "No! Don't do this to me! I'm an idol! A Japanese sensation!"  
"Fore!" Sting called out, as he swung the bat at Miku's head, hitting Oruki directly in the crotch with the make-shift projectile. Luckily for the Vocaloid, she hit it with the back of her head.

"Owww! Who the fuck threw this ugly thing at me?" Oruki said, again in his normal tone, holding the Miku-head. He tossed it away, before reverting back to his bizarre form.

"GUYS!" Emiri shouted, from the back. "Run, now! Get away!"

"Huh? Why?" Haruhi asked. Her answer, was the sound of a chainsaw starting, being followed by maniacal laughter. This was a good cue for everyone to get as far away from the battlefield as possible. But there wasn't much time, as Yuki jolted out, with the chainsaw in question.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS FOR THAT ENDLESS SUMMER, MOTHERFUCKERS!" Yuki screamed out, looking even worse than Oruki. She swung her saw around, and everybody knew to stay away. Everyone, except one person.

"...I am Oruki Suzumiya. I will eat you." The fearless persona of the middle-aged father showed no sign of backing off from this new challenger.

"YOU DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!" Yuki raised her saw, and swung it at the man. He backed off a little, but still got a cut across his chest. "ARGHHH! No." He fell down, and started backing away from the normally-calm bookworm. "S-stay away from me, you freak!" He stuttered, locked in absolute terror.

"Behold! Optic Blast!" Lelouch called out, as a huge beam of red light was launched from his eye, and hit the bookworm directly in the head. She fell to the ground, and passed out, along with Oruki, the blood-loss finally catching up with him.

Haruhi ran to her father, worried about his well being. The other members of the brigade followed suit. Alice and Bowser watched, while the other Katawa Shoujo girls came out of hiding. Lelouch, however,

saw a little hope in the future. A small airship, he knew was the 'Archangel', a high performance warship, designed for combat with mobile suits, flew that way. He took his flare gun out of his pocket, signaling that he lost, and was fucked if nobody got him out of there. The ship flew that direction, as he awaited it to pick him up before Haruhi, Kyon, or any of the other enemies at hand found out.

"Umm...What is that?" Mikuru, who wisely stayed out of the conflict, pointed at the airship in question.

"Oh yeah, we got that new feature installed..." Lelouch face palmed. "Smell ya later, losers!" He said, as a green light enveloped him, and he started to vanish. The airship then flew away from the scene of the combat.

"What a wimp." Haruhi scoffed at the princes cowardice. "You're not getting away!" She took off on her guitar, speeding towards the airship. However, before she could get in a good shot, the craft seemed to vanish.

"Interesting. A time stop feature. Either that, or someone on board can stop time. Miss Asahina, did you detect anything off with the time-stream?" Emiri asked.

"Yes. According to the info received from (classified information), the source of the anomaly was inside the ship. It seems more likely that it came from a person, rather than the ship itself." The time-traveler explained.

"Are we going to go after it? Something about that ship seems off." Reimu commented.

"Plus, innocent peoples, that aren't Twitards, or fake ninjas could get harmed, nyoro!" Tsuruya said.

"What's the word, Haruhi? You wanna go after them?" Kyon asked.

"Of course. Who knows what's on that ship?" The ribboned girl said.

Suddenly, the loud humming of motor vehicles could be heard in the distance. An even louder voice could be heard over said humming. "YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Haruko was shouting, and waving both arms in the air, while standing on the seat. She cruised towards the brigade. Behind her louder engine, and her louder voice, was Yusei, riding along in his Duel Runner. Before reaching the brigade, however, her scooter hit a rather large bump, sending the still standing Haruko flying into a pile of rubble. "Owww! Who put this rubble here?" Haruko was staring down the brigade. She then saw Mikuru, who was staring at the scene, not unlike the rest of the brigade. "It was you, wasn't it!" The pink-haired guitar enthusiast pointed her gloved hand at the busty time-traveler.

"E-Eh?" The mascot stuttered.

"Geez, Haruko, do you want her to kill you?" Kyonko said.

"Huh? But she's not oversized right now. And she looks like a total wimp." The pink-haired girl waved it off.

"She's a time-traveler. She can go back in time, when you were asleep or something, and kill you. Or she could strand you in the dinosaur age!" The pony-tailed girl said.

"Huh? B-But it's not..." Mikuru began, but was elbowed in the stomach Kyonko. _"Ssh. Play along. I'm trying to get that bitch to stop picking on you." _Kyonko whispered.

"_Oh. Okay." _She whispered back. "Th-that's right!"

"But wouldn't that cause a paradox?" Haruko instigated.

Before she could get a straight answer out of the time traveler, however, Yusei rode in, carrying something odd. It was the cat-thing from earlier. "What exactly is this supposed to be?"

"Hey! I'm not a what, nya!" The cat spoke. It looked more like a extremely small humanoid, with mostly human features, except it had cat ears, a tail, and feline-like eyes.

"I see. Then who are you?" Yusei asked.

"I'm not 'who' either, nya!" The cat replied.

"This cat is annoying me. Do you want it?" He handed the cat to Haruko.

"Oh, she's just misunderstood." The pink-haired girl started to rub the cat-like being under it's chin.

"Oh, you're such a heroic heroine, nya! You can call me Neco-Arc!" The cat purred at Haruko. Then, she turned to the rest of the onlookers. "But you all shall address me as Neko-Arcueid Brunestud , the wise and sexy, nya!"

"So we have a talking cat now, huh?" Haruhi rubbed her chin, thinking of a few possibilities.

"Mikuru! This little creature is now your apprentice! You will teach the ways to becoming a junior mascot!"

"E-eh? Me?" The little moe girl stuttered.

"Now hold on, nya! I'm not getting lessons on being sexy, from some girl who needs implants to pull it off, nya!" The cat-hybrid hissed.

"Huh? But these aren't implants." The maid tried to explain.

"She's right. I've felt them before. They are as real as they can get." Haruhi stated, matter-of-factly. This caused Mikuru, and a few of the men to blush, for different reasons.

"Hmm...Breasts that big, that are natural...Hmm..." Neco-Arc licked her paw, while contemplating her options. "Neco-Arc would like to be your friend, nya! After all, you never turn down someone, who could crush you with their jugs."

"B-but I didn't..." Mikuru stuttered.

"Come on, Mikuru! You've always wanted a little sister, right?" Haruhi said, as she pat the shorter girl on the head.

"Umm...I guess."

"Miss Suzumiya. It seems that the signal coming from that craft was lost." Emiri walked up to the ribboned girl, who had finished patting Mikuru on the head. "It it very possible that they slid into another universe, and will take a few days to find. In addition, repairs must be made to Nagato, in that time."

"Grrr. Fine. We'll find something to do while we wait, right Kyon?" She turned to the sandy-haired cynic.

"It's been crazy enough as it is! Do you honestly want more trouble?" He asked her.

"Oh, come on. You'll be perfectly fine, as long as you follow my command."

"Yare, yare."

* * *

**That's it for now. As for future updates, I never know when I feel like writing. That, and I've been thinking of writing more on my recently created Touhou crackfic collection, and a strange Haruhi/WWE/Hetalia crossover. But I won't let this story die. This story dies when I die. Oh, and stories die when they are killed. Anyways, I don't want to leave anyone hanging again, but can't help it. Sorry for making you read through my ranting, but I might as well get it off here. **

**Until next time...  
**


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